Love Me Tender was what Elvis crooned,
While the girls in the audience swooned.
Since the right word would be
An adverb, Tenderly,
The King's English should now be impugned.
--- Larry Hollister

When rock and roll fame turned its pages,
The King started to fear for his wages.
Then he took a cue
From that old Rat Pack crew,
And learned to sing, Viva Las Vegas!
--- Guy Payne

The young folks have something to learn,
And they are not quick to discern
The public's great love
And the song stylings of:
Patti, Maxene, and Laverne.
--- Al Weaver

Ah, this is such a signal day,
As Charlotte's now a legal lay.
Will she hit those high notes
After she hits deep throats?
Welsh Wobbler, come, let's hit the hay!
--- Ward Hardman

The Oscars presented this year
Don't interest me greatly, I fear.
Though my heart isn't in it,
I'll watch for a minute,
To see just how bare Cher will appear.
--- Candy Zakrzewski P8805

Santa, I've been good for years,
But Britney has zapped by career.
So please bring me a song,
Skimpy tops and a thong,
And a pair of big hooters like Spears'.
--- Anon

Dione Warwick, in line to get high,
Is surprised when her lipstick can't fly.
She remarks, "Though it's pot,
I'm a star, am I not?
I presumed I could just Walk On By!"
--- Peter Wilkins

A funny old fellow named Blix
Was laid off and placed in a fix.
The things got too hot
And the one open spot
Was the lead in the New Dixie Chicks.
--- Graham Lester

Record sales were quite slow for the Chicks,
So they chanced an appeal to fan's dicks.
Not ashamed of the bush
That sprouts near their tush,
They bared all in a mag -- breast count: six!
--- RanDog

So famous a singer was Dotty,
Devotees would make her life knotty.
To give time to the shriekers
And the autograph seekers,
She would sign as she sat on the potty.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2027

Unique was the sound of her wail;
Our emotions -- she did assail,
Till drugs killed the spark
With news for us, stark,
And the sound of her voice was curtailed.
--- Henrietta Thomas

Her life was cut short by the drugs,
And partying down with weird lugs.
Did anyone care?
Do more than just stare?
My heartstrings this footnote hard tugs.
--- Henrietta Thomas

She was lost on the highway of life.
All she ever knew of was strife.
At each wrong turn,
Her heart did burn,
As if it were cut with a knife.
--- Henrietta Thomas

She wasn't related to Scott,
But both of their lives tell a lot
Of what happens to
The talented few
Who let themselves go to pot.
--- Henrietta Thomas

A woman called Mariah Carey
Of her energy should have been wary.
Was it because of glitter
That her dress won't fit her?
Or maybe her man is a fairy.
--- Julie Wiskirchen

There was a young singer named Melisser,
Who liked all the girls to kiss her.
She was raking the cash in
And giving toungue lashin's
To misses rather than misters.
--- Bill Weiss

In Dublin in streets wide and narrow,
Old Molly would wheel her wheelbarrow.
She'd veg whithout number
But shunned the cucumber
In favor of vegetable marrow.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Though Patti LaBell can sure sing,
A hellova song with zing,
"O say can you see...",
Was not meant to be
Sung with a blues type ring.
--- Carol

Yes, we are on the same page;
Those song butchers are an outrage.
And Patti's rendition
Deserves opposition
From patriots of every age!
--- Observer

The Beckhams met near the rail track,
For Posh had been smashed out on crack!
They fell in love quick,
When Dave threw a stick,
And one of his dogs brought her back.
--- David Miller

Posh Spice just gave birth -- Did you know?
And they've called the poor kid Brooklyn Joe.
After, would you believe,
Where the child was conceived.
Now my own kids, if I had done so...
--- Anon

The first would be Ford, not bad, true,
But The second, Haybarn, a bit grue-
Some, and the gal:
Back-Of Gasworks, oh hell,
She'd have beaten me quite black and blue.
--- Anon

You've read it in all of the 'zines:
What Posh Spice's baby's name means.
I know it sounds terse,
But it could have been worse --
If Posh had conceived her in Queens.
--- Anon

Get the champagne and pop the old cork;
A spice girl has met with the stork.
He's been named Brooklyn Joe
So the whole world will know
That his mama got laid in New York.
--- Anon

Now before I express my derision
As to where she got in this condition,
Though it seems a weird fad,
I must say that I'm glad
That the kid wasn't named for position.
--- Anon

B. B. King is the King, and pursues
Koko Taylor the Queen of blues who's
A sultry dark whore!
But she sings songs for
Bessie Smith, the black Empresses of Blues.
--- David Miller

And now comes the news about Scary;
I think she was boffed by a fairy.
The result will be strange,
A kid with the mange;
Someone so ugly and hairy.
--- LadyJ

Don't lets forget Baby Spice!
She's sweet and unbearably nice.
Try as she might,
She isn't too bright.
Believe me, she never thinks twice.
--- LadyJ

And then there's the stuff about Sporty
Whose backside is secretly warty.
She looks like a rose
When she's wearing clothes,
But naked, she looks like she's forty.
--- LadyJ

There was a spice girl called Posh,
Finding herself pregnant said "Gosh!"
Now she is a nun
And will soon have a tum,
And think of those nappies to wash.
--- LadyJ

A rock star of note, Tina Turner,
Was a young Fool in Love, but a learner.
She's easy to like
And since she shed Ike,
She's soared with her own after-burner.
--- Satori Press

A young Swedish Miss, name of Inger,
At the stage door often would linger,
With ABBA in town,
She loved to go down
And blow Bjorn, that group's sexy singer.
--- Anon

A corpulent woman named Flo,
Did a lot of aerobics although
She could ne'er lose a pound;
It was due to the sound:
Chubby Checker and Fats Domino.
--- Don Moore P9207

This is file rom

Just to indicate how time does fly
Please recall, if you will, days gone by.
Though "Four Freshmen" they were
Did it ever occur
They're professors now, emeriti?
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9405

I love to sing bad G & S;
Billy's words I can really compress
Till there're so small and shiny,
They fit in your heinie --
Well, they're pearls and improve the address.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Lawrence Welk, randy gentleman, he
Fucked women he met "haw and gee".
And if you came near
You were likely to hear
Hump one ana two ana THREE!!!
--- Anon

When Lerner and Lowe ABOVE attain,
Will they get a cloud over Spain?
Their job there to see
A suffiency
Of moisture will fall on the plain.
--- Irving Superior

Milli Vanilli lip-synched
And to that, their Grammy was linked.
They put on an act
Which was fully backed.
I felt so very much hood-winked.
--- Julie Wiskirchen

Once Puff Daddy brandished a gun
And dragged J Lo out on the run.
He wouldn't get caught
Or that's what he thought.
Now don't you agree that was fun?
--- Julie Wiskirchen

The artists called Simon and Garfunkel
Were trying to outdo a star uncle,
And the story they worked
Was of heating that lurked
In friction 'twixt hymen and carbuncle.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8511

I once had a wife I called Cher,
Whose voice was only just fair.
And as everyone knows,
When it comes to her clothes,
She exposes her ass to the air
--- Jim Weaver Collection

My Christmas is missing some glee;
I'll decorate not a pine tree.
I'm lacking in mirth
'Cause every green fir
Brings memories of my late Sonny.

(hit a tree, skiing)
--- Larry Hollister

In England two 'street singers' stole
The show, and they're now (bless my soul!)
Out thrusting their parts,
While busting the charts
With "Op'ra Babes" jock-rock 'n' roll!
--- Anon

"The Monkees" sang in Havana,
And were paid quite a few banana;
For musical lessons,
A chimp and a session
Gorilla on vox humana.
--- David Miller

What kind of love have you got.
You should be home but you're not.
A room full of noise
And dangerous boys
Still makes you thirsty and hot.

I heard about you and that man;
There's just one thing I don't understand.
You say he's a liar
And he put out your fire;
How come you got his gun in your hand?

Victim of Love, I see your broken heart.
I could be wrong but I'm not.
Victim of Love,
It's such and easy part.
What kind of love have you got?

A tennessee woman went sailin'
Near Nashville with Willie and Waylon.
But not long because
Both old outlaws
Got down and did them some nailin'.
--- John B T9801

Michael Jackson's court case has unfurled,
As rumors about him have swirled;
He's not broken the law
And now in a bra,
He'll touch children all over the world.
--- David Miller

He said, "Now that I've been released,
I'll prove I'm no pedophile beast,
'Cause I'll soon rebound
And turn my life around,
And become a Catholic priest.
--- Observer

He tried venues one after another,
Each time stymied by some little boy's mother.
Jackson said, "A monastery
Is where I am very
Sure I'll bed a fat ten year old brother"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508

Jacko the wacko looks coy,
But inside he's bursting with joy.
The Neverland party
Invite's rather darty;
BYOB: bring your own boy.
--- Sanity Inspector

"Dear Michael, City Hall will delete,
The 'Dicks' from your sign, toute de suite;
As it's lots of work
And you're such a jerk,
We've changed it to 'Big Beaver Street.'"
--- David Miller Q

Did M Jackson have nose reshaped twice?
Does he think looking white's worth the price?
A compulsion he's fed,
Is young boys in his bed.
Does he use cash to mask chronic vice?
--- Esther Koch P0304

Said that fellow who used to be black,
"I was recently under attack
For sexual assault,
But it ain't my fault,
Because I'm addicted to crack."
--- Observer

Michael Jackson wants to do more
Fostering of kiddies who're poor;
To impress his fans,
But he has no plans
As to what he will use them for.
--- David Miller Q

A man told his friend, "I've a shack, son.
I think I'll behave like a Jackson.
I'll fill it with boys;
Pretend they are toys;
If I'm caught, I don't think I'll be back, son!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy

His Never Land Ranch as sensation,
Michael Jackson brings kids for vacation.
They arrive via Trailways
Or even by railways,
At the stop when they signal Mole-staion.
--- Hugh Clary

Michael J's actions tend to un-nerve us,
When he sleeps with young boys, SAINTS PRESERVE US!
But his Demo cohort
Screws us all -- as a sport --
In the quaint name of public service.
--- Arthur Deex P0401

Michael Jackson's no longer on trial,
So now every once in a while;
When he gets a bone,
Uses his Dictaphone
Up a number from his pedophile.
--- David Miller

A newpaper story, bewilderin',
I read while my coffee was filterin';
It said Michael Jackson
Had sent them a fax on
His new textbook, "How to Rear Children."
--- Hugh Clary

Heres a man that we like to call Jacko;
I think he is quite a bit whacko.
Did he molest a young boy?
And did he enjoy?
Or is all that info post facto?
--- Julie Wiskirchen

Since Madonna gave birth to the tyke,
Michael Jackson said, "I'll do the like."
Though both say, "Our kids lack
Rapper names like '2 PAC',"
Either could name their offspring, 3 STRIKE.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9701

Michael Jackson is going on trial
For actions, both heinous and vile;
But his fans aren't perturbed;
Like some children they're lured
And seduced, less by substance than style.
--- Limerick Savant

Jacko, with typical drama,
Came into the court in pyjamas...
So when kids took the stand,
He could get his right hand
Easily on his banana.

The public considers it wanton;
She permitted her sickly and wan son
In the neverland bed,
Where it has been said
He fingered the star Jackson's johnson.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505