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A clever young lady from Grimes
Ate a basket of lemons and limes,
And at ten cents a kiss
The puckered-up miss,
Was tuckered out raking in dimes.
--- Lims Unlimited

There once was a young fellow named Butz
Who went out the first time with some sluts.
When they started Frenching,
He found it was wrenching,
As it tightened up both of his nuts.
--- Tom Patton P0411

"To examine you may take a week,"
He said with his tongue in his cheek.
First he tested her kisses.
"Oh, what a bliss this is!"
He said with his tongue in her cheek.
--- Lance Payne P8305

When I offered my cousin unique
Instruction in kissing technique,
And swore my instruction
Stopped short of seduction --
I spoke with my tongue in her cheek.
--- Laurence Perrine P9004a

To restaurants, near and far-flung,
I went with a girl, sweet and young.
Like Singh's onion bahjees,
A kiss from dear Margy's,
A treat to the tip of the tongue.
--- Tiddy Ogg

An old maid who'd never been kissed,
Decided she'd no longer resist.
It might well be divine
And at age ninety-nine,
No chance that comes by should be missed.
--- Warrick Elrod

A couple from old Aberystwith,
United the organs they kissed with;
They enjoyed the sweet sharing,
And did nothing more daring,
And she said, "You're a right one to tryst with."
--- Stuart Woods

I said to my girlfriend, "It's clear
I'd do anything for you, my dear."
Said she, "So you think?
Kiss me where it stinks."
So I naturally brought her in here.
--- Cyber Wizard

I wonder who's kissing her now
I wonder who's showing her how
I wonder if she
Ever tells him of me, ("Tee hee.")
I wonder who's kissing her now.

(where is her 'now' located?)
--- Bob Birch P0207

I guess I don't know what I'm missin'
With my aversion to ass kissin'.
There must exist many
Who'd pucker up plenty;
Among them, though, you won't find this 'un.
--- Anon

The First Lady said, "Here's your chance;
You can't kiss my two cheeks like in France;
I've a much better place
Which will keep you in grace.
Hold a minute, I'll lower my pants."
--- Al Chaplin P2005

With humans my kinship is sparse;
Most relationships merely a farce;
If you want to meet
My circle complete,
Come on over...here -- kiss my arse.
--- Gunjan

A girl with a sebaceous cyst,
Always came when her asshole was kissed.
Her lover was gratified
That she was so satisfied,
But regretted the fun that he missed.
--- L0395

And when I at last from you pass,
Lay me out and assemble the brass.
Please announce long and loud,
That the whole doggone crowd
Is invited to kiss my cold ass.
--- L E Ott P0206

A madman who murdered in France
Was elected our prexy by chance.
When he storms into class,
The cadets suck his ass,
And the faculty shits in its pants.

(sounds to me like a military academy - McW)
--- G1387

Said a divinity student named Cass,
"I should never be fit to say Mass,
If I kiss the Pope's toe
And then failed to bestow,
A like sign of respect to his ass."
--- G1096

Said the lady in Framingham, Mass.
Admiring herself in the glass,
"I'm so pretty and sweet;
To know me's a treat;
If I could, I would kiss my own ass!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0311

Dear Mrs., Ms., Miss, Master, Meester,
Whatever you are -- Happy Easter!
I hope that your habits
Are just like a rabbit's;
If not, kiss my 'young' Dixie keister!
--- Anon

A day without grits? Damn, I'd miss 'em;
It's shameful how you two can diss 'em!
To slam Southern food
Has left me quite stewed,
So here is my grits -- come and kiss 'em!
--- Anon

My gal, in a rare pious mood,
Shaved her pubes, then had it tattooed.
Now, while I'm down south,
Making joy with my mouth,
My nose rubs the ass of St. Jude!
--- Anon

A girl in my high school class
Tried everyone else to surpass.
To our utter dismay,
She got herpes one day
From kissing each teacher's ass.
--- Ann Gasser P8706

My pipes, although rusty, are clear.
My joint is quite sound, though I fear
I've a coupling or two,
I just can't get to;
New fittings (all female) come dear.
--- John Miller

This sexual trick makes me moan;
She tugs my erogenous zone,
While bending and sending
Her tongue up my ending,
Thus playing the rusty trombone! (see movie Aristocrats)

(r t - sucking anus while masturbating a male)

A cameraman from Hohokus,
Tried to capture the mayor in focus.
It turned out a loss,
For he pictured the boss,
With six aldermen kissing his tokus.
--- Anon

All of India's neighbors are pissing;
They're shocked at the point they keep missing.
They haven't resolved
All the physics involved;
Their own asses goodbye they'll be kissing.
--- Squeaky TP9807

To Harry, a lady named Kibbel
Remarked, "I'm not prone here to quibble.
If you spread my limbs, Harry,
You can have a sweet cherry,
And your hairy banana I'll nibble."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1269

I'm feeling quite frazzled and cooked;
It isn't the scene I had booked.
I pictured a bed
With you giving head,
And both of us getting well fooked!
--- Anon

A Catholic couple from Laurel
Were told having sex was immoral,
If a condom was used;
Feeling shame as accused,
They switched to the anal and oral.
--- Armand E Singer 550

A Frenchman of high pedigree
Is Monica's new devotee...
His member he'll flex,
And right before sex,
He'll always say "Bon appitit!"
--- Ogni Gioia

There was a young bride, a Canuck,
Told her husband, "Let's do more than suck.
You say that I, maybe,
Can have my first baby --
Let's give up this Frenching, and fuck!"
--- L0389

She said, " If you really insist..."
I did. So she did, and I kissed
With hot-blooded lips,
Her rose-budded nips,
As we danced to the beat of her fist.
--- Anon

There once was a brilliant young poet,
Who loved it -- wouldn't you know it?
When you'd want to six nine,
His penis would pine,
"I just can't," it said; "I can't go it."
--- L0422

Good ideas can turn into wrecks,
As when oldsters try oral sex.
Take DARBY AND JOAN:
Both utter a moan
When their dentures made matters complex.
--- Norm

This is file rml

On field day the couple named Cruther
Competed; dad Tom against mother.
On track dad lapped mom,
On skates mom lapped Tom,
In bed the Cruthers lapped each other.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505

The English professor, MacMeech,
Was fondling a girl on the beach.
She said, "Shall we fuck?"
But he said to her, "Suck --
For fuck is a figure of speech."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0853

A teacher of note named Miss Laurel,
Taught classes in sex that were moral.
There were tests through the year
Which were written, I hear,
But the final exam, it was oral.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0847

A wild bucolic sex kitten,
Whose beau, with her charms, was so smitten,
He suggested some head,
She smiled shyly and said,
"Are we talking 'bout givin' or gittin'?"
--- Bob Giandomenico P9707a

They had sex in a lift in Leeds Town;
The endeaver at first made her frown.
It was quite slow to rise.
She was patient and wise,
So they had a great time going down.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

Quoth the sage: "If Mankind can mature,
Will sexual perversions grow fewer?
Until cunnilinctus
Is almost extinct as--"
"Malady's better than cure!"
--- G0883

A lady, naive and unknowing,
Asked a fellow how long he was going
To nibble and lick.
While she fondled his prick.
He said until juices start flowing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0893

I once met the wife of Jack Spratt
'Cause I heard that she never spat.
To keep herself lean,
She'd lick your shaft clean;
In return if you first lick her "cat."
--- Lightbulb

Tamara, that marvelous vixen,
Her preference - a nice nine-sixin'.
'Tis said that she's abled
Like timepieces fabled,
Takes a thick 'n' and keeps on lickin'.
--- Anon

There was a young man named Horatio,
Who often indulged in fellatio,
With both women and guys
Who attracted his eyes,
And no one yet figured the ratio.
--- Chairman Steve

Said a tall, rangy doxie named Widget,
"Some things about sex make me fidget...
Like perhaps soixante-neuf
May be wonderful stuff,
But it's 'tres difficile' with a midget!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 277

I told her my name was Horatio.
We went to her place palatial.
She quivered and shook
While I munched in her nook,
And then she gave me some fellatio.
--- Dave Jersey

A boy met a girl by the stream,
And tongued her and lapped up her cream.
When he thrust out his dick,
She gave it a lick,
Then he woke up; 'twas only a dream.
--- Actaeon

It seems we have an oral fetish;
All threads seem to turn to the wettish.
With guilt they are fobbin'
And cock and head bobbin',
They really can be most pathetish!
--- MrMalo

Sarah's a avid first dater;
She went down on Stan and he ate her.
If her first dates you sum,
Then divide them by one,
You can calculate guys she ate later.
--- Lilsi12

When my girlfriend slips out of her gown,
I'm dejected and tempted to frown.
For she gets her kicks
Doing 96;
Arse to arse and both upside down.
--- Bob Mornington A

In most of that year I'm a fetus;
Not old enough to use my new penis.
69's a fine year,
But as a position, it's clear,
It would take a long time to unseat us.
--- Anon

"Sixty nine was a bit of a flop,"
Said the girl as she moved back on top.
"If sex must be kinky,
Let's try some less stinky,
So you won't have a reason to stop."
--- John Miller 0076 a

None sweeter than dear young Anita;
I greet her with my long hard peter.
She sucks on my wurst
Until it has burst,
And then in return, I will eat her.
--- Anon

At a rather too elegant fete,
Where a large group of dykes arrived late,
A cunnilingulate whore,
And a queer from Mysore,
Were engaged in a bizarre tete-a-tete.
--- Anon

Two contortionist queers in Cologne
Tried a new way that each could be blown.
When their business was done,
They agreed it was fun
Till they found that each one sucked his own.
--- Albin Chaplin

You know what I'm trying to imply
About a guitarist named Bry.
His girl gives him head
'Twixt two slices of bread,
While he has a tuna on rye!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A maid named Lorette from Detroit
Kept the men in her life overjoyed!
She could sit on their face
Without any disgrace,
While she nibbled their joint unannoyed.
--- Chips T9710

Doctor Westheimer sponsors sex classes;
Education, she claims, for the masses.
She says, "Oral sex
Should not strain your necks,
And remember to take off your glasses."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

Replied an old couple named Lovett,
"Unnatural sex? We're above it,
But sucking a dingus
Or mere cunnilingus,
If you don't approve, you can shove it."
--- Armand E Singer 981

There once was a sexy young WAF,
Who answered her new chief of staff,
"Well, sir, If I may,
I'll meet you half way -
Let's try thirty four and a half.
--- Anon

A nurse once replied, with a laugh.
"You nerd!" to a doc on the staff,
Who'd proposed, with a whine,
"If you don't sixty-nine,
I'd accept thirty-four and a half."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

There was an old bastard named Grimes,
Who bragged of his sexual crimes:
One in bed with a whore,
Sixty-nine on the floor--
For a total of seventy times.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0855

69 gives us pleasure galore,
Still we know how to better the score
To 77,
Which takes us to heaven,
When we find ourselves getting 8 more.
--- Jerry Nordal P0301

A Frenchman would never decline
To offer his thoughts or opine,
So I heard raucous laughing
And sheer pornographing,
When I said, "I am now sixty-nine."
--- Al Willis

We could start off the night, kissing slit.
If you like, gently lick on my clit.
The whole night could be aces
Just riding our faces.
I'll suck yours, you lick mine, till dawn's lit.
--- Anon

He looked at her pussy, 'twas saggin',
And his poor half-mast dick, it was flaggin'.
He said, "Let's sixty-nine"
She said, "That would be fine".
The next day, both their asses were draggin'.
--- Anon

An Asian in bed with his dam
Was intent on avoiding a pram.
He intoned, "Love of mine,
Let us try sixty-nine."
"How tempting," she cried, "Beef and clam."

(beef and clam??)
--- Bob Giandomenico P9409


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