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We laugh with each other in here Says an airline wanton named Vi: There was a young pilot named Fry; So as not to bite you down there, Seeking those bumps you enjoy, Gallons of nice sticky juice, But be careful of those bumps, my lass, Please keep your teeth in your head; Big Red is the flavor I chose There's something 'bout hugging a beard Much better to use the tongue; So you're there all alone, my dear? I can lick all your blues clean away; Want my snake to come shake in your bush, I anxiously wait for decision; A feathery flick of my tongue I'm honored you included me Y'all know that I'm picky and choosy, "Oh god; how I love you down there", The size of your tool doesn't matter My favorite tool is my tongue; I'm a connoisseur of sweet lasses, So you wear your glasses for kissing? My eyesight is weak, you can see. Extracting her notes, as she scanned 'em, I once met this gal from Norway, She could eat pizza pie or cheese blintz, This woman developed catarrh Boys and girls, let's go get prone, A certain young nympho I know, Alas, yes, my poor drooping bat, When her car broke down Vickie said, "Hell!" They sent a young female mechanic, A brave lion tamer named Rick Ten wrong numbers and he's really sick; A well-built young lad named Horatio Sometimes I contemplate meaning A nonagenarian whore, My tool it was hard and a-throbbin' There once was a lady named McFee, I'd never your tonsils impale Whenever a gentleman meets a There once was a man from Nantucket, With Viagra I'm back on the throne; A lady of fashion, Miss Glick, Hickory Dickery Dock, I was seeking a way to advance I remember my first time in public, A lady prime minister, straight, Most porn, that I've seen, features suckin' I hope you will not take offense The newly crowned Queen of my heart Let us just say it's unanimous, "My dear," shouted frustrated Wallace, I believe that this is the question, Shunning all prophylactic protection, In the American version of cricket -- On a dark stormy night in Toledo, Those who haven't tried it may slag it, Blow said the wind...Blow like me... It was hot and I felt kind of dry, A worried young man from Stamboul, This husband told a very big lie, There's a move I would recommend when you There was a masseur from Bordeaux The next time you ask for some head,
'Bout pussy and penis and beer.
We laugh at your fart
Imitating our art,
And wish that you're nowhere near here!
--- Anon
"I'm a pantyless stew when I fly.
To a muffers delight,
I'll take head on a flight,
So the guy can have pie in the sky."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
His plane at great speeds he did fly.
He had salad at home,
And the main course in Rome,
And at noon, he had pie in the sky.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2583
I'll remove my dentures with care,
And place them upon
The dash, gumming on,
As you drive around here and there.
--- Gearhart
Why don't we now go and employ
Those cobblestone streets
In the old sections, sweets;
The bouncing will make you deploy.
--- Gearhart
As I lick and gum, you will ooze.
I'll have quite a treat
As I savor your meat,
And drink just as much as I choose.
--- Gearhart
For if you go over too fast,
My dentures will fall
And in no time at all,
I will bite myself on the ass!
--- Gearhart
Just try using your tongue instead.
I'm sticky and numb
From your chewing gum;
This pretty pink meat's sore and red!
--- Carol
To chew while I give a tongue-hose,
To your juicy fruit,
Before sliding my root
Deep inside, once we reach where it goes.
--- Gearhart
When between my legs it appeared.
It might tickle so cute
I could strangle the brute
And imminent death would be feared.
--- Kathi Webster
Keeps them from dying so young.
Though talent's required,
They've never been fired,
Though one guy once blew out a lung.
--- Kathi Webster
You should not now have any fear.
I've grabbed my cape;
I will help you escape
The doldrums, for Tongueman is here!
--- Anon
Leap tall blondes with one jump, land and lay.
Choose now which of my powers
Will excite you for hours;
You'll enjoy either toy either way!
--- Anon
As I grip tightly onto your tush?
Or should I just stick
With the toy that can lick,
While your hands on my head give a push?
--- Anon
I assure I'll use utmost precision
With either sex toy,
You choose to employ,
For delight and joy of your 'division'!
--- Anon
Has often been known to have brung
Sweet liquidy waves
To scrumptious hot babes,
Of which you could be numbered among.
--- Jon Gearhart
Among the flowers on your tree,
Whose petals you'll pluck
With your tongue, for a fuck,
But watch you're not stung by a bee.
--- Carol
But yesterday had me a floozy.
We spent all the night
In ecstatic delight
And this morning I'm knackered and woozy.
--- Anon
She said. "Mmph!" I said, "mmph, dearest Claire;
I've been here for mmph hours
And I mmph think that now is
The time I came up for some air ...
--- Anon
As long as your lady you flatter.
Use fingers and tongue
And sex toys among
The objects you use when you bat her.
--- Arden
Its talent is matched by none.
With twiddling and swirls,
In amongst the curls,
It could even defrock a nun.
--- Arden
Fine women of all different classes.
When I kiss them down 'there'.
I ask them, "Take care;
Don't cross your legs; I wear glasses."
--- Goofing TP9807
Are you worried that you would be missing
The point of attack,
When you're in the sack?
Is you aim much better when pissing?
--- Marlene
My glasses as thick as can be.
I don't have to peek
When taking a leak,
I feel for the water, then pee.
--- Goofing
"I gave ninety-nine blow jobs at random.
From this sample so huge,
I concluded, for spooge,
De gustibus non disputandum."
--- Hugh Clary
She could blow my horn all day,
On floor and on table
'Til I was not able;
She made me kneel down and then pray.
--- Anon
And today she ate one of the quints.
She swallowed a pig;
Her mouth is quite big.
Last week she ate a Crown Prince!
--- Al Willis T9801
In the area called uvular.
When some men she throated,
Her cheeks became bloated,
So she wolfed down a tasty Mars Bar.
--- Ogni Gioia
And leave my poor johnson alone.
Never mind the ream --
The best way to cream
I when you get licked like a cone.
--- H Welchel
Did fourteen guys in the snow.
And NBC crew,
And Marv Albert too,
Covered it live -- blow by blow by blow!
--- Minders TP9802
But perhaps I've the answer to that.
I called, feeling nervous,
The car breakdown service,
"Please help me, for I've got a flat."
--- Tiddy Ogg
But she called a garage. They sent Mel.
She needed a tow job.
He needed a blow job.
Both were cashless, but barter worked well.
--- Michael Weinstein P0312
Who very soon settled my panic,
By starting to eat
My once flaccid meat;
"There's nowt like a good meal organic!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
This is file ral
Perfected a very slick trick.
First the beast opens wide
Then Ricks head goes inside.
For the encore, he uses his dick.
--- Michael Weinstein P8711
The next caller would get quite a trick.
When it rings, he says "Hi"
"May I please speak with Vi?"
"She can't talk; in her mouth is my dick!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was especially fond of fellatio.
He had such a schlong,
Ladies called him King Dong,
And improved his cocksucking ratio.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
While molars and throat I am peening.
I sporch on her face --
Now is this debase?
Or is it her spouse I'm demeaning.
--- H Welchel
Recalled blowjob's cost in the war.
Shortages were so
That she'd give a free blow,
Just for something to warm up her core.
--- Res Ipsa
And I felt that I needed a knobbin'.
But being at work,
I weren't free to jerk,
So I dreamed of Carole's head a-bobbin'.
--- Shaun
Who asked where the party would be.
Said a man from the South,
"It'll be in your mouth,
And everyone's coming. You'll see."
--- Donald Dimont
By forcing the length in, full scale.
I'd wait for a squirth
To shrink down my girth,
And then you could swallow that tale!
--- Anon
Girl in a pub, nothing beats a
Meal invitation:
"For a bit of fellation,
I'll buy you a four-seasons pizza."
--- Anon
Who sailed the seas in a bucket.
He pulled down his pants
And then did a dance,
And then told his first mate to suck it.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's good hearing her once again moan.
Penetrating her maw,
Tickling her uvula,
She'll be gargling testosterone.
--- Anon
Was asked why she never was sick.
She replied with reflection,
"I suck cocks for complexion,
And there's vitamin D in a prick."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0813
This chick is sucking my cock.
I don't know the rest
'Cause that way's the best
Way of bringing on my writer's block.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When the CEO asked me to dance.
"To smash the glass ceiling,
You'll need to start kneeling,"
He said, while unzipping his pants.
--- Paul Ford
In the balcony watching a dubbed flick.
When the soundtrack went out,
All heads turned about,
'Cause all you could hear was glubglub-lick.
--- MrMalo
Took a president out on a date.
This feminine minister,
Whose intentions were sinister,
Then administered great head of state.
--- Thomas G Keller P9407
A dick more than screwing or fuckin'.
To see his cock slide
'Twixt the lips of his "bride",
To the fellow, it means he's got luck in.
--- Anon
When my hardon gets very intense.
The voyeur and neighbor
Wants you, Masturbator,
Suck me through a hole in the fence.
--- Randog
Can make my heartbeat quickly start
Thump thumping along,
While humping my dong.
I come when she hums on my part.
--- Anon
That I am not very glamorous.
But when bending to suck
And orally fuck,
But, boy oh boy, am I amorous!
--- Ardens
"Why persist in behavior that's callous?
Don't just sit there and stare,
That is mean and unfair.
Come and help me unlimpen my phallus!"
--- Isaac Asimov
With the fellationic suggestion,
I do merit some guilt.
When my sword's to the hilt,
Doth it give my love indigestion.
--- Writerman
With her lips, she relieved his erection.
To her utter dismay
She went out the next day
With a public display of infection.
--- Anon
With kneepads, two balls, but no wicket --
There's no appeal for "Howzat"
As the man lifts his bat --
Instead you'll hear "Kiss it or lick it!"
--- H Myers TP9804
While I read the Nicean Creedo,
From Quito down South,
She came on with a mouth
That completely enveloped my speedo!
--- Sam Pittman
But I have, so I pull it and drag it,
Till it stands proud and sturdy,
And she, like a birdy,
Comes to chew on the crumbs of my baguette.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Pucker lips...Easy as can be.
I will try, said the girl,
But why in the world
Do you address me as Miss Lewinsky.
--- Lynn Dover
So I went for a beer, bye and bye.
When I ordered, I said,
"I like lots of head."
The waiter went down and -- Oh My!
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Discovered red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic!
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool."
--- L0431
To his gullible housewife named Vy.
"This girl slipped in slime,
But I caught her in time.
That's how lipstick got smeared on my fly!"
--- Laurence Craft
First enter a brothel's dim venue:
Make sure there's no cheatin'
On just what gets eaten
(The Madam will show you the menu.)
--- Norm Storer P9205
Who would rub down your back, sweet and slow.
And then, for a kiss,
He'd give emphasis
To your hips, to your butt, and your -- OH!
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Make damn sure your thingy's not dead.
Her attitude's not placid,
When you go all flacid,
And swing in the breezy instead.
--- Arden
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