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A pretty installer from Carlisle There was a young man from Woonsocket There once was a man from Schenectady Shed a tear for depressed Danny Decker, There once was a girl from the junction, Through the fence he could see in the backyard; There was an old man from Duntork, The bowstring of Robin is short,. A health food retailer named Klink There was a young man from Beijing A neurotic young fellow named Tuttard A young Cassanova from Texas Though each brave of the Cherokee Nation In the war, a young soldier named Fred Said a learned old man of Brabant, I thought what you squirted was custard, There once was a man from Nantucket, There was a young man of Toulouse, There was a young man from Belize, "My Lord" said the wench to her master, There once was a man from Couting; There was a young man of Carluke For a sore wounded soldier named Gideon The more you put into it, yes, An engine mechanic Alphonse, My brain's in my dick, that's the score. There was a young man from Stambul, A fairy from South Carolina, There once was a man from Scotch Plains My apologies for the inordinate delay, An impeccable fellow named Becker There was an old bastard named Gene, "I was proud of my pecker," said he; Body piercing's the latest of crazes; A distracted old lady of Peking, (union - female and male elements joined by screwing)
An old Jap samurai named Haki, A delicate schoolboy on Yunge There was a young girl of Asturias A nudist named Jeremy Creach There once was a fellow named Dale On moving away from Hell Gate, The balls of a man from Jerusalem, There was a young fellow named Bole On spying a lad who was single, I'll test the volume with this bottle; There was a young man from Spain, A knot hole he happened to see, There was once a old man in a tree There once was a loner named Todd, When he dropped down his trousers, young Hearst, While hunting, some buckshot hit Springer, There is a young fellow from Leeds, There once lived an angler named Ed, I've only a temporaary prob- A industrious fellow named Dustin An old man from old Tennessee (a woman did it)
There was an old man from Dundalk, I know a young fellow named Bobby There was a librarian from Yale There was an old man of Stamboul, A sultan of old Istanbul I'm glad then that you healed up nicely. There was an old Bey of Stamboul A guilt-ridden lecher named Durkee There was an old rounder named Coke, He's suffered a trauma, poor Gant;
Found her customer's intent was penile.
She slammed down her case
At such a fast pace,
Her client is now in denial.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who flew to the Moon on a rocket.
The rocket went bang,
His balls went twang,
And they found his cock in his pocket.
--- G2651
Whose member was so infected, he
Drove himself to a doc,
Who dismembered his cock,
And drove himself home... quite dejectedly.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Too fat to attract Sara Becker.
With a diet that's sound
Lost two inches = one pound,
But the inches both came off his pecker
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Who laughed at the Perfesser's compunction.
She was quite unaware,
Until he started to swear,
He was inflicted with penile dysfunction.
--- Anon
What he saw made his dick grow real hard.
Three girls slowly stripping
To go skinny-dipping.
The fence -- electric -- dick was charred!
--- Anon
Who had something wrong with his dork.
The women said, "Pat,
You should get it looked at --
It's affecting the way of your work."
--- Andrew Johnson
After looking, Maid Marion thought.
With passion enrapt,
His frenulum had snapped,
And his swashbuckling efforts were thwart.
--- Donald McGill
Took mega-dose tablets of zinc.
No one was surprised
When his balls galvanized,
And it likewise affected his dink.
--- Alex Heydon P0408
who had a large wart on this thing.
'Twas filled with green pus;
He was wealthy and thus
Mouthwash sales made the registers ring.
--- Robert Elliot
Would stutter each word that he uttered.
He had more of a block
In the use of his cock,
For instead of just coming, he sputtered!
--- G2540
Is all for this coupling of sexes.
His poor wife survives
By having nine lives,
And cursing his organ with hexes.
--- Armand E Singer 494
May discover some baroque elation,
In beating his prick
With a hickory stick,
I am sure it's a rare recreation.
--- Anon
Was bombed and he lost half his head.
And his legs were a fright
But he smiled with delight,
For his pecker still hung by a thread.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1782
"The instinct, my dear, is extant:
The extension's extinct.
Or to be more succinct:
I would if I could, but I can't."
--- John Ciardi
But now I can tell it was mustard;
I'm throbbing again
And in terrible pain,
So forgive me for sounding so flustered.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose penis was shaped like a bucket.
All the girls without fail
Would say, "Hey, that looks pale,"
But he didn't mind if they'd suck it.
--- Anon
Who had a deficient prepuce.
But the foreskin he lacked
He made up in his sac.
The result was, his balls were too loose.
--- L0250
Whose pecker hung down to his knees.
The women adored it,
But how he abhored it,
'Cause each time it stiffened, he sneezed.
--- Richard Long
"My dental work is a painful disaster.
My throat is so raw,
And so is my jaw.
If would help if your dick were not plaster."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In the corner I found him pouting.
"I think something's wrong,"
As he looked at his dong,
"I can see from my dick, mushrooms sprouting!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who said, "If you'll just take a look
At the tip of my penis,
You'll gather that Venus
Has put her name down in my book.
--- Anon
Doc concocted a prick from obsidian,
But a huge phony bone
Made of icy-cold stone,
Damped a practice once damned near quotidian.
--- Armand Singer
The more you'll get out, I would guess.
I'd be pissed. I'm supposin'
If I stuck my hose in,
And it came out with anything less.
--- Anon
Looked ruefully down at his schwantz;
For it pained when he piddled,
And it kinked when he diddled,
And was lacking a motor response.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0383
From sheep-shagging, it's now so sore,
And since that same choat
Went up a neighbour's goat,
The damn thing don't work any more.
Who soliloquised thus to his tool,
"You took all my wealth
And you ruined my health,
And now you won't pee, you old fool."
--- Anon
Had a cock that tinkled like china.
But when shooting his load,
It cracked like old Spode,
So he's bought him a Steuben vagina.
--- L0235
Who kept having odd phallic pains.
Doc said, "Too much water --
Try banging my daughter."
Now he only gets hard when it rains.
--- Tomer Shiran
But I've been depressed all bloody day,
I examined my nob
When it started to throb,
And the pains just won't go away.
--- Anon
Had an impeccable pecker.
'Cause everyone loved it,
He cared not where he shoved it...
Now poor Becker sees a pecker-checker!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Impotent, selfish, and mean.
His dick was so shamed
By what the man claimed,
It pretended that it was a spleen.
--- Anon
"'Twas the liveliest portion of me.
But the last girl I screwed
Was so thoroughly stewed,
That now it's been pickled in pee!"
--- G2021
This is file sal
The places they pierce just amazes.
How they pierce their pee pee
Is WAY beyond me!
When they go, it must sting like blazes!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Some aid from a plumber was seeking,
And the plumber agreed
That a union she'd need,
But he found that his own pipe was leaking.
--- Al Chaplin P8608
Once pickled his penis in saki.
When the thing was quite dead,
He cried with bowed head,
"Banzai! Requiescat in pace."
--- L1429
To a bodyrub parlor was brung,
Where a topless Malay
So massaged him away,
That she left him with only his tongue.
--- Hugh Oliver 58b
With a penchant for practices curious.
She loved to bat rocks
With her gentlemen's cocks,
A practice both rude and injurious.
--- L1367
Went frolicking down on the beach;
The sand that was there
Got into his hair
And places not easy to reach.
--- Cap'n Bean P0305
Who suddenly turned rather pale,
When his girlfriend said "Please,
I don't mind the cheese,
But the shaft is quite crusty and stale."
--- J D Hopponen
A man nailed his cock in a crate.
He murmured, "I guess
It can go by express,
At the Household Appliances rate."
--- G2364
Were as dead as those of Methusalem.
But by splinting his prick
With an odd length of stick,
He'd fool all the girls and bamboozle 'em.
--- G2146
Who had a rectangular pole;
But his girlfriends were few,
Having nothing to do
With fitting square pegs in round holes.
--- David Braun
Whom she aimed for to mingle,
She flew for some crack,
And laid forth her attack,
But she squashed his Peninsula Dingle
--- Anon
It holds quite a bit, not a jottle.
It's gone in too far --
It's stuck in the jar!
And its gone all blue-ish and mottled!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who got his pecker stuck in a drain.
He said with a yell,
As he wiped off the gel,
"I've never felt such wonderful pain. "
--- Oblivion
So he stuck his dink through it to pee.
Then he gave a loud yell:
"Whoop! Damnation! Hell!"
(On that side of the fence was a bee.)
--- G2052
Who was stung on the prick by a bee.
He asked an old lady:
Suck out the ma-lady,
And got done in for indecency.
--- Anna Pest P9005
Who knew not he smelled like a cod.
He went out with Pat,
To bang on some fat,
But she ran from his stinky-poo rod.
--- Pablo Zum TP9807
His foul prick exposed, 'twas the worst.
Said the harlot, discreet,
"What a foul-looking meat.
I believe I must suck it off first."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1721
And some of it passed through his clinger.
When he pissed, spray would shoot
Through the holes, like a flute,
Till a flutist taught Springer to finger.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1822
Whose skin is so thin his cock bleeds,
Whenever erect.
This dermal effect
Often scares him from sowing his seeds.
--- L1289
Whose cock was constructed of lead.
Too short for a pole
Or to fill a cunt hole,
It served as a sinker instead!
--- Jeeves
Lem I get when I've been on the job
For some six days a week,
With no break for a leak,
Else there's nothing much wrong with my knob.
--- Peter Wilkins
Worked at a pace that was ass-bustin'.
But a sad side-effect
Was sexual neglect;
He found that his pecker was rustin'!
--- Karen B
Found his dick turning into a cacti.
When his friends said "Who did it?"
He said, "I don't know yet,
But undoubtedly, Dux femina facti."
--- FB
Whose willy had turned into chalk.
The women said, "Fine,
If we draw a straight line,
You can sign your name as you walk."
--- Ivor Robert Jones a
Who ties bits of string round his nobby,
Till it turns a hue
Of the darkest blue;
Now isn't that a curious hobby.
--- Emmanuel Lamprecht
Whose dick was unusually pale.
When women first see it,
They scream and then flee it.
So now he dates girls who read Braille.
--- Hedley Bontano
With a varicose vein in his tool.
In attempting to come
Up a little boy's bum,
It burst! And did he look the fool!
--- Norman Douglas L1218
Had a varicose vein in his tool.
This evoked joyous grunts
From his harem of cunts,
But his boys suffered pain at the stool.
--- L0476
I'd hate to think of you all dice-ly.
Your dong is much better
When whole, long, and wetter,
And angling inside precisely.
--- Anon
Who soliliquized thus to his tool
"Last week, bear in mind,
You'd a jolly good grind,
And now you won't piss, Bloody Fool!"
--- G2519
Decides to quit screwing, cold turkey;
So, grabbing a brick,
He smashes his prick;
Much saner folks mutter, "How quirky."
--- Armand Singer
Far-famed for the length of his stroke;
He was starting to diddle
When it bent in the middle;
His whole apparatus just broke.
--- Armand Singer
His prick only works on a slant;
It's always the same;-
It ruins his aim;
He longs to have sex, but he can't.
--- Armand Singer
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