A Bulgarian man name of Bob,
Drank wine from a hollowed-out log.
It made it so oakey.
And slightly more smokey,
And he downed it in one great big slog.
--- Julie O'Conner

A glutton who went out to dine
Drank a quart of Canadian wine.
He was later found pissed,
On the critical list,
But the doctors predict he'll do fine.
--- Hugh Oliver 121a

Forget all that Frenchie wine jive
For bringing my taste buds alive.
Canuck is best.
I'm very impressed
With vintage Kemptville '55.
--- Anon

A lively old man of Madiera
Thought that wine of the heart was a cheerer:
He often would say,
'Put the bottle this way -
Absent friends! and I wish they were nearer.'
--- Published 1822

I once truly loved Aussie beer;
Those big tall blue cans of sweet cheer;
But that stuff gave me gas.
So sit here, my lass,
And "Have some Madeira, my dear!"
--- Allen Wolverton

In the West we all drink Swan Lagger,
Though some people think I'm a Fagger.
Margaret River wines
Are more in my lines,
Though I really prefer a good shagger.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The doc was enjoying a glass
While ramming the scope up an ass.
He said, "The bouquet
Of this wine is okay,
But it doesn't go well with the gas."
--- John Miller

Young Beau Geste was manning the fort,
And was feeling bereft on report,
Cause the Arabs used SPAM
As a battering ram,
And would shortly be quaffing his port.
--- Mike O'Conner

An old gourmet who'd grown somewhat stout,
Felt a twinge and much feared it was gout.
"If I drink now," he thought,
"Three bottles of port.
It surely will settle the doubt."
--- Yorick

A snort of old port or a quart,
Will usually furnish support.
For alcohol serves
To bolster the nerves
Of those who need courage to court.
--- R J Winkler P8405

The shipmates of Mariner Short:
"Though it's true he does not seem the sort.
In ports Christian or Hindu,
He's quite quickly into
Every girl into whom he puts Port.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9710 a

Sighed a vintage wine drinker named Norm,
While confined by a gale to his dorm,
"Since my old wine's run dry,
And it's not safe to buy,
I'll drink any port in a storm!"
--- Prof M-G

That night, when you've hung out your stocking,
From the chimney you'll hear something shocking.
It might well be Santa,
He's been at the decanter.
And now vintage Port back he's knocking.
--- Bill Wall

Courting the ladies with port,
For danger you carelessly court.
Your avid pursuit
May end in a suit -
A sort of retort in a court.
--- R J Winkler P8405

There was a young lady at court,
Who said to the King, with a snort,
"Was it humor or shyness
That prompted your Highness
To put Spanish Fly in my port?"
--- D H Cudmore

After drinking large measures of port,
You may find that you've been caught short.
And your miles from the Gents;
Well, it seems to make sense --
Shove the cork up your ass -- just a thought.
--- Bill Wall

Overindulgence, SATIETY,
Goes not with the sense of piety.
And as for retsina,
I never have seen a
Better reason for sobriety.
--- Daniel

A gay guy from old Nagasaki,
An ostentacious lackey,
Claimed he could eat
The whole US Fleet--
If it weren't for his penchant for saki.
--- Norm Storer P9212

In the grape-growing region of Merritt,
The grape-stomping maids like to share it.
They all go so merry
On Bordeaux and Sherry,
It takes them nine months to de-claret.
--- John Mayhood P9710a

Oh Peter, my darling delight,
I've had no fun whatever tonight.
I'm feeling awry.
My panties are dry.
Please come and set me a-right.
--- Ericka and Peter Wilkins

I'm here in the bath, by the way,
Waiting for you to come play.
I've filled it, you see,
With bubbly Chablis,
For it's coq au vin je voudrais.
--- Ericka and Peter Wilkins

You wan't me to come 'round and play?
I'll be there with no further delay!
If you're still hot and damp,
You'll relieve me of cramp
That I've suffered for much of the day.
--- Ericka and Peter Wilkins

Pavarotti, I'm told, is quite anti
The concept of Asti Spumante -- (sparkling Italian wine)
But give him Barolo
And he'll sing you a solo
Extolling the charms of Chianti. (still Italian wine)
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims

A Roman who goes to see Esther,
After he's stripped and caressed her,
Drinks Asti Spumante (Italian sparkling red from Turin)
And cries out, "Avanti!"
As naked they go down the Cresta. (hotrodding snow sled run)
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims

A pale-skinned Roman albino
Preferred cafe bars to drink vino.
One more bottle of red! head!
Waiter! A strong cappuccino!
--- Rory Ewins Q

On better cruise ships' sailing day,
In cabins from G to A,
A bottle of wine --
A good will design --
Of finest vintage Cabernet.
--- Irving Superior P9710

There was a young lady called Linder,
Who sat all day by the winder.
Her thoughts sent astray
By a nice Cabernet,
She turned all meals into a cinder.
--- Brian Collingwood

It's said that the sisters, nee Bronte,
After drinking their full of Spumante,
Planned to quickly flee
Bello old Italy.
But then they discovered Chianti.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9710

To offer a flagon of Claret
Is certainly worthy of merit.
But those who refuse
In favor of booze,
Might shun it because they can't bear it.
--- R J Winkler P8403

A bibulous woman named Garrett
Had a tipsy and impish old parrot;
When she wanted a snort
And opened the port,
She found he had filled it with claret.
--- Limber Limericks

If a portion of loft is a garret,
And a unit of weight is a carat,
One magnum, twelve quarts,
Thirteen bottles, reports
What singular measure of claret.
--- Hugh Clary

If I'm not working', I'm lurkin',
Or else I'm a jerkin' my gherkin;
Into a decanter,
Of claret for Santa,
And I'll have by Christmas, a firkin.
--- Hugh Clary

A firkin might seem to apply,
But the total's a little too high;
Though I have to confess
It's a helluva guess
And making my throat a bit dry.
--- Hugh Clary

This is file qwm

You gotta love a good rose wine.
Its color, a clear incarnadine.
You can drink it with fish
Or any chicken dish,
And with cheese, it's equally fine.
--- Norm Brust

Expensive red wine? Well, perhaps so.
But why not try vino collapso?
It's cheeky and cheerful;
The price isn't fearful;
Though overindulge and you'll crap so.
--- Peter Wilkins

There once was a wine named merlot
Which tasted like somebody's toe.
But a one liter bottle
Costs not a lottle,
Which is a good price if your po'.

When presenting a mellow Merlot,
You'd think they could refrain, but No!
Servers frequently mock
My ears with crass shock-
ing, most unpleasant phrase, "There yah go!"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9710

An entrepreneur name of Garrett
Knew less about sex than a parrot.
And as for fine wine,
Invited to dine,
He couldn't tell mums from red claret.
--- Armand Singer

Chateau Cardboard? he whiningly asks,
As he indicates one or two casks.
Cab Sav? Or the white?
Try the red; it's alright.
What the booze lacks, the plastic taste masks.
--- Anon

In Holland lived a handsome young guy
Whose libido count was way too high.
So to meet with his pleas,
He offered girls cheese,
And red wine too, in case it was dry.
--- Anon

There's red and there's white, but no pink.
For guests who prefer pink to drink,
Mix red wine with white,
But if late at night,
In white drop a drop of red ink.
--- Irving Superior P9710

Be careful when you drink absinthe;
It makes people rave and rant.
Right on the esplanade;
When you try to get up, you can't.
--- Norm Brust

Dutch Advocaat is quit the liqueur;
The contents of which I am sure:
There's lemon and eggs,
And rum to add legs,
And lay you out flat on the floor.
--- Rory Ewins

Sophia, a Tuscan Contessa,
Got hitched to a eunuch, God bless her.
"Let us drink Amoretto," (Italian liqueur almond flavored)
Sang he. His falsetto
Quite quickly began to depress her.
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims

"With beer, Jim, I never will grapple,"
Says Jane, "But I might if some chap'll
Want me for his lass,
Down many a glass
Of the fermented juice of the apple."
--- Tiddy Ogg

Though Swedes say that GLOGG can't be beat,
At New Years, I opt for a treat.
In glass nicely iced,
Not warm liquor spiced,
I quick down my chilled aquavit.
--- Chris Papa

I am sorry to let off steam,
But there's one thing that does make me scream.
It's not princess Anne --
I'm rather a fan --
It's Bailey's Irish Cream. (Irish whiskey liquer)
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims

BYO? If you're stuck in that zone
And you fancy a tipple, don't moan;
Just go somewhere they'll flog
You a bottle of grog,
And return. But no plonk? Bring your own.
--- Anon

CHARTREUSE is also a drink;
Made in Grenoble, I think.
Liquor okayed by abbots
Could give you bad habits,
But also might tickle you pink!
--- Barb

Sweet Chaton, there's no need to quail;
It's never been basted in ail.
So lie back and purr
As I give you a stir
(Or a shake) with the end of my tail.
--- Anon

To be honest, sausage makes me ail;
Strasbourgs and Frankforts turn me pale.
And I truly am sick
When it's made of garlic,
So I hope yours is just a cock tale?
--- Anon

An au pair called Sarah kept happy
With a very large creme de menthe frappe.
Then she'd knock back three gins
And remark to the twins,
"Would you each change the other one's nappy?"
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims

For the blues, take some Creme-de-Menthe,
If taken at nearly full strength.
Will take care of your woes.
For everyone knows
It brings you much needed nepenthe!
--- Archie

We feel that exotic young Bodd
Should give far more thought to his God.
He lolls in the garden
With the world's finest hardon,
And drips 'creme de menthe' on his prod.
--- G2267

Since stoppin' the wine, I've been bummin'
'Til down riverside I went slummin'.
Down there by the docks,
The girlies sans frocks
Taught me the best Cider is "Cummin."
--- Anon

A Chester man sure loved his scotch. Oh,
He thought it made him feel so macho.
One night when he binged,
He got really unhinged,
So now he drinks only gazpacho.
--- Laurence U

The curative powers of hard cider
Can be claimed with no offsetting rider.
Two glasses dispose
Of a cold in the "NO's"
Of a girl -- and her mother beside her.
--- Jemstone P0001

A golfer now out on the links
Stops play at each tee for drinks.
Take it from me,
The drink isn't tea,
But a cocktail they call a Hi Jinx.
--- Anon

A post Doc on daiquiris had a lock,
Liked walnut daiquiris in a crock.
No walnuts one day,
Used hickory. They'd say
"Here's your hickory daquiri, Doc!"
--- Carl A Benz

Par was a flatulent Swede,
Whose wind gained its strength from his mead.
He downed one strong batch,
Lit up just one match,
And thank God: 'twas the end of his breed.
--- Michael Rohaly

Merrie England discovered no need
In the days of the Venerable Bede
For acid or pot,
For coke or what not.
Teenagers got high then, on mead.
--- A N Wilkins P8605

There was an old woman in Soddy
Who swizzled a double hot toddy,
But unlike a single,
Which gave her a tingle,
The double one rattled her body.
--- Lims Unlimited

...In any trad lim that's the most
You need, to convert to a toast.
And as for the drink,
There's hundreds, I think,
Search google for previous posts.
--- Anon

An old Alpine order monastic
Sold liquor in bottles of plastic.
A single small tot
Would upset you a lot,
And to drink any more was quite drastic.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A drunken old guy from Yankipoo
Drank a bottle of cologne shampoo.
Said he, "It's perfection,
And helps my erection,
And tastes better than joy-juice Kickapoo."
--- G2749

Upon the killing fields, our host
Mid-morning stops to drink a toast,
"To those we injure;
One downs King's Ginger, (exotic liquor with royal assoc)
Before returning to one's post.
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims