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How carefully I sow and I seed; The weeds, I have found never die; A byre's a barn full of dust; Now digging the garden's a chore, My penis goes into your anus Since then, all the Arabs are queer, There once was a banana called Stanley, At a dance, a gay lost his shoe. Have you heard of the man from New York I'm often discovered exploring "Let's get to the Alamo soon," There was an old bastard named Mott, Let Us Now Praise Famous Men, A banker, hardpressed, name of Paul, There once was a young man named Scotty, You say that I can't rhyme disposal, This Sodomite -- what a deplora- That 'urghhh!' is my dick in your ass, The great metaphysician once said: To sleep with a colleague's a blast, There once was this bum-fucking faggot! 'Twixt the oral and anal mystique, A sodomist's shrill caterwauling, A man from the small town of Tildon, A newlywed lady named White There once was a faggot named Tim Lawyers read the decision on Nexus; I could handle the times with the Torah "Because we hold all our guests dear, When I park in the rear, it transpires; Ode to my friend Paul Zimmer In Akron a fellow named Dwight While the big shots along the Euphrates (penates - winged, feathered)
"Though sodomy many find trite, "Mark Twain," said wise Dr. Feebler, There once was a tweetle called Lee, In the middle of singing a carol, There was an old fellow named Lou A ventriloquist dummy'd be fun There was a ventriloquist Bruce Well junior, the unkindest cut Said a doleful young man with a stutter, A less violent chap with a stammer There once was a faggot named Bruce; Said the bride on the night of the wedding, There was an intrepid explorer I don't like it much up the ass, On the Aegean Sea's coastal cliffs, Gay guys make the best of good friends. For a boy, Sam was really a find. Frosty came back here to find me; My nuptial rule is: at night - Would Pet's buttered buns cause a riot? "Sir Peregrine, please be so kind, A prim old professor of math The kid was just seeking a trade. There was a young girl, a Norwegian, A first class ship's waiter named Phipps, There was a young man of Verdun, Gearhart, you have anal retention, A butt-fucking sailor named Lance Said a hick by the name of Jake Larson, I've got a new lover called Amos, Well, size doesn't matter, I think, No amount of drugs or sedation, I don't want to burst your young bubble
To grow flowers, do all that I need.
But one thing that I know
Is what's certain to grow;
It's that damned ubiquitous weed.
--- Warrick Elrod
It's easier to compute pi
Than to kill those greens,
Who strangle my beans,
And manage to live though I try.
--- Vladdus
A flower's a weed that has just
Been tricked from the seed
Of the fancified weed,
And can't stand alone. The weed must.
--- Karen
And my hands are all blistered and sore.
But it has to be done
Or the weeds will have won;
It's like fighting a hundred year war.
--- Peter J Wilkins P9809
And travels a journey most heinous.
All the way through your colon
With head that is swollen,
And drenches your mucus membranous.
--- Anon
Though keeping a woman quite near
For having the young 'uns,
Who're good for some tonguin's
And blessed with a fuckable rear.
--- Anon
Who thought he was terribly manly,
Because his nice skin
Could be shoved right in
The ass of Jeremy Hanley.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Oh my Lance, what should I do?"
"It's right over there --
Bend over with flair,
And I'll drive you to Kalamazoo!
--- FGO TP9802
Who held up his balls with a fork?
In an asshole he'd bugger
Without any rubber,
This New York man with a big dork.
--- Anon
The box of a beast worth adoring,
Like a heifer, or doe,
But the males I forego,
Since buggery's blatantly boring.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Said Crockett to trailblazer Boone,
"And you drop your pants
To take my long lance,
Then we'll play 'The Man In The Moon.'"
--- Travis Brasell
By the vilest of fates he was wrought.
He was born of skullduggery,
A product of buggery,
And was born through the ass, not the twat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1017
Such as existed now and then.
The current crop
Are all assholes and slop,
With a very marked buggery yen.
--- G1013
The handwriting saw on the wall.
He was broke and demented,
So his asshole he rented,
With a charge for an early withdrawal.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0944
Who was thought to be fond of biscotti,
But his sweet tooth was lacking.
When he spoke of fudge packing,
He alluded to something quite naughty.
--- Robert Elliot
But I do know just what this hose'll
Do to your bowels.
Quick! Get some towels
And an airtight bag for disposal.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
ble idiot -- chose to ignore a
Command from Yahweh,
"No gay rolls in the hay!"
But was so dumb, he moved to Gomorrah.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8706
Where it seems to have met a large mass.
Oh my God! It's your head!
What a moron, brain dead;
To choose this way to blow me is crass.
--- Anon
"Let's assume that I'm buggered in bed.
Is the thrill that I feel
In my rectum quite real?
Or is the whole thing in my head.
--- G2172a
Especially when taken up the ass.
We all know it's true,
Anal sex is for you.
To get a raise doesn't take class.
--- Coolbreeze
He'd see something male, and he'd shag it!
But he fucked the wrong ass,
Now he's pushing up grass...
And his only companion's a maggot!
--- Anon
Most proponents a difference will seek.
Some factions will say,
Oral sex makes one's day,
While anal sex makes one's hole weak.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9806
Is regarded by most as appalling,
Leading some to suspect,
If one yields to this sect,
That he'd be a can of great mauling.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9804
Whose boyhood had never fulfilled him,
A confirmed sexaholic,
Said after a frolic,
"Rectum? It nearly killed him."
--- Anon
Said, "Husband, you are not too bright.
You are not near as slick
As my dear old dad, Nick."
So he buggered them both the same night.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0959
Whose member was trifling and slim.
In and out he could dart
'Tween beats of a fart
Without ever touching the rim!
--- H Welchel
I heard it while driving my Lexus.
The Supreme Court just said:
Have more fun in bed,
Now that ass-fucking's legal in Texas.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0308
And the days we were dancing the hora,
But it then came to pass --
What a pain in the ass! --
That we ran out of gas in Gomorrah.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8407 a
We felt we should make one thing clear;
You may park in the front
And enjoy a fine cunt.
You also may park in the rear."
--- Travis Brasell
When I'm done with my lusty desires,
Things get slick; my truck squeals,
With a spinning of wheels;
Stuff gets stuck in the treads of my tires!
--- Allen Wolverton
He's buried neck deep in a rimmer.
With brown hair in his teeth
And a sigh of relief,
He found a shit stain by its shimmer.
--- Anon
Once thought he'd been screwed in the night.
Next morning, alas,
He'd a pain in the ass
And found he was perfectly right
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Held to riches and slaves and penates,
In their measure of might
Was included delight
In steatopygious brown nates.
--- G0966
This is file qqm
To us sodomites, it's a delight!"
Thus from deep in a ghetto
Came a plaintive falsetto
From a eunuch whose sphincter was tight.
--- G1070
"Never took out a nymphet to wheedle her.
Like Whitman, 'twas buggery
And other hugger-muggery,
That excited his tired old tweedler."
--- G0968
Whom B***** invited to tea.
He was promptly debagged,
And buggered and shagged,
Till his tool simply grew like a tree.
--- G0995
Geoffrey Howe cried: "Your turn in the barrel!"
That's a bit of a bummer
Said John Selwyn Gummer,
As Cecil whipped off his apparel.
--- Bill Wall
Who buggered himself with a shoe.
He said it was fun,
But the tongue came undone,
And it tickled his balls till he blew.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
To play with -- they don't weigh a tonne,
And they've spent most their past
With a hand up their ass;
A loose fuck if I'd ever seen one.
--- Anon
Who enjoyed it wet, sloppy and loose.
He'd say, "Gottle of geer."
With his dick up the rear
Of his novelty dummy, a moose.
--- Peter Wilkins
Is that I fucked your Ma in the butt.
But a jizzwad of splooge
Must've dripped in her cooze,
And now look what we've gotten, a nut!
--- Anon
"My wife don't allow me to butt her.
But its all right,
But some dark night,
I'll tie down the bitch and then gut her.
--- L1222
Said, "Mine too, she won't lit me ram her.
What's soured me on life
Is not fucking my wife,
D-d-d-d-d-d-damn her!
--- L1223
With his lover he called a truce.
"Please let's not fight.
I'm tired tonight,
And my asshole is getting too loose."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To the groom, as she smoothed out the bedding,
"Please step out here in front
And I'll show you my cunt.
I don't like the way your prick is heading."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0958
Who dated a lady named Forrer.
He explored every cranny
Which she had in her fanny,
But she claimed that he never did bore her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0134
So on your kind offer I'll pass.
I like doing it proper,
So whip out your whopper,
And we'll go for a roll in the grass.
--- Jayne
I once cause international rifts.
I did certainly mind
An approach from behind;
Beware of short Greeks wearing lifts.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9407
So no matter which way you bend,
You're welcome in here,
Sit down, have a beer,
But don't poke me in the rear end.
--- Anon
And his loss I have often repined.
When my wife learned of Sam
We moved, on the lam
And I had to leave all that behind.
--- Grand Prix Lim 629
Hoping that maybe he'd grind me.
But like him I'm not,
I like hairy twat;
Like a fart, now he is far behind me.
--- Anon
I grab some vaginal delight
I'll take all the flak
If pussy bites back,
But spare me the anal cock-fight.
--- SFA
Perhaps I had better not try it.
It's better for me
To stick with fat-free;
There are just plain buns on my diet.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And take me dog-wise from behind."
"What ho, gal! Top hole?"
"I'd rather your pole,
The lower of those holes you'd find."
--- Anon
One day fairly trembled with wrath,
When a lisping young student --
A lad most imprudent --
Came and offered a fuck in the ath.
--- Anon
He needed to get up his grade.
And, to hazard a guess,
The prof might have said yes,
But he hadn't the balls to get laid.
--- Anon
Went to bed with a kinky Glaswegian.
She said to him, "Jock
Whyever's your cock
Exploring my nethermost region?"
--- Alexander Baron P9209
Quite distressed by his niggardly tips,
Changed to Officers Mess,
Received greater largesse,
But didn't dare bow from the hips.
--- Anon A
Who wanted to try anal fun.
He wanted a looker
Who wasn't a hooker;
Alas, in the end he got none.
--- Chuck Demas
I wish that you would pay attention.
Your dick best not cum,
Anywhere near my bum,
Or you'll find you're less one extension.
--- Anon
Strolled Norfolk in search of romance.
He purchased a whore
But on her aft door:
A sign that read Norfolk Enchants.
--- H Welchel a
When accused of deliberate arson,
"Someone bears me a grudge;
I'm a front fellow, judge,
Kinda like I was taught by our parson."
--- Armand E Singer 15
Whose exploits in bed are quite famous.
And I don't mind a bit
When he diddles my slit,
But I won't take his cock up my anus.
--- Michael Horgan
When talking about a guy's dink.
But I'm sorry to hear
That you don't like the rear
Invaded by anything pink.
--- Anon
Will get a cock near that location.
I'd rather a migraine,
Endure eternal pain,
Or suffer endless constipation.
--- Anon
For that could land me in trouble!
But I'd like to say
Please just turn away
And get your ass out, on the double.
--- Gearhart
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