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The explorers Lewis and Clark The adventurous Lewis and Clark At seeing his discharge "I'll be a... Neither Lewis nor Clark did obsess The President sent them out west; Lewis the end of PENINSULA faced; A gold prospector, Rembrandt Van Brost, If you go back some 300 years, Not being one to gloat Sure enough, after only a week, Their leader composed then a song. It was not a Virginian creek, A horny explorer named Rust An explorer named Mortimer Craft, An Arctic explorer named Lunn, A man called Norvington Cole My firm belief is, that Pizarro An old man who lived on a mount, Sought LUCENT youth fountain for own, The truth of it started to seize us: No one knows - but the common report is (postiens? - not in my unabridged)
Dressed up in his doublet and house, Before Eric the Red got away "Next time," said Doctor Livingston An intrepid explorer named Phipps, (EPIRB - electronic position-indicating radio beacon)
He said, "Though my theory is freaky, There is this about Ultima Thule: The notorious Vasco da Gama (Alabama doesn't have a north - McW)
An old flyer with genital twitch Three ships did proudly set sail, When Christopher Columbus left Spain, As he neared the West Indies shore line, When Columbus one day ventured forth, Colombus was wrong in his quest; In Fourteen Hundred Ninety-Two In fourteen hundred and ninety two, Columbus, some say, was a heel, Chris Columbus said "Earth's really round; Then, a dike ringed the edge of the world; The memories held by a sailor When I am in search of diversion, By the Nijni-Novgorod train Nephew Patrick could hardly be blamed In old Rome, it created a stir The soul of discretion is Jeeves; Cyrano, of the very large nose, Cyrano carried his flower, A Wild West guy everyone knew Sighed milkmaid to Byron's Don Juan, Don Quixote, idealist man, Raise sabres! Salute Don Quixote! Our Elsie, a feminist now, Elsie, famed for milk and butter, Elwood Dowd, a strange duck and effete, (hero of the play "Harvey")
I am not one of those chumps, Old Jonathan Swift wasn't bright; A water boy named Gunga Din, A young Hindu maid from Tujunga There once was a lady, Clarice, Hans Brinker while taking a hike, Dutch dykes are upset and real pissed; Mr Miller, this dyke was not Sapphic; The Hardy Boys, on an adventure, The Hardy Boys, on an adventure, The Hardy Boys, on an adventure, The Hardy Boys, on an adventure, The captain himself was a goer,
Found their expedition a lark,
For Sacagawea,
Let both of them lay her -
That discovery they kept in the dark.
--- P8205
Conquered hardships from dawn until dark.
When they reached Yellowstone,
Opined in joyous tone,
"What a hell of a place for a park."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0511Q
How do explorers get gonorrhea?"
Said Lewis to Clark,
"Twas the lark in the dark,
Not with Jack, but Sacajawea."
--- Richard Robertson P0301
Over methods demanding finesse.
They struck out for the West
To do what they did best,
Without benefit of GPS.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0310
As explorers they seemed far the best.
But they hadn't a notion,
How far was the ocean.
They were just as befogged as the rest.
--- Conan the Librarian
Connection to mainland was traced.
With Indian guide,
To the neck quickly hied,
Then he shouted, "Isthmus be the place!"
--- DMF
Didn't tolerate well, cold or frost.
While warming his ass,
He plunged down a crevasse,
And that's how "The Lost Dutchman" was lost.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9612
French settlers, with very few fears,
Headed for the new world
With sails unfurled,
To the accompaniment of many cheers.
--- Anon
I'll pass over the state of their boat,
But the sails were all torn
And the rigging so worn,
It's a wonder the thing stayed afloat.
--- Anon
The decrepit old hulk sprang a leak.
But with the help of an oar,
They paddled ashore
In a reed-strewn, muddy small creek.
--- Anon
It was short - not at all long.
Of five little lines
Which did not all rhyme,
Not realizing they had gone wrong.
--- Anon
Not the country for which they did seek.
It was on Ireland's turf
They stood watching the surf,
And not as they thought, L'Amerique.
--- Anon
Would kill just to see a bare bust;
He sought no new lands,
'Cross hot desert sands:
His problem was wandering lust.
--- Armand E Singer 706
While in Africa ate spiced giraffe.
The effect of this food
Was a sound deep and rude,
And green flames that shot out fore and aft.
--- Tom Baker P8806a
Cried, "This expedition's no fun.
It's forty below;
There's far too much snow.
Oh, I wish that I never had come."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Made a trip to Scott's hut at the Pole.
But when he got there
The cupboard was bare,
So he starved to death - poor soul.
--- Spike Milligan P0110
Received education at Harrow -
This alone would suffice,
To account for his vice,
And his views superstitiously narrow.
--- Aldous Huxley P8208
Found Ponce de Leon's fabled fount.
As the weather was hot,
He drank more than he ought;
He's once again learning to count!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Left no untracked plain, unturned stone;
Maid's peignoir he rent;
Dissed signals she sent,
For he was Ponce gay Leon.
--- Elois
We knew that the blizzard would freeze us.
Captain Scott scrawled his notes.
It was too much for Oates;
Out of him, the thought scared the bejeezus.
--- Rory Ewins
That the famous adventurer Cortez
Was seized by the Devil
In the postiens of Seville
In the late fifteen hundred and forties.
--- Aldous Huxley P8208
Sir Francis Drake struck a brave pose.
But his pose was spoiled
'Cause his clothing was soiled;
Therefore, he was holding his nose.
--- Marlene Lewis
And long before Cristobal's day,
St. Brendan in green
With a load of potheen
Sailed a curragh as far as Cape May.
--- A N Wilkins P8811
When to his side brave Stanley won,
"I won't get lost
Next time because
I'll ask three people, not just one."
--- Irving Superior P8205
On the last of her wilderness trips,
Knew well her location
But died of starvation,
For she had not EPIRB, just a GPS.
--- Jim Shilliday
To show that the folks of Tahiti
Could have rafted on through
From the shores of Peru,
I'll do it myself, on Kon-tiki."
--- Dr Limerick
It is not on the map in your school;
Some think it was Shetland
Or other small wet land;
I doubt I'll find out, or that you'll.
--- Limber Limericks
Possessed a one-legged pajama,
Which was recently found
In a hole in the ground
In the center of North Alabama.
--- Aldous Huxley P8208
Paid a bimbo to relieve his itch.
As one tit slipped out
Of her black bra -- his shout!
"Wiley Post, you old son of a bitch!"
--- Martin Wellborn P9008a
To find new land without fail.
New land they did reach,
Stepped out on the beach
And played in the sand with their pails.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Many thought that he was insane.
But he laid that to rest
When he sailed to the west,
And discovered the old Spanish Main.
--- Gifford Wherry
Chris Columbus cried, "This land is mine!"
When the native lookout
Was remiss to hang out,
A big flashing "NO VACANCY" sign.
--- William N Nesbit P0010
Lisping, thet a wethterly courthe!
He was hardly to know
That his voyage would show
The Americas, South and then North.
--- David Morin
This is file rfm
The Indies weren't off to the west.
Later visitors learnt
That the Indians weren't,
And that "Native American"'s best.
--- David Morin
Columbus set sail on the blue.
Some lived where he landed;
I'll never understand it;
They claimed it discovered anew.
--- Anon
Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
He climbed up the mast
And skinned his ass,
And shit all over the crew.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A chauvinist, brimming with zeal.
Though an ocean he crossed,
The New World was not lost;
Still, he did bring the natives the wheel.
--- Arthur Deex P9311
Sailing west, India's sure to be found;"
So they sailed; bells did chime;
But the world, at that time;
Was all flat, not what Chris did expound.
--- Anon
C.C.'s fleet smashed right through, sails unfurled;
They fell in the abyss;
Sea poured out with a hiss;
The old Earth dried out; then up it curled!
--- Anon
Of fucking, grew steadily staler.
With years on the briny,
Without gals or wine, he
At last fell for Ahab the Whaler.
--- Norm Storer P9407
I'll often buy any Mad version
With Alfred E Newman,
The big grinnin' human;
To read him, I never need urgin'.
--- Gary Hallock
Was Anna Karenina slain.
I'm always inclined
To keep clear of that line,
Or better still, travel by pane.
--- F L Jukes P9802
And he never once did feel ashamed.
After he had matured,
For them both love endured.
He was thrilled to have been Auntie Mame'd.
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Of excitement and a buzzing whir,
When out of a galley
A slave hero did sally
And he changed from Ben Him to Ben Her.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0107
So trusting young Bertie believes.
Quite deaf to the snapping
Of shutters and crapping
Of birds, by the way, in the eaves.
--- Anon
Was asked more than once I suppose,
If on his projection,
The birds with affection,
Roosted when the day starts to close.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0208
To the very tip top of his tower.
At the height of her dizziness,
Stuck his nose in her business,
And deflowered her, all in an hour.
--- Pierce Evans
Was Dangerous Dan McGrew,
But it's just come to light
That he cross-dressed at night,
And was really old two-dollar Lou.
--- Theo M Heller P9509
"I prithie, sweet sir, what'cher doin'?"
"Indulging a whim
To mess with your quim;
Less literate types call it screwin'."
--- Armand Singer
Attacked frontally, but sometimes ran.
Charging off at a canter,
He'd avoid "The Enchanter"
And tilt with Lady Windemere's Fan.
--- L C Fitzhugh P0111
A hero most raunchy and goaty.
As his fleshy pink lance
Put the youth in a trance,
You see, he was high on peyote!
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
Provoked in the DOVECOTE, a row.
Her wages so high,
It made the bull cry,
And all their machismo did cow.
--- Elois
Set her barn DOVECOTE a-flutter,
When seen on TV,
Despite pedigree,
With discreet pasties on her udder.
--- Chris Papa
Not one task did he ever complete.
As he drank to excess,
He live in a blurred mess,
With his whole life spent on Queasy Street.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9612
Who agrees with that theory of Gump's.
He says it's "chocklit"
And I say "a crock", it
Is just a box full of brown lumps.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He made pate from seabirds at night.
But ain't pate de foie
Made from goose livers, ja?
Not from Gull-liver's; isn't that right?
--- Anon
Always wore not much more that his skin.
Such a costume lacked class,
But on meeting a lass,
He was able, at once, to plunge in.
--- Isaac Asimov
Said to her friend, "Cowabunga!
Rock music I hear
So deafens my ear,
That the Din I prefer would be Gunga.
--- Macsam
From the Bureau was given release.
So Hannibal Lecter
Obligingly fecked 'er,
After serving up brains for a feast.
--- Anon
Spied a hole that made him shout, "Yike!"
The quick thinking boy
Made good to deploy
His finger right in the old dyke.
--- Donald McGill
"We don't want Hans' finger!" they hissed.
"We'd rather he block
Our holes with his cock,
Or else with his big hairy fist!"
--- David Miller
Know you nothing of Holland's topographic?
The hole that Hans blocked
Should never be mocked.
Herr Brinker preserved the demographic.
--- Donald McGill
Encountered a willing young wench. Her
Lust they aroused,
But they stuck to their vows,
To rely on each other for pleasure.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Discovered someone had a chipped denture.
The clues all led
To Nancy Drew's bed,
Where she ground down their dicks for good measure.
--- Limberick
Needed to cash in a debenture.
You see, they were sued
For spying all nude
And for beating their meat without censure!
--- Magunda
Returned to a fury of censure!
They'd bragged, you see,
About sex in a tree,
As one straightened his removable denture.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He'd suck off the lads from the lower
Decks, in sex games,
Which earned him the name
Of Captain Horatio Hornblower.
--- Anon
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