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From a desperate need to be thin
A round man did a diet begin.
For some time though he did
Ingest high-cal liquid,
He succumbed, for the liquid was gin.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9504 a

The baker's baby, with a grin,
Drank up all of her daddy's gin.
The baker, making strudel:
"Forty lashes -- a wet noodle,
Then you'll see the fix you're in."
--- William K Alsop Jr

I talk about sex all the time
That proves I don't do it, just mime.
It's not 'cause I old
Or not very bold,
I just prefer a large gin and lime.
--- Countrygirl

To flee from the flu may be futile,
'Cause colds in your nose are quite brutal.
My advice: don't keep score
With cheap wine and a whore;
The cure is raw gin and a poodle!
--- Ken Rose

There was a young lady called Brigid,
Whose sex life was apt to be frigid.
So they used to begin
With a bottle of gin,
Till the boyfriend (not Brigid) was rigid.
--- Anon

Eli Whitney had skills most akin
To L Burbank and Carver, who've been
Much famed and applauded
And most widely lauded,
But from cotton old Eli got gin.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0606

No matter what you mix it in,
It's always good to drink some gin;
In OJ or V8,
Nothing's there to hate.
Just raise your glass and say: "Sin!"
--- William K Alsop Jr

In considering things gastronomic,
Cakes and ale are not economic.
Though maybe we oughter
Stick to plain bread and water;
It's gin makes a tonic a tonic.
--- E O Parrot

Of all the words ending in "ini,"
My preference goes to bikini,
Although I must say
At the end of the day,
I'd rather tie on a martini.
--- Lims Unlimited

A young engineer we call St John
Invented a newfangled engine.
Then, standing at his sink,
He mixed a stiff drink:
One vermouth, an olive, and ten gin!
--- William K Alsop Jr

There was a young maid with finesse
Who said as she started to dress,
"The best part of youth
Isn't gin and vermouth,
But sin with a capital S."
--- Limber Limericks

My friend, Henry Cottle's wife Peg,
Had terrible pains in her leg.
"Go out, get some gin,
And rub it well in.
'Twill cure it," said old Doctor Clegg.
--- Tiddy Ogg

He went out and bought it, did Cottle,
And poured the whole lot down his throttle.
"It's surely a sin,
A waste of good gin.
I'll massage her leg with the bottle."
--- Tiddy Ogg

There once was a girl who drank gin.
That isn't too bad to begin,
But reiteration
Shows a high correlation
With behavioral lapses called sin.
--- John Ciardi A

Don't put too much gin in your cup,
No matter if you're having sup.
You might drink too much;
I know this as such;
Your wife won't be getting you up.
--- Fredrico

A saintly old woman from Booth
Had given up gin and vermouth,
And believed it a sin
To drink as much gin
As she had consumed in her youth.
--- Lims Unlimited

A prudish old maid from Pauline,
Was really disgustingly clean.
She didn't like gin,
Original sin,
Or anything else in between.
--- Larry Davis P8805a

Now this is my quarrel with gin:
You drink it, you've taken it in.
But then you get dizzy
And end in a tizzy,
And find that it's taken you in!
--- Laurence Perrine P8403

You should always drink up your gin
And get every drop past your chin.
It's a wonderful source
Of nutrients, of course,
Like minerals and vitamins.
--- Anon

A modern young lady named Flynn,
Would remark after more than one gin,
"I intend to be bold
In a manner untold,
For there's need of original sin."
--- Anon

A bedroomy doll was Fay Finnegan...
To her bedpal she cried, "Now you're innegan,
I don't feel so hot...
Maybe I need a shot,
So please pass the decanter of ginnegan."
--- Grand Prix Lim 230 a

There was a young lady called Lynn,
Who put all the blokes in a spin.
As a matter of fact,
She had a nice act;
She plied all her suitors with gin.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A young man well-potted on gin,
Wanted a new way to sin;
So this bare-bottomed bounder
Sat down on a flounder,
And all he got in the end was a fin.
--- Fred Cohen P8511

There was a distiller of gin
Whose light bills were doing him in.
So he used higher math
Of the stuff in his bath;
Now his gin is so cheap it's a sin!
--- Literary Group

In the remake of "Gone With The Wind"
On a cotton bale Miss Scarlett sinned --
Not with Rhett Butler
But a suave Yankee sutler,
With both cotton and Scarlett well ginned.
--- Arthur Deex P9011a

There was an old lecherous Earl,
Who took in a poor homeless girl,
And induced her to sin
With promises, gin,
And such cant as "Let's give it a whirl!"
--- John Ciardi

There was an old whore named McGuinn
Who often drank far too much gin.
This explains her soiled dresses,
Her disheveled tresses,
And the semen dripping from her chin.
--- Sam Pittman T9712

"Let's do some quilting", she said,
As she patted her old mother's head.
Ma replied with a grin,
"I'd rather drink gin."
So she put the old lady to bed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was an old woman named Tripp
Who liked an occasional nip.
But a big slug of gin
Made her contemplate sin,
Until she remembered her hip.
--- Lims Unlimited

There was a young man from St Joe,
Who managed to keep on the go
With gin on the rocks,
That he swizzled from crocks,
While taking it easy and sloe.
--- Limber Limericks

There was an old lecher from Lynn
Whose dabbling in biblical sin
Left a permanent kink
At the base of his dink,
And humongous needs for sloe gin.
--- Armand E Singer 98

A sensitive woman in Hollins
Was allergic to seed pods and pollens.
And whenever she sneezed
She yelled, "I'm diseased!
Go get me another Tom Collins."
--- Alsops Foibles

Sir Timothy Tutbury Tipps
Had developed a bad case of yips
At his club. Members say,
It's because every day,
Of gin he takes too many nips.
--- Warrick Elrod

This is file qfm

One Kermit McDermit, a hermit,
With an unlicensed still -- I confirm it --
Made such excellent gin
That none turned him in
For running that still without permit.
--- Laurence Perrine P8712

A pious old woman named Jane,
Who rocked in a chair by her cane,
Poured down gallons of gin,
But declared it no sin;
It was God's way, she said, to kill pain.
--- Warrick Elrod

There was an old woman named Josie
Whose cheeks were just like a red posy.
At a pub that was near
She quaffed both gin and beer,
And that's how she kept rosy and cozy.
--- Warrick Elrod

A dressmaker, Marjorie Binns,
Was eating her needles and pins.
When asked, "Do they hurt?"
Her response was a curt,
"Not when swallowed with several gins."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

There was a young man called Flynn,
Who swallowed a bottle of gin.
He was shook up and down
Till his trousers fell down,
And was promptly rechristened young sin.
--- Janette Walker

A pliant young lady from Lynn
Had been plied with a good fifth of gin,
She said to her john,
"Who'll be first to cimb on?
Is it gonna be you, or your twin?"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8507 a

Until one is long in the tooth,
In an unending search for the truth,
To reduce the time
To reach the sublime,
One should mix gin with vermouth.
--- Bob D

A man and his girlfirend named Lynn
Shacked up at the Holiday Inn.
She poured her martini
All over his weenie
And said, "Let's start bruising the gin."
--- David Miller

Martinis are little in Higganum,
There is only a third of a swig in `em,
And a couple of cents
Is saved on expense,
By putting a piece of a fig in `em.
--- Lims Unlimited

In Duluth, there's a hostess, forsooth,
Who doesn't know gin from vermouth.
But this lubricant lapse
Isn't noticed, perhaps,
Because nobody does, in Duluth.
--- Anon

When Henry was only a youth,
He was hungry for knowledge and truth.
But adulthood's intrusion meant
Strong disillusionment.
Now he's thirsty for gin and vermouth.
--- Laurence Perrine P8503A

There once was a bimbo named Ruth,
Who guzzled a quart of vermouth.
And then, with a grin,
She gulped down some gin.
Her actions, I thought, were uncouth.
--- Al Willis TP9806

A cannibal crude and uncouth
Met a woman of beauty called Ruth.
But she gave him the slip
As he started to dip
Her body in gin and vermouth.
--- VOL 7

There once was a fellow named Sweeny,
Who spilled gin all over his weenie.
Not being uncouth,
He added vermouth,
And slipped his girl a Martini.
--- Anon

A martini of vodka or gin
Is a glass of tempting liquid sin.
To drink a martini
Is to swallow a genie;
A powerful spirit within.
--- Phil T

Lihpt a thad little man from Duluth,
"I've got a thore tooth and itth loothe.
What I needth a Martini
With Oh, jutht a teeny,
Or even not any, vermouth."
--- Conrad Aiken P0900

I make all my martini with gin,
With a dollop of vino tossed in.
Just Beefeater, I say,
Or perhaps, Tangueray.
Using vodka's a cardinal sin.
--- Bill Nesbit P0011

The exquisite bartender at Sweeny's
Is famed for his ale and free wienies;
But I thought him uncouth
To gulp gin and vermouth,
Chill the glasses, and piddle martinis.
--- Anon G1514

From FDR to Richard Nixon,
What is it that everyone's mixin'?
Politicians and writers,
Movie stars and prizefighters,
Drink martinis when their nerves need fixin'.
--- Phil T

If you think martinis are sin,
You should see how they're made by Old Min:
She will drip just a bit
Of vermouth on her clit,
And then fill her vagina with gin!
--- Norm Storer

Absorbing much gin and vermouth
Can render good manners uncouth.
An adage, forsooth,
For elders and youth --
The truth at a barstool or booth.
--- R J Winkler P8403

Slim Jim, who's no longer a youth,
Is down to his very last tooth.
And since he can't eat
Any red-blooded meat,
He subsists on gin and vermouth.
--- Lyn Nofziger

My favorite THERIAC is gin,
Which is distilled ethanol that's been
Infused with spices.
And oh, how nice is
A glassful with vermouth mixed in.
--- Norm Brust

A happy young colleen from Derry,
On ale was loving and merry.
She dallied with sin,
On vodka and gin,
But was rigid and frigid on sherry.
--- Anon A

Beware of a fate such as Queenie's,
Whose downfall was due to martinis.
Ten had such effects,
She agreed to free sex
And seven men pickled their weenies.
--- Grand Prix Lim 401 A

"It's a sin," said the bishop, "To drink."
So whenever the glasses would clink,
He would cry, "Mea culpa"
Before he would gulpa
Martini, and then he would wink.
--- Wisdom Of Eric Lim P0607

A jolly old man from East Lynn
Said to himself with a grin,
"The Fountain of Youth
Is one part Vermouth,
And thirty-eight parts of Dry Gin."
--- Birthday Book Lims P9803

A martini-mixer named Flynn
Stands accused of a terrible sin:
His use of vermouth
Is awfully uncouth--
And sometimes he leaves out the gin!
--- Norm Storer

My "old fruit" is a lemon twist,
Scent released by a turn of the wrist.
My NEPENTHE is gin;
It cleanses of sin.
Then vermouth is sprayed in as a mist.
--- Norm Brust

There was an old man from Duluth
Who sought after wisdom and truth.
He searched near and far,
Until at a bar,
He found it in gin and vermouth.
--- Alan Cook a

There is a Grand Dame in Duluth
Who mixes her Gin with Vermouth.
She says its no sin
To tipple with gin;
It's adding that wine that's uncouth.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Whenever I furrow my brow,
To remember just where, who and how,
Before, I was sure;
Now I'm not any more;
Indecisive is what I am now.
--- Richard Jean

Can't seem to settle my mind.
The thoughts that I'm trying to find
Are slip-sliding away.
I keep looking all day,
But tonight I have to unwind.
--- Squat

The bourbon is now on the pour.
I'll stumble on out of the door.
Shuffle on down the street,
And find something to eat,
And return home about four.
--- Squat


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