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In Eden, B.C. (before cable) The neighbors had cause to complain, Was Cain not the killer of Abel? If Abel and Cain were to be We learn from the Testaments that Supposing that Adam and Eve A story with a different slant, So Adam, he looked at this tree, So eager was he for a fuck, And so it has been through the ages, It's the ruin of many a man; So aim not for fortune or fame, The Dead Sea Scrolls de-classified Adam said, "I was happy alone. With Adam from the Garden gone, Bible wonders just never have ceased. My wife's in the garden, a-weedin', "Go ahead," retorts I with a slur. And I'd have me an odorless fleur. I was in my garden, a-weedin', And then I would never be poor; While taking a trip through Sweden, In the shade of the old apple tree, So that was the start of it all. 'Cause really, that Eden was tame. For into each life rain must fall. "Eden" is a fable at best. The Bible claims God made it all, Impeccable manners had Jeeves Gay fundamental espirit When the snake crawled down out of the tree, Eve and Adam, expelled from their birthplace, If one sees it as some people view it, Dear eve, in her birthday suit, They couldn't devise a disguise Along came the serpent. Don't wait! In the story of Adam and Eve You should properly read the bible; In the Garden of Eden, in grief, Said young Adam, when both came to grief: "I'm sorry to be such a prig, When Eden was all lush and green, Alright now, there is some debate My intention is not here to preach, It's helpful the story to neaten Ashamed, they both hid, man and madam. When Adam and Eve played in Eden, They're Irish, the original pair. Said Eve as she reached for the Apple, The fact that the woman partook The fruit had to go, Eve agreed; A young man named Adam from Eden God first created young Eve, "Now Eve, you're too precious, I'm bound "He'll be bigger and faster and stronger "I'll give to that fellow a fetish, "I'll give him two balls and a penis. "But just let him think he's the boss, Pretty young Eve in her BOWER, A lady named Eve wasn't heedin' Now Adam was tempted by Eve, When sex on Eve started to pall, Said Eve, "No ifs, ands, or buts; In Genesis, Adam's the winner, Strange subjects, oh my, how we've had 'em. When Adam first met up with Eve
Cuba was discussed at the table.
Adam said, "Again
I'm going to raise cane."
Eve replied, "I don't think you're able."
--- Tom Patterson P9602
But their protests were always in vain,
There was never a riot,
But things rarely were quiet,
What with Adam and Eve raising Cain.
--- A N Wilkins P9209
Or is that a biblical fable.
Did the children of Noah
Watch floodwaters lower.
Whilst building the Tower of Babel?
--- Richard Long
Asked about their geneology,
"It began," they would say,
"With a bit of foreplay
'Neath the shade of the old apple tree."
--- Evelyn Bogen P9510
Descendants of Adam begat
And begat and begat
And begat and begat
And begat and begat and begat....
--- Laurence Perrine P8409
That day had obtained a reprieve -
We'd all now be squeezed in
The Garden of Eden
And rationed the air that we breathe.
--- Irving Superior P8207
On Adam and Eve and the plant
With the forbidden fruit,
And the serpent to boot,
And the breaking of big G's command.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Saw the sign: "Private property."
Then Eve flashed her eyes,
Caused his serpent to rise,
As she said "Won't you give it to me?"
--- Tiddy Ogg
In an instant that apple was plucked.
His dick ruled his head,
Just as someone has said,
And from paradise the two were then struck.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A fair woman, a man's lust engages.
Be it Salome or Monica,
In Washington or Salonika,
Such scenes fill history book pages.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So many careers down the pan.
'Cause the flash of a tit
Or that magical slit,
Means abandoning the most careful plan.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Life's pleasure is chasing the dame.
Say "Bugger the job!"
And live like a slob;
Spend you energy on Adam's great game.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Will ancient mysteries confide --
To Eden, directions;
The Red Sea bi-sections;
With bagel recipes inside.
--- Irving Superior
All this Eve does is nag, bitch and moan.
She has headaches all day,
So please take her away
And return, please, my missing rib bone."
--- Bill Nesbit P0205
The Garden tried to linger on,
But was among
The gardens hung
That Hanging Day in Babylon.
--- Irving Superior P8207
Fact and fable are mixed and released.
By one thing I'm distressed
Who stood out in the west
So that God could put Eden out east?
--- Albin Chaplin P9105
And I am a hoein' and seedin'.
"Hey Adam," says she,
"I'd much rather be
Residin' back there in old Eden!"
--- Brian Belge
"I don't think that God will concur."
She says, "For Christ's sake,
If it weren't for that snake,
From work we could happily abjure.
--- Brian Belge
And neither of us would mature.
And you'd get some pussy galeure.
From me, your own virgin d'jour..."
"But dear," mutters I, "You're a wheure...!"
--- Brian Belge
Swingin' my hoe and then seedin'.
"Oh no," says my wife,
The bane of my life,
"I'd rather," she sayd, "be in Eden."
--- Brian
I'd have me an odorless fleur;
I'd never mature;
I'd be virgin d'jour;
But my love, says I, you're a wheur!
--- Brian
Jack discovered the Garden of Eden.
He ate of the fruit,
And thought Eve was cute,
Then watched Adam doing some weedin'.
--- Anon
My lady once whispered to me:
"Come love, eat this apple,
Then we'll have a grapple."
We did and the snake laughed with glee.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The church calls that day "Mankind's Fall."
But to trade paradise
For something so nice,
That wasn't a bad deal at all.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'd given each creature a name.
Then what was to do.
If I'd not learned to screw,
Each day would have turned out the same.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Pleasure unbounded must pall.
It's only the bad
Makes you 'preciate the glad;
So hell, when you can, have a ball!
--- Tiddy Ogg
Just two begat all the rest?
The story doth amaze me.
No wonder we're crazy,
If we all are the product of incest!
--- John K Roberts P9211 a
From stars to insects that crawl.
But when He made Man,
It all hit the fan;
With the Serpent, the Apple, the Fall.
--- Gifford Wherry
When he butled at Adam and Eve's.
He'd hide in the garden
To play with his hard-on,
While sniffing a pile of her leaves.
--- Anon
Is reflected in Vatican III;
"God made, I believe,
First Adam then Eve,
And then that strange fruit in the tree."
--- Martin Wellborn P9009a
Well, the symbol was phallic, you see.
The apple, they say,
Had led them astray.
There must have been two; you agree?
--- Al Willis P9602
Packed their fig leaves and moved to a worse place.
They were forced to uproot
'Cause they tasted the fruit.
But what Jerk put it there in the first place?
--- Worldling
One sees that there's nothing much to it.
They said it was God
Or a lowlier Sod
That planted the seed of that fru-it.
--- Brian Belge
This is file qql
Offered Adam the forbidden fruit.
Said God, "There's no pardon!
You must leave the garden.
It's guarded by cherubs, so cute!
--- CM
To escape from God's all-seeing eyes.
Though they ran off and hid,
God knew what they did.
Why, even His apples were spies.
--- Laurence Perrine P9209
You may eat of the fruit, I so state.
It does look so nice
And it took just a trice.
The damage was done! They both ate.
--- Christopher Goodwins
Two sweet kids, though a little naive.
Curious - they ate,
Thus sealing their fate.
Yahweh, irate, insisted they leave.
--- Lynn Mostafa
To tasting apple our Adam was liable.
Since it was forbidden,
Both were sent off to Eden;
And this is our starting - quite tribal.
--- Anon
There sat Eve with a need for relief.
Likewise Adam, so blue,
Knowing not what to do --
It was time to turn over a leaf.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2975
"Eve, you got us in Dutch with the Chief!
Wretched woman, begone!"
"You know what? From now on,
I'll turn over, my dear, a new leaf."
--- Allen Wolverton
But DON'T dine with Satan, that pig.
If you really must munch
On fruit for your lunch --
Reach under my leaf for a fig!"
--- Brian Belge
Along came temptor VIPERINE.
And one little bite
Destroyed the fine site,
Which to man was nevermore seen.
--- Chris Papa
If 'twas "apple" that God did create.
If you give a hoot,
The scripture says 'fruit';
What was it that they really ate?
--- Observer
But it could have been orange, fig, or peach.
The facts I've supplied,
So you can decide.
And that is the end of my speech!
--- Observer
'Cause Eve wasn't really a cretin,
But merely misheard
Thinking God had averred
That this was the Garden Of Eatin'.
--- Hugh Clary
And the Lord God spake, "Where are you, Adam?"
But that doesn't show
That God didn't know.
God knew--but not Eve or Adam.
--- Arthur Deex P9209
Only boys came from all of their breedin'.
Well, maybe I'm dumb--
Where'd the gals all come from?
Did one of their sons go to Sweden?
--- Theo M Heller P9209 a
He looked down and said, "Oh hair."
Eve kept her cool
And replied, "Oh tool,
If you want fun, put it down there."
--- Tom Patterson P9602
And prepared for the primordial grapple:
"With the proper sales talk,
Adam surely won't balk,
For if anyone falls, why, that sap'll."
--- G0007
Of the Fruit of the Tree's in The Book.
The fact, though, 's mistaken;
It's we who were taken.
The proof's in our necks, take a look.
--- Anon
Convinced poor Adam of the need.
Did she take a bite?
Hell, no! Her strong right
Shoved it down Adam's throat, skin and seed.
--- Anon
Was never caught stealin' or speedin'.
Not one rule he broke,
But started to choke
When Eve on Adam's apple started feedin'.
--- Tony Burrell
The pinnacle of his achieve-
Ments. None could surpass
This fine piece of ass,
"She needs though, a mate, I believe."
--- Tiddy Ogg
To say, to go tilling the ground,
And other such labor.
I'll make you a neighbor,
From this brainless ape that I found."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Than you, and work for much longer.
He'll think he's the greatest,
'Cause I made him latest,
But baby, he couldn't be wronger."
--- Tiddy Ogg
So Eve, if he starts to get pettish,
Just a flash of your breasts
(That's those lumps on your chest,)
Will keep him in order, you bet-ish."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And if he begins to get mean, as
He will, give a squeeze,
Then he'll come round with ease,
(I think that's a piece of pure genius.)"
--- Tiddy Ogg
A bit of pride's all that you've lost,
He'll work night and day,
And you'll get his pay,
For now and again a quick toss."
--- Tiddy Ogg
When Adam arrived, began to cower.
Saw trouble's root,
Ate "Forbidden Fruit",
Then more than the apples went sour.
--- Chris Papa
Or didn't know much about readin'.
She ignored a clear sign
That said, "Here Do Not Dine",
And got her ass thrown out of Eden.
--- Elrod Warrick P9706a
And he was quite eager to cleave.
So they went to bed,
And Eve wisely said,
"Let's cap it so I don't conceive."
--- Al Willis P9602
A dress she made, Adam to stall,
Of leaves, wove contiguous.
"I hope they're deciduous,"
Cried Adam, "I'll wait for the fall."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Now eat my sweet apple, you putz!"
"I'll make you a deal,"
Said Adam, genteel,
"I'll eat it -- if you'll eat my nuts!"
--- Travis Brasell
Whilst Eve is denounced as the sinner
For the fruit that she brings.
That's how men see things;
He blames her when she brings home dinner.
--- Bill Greenwell
Who's first now the mister or madam?
When it comes to the act
We believe it's a fact,
That Eve always comes before Adam.
--- Tom Patton P0205
He said, "I can't laugh up my sleeve,
But to me you look queer,
When you bring me my beer,
And funnier still when you leave."
--- William K Alsop P9504 A
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