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Of late Mr. Indiana Jones Your wit reminds of Clouseau, Said an analyst working in Dallas, They spotted Jan Brinker on his bike, Inside Jeckyl, Hyde would hide. A doctor named Jekyll and Hyde (in Ellery Queen magazine)
The thing that annoys me with Jeeves The gentleman's gentleman, Jeeves There once was John Carter of Mars, Sword-wielding mighty John Carter The bristly Barsoomian swine Alone and friendless on Barsoom, There once was a gameskeeper who, There once was a tall Lilliputian Philip Nolan unmercifully floated Miss Woodhouse was clever and sprightly, Where cobblestone compliments brick, I have ventured on insult before, You unfortunate fool, Fortunato. A zillion high-schoolers and me A neurotic young chopcock, Portnoy, The Gypsy they called Esmerelda V Hugo told the ancient story In my hotel near Arc de Triomphe, Quasimodo was hurting a bunch; Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm Oh Jeez, but I'm tired," said Rip. He does; says goodbye to his mates; Young Robinson Crusoe's main quirk With a non-ending throb in his diedy, Said Crusoe, "I wish that I knew A tidbit on Robinson Crusoe. A young Salem widow named Hester Doing well in divinity Jewish princess named Scarlet O'Schwartz, Scarlet longing for Tara and more, Cooking and cleaning, no way; A husband that's quickly chagrined, A fopish young Briton, Sir Percy, Marianne's mental agility We all know that old Simon Legree's Young Sinbad announced with a cough, The adventuresome widow of Sinbad I really wish I had great powers; There once was a handsome immortal There was a lad, Wally Cleaver, Said rich silly ass Bertie Wooster, "Refraining from circumlocution, "Good show! Toddle down to the village, "At once, sir," the butler swans off, Returns Jeeves, with a bottle of pills; (jollip - tonic)
"Tomorrow's Aunt Agatha's 'do'," So Bert tootles off to his aunt's, "Oh heavens," thinks Bert, all a-quiver, Now children, as now you must know, But here I must plead, it's contextual, Thus Bert, with a whoop and a holler, The boudoir reached, much excitation, ...In even a celibate priest. He tears off his clothes, soon is showing "My lord, it seems wrong to complain, Too late, he's inserted that choat, One more thrust, an ecstatic cry, Remains of the pair were interred, When taking pills, please read the label, Eb Scrooge was a stock trader bold,
Has taken to dating old crones.
When the park's in the dark,
She can raid his lost ark,
But he seems to be after her bones.
--- Neal Wilgus P8305
A gendarme of calamity, though
He oft found a broom
Thrown into the room
While Cato delivered his blow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"It was merely neurotic malice
That made J. R. Ewing
Redouble his screwing--
The man fell in love with his phallus."
--- Norm Storer P9201
Wrestling against elements, on the dike.
"Where are you going to, lad?"
He was supposed to have said:
"Must lend a finger to an leaky dyke."
--- Dirruk
One drink and then outside Hyde hied.
A schizophrenic break!
One drink was all he'd take.
One drink and Doctor Jeckyl high'd.
--- Irving Superior P8403
Was a bigamist, no one denied.
He married and then
He married again,
"'Cause I'm really two people!" he cried.
--- Betty Jochmans P9108
Is the effortless way he achieves.
He'll gaze in derish
At the full soup and fish
And remark, "But the sleeves, sir -- the sleeves!"
--- B M Coates P9802
Had a very great number of peeves.
He hated all socks
With lavender clocks.
He said that they gave him the heaves.
--- Thomas A Ratliff P0307
Who along with his green friend named Tars,
Saved a Princess so fine,
That Jeddaks did line
Helium's halls to gift her with stars.
--- Anon
Is expert with hot steely carvers.
Several Millions have died
'Cause he cut swings so wide,
When someone peeks at Dee's garter.
--- Anon
Must be soaked overnight in strong brine,
Then slow roasted 'til dead,
And served sliced, on dark bread
With a dry red Dusarian wine.
--- Anon
John Carter nearly met his doom.
Big Woola was his friend
Saved his bacon in the end,
Then got sent way back to his room.
--- Anon
As soon as his day's work was through,
Would barriers cross
To visit his boss.
Then he and the lady would screw.
--- Irving Superior P9511
Who clearly had found the solution
To the problems that face
An unfortunate race,
That suffers extreme diminution.
--- Limber Limericks
On an endless voyage where it was noted:
Never once did Phil curse
The U.S., and what's worse,
By the media he'd been misquoted.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0205
But she tended to take life too lightly.
Her ill-natured fun
Had Miss Bates on the run,
And angered her dear Mr. Knightly.
--- J Woodhead P9802
Where Melville was moved to the quick;
Where oft on a wharf
Or from an old trough,
We ponder the great Moby Dick!
--- Lims Fables & Poems P0507
And on this one I heaped it galore.
But I'd never decline
A quaff of his wine,
In the vault of that chump, Montresor.
--- Anon
You drank in my grotto til blotto,
And then that brief halt
In that nitred old vault --
I just loved your staccato vibrato.
--- Anon
All read "The Old Man and the Sea."
The old man with the scythe
Spared the Old Man's life
'Til yesterday, incredibly.
--- Dr Limerick 01-13-02
Said, "I never screw Jews, just the goy.
And a slice of raw liver,
Makes my weenie just quiver,
What a fabulous, best-selling joy!"
--- G2188
When first Quasimodo beheld her,
And asked her to lunch,
He thought, "I've a hunch,
My boldness perhaps has repelled her."
--- Irving Superior P9307
Of violence and blood, grim and gory;
It described how old Quasi
Was tortured by POSSE
Made up of Parisian signori.
--- Chris Papa
From the bedroom next door came a thump,
Then the sound of a belle
Shouting, "Do me like hell!"
Quasimodo was having a hump.
--- Peter Wilkins
Saw the Doctor for his spine had gone crunch.
"Something's wrong with your back."
"Doc, what makes you say that?"
The physician replied, "Just a hunch."
--- Kirk Miller
Was fearful and filled with alarm.
An amorous bull
Could be quite painful,
But Ferdinand meant her no harm.
--- Anon
"I think I'll lie down for a kip.
But first I'll bank my wages;
I've saved up for ages.
And then to the pub for a nip."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Goes home, goes to bed and there waits,
With interest compounding,
His balance's astounding.
He's wealthier now than Bill Gates.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was to fuck with a sheep or to jerk.
But he'd faithfully heed
The skilled labor creed,
And on Friday he never did work.
--- Al Chaplin P9408
The cast-away swallowed his pride. He
Wished to screw, so
That Robinson Crusoe
Resolved to have sex just on Friday.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9103
What makes people act as they do.
When I wear my old coat
That's made from a goat,
They all run like mad, shouting 'Phew!'."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Marooned, with a sex life askew, so
When Friday he found,
He turned him around
And that's when he learned how to screw so.
--- Irving Superior
Explained how just one thing obsessed her
And pissed her off greatly,
Especially lately:
That preachers and lovers undressed her.
--- Armand Singer
This is file rem
Got Hester A+ not a B.
Though the letter was made
Of a scarlet brocade,
What a price for her lost virginity.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9612
A looker that Rhett Cohen courts;
Jazzy outfits galore,
From the very best store,
And a butt that looks snazzy in shorts.
--- Joel D Ash P0509
Diamond rings, other things by the score;
Ways geared to the getting,
Her means -- heavy petting,
And tactics no man can ignore.
--- Joel D Ash P0509
September without Labor Day;
Much shopping instead;
Lazy breakfast in bed;
And big bills someone else has to pay.
--- Joel D Ash P0509
Wedding vows he would like to rescind;
Inclination to scram,
He does not give a damn,
In the morning he's gone with the wind.
--- Joel D Ash P0509
By day avoids all controversy.
By night his agility
Saves French nobility --
In breathtaking missions of mercy.
--- Arthur Deex P8407
Did not equal her sister's ability;
But though lackin in sense,
She had recompense --
She licked her in sheer sensibility.
--- F L Jakes P9802
The number-one villainous Sleeze-
Ball who murders poor Tom,
But, please, tell me -- how come
People say it's Legree 'Liza flees?
--- Robin K Willoughby P8411
That at danger and peril he'd scoff.
"With my sails all unfurled,
To the end of the world
I will sail!" And he did, and fell off.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Broke her jaw and was wearing a chin pad;
Couldn't eat, sleep or gab in
Her own miniscule cabin,
So she booked the next time with Lars Lindblad.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
On current laws I'd golden shower.
A villian I'd be
On a murderous spree,
And rape innocent girls for hours.
--- Anon
Who smiled as he said with a chortle,
"I'll sheath your sword
Where 'twill never be bored,
Right in my very own portal!"
--- Karen Droms
Who was quite the penis receiver.
He'd bend over for Ward
And accept daddy's sword,
And in evenings, he'd bugger the Beaver.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"I can't get the girls like I used ter.
So Jeeves, what advice?"
Said Jeeves in a trice:
"You need sir, some kind of a booster."
--- Tiddy Ogg
The boffins provide a solution.
With things pharmaceutical
To strengthen you cuticle,
Your todger, and your resolution."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And take care avoiding a spillage,
Fetch from the pill peddler,
Old Whatsisname Medlar,
So crumpet again I may pillage."
--- Tiddy Ogg
(Genteelly hides laugh with a cough,
Abandoning Bertie
To dreams about flirty
Young wenches that he'd like to boff.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Now sir, these will cure all your ills.
Before you have fun,
Consume, sir, but one,
For an excess of jollip oft kills."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Said Bertie. "There's often a few
Attractive young fillies
Awaiting my willie's
Attention, I'll bag one or two."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And gives several fillies a dance,
And fondles the booby
Of young Lady Ruby,
Who gives him a stroke on the pants.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"I'll soon have to stand and deliver."
So his wine glass he fills,
Gulps the whole jar of pills,
Then off up the staircase, 'long wiv 'er.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Discretion I'd usually show,
Of matters lascivious,
And leave you oblivious,
Of acts between lady and beau.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To speak upon matters quite sexual.
Demands of this fable
Mean I must be able,
Or Bertie-like, prove ineffectual.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Climbs staircase, his lady to foller;
Desire growing pent
As he makes his ascent;
He's hot, not just under the collar.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Is caused by the girl's titillation,
As slowly she peels
Off her clothes and reveals
As sight that would cause agitation...
--- Tiddy Ogg
The globes shown, as bra is released.
And then, as her drawers
Fall, the gentleman roars,
And drools like a ravening beast.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A rod, huge, its tip fairly glowing.
They both stand amazed,
For as on it they've gazed,
They see it's two feet long, still growing.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But that thing will split me in twain.
No, please keep away!
I cannot here stay.
No Bertie, I beg you, refrain!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
And they toss like a storm-ravaged boat.
That thing still expanding,
The tip of it landing
At last in the back of her throat.
--- Tiddy Ogg
His sperm shoots from mouth to his eye,
And with an explosion,
A frightful commotion,
In climactic orgasm die.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Together, both Bertie and bird.
If you gotta go,
That's the best way I know,
But the moral, from what there occurred...
--- Tiddy Ogg
If wishing such sport to enable.
For though you're depressive,
If length not excessive,
No use is an exploding cable.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Commodities bought, hedged and sold.
So much was his passion
For raking the cash in,
That man never noticed the cold.
--- Anon
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