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A whiskey buff sat in his chair The traditional poets of Maigue, There are those who like to drink scotch How dare you, damn Kate, make so bold My brother-in-law is a Scot, If you would seek pleasures of vat, Scotch drink researcher POTATORY, For those left behind in the lurch, Of course, was medicinal only. Though some of you may sit there and smirk Even the praises of Robbie Burns A color-blind barkeep once said, I didn't have to think twice: Lord, help me; put me in the brig. Don't give us those excuses rich, Give me Teacher's or Vat 69, Scotch whisky's spelled without an "e". Oh, peerless and royal sweet Maid, Though some would find drinking it risky, I met a man and I asked him the time, A wheezing old seaman named Kotch, To some Glenfiddich is medicine, Here I sit in the pub with me Valentine; When I'm down at the pub for a snort, They knew Claud had gone a bit potty Well lady, I really did thunkit, One hundred percent hydroponic, A bibulous man from Atlanta "My dear, have a drop of this Tawny," A very well-spoken young blood A fellow named Mortimer Cline, (murder case in England 1478)
We once had a bit of a party, Famous wine connoisseur, Stanley Kritt There's a woman who lives at South Forks, This corkscrew is lacking in torque; Now are you willing to share Your corkscrew is great at uncorking Here's to you, my friend, may your corkscrew, There was a young female called Gay "Let's meet at this out-of-town diner, I know just a little of wine; Drunk driving?, You miserable sot! "I think you will like this Eiswein," Of my jug wines, the critics did say A lad from Lower Slaughter -- Well I'm about to get into the bath Is there room for me, too, in your tub? An old etymologist from Calcutta, Julia Child said, "Oh, go to perdition; There was a blonde boy child There was an old man from the Rhine As Percival Plonker grew older Dining out with old Kieth Floyd Whether you are 0+ or 0->, There was a young girl called Drusilla, (manzanilla - a very dry sherry)
There once was a robust koala (Spanish or Portuguese fortified wine)
When tariffs got high for the vender, I suppose there are those that drink wine Let loose in the royal enclosure, Try this Yuletide libation divine, "The table's set and we wine ought, I've drank too much raspberry wine, When expecting erotic delight, I sip my favorite wine There was once a man from Flagstaff, The courts, Japan, give drunks no break. A bloody good drink is Sangria;
And called the sommelier there.
"While the Grouse that I drink
Has no need to be pink,
I do like my J & B rare."
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
Knew nothing of White Horse or Haig,
But uisce beatha hot,
Distilled in a pot,
Kept them merry, poetic and vague.
--- B O Lim
And others who don't like it much.
I like it a lot,
And if that's what you've got,
I'll drink it all up while you watch.
--- Neal Wilgus P8403
As to quaff my Laphroig 10 Years Old!
(Though not one for abjurin'
A strong, peaty urine,
So piss in my mouth, ere you fold.)
--- Anon
But whiskey he seldom has bought.
Pulled out a bottle of old,
Then shook off the mold,
Then poured me a one-fingered shot.
--- John Henry
A real POTATORY fat cat,
Would o'er Scotland crawl
To taste malt brews all,
And have nips of mostly this and that.
--- Chris Papa
In tales recapitulatory,
Were all on behalf
Of supporting staff,
Who kept nose to stone rotatory.
--- Daniel Ford
We diligently conducted a search
For best single malt
To drink in the vault
Out behind the St Andrews Church.
--- Daniel Ford
Some comfort in intervals lonely,
When I'd miss my wife
Enjoying beach life,
Hiding from winds near jetty's stone lee.
--- Daniel Ford
About sins that in simple joys lurk,
Please do consider
Whether forbidder
Is clearly in or outside the kirk.
--- Daniel Ford
Burnish the glow that single malt earns.
So hold tongue of thine
For chants Auld Lang Syne,
And kindness cups for which the tongue yearns.
--- Daniel Ford
"I'll serve whiskey until I am dead.
But my favorite brand,
Can't remember offhand,
Is it Johnny Walker Black or Red?"
--- Tom Patton P0107
That sounds like some dandy advice --
Drink's good for what ails you;
And Scotch never fails you,
So pour me another, on ice!
--- Anon
Or hang me up high from a twig.
I made a mistake,
I just meant to take
From the bottle of Dewars, a swig.
--- Ken Bonnell
And other sad stores of which,
You count as excuses;
They're only poor ruses
From tippling too much Glenfidich!
--- Chris Papa
Dewar's, Chivas Regal, Ballatyne,
Haig & Haig, Cutty Sark,
Famous Grouse (for a lark!)
You can tell I think Scotch is just fine.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8403
The reason why's a mystery.
Scotch is oft drunk in blends,
But single malt has friends.
Scotch brewing is wrapped in history.
--- William K Alsop Jr
I'll defend you with my strong blade,
And bring a whole swatch
Of single malt scotch,
To drink in your private green glade.
--- Anon
A single-malt shot of Scotch whisky
Imbibed in wee sips
By sweet tender lips,
Will make a young lover feel frisky.
--- Anon
He said that he hadn't a dime.
He told me that his watch
Had been sold to buy scotch.
I sensed that he was well past his prime.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Heaved ho at his hot honey's crotch.
Hearing liquor was quicker,
He withdrew his pricker,
And thrust up a bottle of scotch.
--- Kathleen A Martin P8403
And heave Laphroig is dread as sin,
But Glen Livet's a pip,
Wee dram o' Sheep Dip --
Macallan fills space the head is in.
--- Daniel Ford
We're sharing a bottle of Ballantine,
When in walks me spouse!
Sends me home! (That old louse)
And soaks up me Scotch with that gal'o'mine!
--- Anon
I always quaff sherry or port,
'Cause fortified wine
Has a taste that's divine,
And two pints always make one cavort.
--- Anon
When he started to hoard Aligote. (poor cheap grape)
He would cry, "Bless my soul!"
And pour some in the bowl
Of MacPherson, his favorite scotty.
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
Though you had decided to flunkit.
And as for the wine,
Are you still saving mine?
Or have you already done drunkit?
--- Anon
His grapes make a wine that's like tonic.
Though the bubbles remain,
It is not like champagne,
And its nose is distinctly ammonic.
--- Sheila B
Was in love with his antique decanter.
He kept it well filled;
The wine was well chilled.
And are you not thrilled with this banter?
--- Al Willis P9710
Said Charles, "Oh I do feel so horny.
I have never felt sexier.
Now excuse my dyslexia, (Brit liquor suppliers)
But I'm working for Barrow and Corney."
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
Was wrestling his girl in the mud.
As they rolled in the slime,
"I'm part-time
With Berry Brothers and Rudd." (Brit wine merchants)
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
Was drowned in a barrel of wine;
His corpse was a mess
And in horrid distress,
But the barrel of wine turned out fine.
--- Cap'n Bean P0402
Mixing Advocaat, Rum, and Frascati, (yellow Dutch drink)
With fried eggs -- a blunder --
It was frankly no wonder
That you never heard chunder so hearty.
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
Was well taught, studied hard, used his wit.
Body, bouquet and flavor,
He would expertly savor,
But he never could tastefully spit.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0512Q
This is file qzm
Makes a fetish of old vermouth corks.
She keeps those labeled France
In the front of her pants,
And Italy back round her porks.
--- Anon
I applied it just now to the cork
Of my bottle of red,
But resorted instead
To a screwdriver, chisel, and fork.
--- Peter Wilkins
A glass of that wine you've got there.
If I bring it to you,
A brand new corkscrew?
I've always got one here to spare.
--- Carol
But mine is far better at forking.
So Cheers! Down the hatch!
Bottoms up! Open snatch!
Time for action, my sweet, not torquing.
--- Peter Wilkins
Get thoroughly uncorked into
My tasty rose',
A savory bouquet;
Your palate will surely thank you.
--- Carol
Who was quite indescribably fey.
"Let us quaff a carafe,"
She'd suggest with a laugh,
"And then maybe a demi-bouteille." (half bottle 375 ml)
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
'Cause I know that you're just a minor."
Instead she went home,
Got the cops on the phone;
That'll teach him to dine and not wine her.
--- Ron Lankford
The red and the white are divine.
And then there is Port,
The good tawny sort
That leads to a drunk driving fine.
--- Archie
You should have been home, smoking pot.
You would not be hung over
Or want the day over.
And would not have the ticket you got.
--- South of Eden
Said Hans, "It is a nice wine.
I pick grapes Christmas morn,
Tooting my alpenhorn.
That's why it's a very high price wine."
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
In a haughty condescending way,
"We aren't contentious
But it's our consensus,
They're pretentious and flaunt their bouquet."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9710
Great palate, name of Porter.
A brilliant chap;
Knew from which tap
Had come each glass of water.
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
And I fancy a bit of a laugh.
I fancy a tipple
And a tweak of a nipple,
With wine in a large carafe.
--- Anon
It would please me to rub and to scrub
Your erogenous parts,
While the wine warms our hearts;
We'll awaken my slumbering stub!
--- Anon
While making notes from some old data,
Set aside his ink pen;
Instead of 'wine and women,'
Became 'inebriant and inamorata.'
--- Sivaramakrishnan
When I cook I invoke one condition.
I cook with and drink wine,
As on each meal I dine,
For I starved when we had Prohibition."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
Who was unmistakably wild.
When the boy grew up,
He kept wine in his cup,
And kept all those near to him riled.
--- Gaila Rae TP9806
Whose age was a hundred and nine;
When I asked him, "Pray tell
What has kept you so well?"
He snickered, "I'm pickled in wine."
--- Lims Unlimited
His bouquet quite tended to moulder.
He had much madderise, (??)
Than most other guys
And was quite often ullaged to shoulder. (spillage, loss)
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
Is something we all should avoid.
Everything's fine
Till we come to the wine,
And then he's a right hemorrhoid.
--- Bill Wall
If ever your spirits should fail,
You can cheer yourself up
By a good claret cup
Or even by supping so0->.
--- Harold C Bibby A
Who grew up in a very posh villa.
She dropped out of college
Without too much knowledge,
But gained a liking for manzanilla!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
With a penchant for Marsala.
He would knock it back
And then make a track
For the nearest massage parlor.
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
No fruits of the vine could he render.
No wine IMBIBITION
Brought on this condition;
They call mead "The Grape Pretender."
--- Gary Hallock
Every time that they sit down to dine.
Well, that's alright, I guess,
But it leads, I confess,
To a mess after glass number nine.
--- Neal Wilgus P8403
Piers totally lost his composure.
After far too much Meursault, (Chateau premier white wine)
He came over queer, so
What happened? A flash of exposure.
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
To be drunk standing, sitting, supine.
Buy a jug, open it.
Mull it over a bit.
Heat, add spices -- Mulled Wine!
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712
But we've wine nought," he cried. "Why not?"
"Why not!" cried she,
"Wine nought have we.
Whine not at me. Your fist why knot?"
--- Irving Superior P8604
And am just about ready to rhyme,
So I shall compose,
Some fabulous prose,
Burp... maybe some other time.
--- Anon
Make sure that the wine is just right.
You should always have red,
With brunettes in your bed,
But with blondes, just be certain it's white.
--- Isaac Asimov A
Each time that I sup or dine.
Red is the best
I've determined in test;
With all dishes it goes just fine.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who drank wine from a carafe and a half.
When advised to reduce
The bubbly juice,
He'd wink his eye and just laugh.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
If you've a yen for saki's sake,
Since yens take yen,
They fine you then
Your yen for saki you forsake.
--- Irving Superior P8403
It's less filling that cream ale or bia;
It's low-calorie,
Has more vitamin C,
And it knocks you flat on your ria!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8403
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