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Then Gabriel gave him a black stone,
In the Kaaba at Mecca it's shown.
"You'll walk seven times around
For it is Holy ground.
Five or six times I will not condone.
--- Bare Bones Book P9409

Now the Moslem has gone ever since
Down to Mecca, oft at great expense,
To revere that black stone,
And their sins to atone,
And to build up their self-confidence.
--- Bare Bones Book P9409

To the Jew the answer is simple;
They just pray at the wall of the Temple.
There their prayers are read,
As they pound on their head,
And put notes into each crack and dimple.
--- Bare Bones Book P9409

When descendants of the two brothers meet,
It most always will generate heat.
Jews will use gun and tank,
To steal the West Bank.
And anything else that looks neat.
--- Bare Bones Book P9409

The Jews said. "We got you a deal,
That is if this bargain we seal,
Give us all your good land,
We'll leave you the sand
And just maybe a little cold steel!"
--- Bare Bones Book P9409

But Allah says, "Rise up and fight!
Because what they're doing ain't right.
Their leader's a thief,
Who will soon come to grief,
When we get him lined up in our sights!"
--- Bare Bones Book P9409

Abraham got the word from above
To give his son, Isaac, a shove.
Should you say 'twas Ishmael
It's the Tel Aviv Jail --
A lesson in brotherly love.
--- Arthur Deex P8209

If all men were equal... Ezekiel,
And if it were true that, "The meek will..."
If men were as brothers...
If do unto others...
How lovely this Adam/Eve sequel.
--- Irving Superior P9004

Albimelech! Who could subdue him?
A lady of Thebez, to undo him,
Dropped a stone on his head.
The dying king said,
"Kill me, men, lest they say, 'A girl slew him.'"

(I assume it is the old testament?)
--- Ron Ecker

"I don't mind if a poem is demanding,"
Conceded a critic named Blanding,
"And I really am fond
Of some works by Pound,
But this piece passeth all understanding."

(Phil 4:7)
--- A N Wilkins P9004

On a clear day the Lord from on high
For a contact with Moses did try.
But he spoke with concern
From a bush that did burn,
For there wasn't a cloud in the sky.
--- Albin Chaplin P9106

Be careful when quoting the Bible,
'Cause otherwise, you may be liable
To piss off some queers,
Or Jews or their peers,
Such as Arabs or other folks tribal.
--- John Miller

Young Joseph's new coat was real nice,
Bright colors and cheap at the price.
The coat was to take him
To Egypt and make him
As rich as Lloyd-Weber and Rice.
--- Cyril Mountjoy

Poor Daniel returned to the den.
The lions, quite hungry by then..
(Please fill in the blanks)
Then the lions gave thanks,
For the Lord's most flavored of men.
--- Murky TP9806

Amid the lions stands Daniel
And not in anguish does Dan yell
Or go berserk. Instead
"If they fare well," Dan said,
I'll not fare well, but will farewell."
--- Irving Superior P8207

In biblical days there were men
Who could diddle again and again.
They didn't know science
But in bed they were giants
And the women would never say, "When!"
--- Neal Wilgus P8207

"My daughter's a good girl indeed,
And I'm proud of her," said Mrs. Mead.
"Though last night it was late,
She came home from her date
With a Gideon Bible to read."
--- A N Wilkins P0211

Cried a pious young fellow, Pat Gagan,
"I'm in love with a sinuous pagan.
Her legs are just fine,
But she cannot be mine,
Till Golden Calves all, are forsaken."
--- Anon

A biblical party called Ham,
Cried, "Cuss it, I don't give a damn!
My father's yard measure
I view with great pleasure,
Such a bloody great battering ram!"
--- L1430

When Haman would the Hebrews crush
Queen Esther cried, "Up Haman's tush!"
Well, anyway,
On Purim Day
The Hebrews feast on Hamantush.
--- Irving Superior P8207

God created the earth and the heaven
Using firmament as His chief leaven;
Then he cried, "Fiat Lux!!
GimMe whales; GimMe ducks;
GimMe Ho-Jos and Seven-Eleven!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8409

The diary of Nathanial, ecclesiastical,
Is actual, true, honest, and factual,
It has proclivities exotic
And activities erotic,
Natural and unnatural (impractical).
--- Anon

There was an old man called Isiah,
Who foresaw the coming Messiah.
Jonah told tales
Of life inside whales,
And Moses set bushes on fire.
--- Richard Long

In killing Sisera, young Jael
Wasn't worried. There wasn't a gaol
At that primitive site,
Nor was there in sight
A simple American jail.
--- A N Wilkins P9112

When Jael crept in to see Sisera,
She aimed a bit up from his kisser, her
Blow, as she said,
Hit the nail on the head,
And avoided much messier viscera.
--- Bill Greenwell

Despondent and given to fits,
King Saul, at the end of his wits,
Was informed by a ghost
That the Philistine host
Would chop him, next day, into bits.
--- Old Test Made Easy P0012

King Saul met defeat as he warred,
Was wounded, and couldn't afford
To let Philistines nab him.
But no one would stab him,
So he had to fall on his sword.
--- Ron Ecker

When Lazarus rose from the dead,
He still couldn't function in bed.
"What good's Resurrection
Without an erection?",
Old Lazarus testily said.
--- Anon G2004

Methuselah boasted, "My dears,
I've confirmed all my enemies fears;
I've neglected to die,
And so celebrate my
Bicentenary years!"
--- Rory Ewins

A merry old man was Methuselah;
At love, though, he's never a luselah.
His dick may be shrunken,
But when he gets drunken,
He'll grab a young girl and he'll gooselah.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Dear Miss, didn't mean to malign
The likes of these ladies bovine.
I'm just bourgeoisie.
Any good said of me,
Is like casting (faux) pearls before swine.
--- Anon

Joseph led a real gourmet's life.
(Though he always ate peas with his knife.)
When the cook cried out, "Sir!
Try this great pot-au-feu,"
Old Joseph tried Potiphar's wife.
--- Anon

All true believers understand
There was not other Promised Land.
While they the Red Sea walked,
Of Promised Land they talked,
But God had only promised sand.
--- Irving Superior P9009

This is file qsl

There once was a man named Joshua,
Whose followers cried out, "How posh you are!
You really show class
On your royal ass,--
Which you ride as though he were Nashua.
--- Jim Jambor P9009

Charles II was always in touch
And when biblical students and such
Would sometimes request
The text he liked best,
"Be not righteous," he said, "overmuch."

(Ecclesiastes 7:16)
--- A N Wilkins P8605

An Old Testament king, Ebeneezer,
Had a cold-blooded wife, couldn't please her.
Though you won't find a hint
In the Septuagint,
He just must have made love in the freezer.
--- Armand E Singer 230

A daring young lady of Guam,
Observed, "The Pacific's so calm,
I'll swim out for a lark."
She met a large shark;
Let us now sing the Ninetieth Psalm.
--- Anon

From reading the Bible I saw,
In Solomon's life one big flaw,
For all of his wives,
'Bout 905,
Each came with one mother-in-law.
--- Anon

Give a thought to the Empress of Sheba,
Who thought Solomon called her Mein Liebe.
She brought him wild asses,
And grapes from Parnassus,
Whilst he gave her--what?--heeba-jeeba.
--- G0183

Sheba's queen was King Solomon's dream,
Though their love life was not what 'twould seem.
For in those olden days,
They had no scented sprays,
And she smelled like the Yale football team.
--- Anon

Old Solomon was a great Jew,
And was famous for all that he knew.
He could multiply seven
By nine times eleven,
And divide by the square of point two.
--- P8207

Old King Solomon is admired lots
For his wisdom in dealing with tots,
And dividing two mothers
Of contrasting 'druthers
Into either the halves or halve nots.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0105

For Joshua it wasn't fun,
And he thought that they'd never have done;
Telling every last fool
Who attended the school
That he was the son of a Nun.

(Numbers 13:16)
--- A N Wilkins P8907

Explanations are often exotic
And maintained with a fierceness despotic.
Sollie's Song deals with God?
And the Church? My, how odd.
To me it seems merely erotic.
--- Isaac Asimov

The people do not understand
For all they see is sand and sand.
No access road. No lake.
Not one foundation stake.
"Good Lord! Is this the Promised Land?"
--- Irving Superior P8207

When God cursed the Tower of Babel,
The artisans turned instant rabble.
When each tried to speak
The result was all Greek
To the rest - multi-national scrabble.
--- Arthur Deex P8207

If you want to get closer to God,
Build a tower just like old Nimrod.
But make it more stable
And if you are able,
Top it off with a stout lightning rod.
--- Gary Hallock

Read the message that's writ on the wall,
In fiery script ten feet tall,
And, in case Hebrew
Is all Greek to you,
I'll translate: It says Fuck You All!

(Mene mene tekel upharsin)
--- Anon

There's a man in the Bible portrayed
As one deeply engrossed in his trade.
He became quite elated
Over things he created,
Especially the women he made.
--- L1585

When Belshazzar gave a great ball,
A hand wrote some words on the wall.
The Royal Committee
For reading Graffiti
Declared it made no sense at all.
--- Bob Maximoff P9011

Belshazzar, from what I recall,
Was the first to object to the scrawl
Of graffiti artistes
Interrupting his feasts,
With their handwriting left on his wall.
--- Indiana Millwart

In vain was Belshazzar's complaint,
Or a swift application of paint;
By the dawn he was dead --
Wonder how? -- no one said.
And the Israelites freed from restraint.
--- Indiana Millwart

Said Eve, "When our world was begun,
And God's labors were finally done,
I and Adam were equal,
I wasn't a sequel.
We are told so in Genesis One.
--- Laurence Perrine P9209

"I flatly and roundly deny
That Adam is older than I.
That tale of a rib
Is an absolute fib,
And Genesis Two is a lie."
--- Laurence Perrine P9209

"And as for that other old fable
That Cain, after murdering Abel,
Found a woman in Nod--
That's an error, By God!
In his genealogical table."
--- Laurence Perrine P9209

His first night, Adam said to his dear,
"Darling Eve, you had better stand clear.
Since touched by your hand,
It's begun to expand,
And I don't know how far 'twill uprear."
--- Isaac Asimov

A gay rabbi said fervently, "We've
Made translations of what we believe
To be Genesis pure,
And we found out for sure
It's the story of Adam and Steve."
--- Don Moore P9209a

In Eden with flowers and grass,
Satan gave a fruit to a lass.
She had to be gone
So Adam ate some.
Better that than getting no ass.
--- Anon

Our parents were Adam and Eve,
Which means we are asked to believe
That scumbags and mothers
Are sisters and brothers.
Oh, Adam! Why did you conceive?
--- Irving Superior

I'm not sure that the story's a fake.
Could be history has made a mistake.
But there is no dispute;
Adam did eat the fruit.
And we know that he did bare a snake.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Is this the same Eve who made Adam
So horny while watching his madam.
He took several hens,
Goats and sheep from their pens,
To the Garden of Eden and had 'em?
--- Anon

When God had seen Adam alone,
From his rib God made Eve fully grown.
But a serpent conned Eve
And made Adam believe
He'd have been better off with his bone.
--- Warrick Elrod

The serpent's temptation brought strife
Into Adam and Eve's simple life.
Adam, when they began,
Took his woes like a man --
He blamed all of them on his wife.
--- A N Wilkins P8409a

Said God: "That's the fruit, I believe,
That I'm certain I told you to leave.
What led you to take
The advice from a snake?"
Said Adam, "I blame it on Eve."
--- Richard Long

Said young Adam, while pulling each boot on,
As he left Eve bereft on the fouton:
"Here's another fine fix
That we're in, through your tricks;
Let The Serpent eat out your fig-newton!"
--- Allen Wolverton

If navels were never forbade 'em,
And if both Eve and her Adam had 'em,
Is it then a mere fib;
That tall tale re: the rib
And Adam's start, also his madam?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0410


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