"Rum-tiddy rum-tiddley dum" Thinking his last day had come, At the ritz a young lady drank lunch, A tipsy old woman in Rye A waggish young lady named Wright, When people die and we joke, Don't ever drink Mexican Rum When you drink a big belt of rum, Quite early this morning (at three), My old water heater exploded; One evening while playing gin rummy, Ho, ho! And a barrel of rum. A comely young lady named Mott A businesslike lady once baited Was a time when I'd giggle and snicker There was a young lady from Chester A simple young lady of Ypsi (Ypsi = Ypsilanti, Michigan)
A cad, who with little COMPUNCTION A girl with a passion for porter "Oh, you will share!" the agent insisted, "Of course not!" she said, "What a thrill! In days all the agents were bitchin'; Themselve they have only to blame; A frigid young lady named Fox "Drink to me only with thine eyes"; A raunchy old rancher named Barber, At confession a man from the East There was a young lady named Kate But observe this young girl in a pickle, A wise man should be scorning, In the sticks lives a lady named Bright Look, that guy is winking at me. I guess he was getting me drunk;
This is file qdm
It's an IRREFRAGABLE truth, The mother advised her young daughter This is not a very good rhyme; Since I did not eat too much, A beer would be fine, how 'bout wine? I've purchased a jolly new policy A young lady of Passamaquoddy I told her and told her and told her, On her high horse, a lady named Hopper, Let's go pub-crawling, my dear, tonight; A pub crawl? Well WHOOPEDY DOOP!!! A steak dinner, with beer, that's for sure! Here's a joint with male strippers on stage; Even older babes act like they're yokels, Please don't fret 'bout my hand on your knee; I'm amazed, how these girls all carouse; It helps to apply some libations I tried to romance young Kaylin, So I'll go no more a-romancing; A despoiling young lad of Poughkeepsie There was an unscrupulous Tar When out on the town late at night, Said a worldly-wise nippy-hipped minx, With Karen I've had my first date; Your inflation was slow but sure; All women will quickly discard A maidenhead popper named Drew, There is a young girl from Poughkeepsie, I spotted a sweet senorita, An effeminate Fellow of Lincoln, Ecumenical choir-girl Miss Hughes, Observed an old playboy named Bricker, A most wretched lecher named Brewer On Saturday nights, young Rochelle
Thus rumbles the sound of the drum;
But not to the drunkard
Bent over his tankard,
To him it says nothing but "Rum!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8403
A bar-steward drank all the rum,
Then fell into the sea,
And eventually
Was picked up uninjured -- but numb.
--- Don Paul
With a roue who ordered rum punch.
As they clinked cup to cup,
He said, "Bottoms up!"
Which I'd say was a rather shrewd hunch.
--- John Ciardi A
Poured rum in her Thanksgiving pie,
Then dipped in her thumb,
Which was already numb,
And licked it until it was dry.
--- Limber Limericks
Spoons rum to her cat every night;
And at home, rumors state,
She's a great one to date,
With her pussy entrancingly tight!
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
It is quite an unfair poke;
But what the hell,
We bid them farewell
And toast them with rum and with coke.
--- Chris Tustin
Which makes morals and nerve-endings numb.
You'll awake the nest morn
With your pantyhose torn,
And your tonsils all gummy from come.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8403 a
It lights a warm fire in your tum.
Used in making Bacardis,
And frozen daiquiris,
The Caribbean is where it is from.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Some horrible noise 'wakened me.
The house -- it got shook;
I was scared to look.
I went down to the basement to see.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I think that some parts had eroded.
The water ran out
I could only pout,
Pull out the dark rum and get loaded!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I ended up feeling a dummy.
It was Linda Lusardi
On Coke and Bacardi;
With her mouth full, she sounds really plummy.
--- Kevin Hale Q
Six drinks and I no longer come.
So to earn the respect
Of you girls, I expect
To buy you three drinks to my one.
--- John Miller
A drink from the bartender sought.
And she said to him, "Bruce,
Can you give me some juice?"
So he asked her to spread out her twat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2202
The door of her flat with X-rated
Interior views,
And, in neon, 'FREE BOOZE'.
Then stretched out on a bearskin and waited.
--- John Ciardi
At "Candy's dandy, liquor's quicker,"
But I've learned it's true
And this is true too --
Try both if you're planning to dick her.
--- Ann Gasser P9003
Who wept when the cardinal blessed her;
With the aid of champagne
He blessed her again,
And then for her sin, he confessed her.
--- Lims Unlimited
Was fucked every time she got tipsy,
By the Chief of Police,
And the Justice of Peace.
And a preacher disguised as a gypsy.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1177
Used young girls for sinister function,
Would ply them with gin,
So he might begin
A venereal conjunction.
--- Chris Papa
Was busted while crossing the border.
Her suitcase was filled
With fine spirits, distilled,
And she'd share if they didn't report her.
--- ROE
"But not of this booze that you've listed..."
And extracted a duty
That sure was a beauty;
Do you think she should have resisted?
--- John Miller
And my spirits I won't have to spill!"
So she gave of her treasure
In generous measure,
Till the agents had all had their fill.
--- ROE
It felt like their crotches were twitchin'.
When pissing, they groaned,
And all the time moaned...
Their dicks were on fire and itchin'.
--- Frank Specter
For itching sensations, a shame.
Since no condoms were used,
They're singing the blues.
Penicillin's the cure, that's its name.
--- Arden
Resisted young men of all walks.
But what thawed out her body
Was a double hot toddy,
Which was followed by two on the rocks.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1339
This statement sounded quite wise.
No more bills so dear
For bacardi and beer;
A good way to economize.
--- Anon
Checking out some gal near the harbor,
Could not help but think:
"I will ply her with drink,
And lie down with her, down by the arbor!"
--- Dick Hull
His perversions disclosed to the priest.
After two drinks, he said,
He'd take girls to his bed --
After four, 'twas a four-legged beast.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1131
Who asked for a drink from her date:
"Just two fingers for me."
But he gave her full three --
She was fucked by the Finger Of Fate!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0101
The finger of Fate must be fickle;
His love, the man swore,
In great torrents would pour,
But the best he could do was a trickle.
--- Albin Chaplin 0324 G0102
But should take heed of this warning:
At night that sweet doxy
Might look pretty foxy,
But she'll look like a dog in the morning.
--- Kaylin Brandon
With a face that's a horrible fright,
But no fellow minds that --
She feeds gin to her cat --
And it's fun when her pussy is tight.
--- Al Chaplin 3024 P8812a
The really cute one, do you see?
Says Charlie's his name,
Then asks if I'm game
To share his Long Island Ice Tea.
--- Anon
That Charlie is really no monk.
Wife won't understand
One more one-night stand,
So, let's make it long term, you hunk!
--- Anon
That many men are uncouth.
To seduce the Lady,
We customers shady
Rely upon gin and vermouth.
--- Phil Kinay
To shun the conniving young plotter
Who was after free tail.
So she fucked with a male
If he offered some gin, scotch or water.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0105
Here's a girl who thinks sex is a crime;
But when she gets tight
She thinks it's all right,
So give me a huge one with lime!"
--- Eric Sykes
How about we get into some dutch.
Instead of a snooze,
We'll drink up the booze
Then shall we go for the clutch?
--- Frank
Doesn't matter for intentions sublime.
An old country boy wrote,
(And I paraphrase the quote)
If you got cash, I got time.
--- Anon
To ensure that no lovely young doll I see
Can claim breach of promise
In case her pajamas
Come off during joint alcoholicy.
--- Norm Storer P9412a
Was addicted to hot whiskey toddy,
Which rendered her prone;
So she came to be known
As the earthy, but heavenly, body.
--- Keith MacMillan 32d
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
After drinking too much
You silly old lush,
That gorilla, you just want to hold her.
--- Arden
Declared she would let no man topper.
Till Freddy the Fink,
Having plied her with drink,
Slipped her cinch -- and did she come a cropper!
--- John Ciardi
There's a place I know way out of sight;
If we start to feel lust,
We'll go do what we must;
So, if you're in the mood, well alright!
--- Anon
And then dinner with steak and some soup.
I'm right in the mood
For some beer and some food,
But be careful, or you'll start to droop!
--- Anon
If you like, we will have soup de jour;
While we let it digest,
I do shyly suggest,
One or two low-life bars we could tour!
--- Anon
Among women, I hear, it's the rage;
All those guys with slim thongs,
Barely hiding their dongs,
Make a horny doll act half her age!
--- Anon
When they screech and get steamed-up bifocals;
But of course you're demure,
With no notions impure;
This vile bar is for tourists, not locals!
--- Anon
It's to keep you warm, not to make free;
Do those dancers disgust
You or fill you with lust;
Later on in this evening, we'll see!
--- Anon
Why, there's not a dry seat in the house!
If those dudes make you shriek,
I can give what you seek;
I'll be Mickey, and you Minnie Mouse!
--- Anon
To disperse all those darned hesitations.
Yet we'll keep our legs crossed
And our teeth all well-flossed,
Lest we give in to crude cogitations.
--- Priestess T9801
Disguising my need for some sin.
Now she's gone and hid,
Rejecting my bid,
And I'm left with a bar full of gin!
--- Anon
I won't even take them out dancing.
To ease off my lust,
I'll do what I must,
'Cause even Ms Palmer's entrancing.
--- Anon
Would encourage a girl to get tipsy,
Whereupon he'd display,
I am sorry to say,
All the moral restraint of a gypsy.
--- Keith MacMillan A087C
Who met a sweet thing in a bar.
To get to her quicker,
He plied her with liquor.
And now, she's an unwedded Ma.
--- Versifier P9601
In nightclub or disco's dim light,
My dad told to me,
For a girl to make free,
The loose women must be got tight.
--- Anon
"No matter what any guy thinks,
I STILL play hard to get...
I'll be bed-bounced, you bet,
But first I get lots of free drinks."
--- Grand Prix Lim 773
To impress I did not hesitate.
I said "Come see my castle."
She replied "Okay asshole,
How long does it take to inflate."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Duct tape fixed your pride's puncture.
All was just fine
Till that eighth glass of wine,
Then the rest has become a soft blur.
--- Karen
Any point that's not driven in hard.
Make your drink big and stiff,
As you're taking that whiff;
Holding tight to your soft little shard.
--- Anon
Whose morals are terribly few,
Said, "At first some will balk,
But booze and sweet talk
Make them do what they say they won't do."
--- Grand Prix Lim 99
Known through the town as a gypsy.
If she has not a drink,
She gives ne'er a wink,
But, man, she puts out when she's tipsy!
--- Anon
And plied her with neat margarita.
A quart was enough
To finger her muff,
But a gallon before I could eat her.
--- Anon
One night did some serious drinkin'.
Met a girl, now his wife,
Learned the true facts of life,
And blesses the day he got stinkin'.
--- G2403
Went out for fine food and good booze.
She woke up in bed
With her face vivid red,
With a minister, priest, and two Jews.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0410
"Some bard claims it best to use liquor,
But when I feel randy,
No booze, much less candy;
It's cash, for which nothing is quicker."
--- Armand E Singer 38a
Would get his girl soused and the screw her.
Laughing, "Sure I done bad --
How else to be had?
When sober, there's no one much purer."
--- Armand E Singer 361
Goes out on the town raising Hell.
And late in the night,
When she's very tight,
She gives away what she could sell!
--- Archie