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When Adam was long in the tooth, Adam should have requested a trial, Dear Adam and Eve: Hear our plea. (signed) The Andrew Sisters
The Fall of Mankind's down to Adam, As hurriedly they left the gate, Imagine the first thoughts of Eve Said Adam, "I hope you will pardon When Adam first looked upon Eve, Adam owned the first set of balls, Said Adam to Eve when they met, When Adam first looked upon Eve," Yes, Adam and Eve had a fight Said Adam sadly at the gate, Turning over a new leaf would pose Adam wasn't a man who'd deceive. When of Adam and Eve, old Ms. Finder Adam said, "It's the same everywhere. "Adam, really, it's not such a crime, If Adam had been unrequited Curiosity caused as much strife What made Adam, the first man, unique -- Their own failings were largely the cause, For Adam, life was a treadmill; As a person can tell at this distance, "Abstention," said Adam to Eve, If Eve hadn't eaten the apple, Adam and Eve were created Sly Snake at this sight was elated, No offspring this way are created So eviction from Eden was slated, And so, to this day, snakes are hated His one-eyed snake, by any measure, Said Adam, "My dear, can't you see, A scenario based on the Bible "I've covered this thing that I poke Finding God's taboos totalitarian, (prolapsarian - slipping down of a part of the body)
Although it was a secret to keep, "Bone of my bones," was Adam's decree. When the atom he split by his wit, The serpent, smooth, supple, and wily, Adam and Eve in the garden... "These fig leaves will calm down your nerves, I was thinking, while supping my soup, Claimed Adam, while sleeping, his rib "Your Honor," a lawyer named Fitch, To his madam, those strange parts of Adam The story of Eden is funny, From The Garden, expelled by The Chief, A biology Student Miss Rigg Young Adam said, "God, though it's fun, Adam and Eve in Eden, there lovered, When Adam first looked upon Eve, Outside the gate Adam now stands, "I'm not horny," said Adam. Some Fib! You remember when Tarzan and Jane Now Cain was a sower and reaper, There was a young fellow named Cain, When Abel put meat, Cain fruit, on the table, Two brothers named Abel and Cain What occurred, we are led to assume, When Abel brought lamb to the feast, When Cain in a fit of vexation, That biblical hero named Abel, As a son, Cain was not all that hot, When Cain killed Abel there began Cain and Abel were mother Eve's twosome. When Adam saw Eve, it was plain
He discovered Original Truth:
The indifference of time...
The brief span of man's prime...
The fleet wings of the sweet bird of youth.
--- William N Nesbit P9602
Asked for witnesses for the espial,
Then in manifest fury
Demanded a jury
And appealed from the Judge's denial.
--- Laurence Perrine P8501
If you ever again chance to be
In Eden, take care!
Of strangers beware!
Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree.
--- Irving Superior P9209
But Eve was a bit of a madam.
Seeing her and her wares,
He cried, "Sod it! Who cares?"
Then his fig leaf fell off and he had 'em.
--- Rather Rottener P0410
Did Adam's figleaf fluctuate?
And when ten steps away,
(The Bible does not say)
Did Adam's figleaf stand out straight?
--- Irving Superior P9209
When Adam appeared, to perceive
His chuckling with mirth
With the first hard on Earth
Her voluptousness helped him achieve.
--- Grand Prix Lim 532 P8207
My approaching you thus in the Garden,
But from seeing you there
With your softness all bare,
I've got an unbearable hard-on."
--- Lance Payne P9209
His eyesight he could not believe.
Much bigger in breast;
Of pelvis, much less;
The reason, he could not conceive.
--- Irving Superior P9209
Fuzzy ones that you can't buy in malls.
Do they have uses
Our dumb Adam muses,
Until into the garden Eve crawls.
--- Harry Rubin P9209
"Please refrain for a moment, my pet.
For a part of me, here,
Seems to grow as you near,
And I fear just how large this might get."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9209
"Great dissimilarities we've.
The worst, I would say,
We differ midway.
The reason, I cannot conceive."
--- Irving Superior P8312
Over which took the fatal first bite:
"Love, do you insinuate..."
"Yes! that in sin you ate!"
And thus they continued in spite....
--- Laurence Perrine P9206
"Why was that angel so irate?
And why did he
Repeatedly
Insinuate in sin you ate?"
--- Irving Superior P8207
No problem for most, except those
Who, like the first Adam
And his ambitious madam,
Use only new leaves for their clothes.
--- Patricia White P8207
It's just that he didn't believe
He should stir up the fuss
It would cause to discuss
Sultry Lilith, his first wife, with Eve.
--- A N Wilkins P9209
Asked someone in class to remind her
How the couple were like
Modern students, young Ike
Asked, "Was it their good loose leaf binder?"
--- A N Wilkins P8508
These young kids go as far as the dare."
Eve remembered the time,
Way back in their prime,
When they hadn't a fig leaf to wear.
--- Neal Wilgus P8407
And you're guilty too, just as I'm.
When we hadn't a care
We sure did our share."
What they did does not fit in this rhyme.
--- Neal Wilgus P8407
Or Eve had remained unexcited,
The worst thing of all
That then could befall:
This limerick would never be writed.
--- Irving Superior P9307
As jealousy in Eve's botched life.
Though she called him a skunk,
Unless he got drunk,
Adam never discussed his first wife.
--- A N Wilkins P8811a
A kind of biological freak?
He had no breast to suck on,
And no navel button.
Created, not born, so to speak.
--- Caroline Donovan P9804
But a wretched existence it was.
Yet though ill the two fared,
One trial they were spared.
Neither Adam nor Eve had in-laws.
--- A N Wilkins P9209
'Twas boring and offered no thrill.
Every day the same beaver,
The same wife, couldn't leave her;
There weren't other pussies to fill.
--- Dirruk
Eve succumbed to the serpent's insistence.
It wasn't her itch
For the fruit, but his pitch.
She simply had no sales resistance.
--- A N Wilkins P9209
"Means only we could not conceive
While still in the Garden,
Where peckers don't harden,
And you wore no skimpy fig leaf."
--- Irving Superior P9708
Mankind would not have to grapple
With sin and temptation,
And disapprobation
From ladies who worship at Chapel
--- Wendy Cope
To love and be happily mated.
But would you believe,
They didn't conceive,
But all by themselves, masturbated?
--- John Miller
And visited Adam, and stated,
"Now heed this old snake;
This hand stuff's a fake;
Grab Eve and let's get you fellated."
--- John Miller
And God took a peek in, belated,
And said, "You can't be
Having more fun than me!
Such arrogance must be abated!"
--- John Miller
And Eve, and all parties related,
Put on some rags
And packed up their bags;
No options with God were debated.
--- John Miller
And boys, when they're just masturbated,
Are apt to feel guilt
For the semen they've spilt,
And girls just want their eggs incubated.
--- John Miller
Eve deemed Adam's burliest treasure.
When not in his britches,
It fill all her nitches
With seven thick inches of pleasure.
--- Randog
Were we wedded, how happy we'd be?
Without you I'm lonely!
I swear you're the only
One girl in the whole world for me!"
--- Laurence Perrine P9209
This is file qrl
Where events we know are liable
To mention incest,
Lewd Eve undressed,
And permissible murder, if tribal.
--- Jim Jambor P9012
In you, Eve, with leaves," Adam spoke.
Laughed Eve, "That ain't fig
Leaves hidding your rig;
You moron, you've used poison oak!"
--- Travis Brasell
Eve adopted a pose of 'San Fairy Ann', (what's this??)
Ate prohibited fruit,
Made her mate follow suit,
And left us all quite prolapsarian.
--- Basil Ransome-Davies
The Church Father's suspicion was deep,
That before Eve's creation,
To relieve his frustration,
Adam frequently rogered the sheep.
--- A N Wilkins P9209
Concrete term, no abstract thinker, he.
Were he romantic instead,
He might well have said,
"When I look within you, I find me!"
--- Limerick Bible P9706
With uranium man made a big hit.
But it did not compare
To the time Eve laid bare
And Adam observed the first split.
--- Al Chaplin P9209a
So subtle and sinister, slyly
Snaked out of the garden
Without asking pardon,
Triumphant, and smug, and so smiley!
--- Laurence Perrine P9209
Eve said, "Beggin' your pardon.
The fuit of the day
Keeps the doctor away,
But it causes some people to harden!"
--- Jane D Hughes P9209
And cover your sensuous curves,"
Said Adam to Eve
While stitching a sleeve,
"Thank heaven for what fig preserves!"
--- Travis Brasell
That none of us here in this group
Would exist if old Adam
Had said to Eve, "Madam,
I fear I have terminal droop."
--- Peter Wilkins
Was reworked to become (it's no fib)
A beautiful lass
With chic and will class,
But some think that his tale is too glib.
--- P8205
"Were Adam and Eve ever hitched?
If they weren't, you're
A bastard for sure!"
His Honor: "You son of a bitch!"
--- Irving Superior P8111
Fulfilled not the reason he had 'em.
With his third rib torn free,
Eve reflected that he
Might have had 'em had Adam had madam.
--- David A Brooks
However, it's not "on the money."
When Eve saw the "snake,"
She cried, "Gimme a break."
Said Adam: "This ain't no snake, honey!"
--- John K Roberts P9211 a
Poor old Adam felt rage mixed with grief;
He said: "Eve, wretched wench:
You go live with the French;
I'll turn over, my dear, a new leaf!"
--- Allen Wolverton
Was thrilled when she raised up a twig,
And a fat worm was there;
But it didn't compare
To the worm 'neath the leaf of a fig.
--- Albin Chaplin
All this wanking, you promised me one
With a hole for my pole.
(Well you said it's more whole-
some.)" Said God, "Here's a donut, my son."
--- Peter Wilkins
While nearby an insurance man hovered.
"Two people so smitten,
Should be underwritten,"
Said he, "For I see you're not covered."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9407
He knew instantly how to deceive.
He approached and said, "Madam,
Remember me, Adam?
We have met before, I believe?"
--- Laurence Perrine P9209
Oppressed by urinary glands.
As he starts to pee,
He sing triumphantly,
"I've Got The Whole World In My Hands."
--- Irving Superior P9209
So the Lord came and took out a rib.
Lies never do work,
And Adam (the jerk)
Started all of today's Women's Lib.
--- Theo M Heller P9209
Weren't wed and the moralists' bane.
What then can we believe
About Adam and Eve?
What would that make young Abel and Cain?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0507
But Abel found keeping sheep cheaper,
And when God preferred lamb
Over strawberry jam,
Cain proved he was no brother's keeper.
--- Laurence Perrine P8903
Who was wicked, perverse, and profane.
With the leg of a table,
He slugged brother Abel,
And shouted, "Remember the Maine!"
--- Anon
And God preferred meat, Cain, unstable,
With his stout knotted cane
Beat his brother's brain
Thus enabled to disable Able.
--- Laurence Perrine P8903
Were the first sibling rivals, 'tis plain.
When Cain killed poor Abel
For messing with Mabel,
He was no longer prone to complain.
--- Neal Wilgus P8207
Was that seeds that were cast in Eve's womb,
Came to term as Man's bane
In the person of Cain,
Prototype of all evil and gloom.
--- William N Nesbit P9602
And Cain's grain was liked by God least,
Cain, jealous, unstable,
With one blow slew Abel.
He strongly felt he had been fleeced.
--- Laurence Perrine P8903
Slew Abel, divine condemnation
Was swift and gave pain;
If he tried it now, Cain
Would likely get three years probation.
--- Biblical Limericks P9706a
Trustworthy, loyal, and stable,
Whose brother named Cain
While inflicting great pain,
Hollered, "Hey buddy, this ain't no fable!"
--- Arthur Deex P0501
But with him Adam bettered his lot.
For as wise rabbis say,
When with Lilith he lay,
It was demons which Adam begot.
--- A N Wilkins P9209
The Great Unbrotherhood of Man.
And even worse
Began the curse
That's called the Me-First Survival Plan.
--- Irving Superior P8207
Cain, a farmer, liked lettuce and grew some,
While Abel kept sheep.
God ranked keep about reap:
Cain's murder of Abel was gruesome.
--- Laurence Perrine P8903
He'd no longer have to refrain.
So he tried to lay cable
When e'er he was able,
But Jesus! She sure could raise Cain
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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