MORE
"Those earrings our poor victim wore Then in the newspaper she read But he was both ugly and fat, ...Small swatch of ruffled silk lace, Musketeers or a menage a trois? I read, going back many years, D'Artagnan, (we thought) had it made Athos, with some nifty sword-play, "Poor-thos" surely felt he'd be conned His blade tells a quite different version As from the tumbrils they are led, And the seamstress answered Syd, (Nine months from now we'll have a kid.)
That "Secret life of Walter Mitty" He once stuck his hand in his pocket, Alexander, called Nevsky, had twice Fletcher Christian sent off William Bligh, Casanova, while rotting in jail A man," Casanova once said, Casanova's not one we extol, There once was an old Casanova The gamesmanship of Casanova "As you know, blood is thicker than water, President Charles de Gaulle once said, Don Juan, that great lover from Spain, The overture's over; curtain drawn. Don Juan, who had more than a few He squandered his life, a disgrace. There once was a Don Juan who'd lie But one of those conquests was sly. No bigot, the hero El Cid I've been known to plead "Give me a break, Bitched a sassy black whore from Havana, In Havana, a man in fatigues In Miami a fellow named Reuben Great men should have fame for sagacity -- A young Rastafarian lassie, The dictator Haile Selassie He traversed the Alps with the elephants, Let's give it all up for Karl Marx, When Karl Marx was a mischievous teen, Their silence has finally been broken. On an Italia day, bright and sunny, It now seems that Old Mao Zedong, There was an old man, Nostradamus, Nostradamus predicted the end There once was a mischievous hellion The noble old Shah of Iran Sheba's queen was King Solomon's dream, Spain's Franco, the Generalisimo, Hooray for the Venerable Bede, Once an archer named William Tell With bow and arrow William Tell William Tell and his family, of old, Said William Tell , master bowman. William Tell, it once was told me, There was once a commander named Harrison, There once was a man from Manila My hero's Attila the Hun. "Here we are," said Attila the Hun, A wild man, Atilla the Hun, A romantic attraction has clung Incorrect, though your theory's engaging. Cruel Attila led one heinous run. There once was a Hun called Attila, His neighbors objected, it's true, Alexander was great when so young. Though the wife of Attila was small
Might be a clue." There is still more.
Miss Marple did cry,
"Why would a guy
Wear earrings that all would deplore?"
--- Chris
Of fashion designer named Fred
Who was recently missing
After he was found kissing
The wife of his partner, in bed!
--- Chris Anton
Not this skinny chap in the top hat.
And he looked very dapper.
He'd been with some flapper,
She knew, for he gripped tightly that...
--- Tiddy Ogg
Miss Marple knew she'd seen some place.
Was it a shop window?
Or draped on a bimbo?
No! Sticking out of the suitcase.
--- Marlene Lewis
Pierced by swords as described by Dumas?
D'Artagnan will poke.
Porthos' blade she will stroke.
Athos scores with a lubed coup de grace!
--- Anon
A book all about those French queers.
They all flashed their swords,
For ladies at Lourdes,
But I doubt if their muskets had ears.
--- Anon
When rescuing Anne in a glade,
"Oh, take me!", she said,
Which turned his face red
And wilted his very gay blade.
--- Anon
Had chased Annie's rapist away.
And just as he pounced,
He briefly announced
"My dear, this just isn't your day!"
--- Anon
By Athos while at the Sorbonne.
He arrived truly straight,
Then Ath altered his gait;
Now Pathos is as gay at the dawn.
--- Anon
Of what goes on 'hind Porthos' curtain.
With bluster and bile,
It says "How I revile
What I know of Porthos' perversion!"
--- Anon
Brave Sydney Carlton gamely said
To the seamstress, "Dear,
The end is almost here.
Be brave. And Dear, hold high your head."
--- Irving Superior P9511
"I know how brave the deed you did.
For someone else's wife
You're giving up life."
Then on her face a smile she hid.
--- Irving Superior P9511
Was all just pretend -- what a pity.
He'd suck on a squash
While thinking, "By gosh!
This girl has a double-D titty.
--- Travis Brasell
Pretending he'd just touched a rocket.
He said, "It will blast
Off into space fast,
Then find a spacegirl who will focket."
--- Travis Brasell
Seen the proud German knights. Though their vice
Was sneering at Knights,
Who were strange by their lights,
They had no trouble breaking the ice.
--- A N Wilkins P9811
Without charts or a means of supply,
In a small open boat.
Forty-six days afloat!
But the blighter neglected to die.
--- Rory Ewins
In Venice in absence of bail,
Spent his days and nights writing
Of adventures in fighting
And pleasures of searching for tail.
--- A N Wilkins P8909
"Doesn't need a long penis. Instead,
What men actually need,
If they're going to succeed,
Is to know how to use it in bed."
--- A N Wilkins P8601
On the virtues of life, as his goal,
Was maybe self-centered.
But for those who he entered,
His performance was good, on the hole.
--- Doug Harris
Who said, "Now my love life is over,
I turn to my nosh.
Oh no, nothing posh,
Just sausage with ketchup all over.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
At just before his passion's over,
He'd ask the lass, "Should he
Continue gushingly,
Or else withdraw in case-an-ova...?"
--- Irving Superior P9511
And that is, of course, what I taught her."
Cesare Borgia replied
When asked to confide
To a friend why he screwed his own daughter.
--- A N Wilkins P9508
"I've a really big nose and bald head;
But I am consoled
That though growing old,
I'm better than if I were dead."
--- David Miller
Makes conquests his private domain;
The maids he deflowers
In numberless bowers,
Quite rarely are heard to complain.
--- Armand E Singer 274
He entered stage left packing brawn.
The maestro's upbeat,
And skewered the meat
Of shish kebob sausage, Don Juan.
--- Anon
Ladies that he liked to screw,
Had lived in his day
In PRODIGAL way,
That found him dead at twenty-two.
--- Chris Papa
And as he left this earthly place,
Still turgid, in rut,
As coffin lid shut,
There was yet a smile on his face.
--- Chris Papa
And cause all his conquests to cry,
'Cause after he wooed them
And thoroughly screwed them,
He'd zip up his fly and say "Bye"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
She said, "This time it's he who will cry!
I have syphilitic germs
And herpes and worms;
That's something to remember me by."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
Changed masters as he felt the need.
Whether caliph or king,
The pay was the thing.
It was booty he prized and not creed.
--- A N Wilkins P9811
Please report just for accuracy's sake,
Farragut hadn't said
All that, 'Full speed ahead,'
Stuff and Antoinette's speech about cake."
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Daily forced to park Castro's banana,
"He's ripped hole in the tubin'
Of this Nubian Cuban,
Plus I can't stand his beard nor his manner."
--- Armand E Singer 244
Says, "Now that these Cold-War intrigues
Have ended, I pray
That I still might play
In left field for the double-A leagues.
--- Norm Storer P9506a
This is file rbm
Did ask of his wife, "Where have you been?"
"I was screwed," she did boast,
"While I swam off the coast,
By a well-known and bearded old Cuban."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0752
Instead they are known for mendacity,
For their violent obsession,
For their hateful aggression,
And diversified forms of rapacity.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2777
Who worshipped that Haile Selassie,
Sure wanted a grope
From that old Ethiope,
But her chassis, he thought far from classy.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was being tracked by a large POSSE.
He hid with his harem;
The girl's robes, he'd wear 'em.
The POSSE could not tell which was he.
--- Gary Hallock
Defying the terrain and the elements.
Hannibal for one
Had a great sense of fun
And of ponderous incongruous irrelevance.
--- Aaron Bell P9702
Who wouldn't like sleeping in parks.
"Give the world to the proles!"
"Party on, you Lost Souls!"
His ideas gave off lots of sparks.
--- Anthony Basantis
He said with peculiar mien,
"If it isn't material,
Then it is ethereal.
It ain't there, if it cannot be seen."
--- Al Willis P9811
The double-domed pundits have spoken.
It's certain as sin
That Kurt Waldheim can't win
If he runs in New York or Hoboken.
--- A N Wilkins P8607
Lucretia Borgia, that honey,
A light-hearted girl
Gave guests' goblets a swirl
Saying, "Tell me if this wine tastes funny."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0507
Like girls, especially the young.
When his overaged penis
Wouldn't work on some Venus,
He'd do with his pepper-stained tongue!
--- Anon
Who foresaw some things that might harm us.
These coming predictions
Are hopefully fictions,
And nothing that ought to alarm us.
--- Richard Long
Of the world and believers intend
To climb right to the top
Of high mountains to stop
It, except in the Netherlands, friend.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who bored us with words of rebellion,
But he's slightly deranged,
'Cause times haven't changed
Since those of the Prince Machiavellian.
--- Anon
Said, "Women from courts we must ban,
For they haven't the clutch
Or the velvety touch
Of the orifice found in a man."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0928
Though their love life was not what 'twould seem.
For in olden days,
They washed not for days,
And smelled like a broken latrine.
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
Came on to his wife real fortissimo,
But as he neared eighty
And got overweighty,
His best was a weak pianissimo.
--- Armand E Singer 255
Who frequently scattered his seed.
Twixt alter and pew,
He would seek postures new,
And whenever it rained, cry: "God's peed."
--- Jon Naismith P0007
Aimed his bow at an apple so well,
That he sliced it in two,
Then his son a tree grew
On his head, 'cause that where the pips fell!
--- Cyber Geezer
Could tell the tyrant, "Go to Hell"
Or else arrow shoot
And thus gain repute
And have some applesauce to sell.
--- Irving Superior P9502
Down the alley, the ten-pin ball, rolled.
But they didn't keep score
In those dark days of yore.
Must ask him for whom the Tells bowled.
--- Archie
Who some thought a fraudulent showman,
"I'll shoot grapes instead
Of apples off his head."
"Now that", said his son, "is a bad omen".
--- Anon
Did a favor for a Norse deity.
For his services mere,
Tell received a holed sphere.
Since then William Tell bowls Thor's fee.
--- Anon
Who stationed his troops in a garrison.
And there they would languish
And mutter in anguish,
Attila was kind, by comparison.
--- Anon
Who christened his young son Attila.
It was only in fun
But he grew up a Hun,
Renowned through the world as a killer.
--- Michael Palin
Before this man's plunder was done,
Roman cities were sacked,
As he scourged and attacked.
Barbarians, too, can be fun.
--- Mimi
"Won't you join us in all of the fun?
We'll slaughter and pillage,
Every last helpless village.
Come quickly, the action's begun"
--- Isaac Asimov
He raped and he pillaged for fun.
Atilla'd fill'er,
Take all of her siller (silver)
And leave with a very bad pun!
--- Anon
To a chap of whom damsels have sun:
"'Tis the Scourge from the East,
That lascivious beast
Who was known as Attila the Hung!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Shi Huang-ti first made it for caging
The conquering Huns,
Who were busting their buns
In pursuit of a baking at Beijing.
--- Anon
To him pillaging was sport and fun.
With a snarl, curse, and shout,
He put nations to rout.
It began when he first was called "Hon."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0401
Whose life was a genuine thrilla.
From village to village,
He'd rant, rape, and pillage,
Seldom spending two nights on one pilla.
--- G0511
To the way he would plunder and screw.
But he'd say, "Tain't my fault,
'Cause it's all the result
Of a trauma I suffered at two."
--- G0512
Ghengis Khan's deeds have also been sung,
But I'd find it sweet
To be dropped in defeat
In the arms of Atilla the Hung.
--- Jane D Hughes P9204
Her fame wasn't puny at all;
She was barbarous fun
But she tasted like Hun
And smelled like an evening in Gaul.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
MORE