A myopic tree surgeon named Lee
Trapped an agile young wench in a tree.
Jeered she, "Shift your whopper,
You careless limb lopper!
That's a moss-covered knothole - not me!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

A nearsighted Park Ranger named Lee
Had his girl pressed up to a tree.
"Move your thing up a bit,
If you want to hit clit.
That's a moss-covered knothole...not me!
--- Brad Tribulato

A tree-loving skeptic named Lee
Seduced a grown tree with esprit,
And in triumph did shout
That he too, without doubt,
Was proficient in making a tree.

(What is this shit only God makes trees - McW)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1879

If you don't mow and leave the weeds be,
You'll get more than one species of tree.
The more trees you get,
The less mowing to fret;
And all the new shelter is free.
--- Karen

Leave the trees be, never mow;
Lady Slippers and Violets with grow.
Poppies and Crocus,
Buttercups won't choke us
And Sweet William will make our yards glow.
--- Karen

In order to pursue great deeds,
I planted some trees and grass seeds.
In a month, what a mess!
A mistake I confess,
'Cause I can't see the trees for the weeds.
--- John Paulk P9807

To the forest primeval went Spurgeon,
For within him he felt a deep urgin'.
There he fucked up a sapling,
With which he was grappling,
And the forest was no longer virgin.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1397

A noted tree-surgeon named Fogg
Developed a tree that could jog.
But the tree, fully grown,
Had a mind of its own,
For it ran out and pissed on a dog.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2051

A geneticist developed a tree;
Instead of fruit, it bore pussy.
Although it looked odd,
It decorated his yard
But his neighbors didn't agree.
--- Puff Adder

The neighbors hauled him to court;
The proceedings were very short.
Dig up the tree
Or be hung, you see,
Thereby its growth you'll abort.
--- Puff Adder

The man said, "Far be it for me
To kill off my progeny;
And you can bet,
I have one regret,
I have one life to give my cunt tree."
--- Puff Adder

A virgin of Vernon, B.C.
Was resolved to be raped by a tree!
She was dropped from a plane
Over forest terrain
And on landing was heard to say "WHEEEE."
--- Keith MacMillan 103a

A rugged old lumberman Lee
Wed a one-legged maid of Dundee,
For he saw by the grain
That her peg did contain
The knothole he fucked in a tree.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1877A

A frigid young wife had MacFogg;
In bed she was known as a dog.
She learned nothing from bees,
But she had studied trees,
For she learned how to sleep like a log.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1365

A bow-legged fellow named Teas,
Was arrested Tarzaning in trees.
"That elm was a fright --
Could have perched there all night,
But it's bark's even worse that its bees!"
--- Cyber Geezer

At night, I take walks in the park,
Because I can't sleep when it's dark;
The reason is clear:
I can't stand to hear
The constant noise of the tree's bark.
--- Travis Brasell

Give up your cows and your hay!
Give me your Ironwood, I say!
Just one little bitey
Of your Arborvitae?
(I'll ensure that you're Tree-ted okay.)
--- Ericka

Can you answer me this if you please;
Do you have an obsession with trees?
For whatever you're riding,
You're always colliding
With branches and hurting your knees.
--- Peter Wilkins

But I guess this obsession's less harm-
ful than getting your kicks from a farm
Full of ponies and horses.
(Though Bessie of course has
Exceptional sexual charm.)
--- Peter Wilkins

Now it's alright for my friends and me
And the guys in this limerick sea,
To cavort with a cow,
But your fetish is, (how
shall I put it) "unnatural"; Agree?
--- Peter Wilkins

Will you give up your ridin' and dashin'
Around with your lunatic passion
For crushing those trees
With your thighs and your knees?
Can you treat me in similar fashion?
--- Peter Wilkins

I'll Cedar your need in that way,
For you know that I Maple, Oak A?
And Elm ache Yew feel good
With my hardness of wood,
'Cause I know you need Fir Cone all day.
--- Peter Wilkins

I'm in love with my young turtle-dove;
And we kiss underneath "tree of love".
But I was besmirched
By her mate on branch perched,
Dropping message to me from above.
--- David Miller

There was a tree surgeon named Liggatry
Who was summoned to come out and dig a tree.
But the hue and variety
Gave him cause for anxiety,
And he chose not to fuck with too big a tree.
--- Albin Chaplin

The tree raised by botanist Claude
Was taught to write poems (but how odd!).
But the tree, though a poet,
Was a fool and we know it,
For only a man could make God.
--- Al Chaplin P9006a

The forest that's virgin began
With Nature's preparing a plan
To produce stately trees,
'Midst a sweet scented breeze,
Untrod by the crude hand of man.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2440

An amorous youth named Tandy,
Became all too often quite randy;
He would use a knot hole
For inserting his pole,
Or whatever else he found handy.
--- Armand Singer

In the forest serene, there grew one tree,
Which had knotholes that made it a fun tree.
A lone ranger went by;
As he unzipped his fly,
He said, "What can I do for my cunt tree?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2342

An adventurous fellow named Decker,
Saw a knothole and thought he would check her.
On withdrawing his winkle,
He pissed in a sprinkle,
From the jabs of a vicious woodpecker.
--- Frank Fazed a

Way down in that grove of acacias,
She looked at my spear; said "Good gracious!
That thing you have got
Is too big for my twat;
I'll treat you to massage fellatious."
--- Tiddy Ogg

Dear Abbey I held 'neath the ash,
Expecting to slide in her gash,
When she held up her hand.
She said, "First I demand;
Will payment be check, charge, or cash?"
--- John Miller

'Twas under a quivering aspen,
She gave me my very first raspin'.
She bucked and she screamed
And consistently creamed,
Which left me exhausted and gaspin'.
--- Archie

I hoped she would eat me like phalsa,
But my vim was lacking in salsa.
My secret was out;
Unlike oak, which is stout,
My member was much more like balsa.
--- Bruce

This is file qsm

Said dendrochronologist Dwight,
"I have studied all day and all night.
To avoid confusion,
I reached a conclusion:
Dogwood trees bark is worse than its bite."
--- Tom Patton P0412

She said, as we lay 'neath the beech,
"Proceed, but I have to beseech
You to do the job right,
(Unlike Tiddy last night);
I'm here, love, to learn, not to teach!"
--- John Miller

I'm not, Tiddy, picking on you,
Except to point out that a screw
With a comely young dame
Is just not the same,
(Or as good) as a tryst with a ewe.
--- John Miller

I'm not, Tiddy, picking on you
Except to point out that a screw
Will not get the twitch
As quick from a bitch,
As a sheep or a chimp from the zoo.
--- John Miller

I rodgered her under the birch;
My pecker, it gave a great lurch.
Then so did my heart
When I heard her start
Her prattle 'bout weddings and church.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Her words, as we lay 'neath the birch,
Made my heart give a terrible lurch;
Not to learn, if you please,
Of her five STD's,
But her casual mention of "church."
--- John Miller

Beneath that strange tree called a bo,
I got it together with Flo.
While we humped and we lathered,
A mighty crowd gathered,
Applauding an excellent show.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A morbid young lady named Jean,
Was known as the Masochist Queen.
She used thistles and cacti,
In pursuit of her practi,
In a manner both odd and obscene.
--- Gershorn Legman A

I met this young Jean as a teen,
A nubile, pubescent coleen.
I showed her my phallus
Which she struck with malice,
Then smiled as she said, "Just routine."
--- Ogni Gioia

My mistress begged, "Under that cactus,
Your art of love, put into practice!"
When we tried sixty-nine,
My balls hit a spine,
And set off a flow cataractous.
--- Ward Hardman

Last night, 'neath a lovely camellia,
I was giving it to Ophelia.
Though I'm over-size,
I'm sure it was lies,
When she said, very loud, "I can't feel ya'!"
--- David Miller

'Neath a nice sweet-smelling camphor laurel,
I had dreams of sex acts immoral;
With virginal sheep,
My Kate while asleep,
And her teen-age sister named Coral.
--- David Miller

'Neath a burnt-black coolibah tree,
We gang-banged this jump buck, you see.
The fucking was fine,
And sauteed in wine,
'Twas a self-saucing dinner for three.
--- David Miller

Like strippers, the oak and the ash,
Each autumn denude in a flash,
But the conifer sene
Is to hold on to green,
Like misers preserving their cash.
--- Tiddy Ogg

In the foregoing our dear author wheedles
Us to forget that pines have their needles,
Which do indeed fall
Though not at once all,
But their a pain in the ass, yes indeedles!
--- Jenni Saqua

Of course that's quite true what you've mooted,
To gales, though, broad leaves are well suited.
At nature's insistence,
To cut wind resistence,
They're shed so the tree's not uprooted.
--- Tiddy Ogg

My cottonwood's causing me grief,
And not on account of de-leaf.
It's roots, you might know,
Gives foundations heave-ho.
The size of some shoots...beyond belief!
--- Jenni Saqua

"The dogwoods we find in the park,"
Explained a professor named Clark,
"Grow all in one plot
And are easy to spot.
We distinguish these trees by their bark."
--- A N Wilkins P8311A

Ophelia I met 'neath an elm;
She's one of that sexual realm
Of your anus cuties,
With oft-ravaged booties,
Who steers you to dock by your helm.
--- Frank

'Twas up in that old eucalyptus,
That carnal desire first gripped us.
And then in mid-screw,
A mighty wind blew,
Which out on the hard ground it tipped us.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Eucalyptus trees are dubbed, down under,
Gum Trees, and their seed pods can sunder
An unwary foot,
Unerringly put
On top of a nut; Aussies blunder.
--- John & Liz

Gum nuts are what these seed pods
Are dubbed, differing in size, the sods.
From half inch funsters
To two inch munsters;
The big ones can damage your bod.
--- John & Liz

But the most important of all,
Eucalypts don't drop leaves in fall.
The time they all drop
Is when all growth does stop;
Permanent dormancy casts its pall.
--- John & Liz

The gum tree is sturdy and tall,
Deciduously bare in the fall.
It's lovely of leaf,
But gave me some grief,
The time I first stepped on its ball.
--- H Welchel

I think you are in for rebutts
To correct some botanical ruts.
Your complaint about grief
Cumbers with wrong belief
If you think that a gum tree has nuts!
--- Chumly

Technically, gums have a fruit;
For nits, it's a poor substitute.
It can't be comsumed
And I am foredoomed
To rake up each spiny round brute.
--- Chumly

Here we just call them gum balls,
And arborists spray aerosols --
It's tree birth control,
And costs a bankroll --
But stifles those dreaded ball falls.
--- H Welchel

'Neath a Japanese flowering quince,
In a young Geisha I gave it a rinse.
The reason you see,
I'd got it dirty
Up the bum of her half-brother Vince.
--- David Miller

'Neath a tropical frangipanni,
I'd eaten my young sister's fanny;
But feeling so blue,
'Cause next in the queue,
Was our sixty-nine year old granny.
--- David Miller

We picnicked beneath a golden wattle;
My desire for Kate at full throttle.
She choked on my wine,
And also on mine,
But she liked me inserting the bottle.
--- David Miller

I had the same problem -- midcourse
Making love 'neath an old English gorse.
From afar, "Tally Ho!"
"It's my husband! Let's go!
He's out hunting grounds for divorce."
--- David Miller

'Neath a spiny red-berried holly,
I was making love to Miss Molly.
Adding oomph to her heaves,
Were the spiny dead leaves,
And all it cost me was a lolly.
--- David Miller

In the shade 'neath the spreading horse chestnut,
He his lips to the blushing whore's breast put.
But thinking it parlous,
She wasn't yet bra-less,
Said, "You might at least first get undressed, slut."
--- Jester Jon