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Said Elaine in her will, "I bequeath A delectable gal from Augusta When Flynn kissed a girl, he kissed deep A porn star and former road trucker, At the church sponsored fair in D.C., There was a young dancer of Ipswich There was a young lady of Florence, I knew a young maiden from Ayr; The Swiss used to act Calvinistically A prissy young woman named Beckwith He drove his girlfriend to the door, My first love, a young girl named Joy, Then I tried once again later on, I don't think you should carry on; The love of my life is Alyssa; I'll tell you, I've read quite enough There was a young man, Jason Vickery, Indiana's the home of French Lick; Oh Father, I have a confession! A half-breed without any clothes, There once was a good-looking sister, I know that you surely'll blame me, A wonderful fellow was Greer; That was a party not to be missed; Inexperienced, he'd never been kissed: A modest young maiden of Rennes There was a bus driver named Peter, When I say oral hygiene is missing, I've a fetish that's really quite rare -- From the train, a young soldier named Jack I once met a beautiful miss, "These two gorgeous models just ran in A toast I will offer -- quite terse -- A spouse-swapping club warmly extols, Spring has sprung, but none have ris; A sweet little miss near Fort Bliss An honest young homo named Purvis The lad was so shy that he missed her Not surprising our Johnny was smitten We searched for the hickey on neck, A lonely old lady named Blissit A youth with his head in the mist, Mistress Mary had a man who kissed her. There once was a moron named Moe, Amelia's very strait-laced, Joe has been awfully blunt; A printer implanted a kiss There once was a boy named Nate, A lapper of cunts name of Chase There was an old Bishop who'd wince There was a young lady called Jane, A man with a large tongue that sleek A grisly appearance had Grace There was a young lady named Chris; A couple who came down with cases, Under mistletoe we're 'sposed to kiss, It's juicy and warmly aglow, Well goodness! Well what do you know? Said a schoolboy named Timothy Park, That must have been Bransom, Mizoo, There was a wise priest from Quebec I heard someone calling "Hey Mr.! There was a young lady from Gissing Emily will cause men to stare; Alone in our room at the Ritz, A frisky young southpaw from Croyd If two different languages, it's
My glass eye, auburn wig and false teeth,
My scented scanties
And my silk panties
To the man who kissed me, underneath!
--- Thomas M Patton P9712
Vowed that nobody ever had bussed her.
But an expert from France
Took a bilingual chance,
And the mixture of tongues quite nonplused her.
--- Conrad Aiken
And left her collapsed in a heap.
This he learned in Australia
By sniffing the dahlia,
And biting the balls off the sheep.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1254
Earned a name as a bit of a sucker.
With his mouth he'd sent shivers
Down boys and girls quivers,
That pervy bi-sexual old fucker.
--- Anon
Sue was busy as busy can be.
For a buck the young Mrs.
Was selling her kisses;
Sam asked what she'd sell him for three.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0311
Who tooks most astonishing skips, which
So delighted a miss
She said, "Give me a kiss!"
He replied, "On the cheek, or the lips - which?"
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Who for kissing professed great abhorrence;
But when she'd been kissed
And found what she'd missed,
She cried till the tears came in torrents.
--- Anon
Her lips were so full and so fair.
I kissed her one time,
That time was sublime.
But now I'm consumed with despair.
--- Tutta Gioia
And laid off all sex pietistically,
But occasional kissing
Showed them what they were missing
And nowadays they hump egotistically.
--- Armand E Singer 256
Caused men to remark, "Oh, the heck with!"
But Jonathan Urban
Got her tiddly with bourbon,
And found her exciting to neck with.
--- Limber Limericks
He kissed her goodnight; nothing more!
Her dad, looking out
At him started to shout;
The next time you come 'round, you'll get sore!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
'Twas when as a ten year old boy,
I tried my first kiss
But she made me miss,
For she turned as I tried; she was coy.
--- Richard Jean
When I hoped that her coyness had gone.
But my luck was still out,
All her lips did was pout.
She had fallen for my best friend, John.
--- Richard Jean
Whatever you once had is gone.
She'll still be your honey
Though, if you have money,
Then you just might be her next john.
--- Cyber Wizard
She must be the world's greatest kissa.
My tingle does this !
Whenever we kiss.
If she leaves me I'm sure gonna missa.
--- Topper
Of all you old lovers, and stuff.
You all know it's sweeter
And neater to eat her,
If there is no hair on her muff.
--- Cyber Wizard
Whose breath was exceedingly liquory.
But he still gave his kisses
To willing young misses,
By lacing his coffee with chicory.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It taught us all quite a trick.
To wrestle with tongues
Does not sound like fun,
Except to a clit or a dick.
--- Anon
I've opened a kissing concession!
The price is one dollar,
And I hope to collar
A man with a likewise obsession!
--- Ystap
(She was Eskimo-French I suppose)
Taught a new way to kiss,
For the passionate miss
Stuck her tongue wet and warm up my nose.
--- Don Moore P9911
Who'd a painfully prominent blister.
Yet it wasn't so bad,
If only it had
Not occurred right where he had kissed her.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
If I take a small kiss from Amy.
Since we are just friends,
As belief suspends,
That I'd go for something more gamey.
--- Chris Papa
He was always bursting with cheer.
He'd make sexy passes
And pat people's asses
And kiss them goodnight. That's a dear.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
With people getting totally pissed.
I wish I had've been there,
And had stories to share,
About all of the men that I'd kissed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In bad weather, arranging the tryst,
Low cloud brought the worst
As he aimed then he pursed
Eager lips in the fog and the missed.
--- Doug Harris P0509
Would have nothing to do with the mennes.
But one day at Auschwitz, (But one day at Versailles)
She was kissed on the titz, (She was kissed on the thigh,)
--- Arthur Deex P0310
Who could not have looked any neater.
But his mustache looked funny
When he combed it with honey,
Thus making his kisses much sweeter.
--- Mrs Hager Ruhl
It's not intimacy that I'm dissing.
In fact I repeat,
Your lips are so sweet,
My teeth could rot from too much kissing.
--- Arthur Deex P0408
Kissing men who have long curly hair.
Whether black, red or fair,
I simply don't care --
What's really important is where.
--- Sandy Lunoe P8708
Said goodbye, as he leaned out to smack
The lips of his chick;
But the train took off quick,
And he kissed a cow's ass down the track!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2127A
Who timidly gave me a kiss.
To have a rerun
Can never be done,
But it's sweet to just reminisce.
--- Reminisce P9310
And started to kiss me," said Gannon.
They said I was the best
Photo man in the West.
But I said, 'You girls should kiss my Canon.'"
--- Michael Weinstein P8407
Contained in this quaint little verse,
"To the plans that I've hatched,
And the kisses I've snatched,
And yes -- don't forget -- the reverse!"
--- John Dohner P8909
This is file rnl
Weekly camp-outs for horny new souls;
Where they lie 'round the fire,
To divest their attire,
And cavort to the hissing of coals.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0204
For me, wondering where my lover is.
He's done a bunk,
That dirty skunk,
Left me unfilled and without a kiss
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Told her GI 'twas sinful to kiss.
When the resourceful young rat
Asked, "You mean, dear, like that?"
She said, "Yes, and like this and like this."
--- George McKeshnie P9210
Admits that some things make him nervous,
Such as planting a kiss
On some beautiful miss --
He calls it just paying lip service.
--- Armand E Singer 869
The first try; the second, he kissed her
On the side of the nose,
But, following those,
They kissed till her lips were a blister.
--- Laurence Perrine P8405
With Mary, she's cute as a kitten.
Till he told us last night
How he got the love bite...
And the shocker was where he was bitten!
--- John Miller
Nape, chest, and back, and by heck,
His skin was a clear
As a rose, till we hear
Him say, you oughta check below deck...
--- Jeanie
Oft dreamed of a love life illicit.
To the milkman, she chose
Her affair to expose,
But the best that he did was to kiss it.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0792
By a female had never been kissed.
Because of this fact,
To himself made a pact;
He's becoming a misogynist.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
He insisted 'tween visits, he missed her.
Then one blistering kiss
Risked the ruin of her bliss --
It pissed her when mister kissed sister!
--- John Miller 0030
Who misunderstood mistletoe.
He thought it for luck,
So he carefully stuck
A big sprig in his hip pocket. Ho!
--- Stanford Chaparral P0007
And thus she retreated in haste
When Joe said: "Please miss,
A kiss under this?"
With mistletoe tied round his waist.
--- Anon
In fact, he's behaved like a cunt.
'Cause any fool knows
Waist-deep mistletoe
Is best if hung over the front.
--- SFA
On the lips of a demi-monde miss,
And she said to him, "Look,
If you print a whole book,
There's got to be money in this."
--- Lims Unlimited
Who kissed his girl by the gate.
And he found the next day,
In an embarrassing way,
Love is blind, But the neighbors, they ain't!
--- Carol Rodelsturtz P9202
When asked by his girl friend to place
A kiss on her cheek,
But he said, somewhat meek,
"I can't -- there's no hair on your face."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0799
As he flattened his face to convince
The sober and pissed,
That he'd never kissed
The frog formerly known as a Prince.
--- Dennis M Hammes
Who fell in love with a Great Dane.
He was Dane, not a dog,
Nor a horse or a hog,
But she kissed him again and again.
--- Anon
Would hardly be able to speak.
If it went down MY throat,
I'm sure I would choke.
This is NOT the dream man I seek.
--- Anon
With pustules all over the place.
She married young Pierre,
Who said, "I don't care
For I will not be kissing her face."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0816
On a first date she'd not even kiss.
Her boyfriend, perplexed,
Didn't know what came next;
In his life he'd not met such a miss.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Now kissed on innocuous places.
For both sought relief
From the mouth-mangling grief,
They had suffered when joining their faces.
--- David A Brooks Q
But it's no fun being kissed by your Sis.
I'd prefer some dishy Brunette,
A Redhead, or better yet,
All five spice girls would be pure bliss.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Throbbing hard with excitgement below.
It's awaiting your touch
Which is almost too much;
Will you please do me and suck on my toe.
--- Peter Wilkins
A lollipop just like a big toe!
I'll give you delight
And suck it all night,
And then there are nine more to go!
--- Michelle
"That power cut we had, was a lark.
The lights all went out;
Mum and Dad fussed about;
And I kissed my girl in the dark.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Where the girls are so homely that you
Take one home when you leave,
To gain a reprieve,
Then you don't have to kiss her adieu.
--- Anon
Who said to his flock, "What the heck,
Go bugger and screw 'em
But careful just whom,
When doubtful, it's safer to neck!"
--- Armand E Singer 65
What did you do to my Sr.?"
"She's a fine looking wench,
But she doubted I'm French,
So to prove it I grabbed her and Kr."
--- Coz TP9807
Whose favourite pastime was kissing.
From twilight till dark
She made hay in the park,
And spent all the night reminiscing.
--- Mrs Margaret Clarke
She's pretty and has golden hair.
But she's sort of short,
Makes necking a sport.
To kiss me she stands on a chair.
--- Frank Fazed
We could listen to Chopin or Liszt.
Or be waltzing to Strauss
All through the penthouse,
Stopping now and then for a kitz.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To his girl said "I'll be quite annoyed
If, just as I come,
You don't suck my right thumb...
The left will be elsewhere employed."
--- Martin Guy
A question of calling it quits.
But if it could be
Their hormones agree,
The two will be soon swapping spits.
--- Irving Superior P9911
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