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A myopic tree surgeon named Lee A nearsighted Park Ranger named Lee A tree-loving skeptic named Lee (What is this shit only God makes trees - McW)
If you don't mow and leave the weeds be, Leave the trees be, never mow; In order to pursue great deeds, To the forest primeval went Spurgeon, A noted tree-surgeon named Fogg A geneticist developed a tree; The neighbors hauled him to court; The man said, "Far be it for me A virgin of Vernon, B.C. A rugged old lumberman Lee A frigid young wife had MacFogg; A bow-legged fellow named Teas, At night, I take walks in the park, Give up your cows and your hay! Can you answer me this if you please; But I guess this obsession's less harm- Now it's alright for my friends and me Will you give up your ridin' and dashin' I'll Cedar your need in that way, I'm in love with my young turtle-dove; There was a tree surgeon named Liggatry The tree raised by botanist Claude The forest that's virgin began An amorous youth named Tandy, In the forest serene, there grew one tree, An adventurous fellow named Decker, Way down in that grove of acacias, Dear Abbey I held 'neath the ash, 'Twas under a quivering aspen, I hoped she would eat me like phalsa, Said dendrochronologist Dwight, She said, as we lay 'neath the beech, I'm not, Tiddy, picking on you, I'm not, Tiddy, picking on you I rodgered her under the birch; Her words, as we lay 'neath the birch, Beneath that strange tree called a bo, A morbid young lady named Jean, I met this young Jean as a teen, My mistress begged, "Under that cactus, Last night, 'neath a lovely camellia, 'Neath a nice sweet-smelling camphor laurel, 'Neath a burnt-black coolibah tree, Like strippers, the oak and the ash, In the foregoing our dear author wheedles Of course that's quite true what you've mooted, My cottonwood's causing me grief, "The dogwoods we find in the park," Ophelia I met 'neath an elm; 'Twas up in that old eucalyptus, Eucalyptus trees are dubbed, down under, Gum nuts are what these seed pods But the most important of all, The gum tree is sturdy and tall, I think you are in for rebutts Technically, gums have a fruit; Here we just call them gum balls, 'Neath a Japanese flowering quince, 'Neath a tropical frangipanni, We picnicked beneath a golden wattle; I had the same problem -- midcourse 'Neath a spiny red-berried holly, In the shade 'neath the spreading horse chestnut,
Trapped an agile young wench in a tree.
Jeered she, "Shift your whopper,
You careless limb lopper!
That's a moss-covered knothole - not me!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Had his girl pressed up to a tree.
"Move your thing up a bit,
If you want to hit clit.
That's a moss-covered knothole...not me!
--- Brad Tribulato
Seduced a grown tree with esprit,
And in triumph did shout
That he too, without doubt,
Was proficient in making a tree.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1879
You'll get more than one species of tree.
The more trees you get,
The less mowing to fret;
And all the new shelter is free.
--- Karen
Lady Slippers and Violets with grow.
Poppies and Crocus,
Buttercups won't choke us
And Sweet William will make our yards glow.
--- Karen
I planted some trees and grass seeds.
In a month, what a mess!
A mistake I confess,
'Cause I can't see the trees for the weeds.
--- John Paulk P9807
For within him he felt a deep urgin'.
There he fucked up a sapling,
With which he was grappling,
And the forest was no longer virgin.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1397
Developed a tree that could jog.
But the tree, fully grown,
Had a mind of its own,
For it ran out and pissed on a dog.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2051
Instead of fruit, it bore pussy.
Although it looked odd,
It decorated his yard
But his neighbors didn't agree.
--- Puff Adder
The proceedings were very short.
Dig up the tree
Or be hung, you see,
Thereby its growth you'll abort.
--- Puff Adder
To kill off my progeny;
And you can bet,
I have one regret,
I have one life to give my cunt tree."
--- Puff Adder
Was resolved to be raped by a tree!
She was dropped from a plane
Over forest terrain
And on landing was heard to say "WHEEEE."
--- Keith MacMillan 103a
Wed a one-legged maid of Dundee,
For he saw by the grain
That her peg did contain
The knothole he fucked in a tree.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1877A
In bed she was known as a dog.
She learned nothing from bees,
But she had studied trees,
For she learned how to sleep like a log.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1365
Was arrested Tarzaning in trees.
"That elm was a fright --
Could have perched there all night,
But it's bark's even worse that its bees!"
--- Cyber Geezer
Because I can't sleep when it's dark;
The reason is clear:
I can't stand to hear
The constant noise of the tree's bark.
--- Travis Brasell
Give me your Ironwood, I say!
Just one little bitey
Of your Arborvitae?
(I'll ensure that you're Tree-ted okay.)
--- Ericka
Do you have an obsession with trees?
For whatever you're riding,
You're always colliding
With branches and hurting your knees.
--- Peter Wilkins
ful than getting your kicks from a farm
Full of ponies and horses.
(Though Bessie of course has
Exceptional sexual charm.)
--- Peter Wilkins
And the guys in this limerick sea,
To cavort with a cow,
But your fetish is, (how
shall I put it) "unnatural"; Agree?
--- Peter Wilkins
Around with your lunatic passion
For crushing those trees
With your thighs and your knees?
Can you treat me in similar fashion?
--- Peter Wilkins
For you know that I Maple, Oak A?
And Elm ache Yew feel good
With my hardness of wood,
'Cause I know you need Fir Cone all day.
--- Peter Wilkins
And we kiss underneath "tree of love".
But I was besmirched
By her mate on branch perched,
Dropping message to me from above.
--- David Miller
Who was summoned to come out and dig a tree.
But the hue and variety
Gave him cause for anxiety,
And he chose not to fuck with too big a tree.
--- Albin Chaplin
Was taught to write poems (but how odd!).
But the tree, though a poet,
Was a fool and we know it,
For only a man could make God.
--- Al Chaplin P9006a
With Nature's preparing a plan
To produce stately trees,
'Midst a sweet scented breeze,
Untrod by the crude hand of man.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2440
Became all too often quite randy;
He would use a knot hole
For inserting his pole,
Or whatever else he found handy.
--- Armand Singer
Which had knotholes that made it a fun tree.
A lone ranger went by;
As he unzipped his fly,
He said, "What can I do for my cunt tree?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2342
Saw a knothole and thought he would check her.
On withdrawing his winkle,
He pissed in a sprinkle,
From the jabs of a vicious woodpecker.
--- Frank Fazed a
She looked at my spear; said "Good gracious!
That thing you have got
Is too big for my twat;
I'll treat you to massage fellatious."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Expecting to slide in her gash,
When she held up her hand.
She said, "First I demand;
Will payment be check, charge, or cash?"
--- John Miller
She gave me my very first raspin'.
She bucked and she screamed
And consistently creamed,
Which left me exhausted and gaspin'.
--- Archie
But my vim was lacking in salsa.
My secret was out;
Unlike oak, which is stout,
My member was much more like balsa.
--- Bruce
This is file qsm
"I have studied all day and all night.
To avoid confusion,
I reached a conclusion:
Dogwood trees bark is worse than its bite."
--- Tom Patton P0412
"Proceed, but I have to beseech
You to do the job right,
(Unlike Tiddy last night);
I'm here, love, to learn, not to teach!"
--- John Miller
Except to point out that a screw
With a comely young dame
Is just not the same,
(Or as good) as a tryst with a ewe.
--- John Miller
Except to point out that a screw
Will not get the twitch
As quick from a bitch,
As a sheep or a chimp from the zoo.
--- John Miller
My pecker, it gave a great lurch.
Then so did my heart
When I heard her start
Her prattle 'bout weddings and church.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Made my heart give a terrible lurch;
Not to learn, if you please,
Of her five STD's,
But her casual mention of "church."
--- John Miller
I got it together with Flo.
While we humped and we lathered,
A mighty crowd gathered,
Applauding an excellent show.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was known as the Masochist Queen.
She used thistles and cacti,
In pursuit of her practi,
In a manner both odd and obscene.
--- Gershorn Legman A
A nubile, pubescent coleen.
I showed her my phallus
Which she struck with malice,
Then smiled as she said, "Just routine."
--- Ogni Gioia
Your art of love, put into practice!"
When we tried sixty-nine,
My balls hit a spine,
And set off a flow cataractous.
--- Ward Hardman
I was giving it to Ophelia.
Though I'm over-size,
I'm sure it was lies,
When she said, very loud, "I can't feel ya'!"
--- David Miller
I had dreams of sex acts immoral;
With virginal sheep,
My Kate while asleep,
And her teen-age sister named Coral.
--- David Miller
We gang-banged this jump buck, you see.
The fucking was fine,
And sauteed in wine,
'Twas a self-saucing dinner for three.
--- David Miller
Each autumn denude in a flash,
But the conifer sene
Is to hold on to green,
Like misers preserving their cash.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Us to forget that pines have their needles,
Which do indeed fall
Though not at once all,
But their a pain in the ass, yes indeedles!
--- Jenni Saqua
To gales, though, broad leaves are well suited.
At nature's insistence,
To cut wind resistence,
They're shed so the tree's not uprooted.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And not on account of de-leaf.
It's roots, you might know,
Gives foundations heave-ho.
The size of some shoots...beyond belief!
--- Jenni Saqua
Explained a professor named Clark,
"Grow all in one plot
And are easy to spot.
We distinguish these trees by their bark."
--- A N Wilkins P8311A
She's one of that sexual realm
Of your anus cuties,
With oft-ravaged booties,
Who steers you to dock by your helm.
--- Frank
That carnal desire first gripped us.
And then in mid-screw,
A mighty wind blew,
Which out on the hard ground it tipped us.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Gum Trees, and their seed pods can sunder
An unwary foot,
Unerringly put
On top of a nut; Aussies blunder.
--- John & Liz
Are dubbed, differing in size, the sods.
From half inch funsters
To two inch munsters;
The big ones can damage your bod.
--- John & Liz
Eucalypts don't drop leaves in fall.
The time they all drop
Is when all growth does stop;
Permanent dormancy casts its pall.
--- John & Liz
Deciduously bare in the fall.
It's lovely of leaf,
But gave me some grief,
The time I first stepped on its ball.
--- H Welchel
To correct some botanical ruts.
Your complaint about grief
Cumbers with wrong belief
If you think that a gum tree has nuts!
--- Chumly
For nits, it's a poor substitute.
It can't be comsumed
And I am foredoomed
To rake up each spiny round brute.
--- Chumly
And arborists spray aerosols --
It's tree birth control,
And costs a bankroll --
But stifles those dreaded ball falls.
--- H Welchel
In a young Geisha I gave it a rinse.
The reason you see,
I'd got it dirty
Up the bum of her half-brother Vince.
--- David Miller
I'd eaten my young sister's fanny;
But feeling so blue,
'Cause next in the queue,
Was our sixty-nine year old granny.
--- David Miller
My desire for Kate at full throttle.
She choked on my wine,
And also on mine,
But she liked me inserting the bottle.
--- David Miller
Making love 'neath an old English gorse.
From afar, "Tally Ho!"
"It's my husband! Let's go!
He's out hunting grounds for divorce."
--- David Miller
I was making love to Miss Molly.
Adding oomph to her heaves,
Were the spiny dead leaves,
And all it cost me was a lolly.
--- David Miller
He his lips to the blushing whore's breast put.
But thinking it parlous,
She wasn't yet bra-less,
Said, "You might at least first get undressed, slut."
--- Jester Jon
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