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Piously praying her Rosary, A radical nun, feeling blocked, There once was a dirty old man These nuns who are peripatetic, Sis Katie was quite the bell ringer, On Mondays Jim Riddle makes trips An innocent maiden named Keist Two Catholic sisters named Dunn In order to research "The Nun", The nuns never did learn to clean Our nun in the 9th grade pronounced Said the nun to the Mother Superior, The nuns who taught girlies in Cheltenham, A girl from a nice convent school On TV the famed Flying Nun -- From habits the nuns have departed Hypodermics are not any fun. Socially it would be quite amiss Napoleon said, "Convents are fine. Said a nun from the town Gananoque To live a nun's life in a cloister, Of a beautiful girl named Casey, (K.C. - Kansas City, Mo, USA)
In the middle of singing a hymn, Holy Shit! A nun's after me! Mother Theresa and Flipper "Is there anywhere under the sun -- The nuns that are found in Murmansk Most of the nuns are pristine. In the checkout at the food store There once was a lovely young nun, My ex-wife, a dysfunctional broad A middle-aged sister named Shriver I've been hiding here under my bed I crawl out real quiet to check... So the slider, I close and secure... About nunneries, does many a tale Now I am going to blab it; An order of Sisters out west I wonder if there's a kindred order I'm starting a church in the East, The Church is now spreading its net; The nuns of the church cast their lots; To the nun, as she knelt in the apse, A nun lives her life in a cloister, I'm afraid that you have me confused They're nuns, but also they're sisters, There was a nice nun of New York, From Rome came some wily old nuns, I once met this girl from down under, A priest whose discretion was tainted; A half-hearted nun, Sister Dwight, There once was a man from Verdun Here's a riddle -- a tough one, beware -- A lecherous layman named Len Oh Damn! For I had nearly written Then down from Ur of Chaldees, Well, Sarah, his wife had grown old. Then Ishmal was born of that lay. Now Ishmal, old Abe did anoint. Old Sarah, she pouted and cried, She said, "Look, I am fourscore and ten. Then spring came and old Sarah foaled, Old Abe said, "I'd rather be dead Ishmal figured he got the screw Then off to the dessert he went, Abe took Isaac up on a hill, Ish and Ike grew up bye and bye,
Kneels beautiful Sister Rosemary;
With lovely big hooters
(Attractive to suitors)
And large sexy holes in her hosiery.
--- Anon
Gave the Bishop good cause to be shocked,
When, during confession,
She left the impression
She'd like to go out and get frocked.
--- Norm Storer P9206
Who evolved an elaborate plan:
Unsuspecting young nuns
Would be offered cream buns
In return for a feel of their fan.
--- Anon
May have energy highly frenetic,
But there's none they are selling
With their grammar and spelling,
Which can only be labeled pathetic.
--- Anon
Not just a habitual swinger.
Each night in the tower
With Mooropious Thower,
She proved there's nun better dong dinger!
--- Anon
To plumb leaking milk-ladened nips
On sisters evoking
His help to stop soaking
The Cloister of 'Pregnated Drips.
--- Anon
Said sex was at best overpriced.
"None opens my oyster;
It's me for the cloister,
As one of the brides of J. Christ."
--- Armand E Singer 374
Seized land at the point of a gun;
According to prattle
They then stole some cattle
And nicknamed the spread the Bar Nun.
--- Armand E Singer 632
I thought I would interview one,
Who said, "A nun chaste
Is also un-chased,
So Sir, let us talk while we run."
--- Irving Superior P8907
The inside of the milking machine.
The men were good sports;
They stopped at 5 quarts.
Why don't you contribute a gene?
--- Dave Jersey
That cheating and such be renounced.
At the board I snuck help,
And then let out a yelp...
My head off the blackboard she bounced.
--- Anon
"You have such a placid exterior,
But right now," she said,
"We should head for the bed,
And explore your more fiery interior."
--- Boy Pilot
Took pleasure sadistic in beltin' 'em;
Then just to make sure
They were thoroughly sore,
Put their hands down their panties and felt in 'em.
--- Peter Wilkins
Was wicked, sadistic and cruel.
One night, just for fun,
She set fire to a nun,
Screaming, "Oh what a silly old fuel!"
--- Spike Milligan P0104
Inflation is how it was done --
An air hose. They'd jab it
Beneath the nun's habit
And since rated G, up her bun.
--- Irving Superior P8907
(The ones that they wore when they started).
They welcome the breeze
Up skirts to their knees.
(Long skirts held the smell when they farted.)
--- Frank Fazed a
Not even if stuck in the bun.
My patience wears thin;
They get under my skin;
I'd sooner eat squash with a nun!
--- Al Willis
To say "Dress" when it's called a Surplice.
Should you wish to complete
An act most indescreet,
Just try greeting a nun with, "Hi Sis."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9804
Their influence is clearly benign.
But in their admission
They should set one condition:
That the nuns be at least forty-nine."
--- A N Wilkins P8907
"All the clergy I hold in obloque; [?]
For a priest made a pass
At me during mass
And a bishop once tried to unfrock me."
--- Hugh Oliver 55a
Or on my own petard or hoister,
Neither one has appeal;
My idea of a deal
Is having the world as my oyster.
--- Esther Koch P0110
All the boys speak of her as racy.
But when they try
She would deny;
Now a convent's her home in K.C.
--- Tom Patton P9708
I was jostled by old Sister Pym.
She tripped over a hassock,
Looked right up my cassock
And said, "Goodness me, hello Tim!"
--- Bill Wall
All the memories, now vividly
Come rushing right back,
Of the harsh brutal whacks
Of the rulers, they swung frequently.
--- Anon
Couldn't get it on, 'count of the zipper
On her habit got stuck;
The good nun said "Shuck-
s! If you only had thumbs that could grip 'er...."
--- Robin K Willoughby P8601
Any place, any race, any one
Who's never been vexed
By thoughts about sex?"
Replied Sister Bertha, "No nun."
--- Laurence Perrine P8907
Are filled with a fast growing angsk.
Father Petyr, the cad,
Keeps shooting his wad
But only in his underpansk.
--- Archie
For those who detest the obscene,
They have no bad habits.
Their thoughts are un-rabbit,
And never in public will wean.
--- Irving Superior P8907
A nun was advising the poor.
"Hey, you up front!
Too many, you cunt!
And no food stamps for beer, you dumb whore!"
--- John Chastaine
Whose novitiate (hardly begun)
Was withdrawn by the Mother
Superior's brother,
Because she refused to have fun.
--- Anon
Whose concept of reality's flawed,
Said, "I'm leaving you, hon.
I'm becoming a nun.
So please route all my E-mail through God."
--- William N Nesbit P0103
Left no doubt that she was a survivor.
Who would have supposed
When the convent was closed
That she would have become a truck driver?
--- A N Wilkins P8907
For fear that my little'r head
Was in danger from one
Lim writing, nymph nun.
Is she gone? Is it now safe to tread?
--- Anon
This is file qtl
Then the hair on the back of my neck
Stands up on end
I turn, and then...
See, 'twas cold air, blowin' in from the deck.
--- Anon
But who opened it? I am not sure...
I've been hiding so long...
No wait... Something's wrong!
Once again myself, I must obscure!
--- Anon
Of lesbian orgies prevail.
So I'd just like to hear
If there's something to fear
For my pussy or may I exhale?
--- Anon
I'm really as shy as a rabbit.
I am not much fun,
(Actually I'm a nun)
I just went and got out of the habit.
--- Ericka
Would worship at Holy Mom's Breast,
Annointing her image
With milk from her tittage.
I know; I'm their priest; they confessed.
--- H Welchel
Who'd like to take on a new boarder.
If the worshipful flock
Plays diddley-cock,
I'd be willing to work as the porter.
--- ML
With me as the flock and the priest.
Annoint my pudendence --
I'll double attendance!
We'll call it Communing The Beast.
--- H Welchel
We carefully choose who we get.
Our Nuns are all tested
And only invested,
If they are perpetually wet.
--- Archie
In God's name, they have tied holy knots.
In their manner austere,
They assembled each year
At a dinner for petrified twats.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0522
Said the bishop, "You're praying, perhaps
For guidance today?"
But the nun said, "No way--
I am praying it doesn't collapse."
--- Al Chaplin P9609
Shut up, like a pearl in an oyster.
The solitude charms.
She is safe from all harms,
Though the outer world bluster and roister.
--- Laurence Perrine P8907
With one of those nuns you have used,
For mine is quite tight;
No pouting in sight
From the one that I'm keeping amused.
--- Frank Fazededit
Whose rulers could leave you with blisters.
They might do one another,
Even Superior Mother,
But they seldom do it with Misters.
--- Saint
Inordinately fond of fat pork,
Which she'd serve up with SPAM
And strawberry jam
At the end of sermon or talk.
--- Mike O'Conner
Who thought that they needed some guns.
They heard that the Pope
Was smuggling dope,
So they threatened to shoot off his buns.
--- Anon
Who was splitting atoms asunder.
"Atom smashing's great fun!"
Said this too active nun.
"Truly God's creations's a wonder!"
--- Sumaq
A nude of himself he had painted.
He offered it, free,
To a convent in Brie;
The nuns and the sisters all fainted.
--- Cap'n Bean
Would sigh as she turned off the light,
"A man is taboo...
And sex is to boo...
And I am a boo-hoo tonight."
--- Irving Superior P8907
Who tried to seduce a young nun.
She giggled and squealed
Then turned on her heels,
Saying, "I'm much too GOOD for you, son!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Avoid both delusion and snare...
What's a black and white frump
That goes bump, bump, bump?
A tumbling nun on the stair.
--- Arthur Deex P8907
For toothsome young nuns had a yen.
Explaining his preference,
He said with due deference,
"Well, girls are more hole-y than men."
--- Armand E Singer 139
A lim for my Valentine Kitten.
Her nocturnal habits
Attract all the abbots
And dopey old Popes who are smitten.
--- Archie
Came old Abraham just big as you please.
With some goats, a few swine,
At least one concubine,
Who could put a strong man on his knees!
--- Bare Bones Book P9409
Chance of having an offspring were cold.
She said, "Go, screw the maid
And don't be afraid.
I'll be happy if it takes ahold!"
--- Bare Bones Book P9409
And it made old Abe happy and gay.
Now he had an heir.
Sarah said, "I don't care,
Just don't let 'em get in the way!"
--- Bare Bones Book P9409
This pushed Sarah's nose out of joint.
She said, "This won't work,
The kid is half Turk!
And you seem to be missing the point."
--- Bare Bones Book P9409
'Til an Angel showed up by her side.
He said, "Have I got some news!
You will mother the Jews."
And old Sarah was fit to be tied.
--- Bare Bones Book P9409
As for screwing, I have long lost the yen."
Said the Angel, "Don't fret,
It will happen yet.
So don't think of yourself as has been."
--- Bare Bones Book P9409
And the Angel had made her quite bold.
She said, "Ab'ram, you jerk,
You must strip that Turk
Of your blessing. It has been foretold."
--- Bare Bones Book P9409
That do this deed that's ahead!"
And then his first born
Of his blessing was shorn,
And 'twas given to Isaac instead.
--- Bare Bones Book P9409
When his Daddy anointed the Jew.
He said, "I'm damned mad,
'Cause I've just been had.
So to this damned country, adieu.!"
--- Bare Bones Book P9409
Where he bought him a camel-hair tent;
Ten goats and a knife
And a Bedouin wife;
And figured it money well spent.
--- Bare Bones Book P9409
To a pile of rocks, for the kill.
God said, "Don't have a stroke,
It was only a joke!
For your trouble, just send me the bill."
--- Bare Bones Book P9409
To be fruitful and multiply.
And as lusty young men,
They produced lots of kin.
But they never did understand why.
--- Bare Bones Book P9409
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