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A cannibal cook, name of Bill, A flesh-eating pervert named Clyde On a cannibal isle near Malaysia, The president's squirrel, no klutz, If you're looking for Albert Camus, Al Einstein of relative fame, Because often from sodas he'd slurp, Youse dames are in for a shock, B F Skinner said, "Thoreau I'm fond Said Lord Russel to Lady Cecilia, When Russel's suggestion she heard, A hell of a scholar was Russell A Nobel that proves shortage a hoax, The eminent Christian Barnard, Murmured saty-saint George Santayana, (p or pi or pie?)
When SETI discovers a planet, While a lady gave Newton some action, Young Newton partook of depravity The schoolbooks with theories abound, Jane Goodall's in love with a chimp. To a lady, said John Stuart Mill, There was an old phoney named Kinsey, Do you, on the sly, bugger tots? In the Abode of True Wisdom called Lawrence, Lewis Carroll lived (some note with wrath) (paranomasia - incorrect naming of objects)
There was a young man from Missouri, There was a young lady of Malta, That jazzy professor, McLuhan, Meyer-Briggs is too subtle for me, A student of Pavlov's, Lundelle A diarist, Samuel Pepys, On page two, Sam made some doodles; On his pillar sat Simon Stylites, The knowledge you put in a book, WATT he did, this reVOLTing young scAMP, The pedantess who taught fossilology, When Kissinger met Chairman Mao, To his wife, said tired Dr. Durant, William Henry Bragg In the Arctic a swordsman named Harry (Admiral Peary, arctic explorer)
Miss Earhart took off in her plane; As the robot plane flies the Pacific, Amelia Earhart got lost, to be blunt, Carried over the waves by the breeze, In a bed of Hawaiian Lias, "Egad!" cried Sir Basil, "In truth, There was an explorer named Behring When Captain Bligh had reached Samoa Said Captain Cook, with a dark frown, The odd thing about Cecil Rhodes Chuck Yeager, a man who was blessed A salesman from Tayside called Ian The day DeSoto first beheld it, Dr Livingston told me that Speke Toward Shetland sailed Erik the Norse, But things went from bad to much worse; There was an explorer named Frost Lost hunting for tigers, Lord Booth, On nights when exploring my Shauna, This is Hudson; marooned without hope, When he entered the Yellowstone Basin They think that the feeling is grand, When Cabot reach Cape Buenavista Explorer, Jean-Francois La Perouse, On Newfoundland's far eastern shores, Two gents named Lewis and Clark,
Is clumsy sometimes 'round the grill.
He was fit to be tied
When the tit to be fried
Rolled out of his hands, down the hill.
--- Michael Weinstein P9612a
Holds orgies renowned far and wide,
Munching hot-roasted snatches
From the wenches he catches
And pricks dipped in formaldehyde.
--- Armand E Singer 299
Lives a lady they call Anastasia.
Not Russian elete,
She's eager to eat,
Whatever or whoever lays her.
--- Anon
Loves his job, with no if, ands, or buts;
For the White House, of course,
Is the principle source
Of prime academia nuts.
--- Cyber Geezer
You should know he's not found in a zoo,
Or a school or a church,
So do try your research
In a library with a Who's Who.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Mildly drunk, while humping a dame,
Discovered that space
Is not a linear place!
But his mate thought the fuck became lame.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Einstein would be ill but just burp.
He determined the place
Of a warp in time-space,
And went back to observe Wyatt Earp.
--- Cyber Geezer
Guaranteed to make your jaw lock!
The wisest thing that came out
Of any woman's mout
Was Albert Einstein's cock.
--- Herkin
Of your writings and we share a bond.
I paid homage to you
When I wrote Walden Two.
Now may I skinny dip in your pond?"
--- L C Fitzhugh P0112
"I certainly wish I could feel ya,
Your data excite me,
It would surely delight me
To sense you unsensed sensibilia."
--- Anon
The lady politely demurred.
In truth she abhorred
The lecherous Lord
And Alfred North Whitehead preferred.
--- Anon
Who had more in his head than mere muscle.
He studied quite hard
But he let down his guard
Every time he got near to a bustle.
--- Neal Wilgus P8311
Goes to Cambridge's Sen, who did coax
Economical laws
To yield famine's true cause,
Was not getting the food to the folks.
--- Prof M-G
Has labeled "A baseless canard,"
That by injecting epoxy,
Into older men's jocks, he
Can cause them once more to get hard.
--- G2082
"Freud took a long road to Nirvana,
But I follow the wraith
Of an animal faith
To the p in the sky of manana."
--- Conrad Aiken
With civilised humans to man it,
It's too late to say,
"Let's call Isaac A."
You'll have to inform his wife Janet.
--- Kevin Kirby
He paused in a fit of distraction.
"How stupid of me,
It's so easy to see,
Why action does equal reaction."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0029
And filled up a young lady's cavity.
To indulge in some brevity,
What to Newton was levity
He found was a law of some gravity.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0107
How Newton had gravity found.
Now it wasn't the apple
Which his mind had to grapple,
But the frolicking pair on on the ground.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8812
She met him through Irving, the pimp.
She said, "I propose
To bite all your toes,"
And now the chimp walks with a limp.
--- Al Willis
"If you're after a bit of a thrill,
Though the Mill, as you know,
Grinds exceedingly slow,
I assure you, it grinds with a will!"
--- Anon
Whose ideas of fucking were flimsy.
He knew how to measure
A penis for pleasure,
But he came much to quick for a quim, see?
--- L0483
Do women's feet give you the hots?
Share your fears and despairs
With a doctor who cares --
Professor Krafft-Ebing in Graz.
--- A N Wilkins P8703
To the godly's a vicious abhorrence,
For the prexy gets stewed,
And the faculty screwed,
And the semen runs streetward in torrents.
--- G0640
Loving paranomasia and math.
And they swear that it's true
He was like me and you:
A pedophile and psychopath.
--- G2561
Who screwed a Frech dame in a brewery.
As he dressed in the dark,
His wand started to spark...
He said, "That must've been Madame Curie."
--- G0700
When young was oft seen with a psalter,
But she's read Marie Stopes
And now she just hopes,
And prays to be took to the altar.
--- A Kennington
Tells the public that sex will be soon
"More erotic than now,"
Through media know-how,
So prepare for a terrible screwin'.
--- G2414
As I learn who's an "I" or an "E."
Though my natural style
Shows I-N T-J guile.
Twice each night my strong J goes to P.
--- John E Mutchler
Got wet at the sound of a bell.
The sludge from her hole
Filled up the dog's bowls,
And flushed all her crabs from their shells.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Wrote, "My wife is a woman who sleeps
Whenever I'm randy,
So I pour me a brandy,
And visit the pen of our sheeps.
--- Hugh Clary
"My wife is a woman with oodles
Of love when I'm frisky,
So I'll down a whiskey,
Then frolic awhile with her poodles."
--- Travis Brasell
As his balls turned to iron pyrites,
And the sun's intense heat,
Slowly blackened his meat.
He should not have worn French lace nighties.
--- Anon
This is file rgm
Decays like a fish on a hook.
Advice more exact:
Stick to fiction, not fact,
To avoid being judged as a schnook.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Whose name it was HENRY van kAMP;
With not much aplomb,
He burned down his hOHM.
As his wires he tried to revAMP.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was fucked by the dean of brachylogy.
She exclaimed, "You old fossil,
You are simply colossal!"
"To be brief," he said, "this is my trilogy."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0151
He was dressed up to look like a cow.
Since always with disguise,
Folks asked with surprise,
"I wonder who's Kissinger now."
--- Theo M Heller P9206
"Oh, Ariel, more I just can't!"
She said, "Don't be silly...
I'll help with dear Willy;
Our History, the world will enchant!"
--- TuttaGioia
Had that name but tried not to brag.
He won the Nobel,
And he did excell,
So he carried it home in a bag.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Dueled a man of whom he was wary.
"If he thinks that he must
Dispatch me with his thrust,
I'll use my admirable parry."
--- Tom Patton P0609
Breaking records again and again.
Her last try at flying,
She died in the trying;
Hardly worth it I'd think, in the main.
--- Anon
It's looking for nothing specific.
But if it should slip on
To forces of Nippon,
And find Amy Earhart, terrific!
--- Dr Limerick
Because of the navigator's stunt.
He pulled out his wang
And chortled, "Hot dang!
There's one helluva cockpit up front!"
--- Don Moore P9102
These people explored the South Seas:
Polynesian, Malay,
Malagasy; today,
Austronesians are known as all these.
--- Anon
Writes a native who speaks without bias,
There was lately disclosed
A fossil supposed
To be that of Bartholomew Diaz.
--- Aldous Huxley P8208
It is wicked, immoral, uncouth.
And a strange paradox,
But these Nubian cocks
Remind me of Eton, and youth."
--- Gents Alphabet Book P9609
Who spoke of his exploits so daring.
I've fucked ladles so vigorous,
That men found them rigorous,
And I've fucked them as dead as a herring."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0649
We rowed . . rowed . . and rowed some more . . .
For punning dismally
They put Bligh back to sea
Although the judge said, "That was some oar."
--- Anon
"How could I have been such a clown?
My whole trip's a failure;
I thought in Australia
The people all walked upside-down."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Was his fondness for natterjack toads.
He'd eat them alive;
Sometimes four or five,
Hence his need for enormous commodes.
--- Bill Wall
With test-flying skills of the best,
Said "I never was paid
To say I was afraid,
But once I was mighty impressed."
--- Anon
Sell saucers and cups to drink tea in.
In Blackness and Lochee
The nickname "Crock Dundee"
Doesn't mean the butch antipodean.
--- Chris Young
PISSISSIMMI he named and spelled it.
PISSISSIMMI
With care spelled he
Then wrote, "P.S. please don't pissmell it."
--- Irving Superior P8801
Was almost a natural freak,
As possessing one lung,
A chameleon tongue,
And a nose which was more than unique.
--- Aldous Huxley P8208
For this, he had heard, was the source
Of those very small steeds,
Which is what Erik needs
When tackling those very small chores.
--- Gary Hallock
He misread his maps, went off course.
Encouyntered a Dragon,
Who fixed his red wagon;
He put cartographer the horse.
--- Gary Hallock
Who many new frontiers had crossed.
But there was no recovery
From his frightful discovery,
When he found he was hopelessly lost.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2582
Discovered the Fountain of Youth,
El Dorado, the Incas,
Atlantis, robed thinkers,
And sixty-five women named Ruth.
--- Heather McCabe
A gal with a crotch like a sauna,
I fearlessly push
Deep into her bush,
To bag me some Flora and Fauna.
--- SFA
Without food and without telescope.
He is here represented
Just when he'd invented
His now world-notorious soap.
--- Aldous Huxley P8208
John Coulter felt his pecker start raisin',
For the sulfurous stench
Brought to mind the Crow wench
And the sniff of the quiff he'd been chasin'.
--- P8205
Of holding my gland in my hand.
What I would like to do --
Be Johnny-Apple-goo
And spread my seed over the land!
--- Richard Long
His ship had a bit of a lista;
But he reached for his hat
And said "Never mind that --
Just look at that Beothuk's sista!"
--- Ray Goodyear, Sydney 20a
Was fond of gay sex and cheap booze.
He kept on both ships
Large dildoes and whips,
For cabin-boy abuse by his crews.
--- David Miller
Cried Lief Eriksson, "Men, ship your oars!
We've sculled through the fog
To this cranberry bog,
And I think we've just missed the Azores!"
--- John E Lewis P0207
Arrived one night in the dark.
They battled the rain,
Said, "To hell with this game!
Next time let's go get us an Ark."
--- Astoria Limericks
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