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While Titian was mixing Payne's Grey While Titian was mixing Red Ochre Young Ivan watched Anne on the tractor So it's said, but the true story is sadder. A nude Negro model, Rose Madder, While Titian was mixing Sienna While Titian mixed Ultramarine While Titian was mixing Veridian While Titian dabbed paints here and there, Got big problems? Put this to the test: A butcher there was at Athlone, There once was a dumb CEO (Chief Executive Officer) One trusts it is no longer true, Fat Matt was a weird circus clown, For a laugh, I dressed up as a bee; We reset our clocks in springtime, Tonight we spring ahead in time, My zurd will just jism with glee, Mr Pillblister and By, his sister, Invited, an old man named Kress The lessons of life can be tough; My log-hauling project was arduous But I'll need some help with the latter, Bibliography's the ultimate bore; Instead of "Have a nice day" say To run a business endeavor For a hobby she'd searched and she'd looked. A circus performer named Harriet Some say laughing at troubles won't work. A fisherman's wife from Penath, When she felt a good joke coming on, My hubby could not sleep around, On a hike with seclusion selected, On a path serpentine up a hill, On a lake shore beneath sylvan sun, On a mountaintop trail near the peak, On a tour of the great azure sea, I decided to try and phone Marty. My lover is fond of massage With bedside alarm clock, I fumble, But morningtide some people pleases; Wave bye-bye to the Lord Of The Rings, (end of 2002)
At the concert, I wasn't so proud Do you ever consider as fun The neighbor's damn night sensor light Just what does this guy hope to see How do I know what you say's true? I think I must have some more proof; A nephew who lived in Vermont She just yelled at me, guys, There once was a young man named Juan My lives in the past were no good, An ardent debater named Adam Playgrounds have a slippery slide, The photo was made with panache; When I'm trembling from earlobe to pinky, There was a young lady named Nerys In bed kids might quiver and shake The cub scouts went to camp feeling scared; When I read of my days in scout camp, When I was young I was a boy scout; There was a scoutmaster named Brent, On Wednesday I go with great speed "Oh, will you go shopping for me?; I set off, bought butter and bread, So Bisto and Boveil I bought,
(Which he couldn't have done in his day)
The position, to Titian
Suggested coition
In a transfigurational way.
--- John E Mayhood
His model would call up her broker
Her position, to Titian
Suggested coition
While she spoke to her broker he'd stroke her.
--- John E Mayhood
And took off his pants to distracter.
Her position to Ivan
Suggested connivin',
So he climbed on the tractor and factor.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0359
He felt giddy when up on the ladder;
His model, fair Rose,
Frustratedly froze,
So Titian was mad -- and Rose madder.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8507
Took refuge beneath a high ladder.
But the sculptor, Brancusi,
Unafraid of black pussy,
Walked under the ladder and had her.
--- Anon
His model embraced her duenna
Their position, to Titian
Suggested coition
He had had with a nun in Ravenna.
--- John E Mayhood
His model read Vogue magazine
Her position, to Titian
Suggested coition
(You can fill in the rest of the scene.)
--- John E Mayhood
His model exposed her meridIan
Her position, to Titian
Suggested coition
The figure they made was Euclidian.
--- John E Mayhood
His model leaned over a chair.
Her position to Titian
Suggested contrition,
So he painted the Virgin at prayer.
--- David Finely
Add humour; it's laughter works best!
Tell a joke, cause hilarity.
You will evoke much clarity;
Many true words are spoken in jest.
--- Doug Harris
Whom a beggar once asked for a bone;
But he drove him away
With a blow of his tray --
His heart was as hard as a stone.
--- Published 1822
Who stepped on his CFO's toe. (Chief financial Officer)
So the latter in revenge,
Refused to arrange
A preposterously leveraged BO. (Buy out)
--- Sepp Weidacher
That you do what you once used to do;
I hope it's a lie
That these days you try
To do certain other things, too.
--- Beelzebub
Who painted his face with a frown.
Though he didn't show mirth,
His considerable girth
Made him a clown of renown.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Blame Anthea Turner, not me.
She was dressed as a rose,
But I'm not into those,
So I stung the poor cow on the knee!
--- Kevin Hale Q
'Fore the Sunday two a.m. chime.
Set your clock to early
And then you will surely
Be known as ahead of your time.
--- Kirk Miller
So I'm sending this little rhyme.
If you like this lexicon
Then please forward it on.
Just say that you're "passing the time."
--- Kirk Miller
If you will play scrabble with me,
Once more so I might
Finally beat you tonight,
And zorbits my tiles on the shlee.
--- Anon
Determined on giving a treat,
Gay Dandies they call,
To supper and ball,
At their house in Great Camomile Street.
--- Archie
Began to consider his dress.
His shirt was not clean;
Not fit to be seen,
So he washed it; he could not do less.
--- Archie
The roads that you travel, quite rough.
Don't loan cash to a friend,
Don't pee into the wind,
Never trust a pit bull named Fluff!
--- Jumping Jack
And hampered my time to be barduous,
But now that I'm back
I'll work on my knack
Of rhyming -- and also my harduous!
--- Anon
From all of the girls whom I flatter;
Like Sadie Mae Klonths
Who, now at nine months,
Proves 'harduous knacks' makes girls fatter!
--- Anon
It looks easy but it's really a chore.
Keeping track of the facts,
Front covers and backs --
Only indices do I hate more.
--- Dick Fredeman
"I wish you have a NICER day."
And he'll think "NICER than...?"
And maybe change a plan
And that's "Goodbye" the NICEST way.
--- Irving Superior P9103
There's a risk in being too clever.
I long for the days
When honesty pays,
And a man's word lasted forever.
--- Gerald Bosacker
She had volunteered, gardened and cooked.
But when Martha O'Day
Taught her how to crochet,
She smiled wryly, declaring, "I'm hooked."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0303
Amazes the crowd with her lariat.
Her act features stoops
Before leaps through her loops,
And then leaps before stoops, just to vary it.
--- Cyber Geezer
(Please don't giggle, they'll think you're a jerk!)
If a chortle won't win,
Try using a grin;
Then polish them off with a smirk.
--- John Miller 0020
Invented a new way to laugh,
Using both of her feet
And a long rubber sheet,
Which her son folded neatly in half.
--- Michael Palin
She'd shout, "Get the rubber sheet, John!"
But when it was found
And laid on the ground,
Whatever was funny was gone.
--- Michael Palin
Because of his loud sleeping sound.
An loud constant roar;
A humongous big snore
Rattles doors and shakes the ground!
--- Stu Lucas P0205
Natural beauty profusion expected;
Perfected wild art,
That affected my heart,
Deep infusion with nature connected.
--- Joel D Ash P0503
This is file sam
Columbine and a whippoorwill's trill;
Thrill of God's great design,
Outdoor shrine so divine,
Green woodbine midst the bright daffodil.
--- Joel D Ash P0503
Golden threads through the trees softly spun;
So well done, a keepsake,
None but I to partake,
Sparkling place and my soul now as one.
--- Joel D Ash P0503
One can find beauty's grail that you seek;
Lovely view, a grand scale,
The unique sky and vale,
True regale from the scenic mystique.
--- Joel D Ash P0503
Pleasure pure to the true nth degree;
Ocean grandeur the lure,
Apogee and mind cure,
One with nature and all care set free.
--- Joel D Ash P0503
A nice message (I think a real smarty)
But I heard background noise,
Was it rattles and toys?
Or were you just throwing a party?
--- Friar TP9807
So I pounded her with a barrage
Of thumps in the back
And to help her relax,
I used a sledgehammer from the garage.
--- Tim Raptor
Then 'round in my bedroom I stumble.
I scratch and I yawn
'Til it finally dawns
On me. "Morning? Oh fuck it!" I mumble.
--- Peter Wilkins
The birds greet the dawn from the treeses,
And drop from the sky,
On those passing by,
A gift, which may make them shout "Jesus!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
To Mike Jackson's nose, and like things.
Mourn for privacy lost,
The Constitution tossed,
And cringe at what Eminem sings.
--- Lynn Mostafa
As to push to the front of the crowd;
But I groveled and pled
'Til the girl ahead said,
"Oh all right, okay, you're allowed."
--- Rory Ewins Q
A prize by atrocity won?
"I don't know that I do.
How much is "too,too"?
For I think I have never won one."
--- Laurence Perrine P9206
Shines in my bedroom so bright.
Lights wake me from sleep
And I could just weep --
Bags under my eyes are a sight!
--- Anon
By shining his yard light on me?
I'm prim and refined
(Except in my mind)
Besides, he cannot look for free!
--- Anon
There are plenty here who doubt you.
It's true that I'm stalled;
I'm not yet enthralled
By all the things you say you do.
--- Anon
Until then I will stay aloof.
Need certified docs
From other "love-jocks"
That tell me this is not a spoof.
--- Anon
Wrote letters each day to his aunt.
But his notes were unclear
To his aunt, the poor dear,
For she couldn't decipher his font.
--- Cap'n Bean P0104
Socked me right between the eyes!
I picked myself up;
I didn't throw up;
If she said I did, it's all lies.
--- Anon
Whom everyone noticed was gone.
They looked all around;
Nowhere to be found;
And then he walked out of the John.
--- Caleb
So now I behave as I should.
Then maybe someday
In the future I'll play.
I wish in this life that I could.
--- Julia Strawn P8711
Loved to yak on the phone to a madam.
To be deprived of this pleasure
Was a fear beyond measure,
So you name the gadgets, he had 'em.
--- Maxine Stephen
And a merry-go-round you can ride.
And, of course, swings,
And bars and rings,
And a jungle gym where you can hide.
--- William K Alsop Jr
The fellow who made it had dash.
The camera was filled
With film and I'm thrilled.
There was no need to set off the flash.
--- Al Willis T9710
While the weather grows less rinky-dinky,
The time is now here
For that toy I hold dear --
When I'll spring with my spring spring, the Slinky!
--- Jess Rae
Who lived on an old-fashioned terrace.
When the fair was in town,
She would hurry on down;
She loved rides on the big wheel by Ferris.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
For nightmares aren't easy to take.
But dreams that are scary
Don't make grown-ups wary;
It's scarier being awake.
--- Graham Lester
Their folks wanted to know how they fared.
After a week at the site,
When it rained day and night,
They fared well because of "Be prepared."
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Where the weather was often quite damp;
Looking back I resent,
That as well as a tent,
I did not have a very large gamp. (umbrella)
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Our activities were indoors and out.
We would go off to camp,
In good weather, or damp;
That is what scouting is all about.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who slept every night in a tent.
Every night, every season,
He was there for a reason,
For his sleeping, he'd not pay the rent!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Whether or not there's a need.
It's down to B & Q,
To form a long queue;
"10% off", is the old folks creed.
--- Tony Burrell
There's not many items, just three.
Do you need a list?"
I said no and kissed
Dear Erm...all three start with a B.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Then stopped, frowned, and then scratched my head.
What was number 3,
That started with a B?
"I'll get all I can," I then said.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And beans, bags, baguettes; then I thought --
Ah yes, Bounty bars,
A couple of bras,
And boiled beef and bacon, I brought.
--- Tiddy Ogg
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