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I'm Irish, can not you tell? In my head I have a pain, Man, you should have seen him, a fright! If you feel that you're fight on your beam-ends, (pelmets - short valences on curtains)
Los Libres de Cuba son bueno, Girls night out is the time of the year I spent the night face down in clover I'm reading this story agog, I felt fine as I went to my bed, Brown liquid I poured in my head, I poured me a second cup, too. To rid your bod of that stuffin', I'll never get drunk again, (Star of Coventry Inn, on a window, 1712)
When I woke up, my skin was SALLOW; After partaking deep of the Flagon, Your hangover cure is here, buddy, I haven't a clue where I've been. Three gins, and two bourbons, one beer My poor aching head just fell off; The products of John Barleycorn Though drinking may drive away sorrow, You see that I do not drink There was an old woman named Susie, Boxing day I stayed in bed till noon, Mmm-Mmm-Mmmumble. Oh mumble. Oh moan. I've made you a special elixir; There are dangers in drinking the brew, My chest seems loaded with GUNK; Said Jack, as he crawled into bed, A Cajun bootlegger named Nate His quaff is with opiate nil; Ah yes, folks, once again 'tis the season (Xmas excuse)
Hebetude in our Ozarks reigns, Though some folks might easily frown "My sweetheart was only," said Bill, Of home brews there's not any finer A hermit who lived near McGill There was an old fellow named Bill, A Kentucky-bound author named Bourne, On a boot-fucking-leg of Mt Vining, Oh I love to stop off in Millstreet When the feds, by law, banned all the bars, A lush out of Moncton called Bill In 'Bama, the sunsets are fine; When Nelson's fate was ill-starred, he There was an old sailor named Gum But Gum had respect for the dead, A musical Pittsburg Panjandrum There is a small island whose folk, At the Camp Meeting to which I'd come, There are times when I like to drink rum. By the banks of the Passamaquody, On retiring, old Father Niven, A lovemaking couple was streamin' Though it's true that from chateau to slum My fingers are terribly numb! A frisky old lady named Tandy The wonderful baked goods of Rita's. There was a young man who drank rum. Pepito, the seagoing Spaniard There's a District due North of Junmear There was a young bounder named Link, There was a young maid in Lamar A reluctant steam engine called Bill, There once was a girlfriend named Vickie, Don't censure the drunken old bum,
From this barstool I just fell.
Having a good time,
Boosted up on cheap wine.
In the morning I will feel like hell.
--- Squat
From drinking too much booze again.
As for last night,
Did I score, did I fight?
Memories get lost in my brain.
--- Anon
He was a terrible sight!
Eyes were all red,
Had a boob on his head,
And he danced with Jim Beam all night!
--- Les Stewart T9712
And your gait is more rolling that seamen's,
And if camels in helmets
March over the pelmets,
You've a touch of delerium tremens.
--- Leslie Johnson
But when after ten glasses I drain-o,
Little willy won't rise
To magnificant size,
And come morning, my head is in pain-o.
--- Hugh Clary
When something like heaven is near!
But I never drink more
Of Guinness than four;
It's the hangover that I do fear.
--- Anon
And now I am so damn hung over,
When I move my head
I pray to be dead.
I need me some hair of the Rover.
--- H Welchel
Just after a night on the 'grog'.
My poor katzenjammer
Can pound like a hammer,
So bring me 'the hair of the dog'.
--- Anon
With party scenes fresh in my head.
But during the night,
My brain swelled too tight.
Right now I just wish I was dead.
--- Frank Fazed T9712
Hoping to rise from the dead.
It raced through my gut
And spizzed from my butt.
Soon I had got out the lead.
--- H Welchel
(Maybe some more would pass through.)
A ten-minute fart
And boy, did it smart;
Made music like motorboats do.
--- H Welchel
With all the huggin' and puffin',
This old recipe
Will work, believe me --
Two cups of joe, one bran muffin.
--- Frank Fazed
For my head's full of pain,
And it grieves me to think
That because of strong drink
I should lie with my Phillis in vain.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Face puffy as a marshmallow.
Was it last night's date
Or something I ate.
Or maybe that jug of Gallo
--- Norm
I decided to go on the wagon.
When I peeked down the stool,
Which I don't as a rule,
Staring back was a Komodo Dragon.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712
It's Mary, a young girl, quite ruddy;
I screwed her last night,
Her first time -- so tight!
This morning dear Mary is bloody!
--- Anon
There were recriminations and spleen.
I feel kind of crabby,
'Twas maybe the Abbey,
(I think I created a scene.)
--- Sydney Bernard Smith
Champagne, some red wine with no peer,
Retsina and rum
With Pernod, by gum;
My head in the morning, I fear!
--- Anon
Too much Jack Daniels did I scoff.
I tried an old cure;
It caused a big spewer,
And never again will I quaff.
--- Archie
Have often, sobriety torn.
But what's fun at night,
Quite often just might
Be regretted the following morn.
--- Anon
Ephemeral happiness borrow,
Remember to think:
The more that you drink,
The sadder the sorrow tomorrow!
--- R J Winkler P8403
Alcohol on account of its stink.
It gives me a sore head
And sends me to bed
For longer than doctors may think.
--- Jon Downie
Whose drinking had kept her quite boozy.
She'd break laws with each snort,
But when hailed into court,
Asked mercy because she was woozy.
--- Warrick Elrod
But even that was waking too soon.
I've a pain in my head,
And my eyes they are red;
I think I'll be sober in June.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is it morning? Oh, leave me alone,
Mmm-Mmm-Mmmumble. No more.
I'm most terribly sore.
Mmm-Mmm-Mmmumble. Oh bother. Oh groan.
--- Anon
It should be a hang over fixer.
Some hair of the dog,
The leg of a frog,
With some eye of a newt for a mixer!
--- Marlene Lewis
My friends, now let me tell you...
Last night I came in
At 2 with a 10,
And woke up at 10 with a 2.
--- Mike M T9801a
Altogether I'm feeling punk.
So one more I aver,
Tongue covered in fur,
"That's the last time I ever get drunk!"
--- Norm
"It isn't the headache I dread,
The tongue that is furry,
My better half's fury;
It's the things that they'll say that I said."
--- John Miller 0291
Was nagged by his wife, Mama Kate.
"It don't seem be right,
Dat you gone all de night."
He replied, "But I muss do dis 'til late."
--- Guy Ben-Moshe
He makes it himself, if you will.
Old fruit, when he's got 'em,
Go into tub bottom,
With vapors caught in copper still.
--- Chris Papa
To abandon all thought and all reason.
But though this is our fate
We will soon compensate.
What better excuse for corn-squeezin'?
--- Neal Wilgus P8612
Where natives go to great pains
To stir about little,
But just chaw and spittle
And distill a bit from corn grains.
--- Chris Papa
This is file qem
'Bout life in a small Southern town,
Which hadn't an erg
Of work in the berg,
Their moonshine was of great renown.
--- Chris Papa
"A moonshiner's daughter named Jill.
She was not very tall,
But in spite of it all,
"I was," he said, "fond of her still."
--- A N Wilkins P8403a
Than that made by our happy headliner,
Who walks through the town
With nary a frown,
Acclaimed the "Village Moonshiner."
--- Chris Papa
Was full of good cheer and good will;
The good will he had got
From pot luck in a pot,
And he got the good cheer from a still.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who kept putting his hands in the till.
He got pretty frisky
While pouring his whisky,
So now he owns his own still.
--- Popsicle TP9807
Whose style often savored of scorn,
Soon inscribed in his journals,
"Here the corn's full of kernels,
And the Colonels are all full of corn.
--- Anon
I flash my bare ass while opining:
Old Sherrif Erasmus
Can kiss my chiasmus,
And shining moon when I'm moonshining.
--- Travis Brasell
And sample the poteen so neat.
For despite the poor guards,
It's made in backyards,
While they walk in the cold on the beat.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
INCOMMUNICADO went the movie stars,
In one-upmanship wallowed
And bathtub gin swallowed,
Drinking from pre-owned Mason Jars.
--- Elois
Made moonshine on Magnetic Hill.
It "attracted" the Mounties
From over three counties;
They just would not stand for a still.
--- Gordon McCully,Moncton34a
They bring us real darkness by nine.
It happens each day;
We like it that way,
'Cause nightly we run our moonshine.
--- Travis Brasell
Never said, "Kiss me, Hardy."
What he actually said
Just before he was dead
Was, "No, I said a Bacardi."
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
Who kept his old Cap in a drum --
It cured him real good,
Except for his wood,
Which periscoped out of the rum.
--- Anon
And nightly, when all were in bed,
He'd snort him some snot
And rinse off the rot,
By giving old Cappy some head.
--- Anon
Imported a "grosse caisso," or grand drum.
But sad to relate,
It was seized by the State,
Being full of the best contraband rum.
--- P8302
Weighed down by the communist yoke,
All wait and all pray,
And all hope for the day
When a '...libre" ain't just rum and coke.
--- Jim Ryan
Pastor Bloats preached while beating a drum.
Yelling, "Satan's set free
Your large offering to me!"
I said, "Wrong! My dough's for Demon Rum."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9808
It tastes good. What the hell, let's drink some.
Pour cup after cup
Till we drink it all up,
And fall to the floor on our bum.
--- Neal Wilgus P8403
The girls all wear gowns that are gaudy;
And like some of their sex,
Wear them up round their necks,
For a kiss and a slug of rum toddy.
--- John E Mayhood
Whom his flock, to the bottle had driven,
Got a barrel of rum,
So he thanked for the drum,
And the spirit in which it was given!
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen
After passing of millions of semen.
The girl was surprised,
As the boy had seemed iced,
But in bed he was rum and a demon.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8403
There is love for that sweet demon rum,
I'll swear, than molasses,
My fair lady's ass is
Much sweeter -- for barin' or bum!
--- Lance Payne P8403
Come to think of it, so is my bum.
I've typed all the lines;
Funny rhythms. Near rhymes.
I could go a nice hot-buttered rum!
--- Andrew Purdom
Said proudly, "I never touch brandy.
And in eighty-odd year,
I have never drunk beer!
But I like to keep rum pretty handy."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Her cakes, and her pies, and her pitas.
But alas, what a dreg,
She can't boil an egg,
So her family all have Margarita's.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In time he became a rank bum,
And his morals regressed.
I have tried the same test,
And I have to confess mine shrank some.
--- John Ciardi A
Drank rum 'til he emptied his tankard.
Then, needing to pee
In mixed company,
He stood up and pulled out his lanyard.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0408
Which I wishes I never had come near,
For I find to my grief
That the beggarly thief
In charge don't keep whiskey nor rum near.
--- Rudyard Kipling1888 P8903
Who possessed a very tart dink.
To sweeten it some
He steeped it in rum,
And he's driven the ladies to drink.
--- L0408
Who fainted away in a bar;
The bartender said,
"Pour rum on her head,
It's cheaper than water by far."
--- Lims Unlimited
Puff Puffed! but stood stubbornly still,
Till an intelligent bloke
Put some rum in his coke,
Then he happily chugged up the hill.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who got high by sucking his dickie.
She thought his precum
Tastes like cola and rum,
And his jism like lemon/lime rickey.
--- Martin
That makes noises like beating a drum.
You'd sound funny, too,
If you'd had that much brew,
And an enema given with rum!
--- Anon
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