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A nancy-boy said in tones crass: A fellow from Chicopee, Mass. The attraction he felt grew and grew, She wasn't a bitchy faultfinder, A kinky young soldier named Blunt, From Alton young Sally did come, My dear sir, how very unkind! In the dark, the girl's innocent chum There was a young fellow named Chubb, There was an old man of Ramnugger, (Published 1870)
Said an airy young fairy named Jess, My goose gets obtuse when it's loose Just how is it done, d'ye ken? Unfulfilled lust that I knew There was a young fellow named Beard A nearsighted fellow named Fender My man's meat bends a bit to the right. It didn't hurt, like you would think. A mess, so we showered real fast. Said a lecherous damsel named Cole, A runaway girl named Marge, When his urging had reached a high pitch, A certain young lady named Freitas His breath was as foul as a clot A flighty young gal named Euphemia Gosh, Nancy! A mystery's afoot! Said a madam named Mae down in Taft: There was a young man named Sebestian Never anal sex, to hear Betsy talk; Sometimes in the old USA, Said a lady who lived on Cape Fear: It's not that she's one of those lazies, A lickerish octogenarian (conskited - not in my unabridged - McW)
"It really was something," laughed Annie; There was an old man from Dudalk, A vivacious young lady of Vedder Frustrated indeed was young Doris, There once was a gal from Madrass There was a young maid unaware, There was a young fellow named Blum A matron of fashion in Utah There was a professor of math My dick is twelve inches, my lass; There one was a woman named Annie For sex some folks like the rear doorway; I am lost in that anal context; When I asked him, "Hey, Jim, is it in?" This old sugar-daddy named Danny Said one girl to another in class, A young lady, uncommonly stacked, A sixty-year codger of Wapping "In my salad days", said Lady Bierley Oh Joe, there is no need to frown The English are creatures quite cold, A lady who lives in Schenectady A Hindu wife's lusts were quite slutty; There was a young lady named Shriver, There once was a hooker named Rugger There once was a donut called Bear, A sodomist, Solomon Drew A teen girl, taking it in the ass, Last night, while buggering my wife, There once was a knowledgeful whore, Being buggered by big burly Ben, The lovers of kooky Miss Fay, A Mormon who lives in Rochester The passionate ass on Miss Coker
"Ass fuck?" I told him I'd pass.
I've heard that the act is
Like sitting on cactus...
Yes, sodomy's a pain in the ass.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Rejected another man's pass.
He felt some attraction,
But recalled that the action
Might well prove a pain in the ass.
--- Isaac Asimov
So he figured out just what to do.
He said, "If you please,"
As he dropped to his knees,
"I'll have my cake and eat it, too!"
--- Ardens
Till hubby pressed close in behind her.
He prodded her taint
Till she made this complaint:
"Your phallus has never been blinder!"
--- Ogni Gioia
Preferred his wife's bung to her cunt,
Till the night that she shrieked,
"I resent being Greeked!"
And he had to return to the front.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
And scorned suitors come on her bum.
I once asked her why?
Her sanguine reply?
"I have to save some for mum."
--- Anon
Not one shred of truth there you'll find.
I'm not in your favor,
'Cause I did not waiver,
To your sneak attack from behind.
--- Anon
Misdirected his dick up her bum.
Being told gently so,
The lad piped, "Penis? No.
This is how I stopped sucking my thumb!"
--- Anon
Who joined a smart buggery club.
But his parts were so small,
He was no good at all,
And they promptly refunded his stub.
--- L1630
Who drove a rare trade as a bugger,
'Till a fair young Circassian
Brought fucking in fashion,
And spoiled all the trade in Ramnugger.
--- L0508
"The oral requires some finesse.
While in method the anal,
Is terribly banal,
And the trousers will get out of press."
--- L0477
And enters the well trained caboose
Of old Mrs. Cookmy,
Who screams, "Goosey, look my
Caboose is quite full...try my poose!"
--- Anon
Separating the boys from the men
One might find in the crew
Of a Greek steamship? You
Will find crowbars handiest, then!
--- Robin K Willoughby P9210
Is to bugger again Lady Blue.
Fantasies so fine
Fly through my mind;
I wanted her yesterday, too!
--- Anon
Whose father's behavior was weird.
He left home at sixteen,
Never more to be seen;
He did not like the way he was reared.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0901
Said, "Pardner, I think I surrender.
I've had more than enough,
And the going is tough,
And I fear you are of the wrong gender."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0969
To fit into me, took a bit of a fight.
But we were laying astride,
And then he put it inside...
The wrong hole! He was covered with shite.
--- Anon
In fact, it tickled me pink!
He moved, and he thrusted,
And he shaked when I touched it,
As the one-eyed part gave a wink.
--- Anon
His peter, once again at full mast.
He was clean, so I waited,
Grew tired, masturbated,
Then he got on top, "Oh, at last!"
--- Anon
When I complained about greasing my pole:
"Don't be so meticulous,
Honey man, It's ridiculous--
Let it slide into any old hole!"
--- G0747
Stowed away on a seagoing barge.
She woke with a start,
Felt a bad need to fart;
Found her arse stretched by someone quite large.
--- Straydog
With that sleepy uninterested bitch,
She yawned in his ear
And offered her rear,
And he switched as she slept at the switch.
--- Allan Ottley, 1975
Developed an anal pruritis,
The result (thus her claim)
Of her boyfriend's bad aim,
On repeated attempts at coitus.
--- G0977
Of blood and shit left out to rot.
She nose-dived the chaise,
And buried her face,
And took all his meat in the bot.
--- H Welchel
Who dug the beat pads of Bohemia,
Ups and leaves after while,
Saying with a wry smile,
"Beats gabble of Zen, then they remia!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 790
Some rascal his big dick did put
Up the ass of Miss Winters
As she browsed at the vintners,
Bent over the Inglenook!
--- Mad Max
"We'll take on a man fore and aft.
But we don't think it's smart
In the rear--when you fart,
A big pecker will cut off your draft."
--- G1061
Who had for his bride a suggestion,
"Though I'll try for a day
In the regular way,
We must look at both sides of the question."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0949
Her butt lovin' beau would just sulk.
One night she got drunk,
And most of us thunk
She tried it, now a bow-legged walk.
--- Anon
You can find a woman who will play
With you, like a whore
Until you turn her o'er,
Then she asks more for her chocco parfait.
--- Anon
"I prefer being screwed in the rear.
Sailors like it that way,
And there's never a day
When the coast isn't perfectly clear."
--- G0941
But she says that her job is for crazies;
At a bar just for gays,
Her colon's a glaze,
'Cause everything's coming up Daisy's.
--- Hugh Clary
Once raped a protesting librarian.
Between Med and Mum
He buggered her bum --
The conskited old bawdy vulgarian!
--- G1026
This is file qpm
"Our granddad was always at granny;
He wore out her cunt
Then switched from the front,
To plugging the hole in her fanny."
--- Armand E Singer 801
And it seemed his pecker could talk.
But when fucking his wife,
It would yell for its life,
And when shoved up her ass, it would balk.
--- MrMalo
Said, "You'll find I'm a good two-way spreader:
Before or behind--
Either hole--I don't mind--
Or go for a nice double header.
--- G1074
Quite tired of flogging clitoris.
Then she found it not frightening,
Much more, quite enlightening,
When her fanny got stuffed by friend Morris!
--- Anon
Who like being poked in the ass.
Whether big ones or small,
She would take them all,
Then expel much semen scented gas.
--- Anon
Who married a sheepherder fair.
And he said, somewhat gruff,
"You must learn how to stuff
Both your feet in the hip boots I wear."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0955
Who was always too quick on the come.
When he slept with a lass,
As he felt for her ass,
Her would fill up her bum with the scum.
--- G0938
Once said to a devoted suitah:
"This is all on the sly,
But let's give it a try...
We'll find out what's such fun for a fruitah."
--- G1071
Who was thrilling his girl in her bath.
The soap slipped from reach
And plugged up her breech,
So he finished the job in her ath.
--- G1011
You can touch it, it's not made of glass.
But be very nice;
I won't tell you twice,
Or I'll shove it a foot up your ass.
--- Anon
Who liked to have sex in the fanny;
She could fuck all night
And still remain tight!
She got dates though she was an old granny!
--- Stark
For that, I have thought always: No way!
For that kind of stickin'
It's not that I'm chicken;
What kills me's the thought of the foreplay!
--- Anon
Don't know what my lover expects.
I'm afraid that the meaning
Is awfully demeaning,
When she says that she wants oral sex.
--- Anon
Got no answer, but to my chagrin,
I was put in my place
By the look on his face,
When he gave me his shit-eatin' grin.
--- Anon
Was keeping a woman called Lannie.
She turned twenty-two;
He told her to "shoo",
"You're too old for a poke in the fanny."
--- Anon
"Have you ever been fucked up the ass?
'Cause I did it last night.
And it seemed all right,
But it gives you a bad case of gas!"
--- Anon
On the street from the rear was attacked.
When the foul deed was done,
She said, "Frankly, it's fun,
And provided a background I lacked."
--- G1060
Had figured his wife was worth swapping
For three maids, young and bold
Who were twenty years old,
And he buggered them all without stopping.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0956
"I took my cocks fairly and squarely.
But now when they come,
They go right up my bum --
And that only happens but rarely."
--- G0936
Just lay her there with her face down.
Then skip the pink chasm
And have an orgasm,
This time when you're prodding the brown.
--- Anon
Though one of them ventured so bold,
As to say to his bride:
"Please turn on your side,
I believe I have gotten ass-holed."
--- G0946
Cries, "Never speak out about sex to me!
My husband's perverse...
When I having my curse,
He is forever trying to rectum me!"
--- Sex to Sexty P8808
She craves outcasts cocks up her buttee.
When her husband found out,
The untouchables bound out,
Now she's headed for premature suttee.
--- Bruce Thompson
Who was screwed in the ass by the driver.
And when she complained,
He said, "Sorry you were pained",
And gave her a fiver to bribe her.
--- L1733
Who said to a man posed to plug her,
"You first should peruse
Which orifice to use
For the rear one may be a bit snugger."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8911
Who munched on a girls pubic hair.
When she squealed "Here I come!"
Shoved his cock up her bum,
And whispered, "How's that feel up there?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was having a row with Miss Sue.
She was angry as hell,
When he managed to tell
Why he'd uttered the words "I love ewe!"
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0111
Perhaps you could ease up on the lass.
She's still only young;
Preserve her wee bung,
Till she's old and her cunts a loose pass.
--- Anon
I had the shock of my life.
For, upon my word,
I felt a sharp turd
Stab into me just like a knife.
--- Luke Sheppard
Who knew all the coital lore.
But she found there were many
Who preferred her fat fanny,
And she doesn't fuck any more.
--- L1067
Said a dolly in Almaden:
"I'm tired of you queers
Who only spear rears--
I'd like my cunt plugged now and then!"
--- G0934
Her neighbors believe are all gay.
For none, when they call,
Use her front door at all:
They always go in the back way.
--- G0967
Played golf with his wife; couldn't best her,
At any one hole,
Except for the sole
One for which in Utah they'd arrest her.
--- Phil T
Requires wild prods from my poker.
You can hear her a block,
When I ram in my cock,
And ten blocks when I start to butt stroke 'er!
--- G0945
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