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When she started applying the torque, A lady well-bred and discreet, "You've found out the meaning of spatulate!" So come along ladies and savour "I have to be honest, Miss Lemon, There once was a girl they called Mandy, There once was a lad with a beat, There once was a gay senorita "Oh yes!" shouted Cyril to Sybil, Here's something men shouldn't forgit, There once was a fellow named Randy; It ain't right, this paying for vice. There once was a girl named Beth Berman, I guess that your dick taste real sweet, There once was a man called McNichol, There was a young lass of Blackheath, (Published 1870)
There once was a baker named Sherm "These video films are disgraceful; Down there, where the Chesapeake Bay Sorry - I'm afraid there's no hope A well-endowed lady named Janet As soon as she pulls out those dentures, To orgies Miss Baglady goes; There was a young fellow named Tucker, A frantic young woman named Crumm, He was giving the girl her first lesson, 'Twas a cold night on old Hampstead Heath; If you really like sucking a cock, Nympho Nan dated paranoid Rick, A Frenchwoman for ingratiation, Exposing himself for inspection, A CIA agent named Glover Miss Manners is so prim and proper, The Autumn brings joy to Miss Leaman, That I love blowjobs, there's no doubt, In the farm belt, a hooker named Blum, Pop culture evolves as one speaks; There was a young girl in Berlin Once a gourmet who loved to be blown There was a demure connoisseur; Oh please take my chicken and pullet Her boyfriend, who she calls Mr Right, There was an old pander from Perth A man of the Warrior Caste, A voluptuous young thing named Anna, She said "Get your ass back in bed! Your very first period, dear? There once was a man from Bel Aire, A singer whose stage name was Snoopy, While receiving some great oral sex, If I were to give you my eel I reckon that spring is a-coming; There is a young lecher named Paul Young Darla, while sucking my dick, 'Twas during one sexual bout, (reference the couple named Kelly...)
I met that young lady, Miss Hiphoff, My dove Marylou's quite a slob -- She nodded and broke into song; I think that I am not alone That slur, Mr D, was so cruel, If you think back to September, Who cares if she's dark-haired or light, There's a nip in the air, love, tonight All day I spent with her, tongue humping; There was a young lass from Vancouver, (Hoover vacuum cleaner)
There was a young fellow named Keith,
To my rigid and pulsating pork,
The load that she wrung
Landed smack on her tongue,
Which caused the young lady to bork.
--- Hugh Clary
Was sucking a fire fighter's meat.
It was not for the paste,
But she relished the taste
Of the hickory-smoked sausage treat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2962
Cried Susie. "I must think to congratulate
You. I'll give a blow
Job. Myum, myum...Oh no!
You came far too soon and I spatulate."
--- Tiddy Ogg
My salty pork-sausage like flavour.
It curls to the right,
And stays up all night;
I hope that this meets with your favour !
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When you swallow a load that is brimmin'
Your lips," Said old Swanson,
As he wiped off his Johnson,
"You've a face liked you've sucked a persimmon."
--- Anon
And with her mouth she was quite handy.
She'd not let me fuck her
But would lick my sucker,
Saying all of my come tasted dandy.
--- Dr Limerick
Whose spunk was all foamy and sweet.
He said my name's Tesh,
How about some creme freche?
And 'new age' chicks knelt down to eat.
--- H Welchel
Who pleasure was munching a peter.
She said, "It's much neater,
And certainly sweeter,
And aesthetically, somehow, completer!"
--- G0907
As Sybil gave Cyril a nybil.
He jizmed and sighed
As "Ugh-sheesh!" she replied
In a sort of a sybilant drybil.
--- Anon
And pubic hairs I will not split.
Please don't get me wrong:
What comes out your dong,
Quite frankly, guys, it tastes like shit!
--- Anon
The women all thought him a dandy.
For the end of his schlong,
Which was nine inches long,
Gave semen which tasted like candy.
--- Jorge Rodriguez T9711
It means that we're paying them twice.
Already we gives 'em
A quart of our gism,
Which some of 'em think tastes real nice.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who liked to drink everyone's sperm in.
She said, with a pout,
"This tastes like sauerkraut.
Are you sure that you aren't a German?"
--- Anon
Not at all like smelly old feet,
Or crusty with pee,
And always cheese free,
And never like rotton old meat.
--- Anon
Whose pecker looked just like a pickle.
His girlfriend in Philly
Had called it a dilly,
But claimed that it made her throat tickle.
--- David Miller
Who frigged an old man with her teeth.
She complained that he stunk
Not so much from the spunk,
But his arsehole was just underneath.
--- L0384
Who flavored his pastries with sperm.
He said, "What's the matter?"
As he mixed up his batter,
I still use a spoon to stir'm."
--- Anon
No longer artistic and tasteful",
Said Kate leaning back
As she fingered her crack,
And demanded I give her a faceful.
--- Anon
And the drained Susquehanna sashay,
A chick's not too bloated
If her tonsils are coated
From slurping some warm consomme.
--- Anon
For me. I'm a foul-mouthed mope.
You'll have to get heavy,
And punishment levy,
And wash out my mouth with your rope... I mean soap.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Rode with me from planet to planet.
She swallowed my gism,
Through the whole solar system,
And said, "This tastes good! You should can it."
--- Dr Ricardo
Old Baglady gets all adventurous.
While I'm in her gums,
It's this lim' she hums;
They're vocal -- these old hoary wenches.
--- Lightbulb
She's 90 or so (and it shows).
So why then do guys
Buzz around her like flies?
Well she's ace with her gums, I suppose.
--- Anon
Who, instructing a novice cocksucker,
Said, "Don't bow out your lips
Like an elephant's hips.
The boys like it best when you pucker.
--- L0442
Thought her lover too naive and dumb.
She gave him no rest,
'Til he straddled her chest,
And then she was all over come.
--- G0555
Hoping head would become her obsession.
But he pushed her away,
Saying, "That's not the way!
'Blow me' is just an expression."
--- Anon
Had slack Alice pinned underneath.
She laid on my coat...
As I tickled her throat,
Just avoiding those murderous teeth!
--- Anon
You'd better not look at the clock.
'Cause sucking takes time,
Too quick is a crime,
And better by far than a fock.
--- Raunchy
But their tete-a-tete ended too quick.
He complained to his shrink,
"I honestly think
She was trying to bite off my dick!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Gave her neighbor a noisy fellation;
When asked, "What's this blood
That covers my pud?"
She said, "It's my mouths menstruation!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"It's like a balloon," snickered Epshon
To Susan, aged ten,
"Take hold of this end
And blow in the other direction."
--- Irving Superior P8705
Begged head from a quick-witted lover,
Who cracked, "Your erection
Has condom protection--
Would your boss like my blowing your cover?"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
And her etiquette! No one could top her.
Till she gave some advice
About blowjobs and ice,
Which proved a real show-stopper.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
This is file rql
For while bobbing for apples, she's dreamin'
With her mouth agape wide,
And her face wet with pride,
Where at wharfside, she's bobbin' for seamen.
--- Gibbon the Troubadour
But one thing more I desire, 'ere I spout.
A shift of the tongue
Staight up my bung,
Always ensures a great gout.
--- Chocolate Kid
Who's the favorite floozy of some,
Takes her teeth out in bed
To administer head,
Since her rural tricks love it, by gum!
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
In the future ten years and two weeks,
There'll be lectures for all
At Carnegie Hall;
The subject "New Blow-Job Techniques!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411
Who eked out a living through sin.
She didn't mind fucking,
But much preferred sucking,
And she'd wipe off the pricks on her chin.
--- L0382
Found that women complied with a groan.
So he coated his dick
With fudge, nice and thick;
Now they smile and suck cream from his cone!
--- Anon
Of sucking, a true epicure.
So he wrote up one day
A risque resume
Of methods he thought de rigueur.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Right on down deep into your gullet.
A lick and a smack and
Then unwrap your crack and
Then take that there chicken and hullet!
--- Anon
Was fellated by Mary last night.
His words of instruction
For this vital function.
Were simple and plain--Do not bite!
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0506
Who got blown in a boat on a firth...
When she spat it all out,
He cried with a shout,
"Don't waste it! There'll soon be a dearth!"
--- TuttaGioia
Had a pecker that just wouldn't last.
So his slave girls would nibble,
And he wouldn't quibble,
As long as they knew to eat fast.
--- Minx Kelly
To our school, has arrived from Havana;
Never noticed her much;
Then my heart she did touch,
When I saw how she eats a banana!
--- Anon
I want it hard, not soft instead."
With her mouth she went 'round,
Then up and back down.
You know, she gives excellent head!
--- Lovs2Laf
Tonight we shall celebrate here
As cannibals do;
You may have the first chew
On the gristle of Reverend Gere.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who had serious problems with hair.
Once it wrapped round his penis
And the fellating Venus
Had to pick all her teeth with great care!
--- Kat T9711
Was being sucked off by a groupie.
She was well-versed in head
For she'd toured with the Dead;
It was three hours until he was droopy.
--- Thunderwing
I take sips from a bottle of Becks.
While lost in a daze then
I remember the days when
The sex was as good as the Becks.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Would you skin it and peel it and feel?
If kept in your "larder"
'Twould surely get harder,
And make for a jolly good meal.
--- Anon
There're buds, catkins; bees soon are humming.
And down by the sea
Where the old folks' home be,
Old grannies give grandads a-gumming.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who leches his best in the fall.
He likes to have pricks,
Which he savors and licks,
But right now, he's having a ball.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Complained that her neck had a crick;
Her hurting soon stopped
Right after I propped
Her chin with the fork of a stick.
--- Travis Brasell
She moaned that it kept slipping out.
So what did I do?
Applied Superglue
Which left both our genders in doubt.
--- SFA
And knew that her twat was a tip-off;
That she had a bout
With you, and no doubt,
The remnant was just a small rip-off.
--- Travis Brasell
Makes a mess while licking my knob.
But I don't dare protest;
It's a nuisance, at best;
Just thoughts while I watch her head bob.
--- Anon
She sang, like nothing was wrong.
In a spectacular manner,
The Star Spangled Banner,
While keeping both lips on his dong.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who wishes me one fully grown
Sweet horny tender,
Of opposite gender,
I'm dreaming by her to be blown.
--- Dirruk
And I know that you too are no fool,
And you've tried to score
With a well-pregnant whore,
So the baby inside licks your tool.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The first time I kissed your member,
We'd nothing to hide,
In that elevator ride,
The passengers cheered, remember?
--- Anon
Or her quim is sloppy or tight?
What gives a man pause
Is the strength of her jaws,
And if she's inclined to bite?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And if you will turn out the light;
Please stoke up my fire,
Arouse my desire,
And then go down for a bite!
--- CyberCelt T9710
My tongue is now swollen and bumping.
When waking this morning,
I needed a horning,
From Carol who kept my dong plumping.
--- Anon
Who was such a shaker and mover.
Some said she was crude;
Some said she was lewd;
When she did all her men like a Hoover.
--- Larry Cormel
Who liked to be fondled beneath.
It was fun, he decided,
But only provided
The girls used their lips, not their teeth.
--- Isaac Asimov
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