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Your Tarzan could cause me to swoon; That Belgian detective Poirot Of Burroughs, it's safe to assume Many things grow up in the wild, Then Tarzan would swing from the vine, Through the tree tops young Tarzan was toiling, As he swings through the trees with no fear, Munching angrily on a Chiquita, Tarzan's woman, a gal named Jane Porter, There's a beautiful maid in Oswego Does anyone feel that this bint My loin cloth is sturdy but thin "With muscles so ripplingly thick, "Yes I stand 6' 2" in my socks; It was slated by Allan (Sir Hugh) Moreover, the eminent Bong As for me I have felt all along The ever amazing Tarzan "Me Tarzan." "I know," giggled Jane, "Me Tarzan." She giggled again, "Me...Jeesus!" gulped Tarzan in awe. As Tarzan, embarrassed, went limp, I recall a young woman named Jane Young Tarzan in leopard-skin thong, "Hello, Tarzan! Me Jane; that's my name"; He spends the day swinging in trees "Me Tarzan." She answers, "Me Jane." When Tarzan (a swinger was he) My Lord and My Lady Greystoke, Two chimps, just one pair out of many, Now readers, please don't get downhearted, With those apes he grew up to a man, So it's plain he was quite a barbarian, What became, you may ask, of his fruit? On this facet I'll no longer ponder, One day, in the season of rain, "Hey Mowgli," she cries, "My name's Jane." But wait, for she shows him her charms; Now ain't that romantic and sweet, She says to him "Come on my son, The girls in Utah call each man It most certainly seems very weird "Tarzan, you're late. You've been where? "Tarzan spoke Ape," said the elephant, Given Jane and her weeakness for dopes, Tarzan, that bold jungle fellow, Cyrano had a frightful idea, That Cyrano fellow's got class, Yeah, Cyrano's tongue has It's awfully quiet in here, "Oh Hell! Now he's stuck in his knob; Oh, don't feel so sad for Horatio; Whilst Hornblower's fortunes have risen, I truly do think it's the pits Captain Sawyer was nuts, no disputin', The men enjoyed life on the "Indy", Said Horatio, "I've heard the reports, Each night to his lab, Jeckyl hied Part two of the "Jeckyl and Hyde." Part three of the "Jeckyl and Hyde." Reminds me of Miniver Cheevy; And from what I recall of the story, Miss Marple, while looking around, I invite all from our nice news- The body, dressed in evening wear, ...Of red plastic herrings as dead
To girls in the jungle a boon.
He swings into camp;
The girls all get damp.
From what jungle vine was he hewn?
--- Anon
Was au fait with Miss Marple you know;
Although Agatha Christie
Was sure they hadn't kissed, he
Met Jane for a regular hoe.
--- Anon
He wished that Freud lay in a tomb.
But Innes's ride
To the Earth's inner side:
What is that but Return to the Womb?
--- G2571
Like Tarzan himself as a child.
He was raised by apes
And he lived on grapes,
That nature there readily piled.
--- Anon
As free as a bird so divine.
Dives into a stream
He drinks, it would seem.
He does not know how to make wine.
--- Anon
His dick round the boughs was a-coiling;
Then he spotted Jane's nips,
It went rigid, lost grip,
And soon to the ground he was foilling.
--- Anon
Grabbing fruits from the trees swinging near,
The dung-beetles below
Sing his praise when he blows
'Cause he's got terrible diarrhea.
--- Anon
Looks like Jane's one pissed-off senorita.
Found a loincloth or three
Up some blonde mimbo's tree;
So her swinger, it seems, is a cheetah!
--- Larry Hollister
Tested synthesized fibers all quarter.
From Orlons to Nylons,
The tensions she'd pile on,
But only cellulose vines would support her.
--- Fred Williams
Who knew how to flatter my ego:
"YOU Tarzan! ME Jane!"
Was her daily refrain,
Until I got sick and said, "ME go!"
--- Lims Unlimited
Is dropping a deft, subtle hint?
Like, "You Tarzan, me Jane, I'll
Take cock right now, anal,
Then you pay for the peanuts - I'm skint."
And covers the beastie within.
It cannot be tamed
And it's very well famed,
For leading young girls into sin.
--- Anon
I'll lift you from the ground with my prick,
Spin you round on my trunk,
Fill you full of hot spunk,
'Til you're dizzy ! Try not to be sick !"
--- Anon
Golden tanned with my long flowing locks.
Of all beasts I am King!"
("By the way just one thing...
At the weekends I like to wear frocks.)
--- Anon
As a "horrible hullabaloo,"
But it gained many scores
Of ecstatic encores,
In a great super-Tarzan revue.
--- Archie
Came out in the Press very strong,
When he challenged his foes,
If they could compose
A more thoroughly popular song.
--- Archie
That both of the parties are wrong;
I don't care for croons
Of lovesick baboons,
But I love to play tunes on the gong.
--- Archie
Is this woman's kind of a man!
He struts with panache,
Has no clothes to wash,
And he does not even own a dishpan.
--- Anon
While sipping a glass of champagne;
Her top all askew
With her nipples on view,
And her pants all damp with the rain...
--- Peter Wilkins
Her top giving way to the strain.
While slowly removing
Her panties and proving
The damp wasn't caused by the rain...
--- Peter Wilkins
His loin-cloth effective no more
At keeping thing hidden,
But sadly, unbidden,
Shot all of his load on the floor...
--- Peter Wilkins
Jane giggled and called him a wimp.
"Pathetic!" she cried,
As she watched it subside.
"I'd be far better off with the chimp."
--- Peter Wilkins
Who's ideals made romance such a pain,
That the ape-man was lost
And we all knew the cost
Would be nearly as much as the gain.
--- Anon
Never falters or puts a foot wrong,
As he swings through the trees
With the greatest of ease,
For his dick is prehensile and strong.
--- Anon
Tarzan stops, looks and thinks: what's her game?
"You, gorilla my dreams:
What's your whole name?" he screams;
"Hole named "Cunt"! It's aflame! How's your aim?"
--- Anon
And his loincloth flaps in the breeze.
He shows what he's got.
We women get hot
And hope that he is not a tease!
--- Anon
"Me Tarzan" again and again.
"Me Jane" she replies.
He looks in her eyes,
"From she-apes, I'll henceforth abstain."
--- Irving Superior
Was swinging from treetop to tree,
The apes gathered 'round,
"When Tarz reaches ground,
An ape he will probably be."
--- Irving Superior
When out in the jungle were broke.
So to pay for their fun,
They sold their young son,
To some chimps, and they thought it a joke.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Had a baby, but of knees, there weren't any,
So their goods they did hock,
And said to the doc,
"Can we have two ape knees for a penny."
--- Tiddy Ogg
So soon though the plot we've departed,
For a pun quite obscure,
'Less you're aged 54,
And British. So, back where we started...
--- Tiddy Ogg
Though he thought himself orang-utan,
As he swung from lianas,
Eating nuts and bananas,
And his favourite food, tarzipan.
--- Tiddy Ogg
(Although, to be fair, vegetarian,)
And he had nights of passion,
With baboons, monkey-fashion,
Soon several his seed were a-carrying.
--- Tiddy Ogg
This is file rcm
What job or profession would suit?
Yes you've guessed, their ambition,
Was to be politicians,
Depriving us all of our loot.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Or again from the plot I will wander.
Where's our hero, untutored,
Jeez, he ought to be neutered!
Just look what he's doing out yonder.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who should arrive but young Jane,
In a tee-shirt so wet
That you'd think it would get,
Our Tarboy's dick throbbing with strain.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So he looks at her, thinks "Ain't she plain.
She's no body hair,
I'll keep boffing the bear,
Called Baloo or Yogi whats-'is-name."
--- Tiddy Ogg
She's French, with fine tufts under arms.
So he's slowly won round,
And they fall to the ground,
Entangled in each other's arms.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Azul sure would find it a treat,
But good things don't last,
He fucked hard and fast,
And soon they both lay there replete.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Let's take a walk down to the pond,
Just take a look
At your face, in the brook."
He does, and yells "Whee, I'm a swan!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
They'd like to yen, a "Utahsan,"
To help explain,
They add, "Me Jane,"
Then watch his buttoned shirt expand.
--- Irving Superior P8801
In those films in which Tarzan appeared,
Where hair normally grows
'Round the chin and the nose,
The Lord of the Apes had no beard!
--- Observer
From now on be prompt, have a care.
Your banana stew's cold,
And your lateness grows old!"
"Sorry Jane, it's a jungle out there!"
--- Jane D Hughes P9202
"And I was way out of my element,
When Tarzan did summon,
I would come runnin',
But I never knew what the fella meant."
--- Marty TP9807
It's with Tarzan she aptly elopes.
For the cherry barbarian,
A bonanza ovarian
(It's the quim of his simian hopes)!
--- Thomas A Quinine P8409
Stands on a kill and he bellows.
Be it Numa or mice,
He'll yell in a trice
With a tone that is much less than mellow.
--- Anon
And he said, "Doc I really must see ya'.
If my nose starts to run,
How will I know which one --
Sinusitis, or worse, gonorrhea!"
--- Wiley A
And he knows how to pleasure his lass.
Her juice really flows
When she sits on his nose,
And he sticks his tongue up her ass.
--- Wiley
A bit of the lovely girls ass.
While gently brown nosing,
He is continuously hosing,
The back of the horny young lass.
--- John Gruber
Though rather fish-flavored, I fear.
I'm stuck in the tubes
Of this Brobdingnag's pubes,
And I think now her husband draws near.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The pressure now makes my ears throb..."
And that was, alas,
Poor old Lemmy's last gasp;
Found drowned in a giant's sperm blob.
--- Tiddy Ogg
They make fun of his name every place he go.
"With a name such as mine,
There's but one word to rhyme,
And it's not one that any of us would know!
--- Juliet
And the good luck all seems to be his'n,
I get bonked on the head,
And then left for dead,
And wind up in some Spanish prison!
--- Juliet
That just because I'm prone to fits,
Instead of promotion
I'm adrift on the ocean,
An Horatio gets the prize ships.
--- Juliet
And Horatio had the solution.
So please tell me why
Do I get to die,
And Hornblower gets "Retribution?"
--- Juliet
Except for the times it got windy.
They knew not to linger
When Styles said, "Pull my finger!"
They'd hasten to leave the vicindy!
--- Juliet
And I feel I must really retort.
It is not, as they sang,
That I was born to hang;
I just need some well fitting shorts!"
--- Juliet
And there from the world he would hide.
And there he would drink,
Of evil thoughts think,
And soon in no time Jeckyl high-ed.
--- Irving Superior
Then out of his lab high-ed Hyde hied
And lurched to the street,
And there he will meet
A street-walking wench whom Hyde "Hi-ed".
--- Irving Superior
Her body, Hyde knew where to hide.
Police in despair
No hide nor no hair.
Hyde soaked her in formaldehyde.
--- Irving Superior
Born too late was the chap, I believe, he
Kept scratching his head
And drinking, it's said,
'Til he walked with a gait that was weavy.
--- Hugh Clary
I suspect that he knew Richard Cory,
A gent of renown,
From his sole to his crown
Which a bullet had left rather gory.
--- Hugh Clary
Whilst preparing her gardening ground,
Found a dead body
With clothes not too shoddy.
Who is it? Will the killer be found?
--- C Anton
Group to give us substantial clues.
But any solution
To give us absolution
Should fit with the previous views.
--- C Anton
First gave our Miss Marple a scare.
As she wondered who,
She saw the first clue.
A perfectly crafted shaped pair...
--- Carol
As the person who lay in the bed,
That she'd recently dug;
But Miss Marple (no mug)
Scratched her chin as they thoughtfully said:
--- Peter Wilkins
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