From a desperate need to be thin The baker's baby, with a grin, I talk about sex all the time To flee from the flu may be futile, There was a young lady called Brigid, Eli Whitney had skills most akin No matter what you mix it in, In considering things gastronomic, Of all the words ending in "ini," A young engineer we call St John There was a young maid with finesse My friend, Henry Cottle's wife Peg, He went out and bought it, did Cottle, There once was a girl who drank gin. Don't put too much gin in your cup, A saintly old woman from Booth A prudish old maid from Pauline, Now this is my quarrel with gin: You should always drink up your gin A modern young lady named Flynn, A bedroomy doll was Fay Finnegan... There was a young lady called Lynn, A young man well-potted on gin, There was a distiller of gin In the remake of "Gone With The Wind" There was an old lecherous Earl, There was an old whore named McGuinn "Let's do some quilting", she said, There was an old woman named Tripp There was a young man from St Joe, There was an old lecher from Lynn A sensitive woman in Hollins Sir Timothy Tutbury Tipps
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One Kermit McDermit, a hermit, A pious old woman named Jane, There was an old woman named Josie A dressmaker, Marjorie Binns, There was a young man called Flynn, A pliant young lady from Lynn Until one is long in the tooth, A man and his girlfirend named Lynn Martinis are little in Higganum, In Duluth, there's a hostess, forsooth, When Henry was only a youth, There once was a bimbo named Ruth, A cannibal crude and uncouth There once was a fellow named Sweeny, A martini of vodka or gin Lihpt a thad little man from Duluth, I make all my martini with gin, The exquisite bartender at Sweeny's From FDR to Richard Nixon, If you think martinis are sin, Absorbing much gin and vermouth Slim Jim, who's no longer a youth, My favorite THERIAC is gin, A happy young colleen from Derry, Beware of a fate such as Queenie's, "It's a sin," said the bishop, "To drink." A jolly old man from East Lynn A martini-mixer named Flynn My "old fruit" is a lemon twist, There was an old man from Duluth There is a Grand Dame in Duluth Whenever I furrow my brow, Can't seem to settle my mind. The bourbon is now on the pour.
A round man did a diet begin.
For some time though he did
Ingest high-cal liquid,
He succumbed, for the liquid was gin.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9504 a
Drank up all of her daddy's gin.
The baker, making strudel:
"Forty lashes -- a wet noodle,
Then you'll see the fix you're in."
--- William K Alsop Jr
That proves I don't do it, just mime.
It's not 'cause I old
Or not very bold,
I just prefer a large gin and lime.
--- Countrygirl
'Cause colds in your nose are quite brutal.
My advice: don't keep score
With cheap wine and a whore;
The cure is raw gin and a poodle!
--- Ken Rose
Whose sex life was apt to be frigid.
So they used to begin
With a bottle of gin,
Till the boyfriend (not Brigid) was rigid.
--- Anon
To L Burbank and Carver, who've been
Much famed and applauded
And most widely lauded,
But from cotton old Eli got gin.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0606
It's always good to drink some gin;
In OJ or V8,
Nothing's there to hate.
Just raise your glass and say: "Sin!"
--- William K Alsop Jr
Cakes and ale are not economic.
Though maybe we oughter
Stick to plain bread and water;
It's gin makes a tonic a tonic.
--- E O Parrot
My preference goes to bikini,
Although I must say
At the end of the day,
I'd rather tie on a martini.
--- Lims Unlimited
Invented a newfangled engine.
Then, standing at his sink,
He mixed a stiff drink:
One vermouth, an olive, and ten gin!
--- William K Alsop Jr
Who said as she started to dress,
"The best part of youth
Isn't gin and vermouth,
But sin with a capital S."
--- Limber Limericks
Had terrible pains in her leg.
"Go out, get some gin,
And rub it well in.
'Twill cure it," said old Doctor Clegg.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And poured the whole lot down his throttle.
"It's surely a sin,
A waste of good gin.
I'll massage her leg with the bottle."
--- Tiddy Ogg
That isn't too bad to begin,
But reiteration
Shows a high correlation
With behavioral lapses called sin.
--- John Ciardi A
No matter if you're having sup.
You might drink too much;
I know this as such;
Your wife won't be getting you up.
--- Fredrico
Had given up gin and vermouth,
And believed it a sin
To drink as much gin
As she had consumed in her youth.
--- Lims Unlimited
Was really disgustingly clean.
She didn't like gin,
Original sin,
Or anything else in between.
--- Larry Davis P8805a
You drink it, you've taken it in.
But then you get dizzy
And end in a tizzy,
And find that it's taken you in!
--- Laurence Perrine P8403
And get every drop past your chin.
It's a wonderful source
Of nutrients, of course,
Like minerals and vitamins.
--- Anon
Would remark after more than one gin,
"I intend to be bold
In a manner untold,
For there's need of original sin."
--- Anon
To her bedpal she cried, "Now you're innegan,
I don't feel so hot...
Maybe I need a shot,
So please pass the decanter of ginnegan."
--- Grand Prix Lim 230 a
Who put all the blokes in a spin.
As a matter of fact,
She had a nice act;
She plied all her suitors with gin.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Wanted a new way to sin;
So this bare-bottomed bounder
Sat down on a flounder,
And all he got in the end was a fin.
--- Fred Cohen P8511
Whose light bills were doing him in.
So he used higher math
Of the stuff in his bath;
Now his gin is so cheap it's a sin!
--- Literary Group
On a cotton bale Miss Scarlett sinned --
Not with Rhett Butler
But a suave Yankee sutler,
With both cotton and Scarlett well ginned.
--- Arthur Deex P9011a
Who took in a poor homeless girl,
And induced her to sin
With promises, gin,
And such cant as "Let's give it a whirl!"
--- John Ciardi
Who often drank far too much gin.
This explains her soiled dresses,
Her disheveled tresses,
And the semen dripping from her chin.
--- Sam Pittman T9712
As she patted her old mother's head.
Ma replied with a grin,
"I'd rather drink gin."
So she put the old lady to bed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who liked an occasional nip.
But a big slug of gin
Made her contemplate sin,
Until she remembered her hip.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who managed to keep on the go
With gin on the rocks,
That he swizzled from crocks,
While taking it easy and sloe.
--- Limber Limericks
Whose dabbling in biblical sin
Left a permanent kink
At the base of his dink,
And humongous needs for sloe gin.
--- Armand E Singer 98
Was allergic to seed pods and pollens.
And whenever she sneezed
She yelled, "I'm diseased!
Go get me another Tom Collins."
--- Alsops Foibles
Had developed a bad case of yips
At his club. Members say,
It's because every day,
Of gin he takes too many nips.
--- Warrick Elrod
With an unlicensed still -- I confirm it --
Made such excellent gin
That none turned him in
For running that still without permit.
--- Laurence Perrine P8712
Who rocked in a chair by her cane,
Poured down gallons of gin,
But declared it no sin;
It was God's way, she said, to kill pain.
--- Warrick Elrod
Whose cheeks were just like a red posy.
At a pub that was near
She quaffed both gin and beer,
And that's how she kept rosy and cozy.
--- Warrick Elrod
Was eating her needles and pins.
When asked, "Do they hurt?"
Her response was a curt,
"Not when swallowed with several gins."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who swallowed a bottle of gin.
He was shook up and down
Till his trousers fell down,
And was promptly rechristened young sin.
--- Janette Walker
Had been plied with a good fifth of gin,
She said to her john,
"Who'll be first to cimb on?
Is it gonna be you, or your twin?"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8507 a
In an unending search for the truth,
To reduce the time
To reach the sublime,
One should mix gin with vermouth.
--- Bob D
Shacked up at the Holiday Inn.
She poured her martini
All over his weenie
And said, "Let's start bruising the gin."
--- David Miller
There is only a third of a swig in `em,
And a couple of cents
Is saved on expense,
By putting a piece of a fig in `em.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who doesn't know gin from vermouth.
But this lubricant lapse
Isn't noticed, perhaps,
Because nobody does, in Duluth.
--- Anon
He was hungry for knowledge and truth.
But adulthood's intrusion meant
Strong disillusionment.
Now he's thirsty for gin and vermouth.
--- Laurence Perrine P8503A
Who guzzled a quart of vermouth.
And then, with a grin,
She gulped down some gin.
Her actions, I thought, were uncouth.
--- Al Willis TP9806
Met a woman of beauty called Ruth.
But she gave him the slip
As he started to dip
Her body in gin and vermouth.
--- VOL 7
Who spilled gin all over his weenie.
Not being uncouth,
He added vermouth,
And slipped his girl a Martini.
--- Anon
Is a glass of tempting liquid sin.
To drink a martini
Is to swallow a genie;
A powerful spirit within.
--- Phil T
"I've got a thore tooth and itth loothe.
What I needth a Martini
With Oh, jutht a teeny,
Or even not any, vermouth."
--- Conrad Aiken P0900
With a dollop of vino tossed in.
Just Beefeater, I say,
Or perhaps, Tangueray.
Using vodka's a cardinal sin.
--- Bill Nesbit P0011
Is famed for his ale and free wienies;
But I thought him uncouth
To gulp gin and vermouth,
Chill the glasses, and piddle martinis.
--- Anon G1514
What is it that everyone's mixin'?
Politicians and writers,
Movie stars and prizefighters,
Drink martinis when their nerves need fixin'.
--- Phil T
You should see how they're made by Old Min:
She will drip just a bit
Of vermouth on her clit,
And then fill her vagina with gin!
--- Norm Storer
Can render good manners uncouth.
An adage, forsooth,
For elders and youth --
The truth at a barstool or booth.
--- R J Winkler P8403
Is down to his very last tooth.
And since he can't eat
Any red-blooded meat,
He subsists on gin and vermouth.
--- Lyn Nofziger
Which is distilled ethanol that's been
Infused with spices.
And oh, how nice is
A glassful with vermouth mixed in.
--- Norm Brust
On ale was loving and merry.
She dallied with sin,
On vodka and gin,
But was rigid and frigid on sherry.
--- Anon A
Whose downfall was due to martinis.
Ten had such effects,
She agreed to free sex
And seven men pickled their weenies.
--- Grand Prix Lim 401 A
So whenever the glasses would clink,
He would cry, "Mea culpa"
Before he would gulpa
Martini, and then he would wink.
--- Wisdom Of Eric Lim P0607
Said to himself with a grin,
"The Fountain of Youth
Is one part Vermouth,
And thirty-eight parts of Dry Gin."
--- Birthday Book Lims P9803
Stands accused of a terrible sin:
His use of vermouth
Is awfully uncouth--
And sometimes he leaves out the gin!
--- Norm Storer
Scent released by a turn of the wrist.
My NEPENTHE is gin;
It cleanses of sin.
Then vermouth is sprayed in as a mist.
--- Norm Brust
Who sought after wisdom and truth.
He searched near and far,
Until at a bar,
He found it in gin and vermouth.
--- Alan Cook a
Who mixes her Gin with Vermouth.
She says its no sin
To tipple with gin;
It's adding that wine that's uncouth.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To remember just where, who and how,
Before, I was sure;
Now I'm not any more;
Indecisive is what I am now.
--- Richard Jean
The thoughts that I'm trying to find
Are slip-sliding away.
I keep looking all day,
But tonight I have to unwind.
--- Squat
I'll stumble on out of the door.
Shuffle on down the street,
And find something to eat,
And return home about four.
--- Squat