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There lived in French Louisiana Horace insisted until she complied; There was a young lady named Nance, There once was a sweet twenty-something, I forgot to give you my name; I don't really know if I am Well, Joshua, the moaning is fine, The reason I've whined on adventures I've searched high and low for my teeth. Oh bless me dear father, I've sinned; "My boyfriend's got dandruff," said Golda. There was a young lady, quite fearful The girl thought of herself as a vixen; A union janitor named Ned Charlotte, a lass from Biscayne, The receptionist dove with a whoosh Goin' down is a skill that I'm sure A pretty young fellow called Nicholas; There's a nip in the air, love, tonight. I once knew a girl with blue eyes, Romantic as ever, our Pete. There is a new Baron of Wokingham. (Minette - fellatio)(Published 1879)
There was a girl named Tina "My vibrator's battery's dying!" The teeny-bopper offered to humm A sisterly pair of old sluts, There once was a coed named Betty "You're a dream, you're my sweet cherry picker. A cocksucking lady named Koppers There was a lady named Grace, His big dick began to twitch; Sir Tiddy of Crapton once claimed, There's the one about poor Sarah's jaw, A girl's in a state of distress; There once was a chick that I dated, It was after a wild drunken bash, The man though that quite a fair price, Well the garbage collector had said, So for ten bucks he had a good screw, I hope that you'll learn from this tale, There was an old lady from Boise, There once was a man from the beach, There once was a girl we called Pat, She gave me a sloppy blow-job I once took a slow boat to Ghana, A lovely young lady from Neath (Caught his bowstring between her front teeth.)
This morning while I was out wrangling, Said Chloe, affecting a schism, I heard she would never say no My friend's beau lost interest in screwing; There was an old whore from Montrose, A pervy young fellow named Guy She sighed, "Oh, I haven't a clue A gal who never told lies, There was an old maid from Luck, To evade paternity, Mick A trick I once learned from my Pa A prim young fellatrix named Pru, A sexual wreck was MacDougall; Brewer's droop is a temporary curse, A despairing young lady named Plum He said, "Let's," as he looked in her eyes, There was an Old Person of Spain, I think that I am not alone, A socialite out on Nantucket, There was an old rounder named Jack,
A quaint and demented old duenna,
Who naively thought
That a penis was wrought
To be chomped like a thick, ripe banana.
--- L0409
Fellatio and a nervous young bride.
It was as he was hopin',
Till she cracked it open,
And sucked out the marrow inside.
--- Lims For Year - 01
Whose lover had St. Vitus dance.
When she dove for his prick,
He wiggled so quick,
She bit a piece out of his pants.
--- L1199
Who encountered a strange-looking round thing.
On touching its tip
With her soft upper lip,
She cried, "Help me, I'm drowning!"
--- Mystelle
It is very common and lame.
Call me Joshua the Great,
And I shall spare my hate
For all of you similar and same.
--- Joshua
As unbearable as rotten spam.
My act could very well
Show I'll end up in hell,
Or show I'm an idiot ham.
--- Joshua
When one's been invited to dine,
While lying in bed,
Or getting some head,
But men never bitch, they just whine.
--- Carol
Involving old feminine quenchers
Of sex, hon, is this:
They gave my dick bliss,
But around it they left their damn dentures!
--- Travis Brasell
First up on top and then underneath
Your big king-sized bed.
After giving you head,
I found them wrapped up in your sheath.
--- Goin2later
My spouse did inherit the wind.
She was giving me head
When I farted in bed,
And instead of "I'm sorry!", I grinned.
--- Frank
"Give him Head and Shoulders," Fay told her.
Blonde Golda first sighed,
Then puzzled, replied:
"Please tell me how do you give shoulders?"
--- Anon
Of sucking a cock, she was tearful.
In a moment of dread,
She just turned her head;
And Boy! Did she get an earful.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
She dined upon men with the fixin's.
But all the red dresses
Got stained with the messes,
When she failed to get all of her licks in.
--- Anon
Would tie animals to his bed.
"Why," he was asked,
"Does your dick need a cast?"
He replied that they don't give good head.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was found doubled over in pain.
She said she'd been silly
To gobble his willy,
While lying face-up in the rain.
--- Stan
And a fist in Miss Grays tush.
Miss Grays a bit grayer,
Since office-boy Sayer,
Came in her face with a goosh!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
You know well, so I humbly implore:
Please teach your dear wife.
She can't blow for her life.
Just Yest' her knees were on my floor.
--- Anon
He lived in a manner ridiculous.
With a flourish he'd crow
'Bout how well he could blow,
But all that he did was to tickle us.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
I beg my bitch not to bite.
For she gives me head,
Which I sometimes dread,
I would like to keep my schlong tonight!
--- KRBM T9712
Who just couldn't satisfy guys.
Then a Calvin she met,
Who said, "Girl, don't you fret.
You won't gag on my very small size."
--- Pat and Max
With advice that cannot be beat.
One thought, though. Beware
If she's no denture wear-
er, she might lacerate your poor meat.
--- Anon
The girls say he don't care for poking'em.
Preferring 'Minette'
Which is pleasant, but yet,
There is one disadvantage -- choking'em.
--- L0445
That constantly sucked on my weena.
The fuckin' fat slob
Polished my knob,
But my dick don't look any cleena!
--- Anon
She told him as she started crying.
Though she sucked like a pro,
She could not make it grow.
"You bastard, you're not even trying!"
--- Doug from Upland T9707
Me but added, "Please say when you come,
'Cause I don't want to waste
The wintergreen taste,
And I don't want to swallow my gum."
--- John Miller
Would lick left and right on your nuts,
Then jam all four nips
Down under your hips
And kiss as they gummed at your putz.
--- H Welchel
Who finally went down on her steady.
She started to squirm
When he shot off his sperm;
It came out of her ears like spaghetti.
--- David Miller
And you are the world's best licker.
Is it seven o'clock?
It's time for Third Rock.
Would you hurry and please pass the clicker?"
--- Al Willis
Had chewed on some oversize whoppers.
When she sampled the whang
Of a fellow named Chang,
The fucking thing stuck in her choppers.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0845
Who fucked faster than rats in a race.
As I'd start to sperm,
She'd yell "Phisoderm!"
As I rubbed it all over her face.
--- Anon
Her rhythm she started to switch.
He met with disaster,
When she sucked him faster.
He put the damn car in a ditch!
--- Limberick
"The Queen should herself be ashamed
Of doing bad deeds
With men and with steeds;
Rough tongueing, by Jove, leaves them maimed!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
Through exertion had just been rubbed raw.
Try as she might,
It just stretched too tight,
Perhaps trying too hard was her flaw.
--- Anon
This is file rul
She's late for a meeting I guess.
She'd promised to toss
Off the marketing boss,
Now she's frantically scrubbing her dress.
--- Anon
Whose tongue was quite sharp and serrated.
She'd give quite a shock
While she's sucking your cock;
She'd leave your balls ripped and deflated.
--- Chuck Bancock
That a man dumped his wife in the trash.
But the garbage collector
Took time to inspect her,
And offered ten dollars in cash.
--- Bob Birch P0609
But he offered the buyer advice.
"She's a terrible eater
And might chew on your peter,
So perhaps you should really think twice."
--- Bob Birch P0609
As his face turned a deep shade of red,
"Well, I just plan to hump her
And then I will dump her.
And I'll not risk her giving me head."
--- Bob Birch P0609
And he claimed that was all they would do.
But whatever the cause,
His dick's wrapped in gauze,
So she must have found something to chew.
--- Bob Birch P0609
Avoid gals who are dumped, but for sale.
For with discarded wives,
Who have teeth sharp as knives,
You could lose what defines you as male.
--- Bob Birch P0609
Who loved a young fellow called Rosie.
But when they were kissing,
Her front tooth went missing,
Still playing ring around Rosie's posey.
--- John Denise
Who had a girl he tried to teach.
"When I fire my load,
Lick it up like a toad."
But when splattered, she let out a screech.
--- Tomer Shiran
Who filed all her teeth smooth and flat.
She thought it would cure
The scraping for sure,
But most of us still were too fat.
--- H Welchel
And yielded no change for Ten-Bob
But then she confessed:
"I'd do it for less--
By keeping mi teeth in mi nob!"
--- Anon
And met with a harlot named Lana.
And lads, here's a moral:
Beware of sex oral;
She'd teeth like a hungry piranha.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Went down on a man on the heath.
But yells were soon heard,
Though you'll think it absurd,
She'd forgotten to take out her teeth.
--- oOOo
Between my legs something was dangling;
Then to my dismay,
Just ten feet away,
The darn thing had some ol' gal strangling!
--- Travis Brasell
"I'm seeing as though through a prism.
Those groans that I heard
As the world became blurred,
Imply that my head's drenched with jism."
--- Buster
To oral sex. Just ten bucks a blow.
But when down on her knees,
I said, "Oh Baby! Please!
Please move up, you're too low, that's my toe!"
--- Anon
He sleeps through all that she's tried doing.
I said, "He's a schlup!
If he won't wake up,
Then instead of sucking, try chewing!"
--- Evelyn L
Whom a man told to suck off his hose.
When she started to chew it,
He quickly withdrew it,
And gave her a load up the nose.
--- G0886
Is cute, but sadly, he's blind.
While sucking a dick,
He sneezed real quick,
And blew out both of his eyes.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
If it's blow, blown, or even blew.
I'm weak on the grammar
But I'm off to the slammer
For fellatio with a mouthful of glue.
--- Harry Rubin P9305
Who just couldn't satisfy guys,
A Calvinist she met,
Who said, "Girl, now don't fret.
You'll not gag my inadequate size."
--- Patnmax
Who took it into her head to fuck.
She was about to resign
'Till she hung out a sign:
"Come in, I've decided to suck."
--- L0410
Said, "Anal or oral, you pick.
Try sucking my cock
It's like Blackpool rock.
Oh, come on, just give it a lick."
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Sure worked as 'cure-all' for Ma:
When she was so sick,
He'd whip out his dick,
Say, "Open you're mouth and say Ah!"
--- Anon
Said, "There's one thing a nice girl won't do.
You may not touch my rear end,
But if my up-here end
Appeals, there's a hole in that too."
--- L1650
He ceased all relations conjugal.
So his wife sadly said,
"Since your pecker is dead,
I'll blow taps on your battered old bugle."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0877
But to lose it would seem even worse;
When your wife with a knife,
Screams, "Your dick or your life!"
Say, "I'd prefer it sucked off by a nurse."
--- David Miller
Called a fellow and said, "I am glum.
You don't come when I call."
But he said, "Not at all,
If you blow the meat whistle, I'll come."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0867
His libido had started to rise.
She wanted instead
Just to cuddle in bed;
A quick blow job's a fair compromise.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Who hated all trouble and pain;
So he sat in a chair
With his feet in the air,
And begged her to do it again.
--- Edwardian Leer 047
Who wished me one fully grown
And sweet, nice and tender,
Of opposite gender.
I'm dreaming by her to be blown.
--- Q
Had a twat that was wide as a bucket.
She proclaimed, "If it's clean
I will take it between.
If it's rotten, I'd far better suck it."
--- L0419z
Unable to cream in a crack.
But with a cocksucking hag, or a
Boy, he'd Niagara,
Even while flat on his back.
--- G0862
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