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There was a young fellow of Thrace
Who went to his ladyfriend's place.
She complained, "I am wore
And my cunt is too sore,
But I'm good for a fuck in the face."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0888

A girl that smoked heavy had Chase;
Her breath stunk all over the place.
But her pussy smelled sweetly
So he kissed it discreetly,
And fucked her tobacco-stained face.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2864

Said the CEO wearing a frown,
"The computer in my office in town.
Went down printing a letter,
But I'd like it much better
If the file clerk, Maria went down."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309

A typist in Kalamazoo,
Who relished an old-fashioned screw,
Was aroused by her boss
To coitus in os --
So a blow-job she blatantly blew.
--- Hugh Oliver A065C

I know a young girl from Dundalk,
Who has plugged up her quim with a cork.
Her motives aren't moral,
She still has sex oral,
But she's terribly scared of the stork.
--- Michael Horgan

That turkey sure caused you some trouble;
It turned your house into rubble.
But who needs a fowl?
My dick's on the prowl;
Come on and give it a gobble.
--- Tiddy Ogg

With a young girl I once made a deal:
For a fiver she would let me feel
That hair covered notch
Way up in her crotch,
And while at it I had me a meal.
--- Anon

Just ask any truthful male chum
The best way to get him to cum,
He'll say without doubt,
"Don't scream, yell, and shout --
'Tis best if you not talk, but hum!"
--- Anon

To her date said a lady named Hewitt,
"My mother said I mustn't do it.
She advised against fucking
But said nothing of sucking --
Would you mind if I licked it and blew it?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1867

That fat, idle gossip, Miss Hyatt
Has been on the 'Oral Sex Diet;'
She hasn't lost weight,
But guys think she's great:
The sucking has kept the bitch quiet!
--- Anon

There once was a man from Beirut,
Whose peter looked just like a flute.
The girls like to blow it,
And wouldn't you know it,
He always goes off on a toot.
--- David Miller

There was a young ladie from Ayr,
Who said to her friend, "I declare
That sex is much better
Without a french letter,
But it does make a mess of my hair."
--- Lims For Year - 01

There was a young girl with a gob,
Frustrated one week on the "blob",
The sight of Rick's gristle,
Made her weak kneed, and whistle,
So she decided to give Rick a blow job.
--- Anon

I like keeping an eye on the clock
Whilst wanking my load in a sock.
But my darling wife
Could save me this strife,
If only she'd suck on my cock.
--- Anon

Many a lass in her belly has got,
The seed of young Johnny Lott.
No children he'll get,
The dumb little shit,
He came in their mouth, not their twat.
--- Limberick

Said Ned, "Here's an apple, Miss Vance."
"How nice of you, Ned! There's a chance
I'll give you an A."
"An A? Shit! No way!
Instead suck this bone in my pants."
--- Travis Brasell

A Chinese girl by the name of Grace;
She used to post lims in this space.
She hadn't no tits
And her cunt was the pits,
But I still shot some loads on her face.
--- Hugh Clary

Was this just a harmless joke? Please!
It's offensive not just to Chinese,
But to all women the same.
You give men a bad name.
Thank god they're not all such a sleaze.
--- Edwina Leer

I screwed young Fu Wong -- Vietcong --
Who hated me squirting my schlong
Inside of her cunt.
With scoldings quite blunt,
She'd yell, "Come on face, where belong!"
--- Travis Brasell

To her boyfriend a lady named Brown
Remarked that her mother did frown
On screwing when dated,
So the young lady stated
That the best she could do was go down.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1248

Our teacher of French said to Pam,
"It is clear that you don't give a damn."
So she undid his fly
With a gleam in her eye,
And she soon passed her oral exam.
--- Michael Horgan

A student of mores named Gorms
Designed endless questionaire forms
To find out the ratio
Of rape to fellatio
In all of the large coed dorms.
--- Armand E Singer 478

A couple named Carmen and Matteo
Found their organs were quite incompatio.
Said he, with a snicker,
"Since mine is no thicker,
We'll have to resort to fellatio."
--- G0882

Alas for poor Clyde Schlutz's missus;
She knows not what marital bliss is.
It seems she's been slighted --
Her love unrequited --
For years he's been sperming her kisses.
--- Martin Wellborn P8312

Yvonne talked from soup to the pav,
A breath she did not seem to have.
To give my ears rest,
I fondled her breast
And fill up her mouth with my salve.
--- Archie

Young Midshipman Hardy went red
As the crew used a barrel instead
Of a girl for a screw.
"Bosun, May I?" When you've
Had your turn in the barrel," he said.
--- Peter Wilkins

There was a young Frog from the Saar
Who went down on a boy's prick to far.
And he near had a spasm
When the sudden orgasm
Inundated his uvular "R".
--- G0899

When Arthur was homeless and broke,
He would suck off his friends for a coke.
The suckees would mutter:
"Please bring some drawn butter--
We're going to have Artie choke."
--- G2274

A perverted young fellow named Brock
Was quite addicted to cock.
He was eating a "peach"
Down by the beach,
Between a hard place and a rock.
--- Wildman TP9802

There was a gay guy, Joe A Black,
And fellatio was his great knack.
Most especially keen,
For a callow marine,
He was happiest to blow a jack.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0511Q

A womanish fellow named Wickem
Tried to glue his friends gonads with stickum.
When they failed to adhere
He remarked with a leer,
"If I cannot join 'em, I'll lick 'em."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9005

There once was a man from Belize,
Who loved to get down on his knees.
When a big cock he saw,
He would open his jaws,
And his suction was certain to please.
--- Anon

There was an old buggar of Como,
Who suddenly cried, "Ecce Homo!"
He tracked his man down,
To the heart of the town,
And gobbles him off in the duomo.

(ecce homo - behold the man, supposedly said by Pilate)
--- Norman Douglas L0391

This is file rtl

"No thanks," he said in his place,
"I think that it would go to waste.
I've had four rums to drink,
And the fifth, I don't think
Will help me get rid of the taste."
--- Tom Accousti

At the urinal old Mr Byng
Said a fairy was gumming his thing.
But the man was a gent
For the guy really meant:
"I have seen the first swallow of Spring!"
--- Albin Chaplin P9505

Let Spellman no longer detain us,
With his flexible glottis-cum-anus.
Not behind, you will note,
But in front of his throat,
Where it's far more likely to pain us.
--- G0955

There was a queer fellow named Hollow;
In glory one day he did wallow.
For he chewed a big pecker,
An enlarged double-decker,
But he found it was too hard to swallow.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0827

There was a young man named Horatio,
With a fondness for ice-creamed fellatio.
He dispensed of his favors
In thirty-one flavors,
Including, we might add, pistaychio.
--- Anon

There was a young actor named Mallory
Who gobbled his boss in the gallery.
He said, with some wit,
"I may be a shit,
But look at the size of my salary."
--- G0880

There was a young fellow named Taylor,
Who seduced a respectable sailor.
When they put him in jail
He worked out the bail
By licking the parts of the jailer.
--- Anon

An orderly man named Horatio
Would often indulge in fellatio.
The bigger the cock,
The longer he'd suck.
It was simply a matter of ratio.
--- Edward Leer

A linguist at old Balmoral
Lay down one day on his Laurel.
He said at the end:
"Better gargle, dear friend,
You've just passed your middle French oral."
--- G0825

Some like them hunky and young;
Some want them heavily hung.
But as for me,
I'm pleased as can be
With the touch of a disciplined tongue.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

A bossy young fag, giving head,
Looked up to his lover and said,
"I'm veggie, you know.
So stiffen, you ho!
I'll eat meat, but not when it's dead!"
--- H Welchel

There was a young man named Isaac Cox,
Who took as his motto, "I suck cocks."
This frank declaration
Brought him such reputation
That he spent twenty years sucking cocks on the docks.
--- L0394

There was a young man of Belgrade
Who remarked, "I'm a queer piece of trade.
I will suck, without charge,
Any cock, if it's large.
If it's small, I expect to be paid."

(piece of trade - slang for fellator)
--- G0829

A clever young fellow, Antonio,
Offered Sammy, his friend, a pistachio.
"Thank you," said Sam,
"But such that I am,
I really prefer fellatio."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

A virginal fellow named Pruitt
Once asked to be shown how to do it;
But it soon became clear
That his mentor was queer,
And the upshot was, poor Pruitt blew it.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

A daring sea captain, Horatio
Grew worried by his ship's ratio
Of women to men,
So the next port he was in,
He recruited lads versed in fellatio.
--- Anon

There was a young man from Vienner
Who would suck anything for a tenner.
He proclaimed with some pride,
He could swallow the tide,
If 'twere fed through a hose. What a winner!
--- Robert Elliot

A loquacious cocksucker named Bassett
Had mastered his art in each facet.
He delighted to rave
Of the pleasure it gave,
But was happiest when he was tacit.
--- G0826

A neurotic young fellow named Tatum
Found regular sex didn't sate 'em.
But wherever he went
He was more than content
When he found some big guy to phallate 'im.

(phallate or fellate?? - McW)
--- G1062

A homosexual guy named Ambrose
Picks up fellow in bars where he goes.
They get into a fight
But it turns out all right--
They go to the john and trade blows.
--- Jim Menger P9206a

A simple young fellow, a dunce,
Cared nothing for titties and cunts.
But he knew all the tricks
How to satisfy pricks,
For he managed to blow two at once.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0808

For the prick-eating prize of Pinole,
This year's winner was Daniel O'Dole.
He will tell you with bonhommie.
"I call mine 'Metonymy',
Because it's the part for the whole."

(metonymy - figure of speech, see trope)
--- L1513

When Titantic hit the iceberg's tip,
Tearing into the hull with a rip,
The Captain was drunk
With a boy in his bunk;
That's how he "went down" with the ship.
--- MrMalo

Chad touched his eyebrow with his tongue;
All the women thought he would be fun!
Then Dave licked the 'nads
(No, not his own; Chad's!)
Which made the women laugh and run.
--- K M Smith TP9802

There was a young man from Madrid,
Who discovered when only a kid,
That by lying supine,
And twisting his spine,
He could suck his own cock--so he did!
--- G0879

There once was a man named Horatio,
Who once tried auto-fellatio.
His cock was too short,
And so just for sport,
He came all over his facio.
--- Chas H

The flexibleness of Dave Slater
Grows day by day, greater and greater;
He's nearing his aim
Of undying fame
As Europe's first auto-fellator.
--- Anon

A frustrated boy on vacation
Could only cause girls consternation.
It seems that his dong
Was excessively long,
So he settled for autofellation.
--- G0918

His cock made her yearn for a sip,
But before she reached to unzip,
She remembered his penchant
For relieving his tension,
With self-sucking, balls resting on lip.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A contortionist having no peer,
On viewing himself (with a leer),
Pronounced with elation,
"I find self-fellation
Is best when approached from the rear."
--- John Miller Q

Well each to their own, I admit.
Self-fellation you like? So be it.
But I cannot agree
For I'd much rather be
Sucking nipples and pussies and clit.
--- Anon

Young Julio Jack from Valencia,
Suffered pre-senile dementia;
Couldn't decide,
When fellation he tried,
If his dong or his tongue should be lengthier.
--- Peter Wilkins

They'll bury ol' Perce (you just watch!)
Six feet in the ground, plus a notch;
Then folded in half,
He'll get the last laugh
When he gets his mouth on his crotch!
--- Anon

A man died with a look of elation;
Cause of death made with great consternation.
Doctor said, "I've predicted
Fellatio self inflicted;"
Quite a stretch of the imagination!
--- Tom Patton


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