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Another prose post in bad taste; I fully agree -- how it sucked, It's morning; I guess I'm just slow; I now hear you say, "What a lout! Spam is a wonderful meat; When I'm given an obvious SPAM, Those dastardly bastards are sick, You first take a spammer like Beth, A filthy fat floozie is Beth; Lets see if I read you aright; So here now's an offer for you: The idiots with SPAM are abusing' I trapped me a spammer in chains Good grief, it's the old farting master! The grafting has taken some time. Now, Sis, that was overly kind. Your limerick is not lame; I'm madder than hell's what I am. There's a website they call GeoCity, A nut you are not, just annoying I do not mean to be crude, A humor-sense, son, is innate; And after you're sated by apes, My ewe? You suggest this fool court her? Oh Tiddy. You're really an imp Now, Tiddy, your verse is too kind; Spam is just marketing crap By your SPAM we know you're a crook, All this spamming keeps Israel busy, It isn't that Izzy's a Jew Izzy, it's limericks folks Now word derivations are skittish, As others have done in the past, This place ain't for spamming joke pages The guy they call Kenneth Selin Dear Kenneth, you are such a fool; And therein consorting with gays, (embroidery usually white on white)
What? You're not feeling my love? I'm Kenneth, a scholar I ain't! I'm Ken; a sad picture I paint A caveman could get limericks right! (Ken Selin writes really bad shit for lims)
He cannot be British or French, I doubt if he's Irish or Dutch, In Texas the old K K K Some say he's Canadian stock He can't be a Finn or a Swede; A weed? Well, of those there's a billion; Now if you have been quite alert, Ain't it strange, there's so many abusing I'll bet that ol' Tiddy is fumin', Many of us are aghast Spam is a general term Here's an idea whose time has come; Their bums are all ground up with glass, Marty
I once was a devoted Ham Uncle Beer just hates to get spam; Earn millions while skiing the slopes; If you'd put in lims, you might see My name is the way it begins. The US, not Brits, devised Spam, "Download" pictures of pensioners bare; Off-topic, inane and obscene, 'Make money' the spammers proclaim, Ring-ring -- so I sleepily raise A "Soilder" you are, yes indeed! I think poor Selin was misled, A note here, to Kenneth Selin:
I guess to reply is a waste.
She surely won't read
My limerick screed;
But out of here she should be chased.
--- Jester Jon
When this goldfish in prose fountains mucked.
When otherwise place,
She may well be chaste,
But when she comes back, she'll be fucked.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But curious, and would like to know
The horrible pun
I know you've begun...
So tell me just how does it go.
--- Jester Jon
WTF is this chap on about.
But there's no need to gloat;
'Cause I just got my coat,
And I'm already on my way out.
--- Jester Jon
I once thought that it was a treat.
I see so much now,
I wonder just how
I once thought it couldn't be beat.
--- Burrito Man
Without even a mention of "ma'am,"
'Tis not only rude
But females you exclude;
The best thing that rhymes here is "cram".
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And greedy and totally thick.
Spamming is criminal;
With junk mail subliminal,
Get ninety nine years in the nick.
--- Ron Bevitt
Then strip her and spray her with meth.
Next light up a match
And apply to her thatch,
And roast the damn proser to death.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She's fortunately cursed with bad breath,
Because when she breathes
Any guy around leaves,
Or else dies a very slow death.
--- David Miller
My best jokes to you I will write,
And then you'll spam me.
You say it's for free,
But I think that you're E-mailing shite.
--- Anon
I'll cut off your bollocks, all two,
Then grind them up coarse,
And serve them with sauce,
To a mini-French Poodle named Lu.
--- Anon
A newsgroup I find most amusin'.
I'd fill up their shorts
With explosives of sorts,
Then laugh when they blew up in confusion.
--- Chas deTampa
And fastened his face to what stains.
His eyes are now spouting
And both ears are sprouting
Both shit and baked bits of his brains.
I'd heard from our paedophile pastor,
That your genes were decoded
When some tart exploded,
Which blew off your dick and dis-assed her.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The surgeon has taken some spine
And bits of a whale,
And slime-of-a-snail,
But everything's blowing just fine.
Fake limmers we really do mind.
I'd much rather beat'em
And cook them and eat'em,
Then kick them all up the behind!
--- Archie
It is the name of the game.
To even the score,
Fill the spammer with C4
Then we we won't remember his name.
--- Chas deTampa
I'm just looking for someone to slam.
My server's alive!
New Posts! I have five!
And three of them are fuckin SPAM.
--- MrMalo
That thinks pop-up windows are pretty.
But to all of their guests,
They are really pests,
So the rest of us think they are shitty.
--- Roger Morris
To us limmers intent on enjoying
Our own filthy vices.
To you our advice is:
Get useful instead of destroying.
--- Anon
Or even try and be lewd,
But when dealing with SPAM,
All I can say is Damn!
Both females and males getting screwed!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Your spam simply makes us irate.
So go to the zoo,
And see if there you
Can find a chimp who'll with you mate.
--- Tiddy Ogg
You'd do well to get up and traipse
Over to screw
Ogg's favorite ewe,
(Which might be construed as sour grapes).
--- Randog
Now I just don't think that you oughter.
But if you took flight
Down to Dorset, he might,
Perhaps take a poke at my daughter.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Implying your daughter's a chimp.
If spam-man began a
Hot date, his banana
She'd peel. Does that make you a pimp?
--- Randog
These spammers have skins like a rind.
We really must cut them
And maybe de-gut them,
And leave them all un-intestined.
--- Archie
So purposefully tossed in our lap;
Inappropriately posted
So authors are roasted,
Yet rarely come back for the trap.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And at you, I'd throw the rule book.
You're an inconsiderate
Crap-posting idiot
To be hung by your balls from a hook.
--- David Miller
Though his posts have me in a tizzy;
Every one of them sucked!
So please, Cohen, get fucked
By a pig, until you are dizzy.
--- David Miller
But if he continues to spew
He non-limerick form
When such is the norm,
I guess I'll be hating him too!
--- John Miller
Want here, and we are picky blokes.
I hate to be mean
But prose is obscene.
(Though most of us like dirty jokes.)
--- John Miller
Limerick? From somewhere once British,
Upon Erin's fair shores.
But as through books pores,
Our Izzy, he'll claim it is Yiddish.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I probably shouldn't lambaste
A guy who has chose
To post only prose,
'Cause I suspect that he's half-fast.
--- Observer
This is file qdl
And we find your intrusions outrageous.
Why do all you spam schmucks
Post an old joke that sucks?
Dickheadedness must be contagious.
--- Anon
Up his ass once stuck a nut praline.
Though he did this feat
To keep his bum sweet,
For spamming he needs a good ream.
--- Donald McGill
Please stop tugging there at your tool.
It's such a thin dick,
Go learn word "limerick"
As you would, if you had been to school...
--- Tiddy Ogg
And learning their ass-fucking ways,
And wearing a bra,
That you stole from your ma,
And that dress made of Broderie anglaise.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Good gracious! And Heavens above!
Why here, take my hand,
Your touch would be grand...
But first, let me put on a glove.
--- John Miller
Don't holler, the sound makes me faint!
I only know that
You think I'm a rat,
And nobody thinks I am quaint.
--- John Miller
My "lims" are like shit on a taint.
The best that I've got
Is not asshole or twat --
An open latrine when it's raint.
--- John Miller
So clearly he isn't too bright.
With his rhythmical lack,
He cannot be black,
So I guess the poor bastard is white.
--- John Miller
Though they can put up with a stench,
They quickly denounce
What they can't pronounce
Or isn't involved with a wench.
--- John Miller
Or Belgian or Spanish or such;
He's probably a Jew,
But if that is true,
I don't care to dwell on that much.
--- John Miller
Would certainly scare him away.
In Arkansas, Bill
Might harbor him still,
But he wouldn't be posting this way...
--- John Miller
But somehow I think that's a crock,
Unless he is found
In moist fertile ground,
On flipping a mossy flat rock.
--- John Miller
Such folk don't exist in that breed.
He can't be a Kraut,
They'd kick his ass out;
Perhaps he is simply a weed.
--- John Miller
They grow and they breed by the million.
No balls do they need
To spread wide their seed,
And so there is no weed cotillion.
--- John Miller
You'll wonder just what my verse spurt
And this subject share?
The subject's "Down There",
And weeds do it down in the dirt!
--- Scott Oliver
The spammers? Why, some folks are choosing
To limit their rights!
(Aligning gun sights
On their gourds could be just as amusing.)
--- John Miller 0274
Or maybe could be I'm assumin'
That he'd like to boil
That sucker in oil,
'Cause spammers are all less than human.
--- Observer
When we hear "make money fast."
Every day we see spam
And know it's a scam.
I'm getting sick of being harassed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For posts as prolific as sperm.
The difference, of course,
Between cock and this source,
Is the "member" is not quite as firm.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Too bad your mom was too dumb
To know of the pill
Or a license to kill,
Before you spammed us, you scum.
--- S C Saint
So I think that this time I'll pass
It might hurt my hands,
And, Arch, I've got plans
To use those on my beau's sweet ass.
--- Marty
But never keyed like a telegram.
My setup was sound,
This is not a put-down,
And we did not condone all the Spam.
--- S C Saint
The bastards just don't give a damn.
So e-mail me not
At the place in the spot
That says "from", 'cause that one's a sham.
--- Uncle Beer
Like you, I once had great hopes
Of fooling the masses.
Those ignorant asses
Are too smart for the spammering dopes.
--- Hideout
An inquiry or two that could be
A shekel or quarter
To fun your next porter,
And thankful you'd most likely be.
--- Hideout
Dot org is the way that it ends.
Between at and dot,
My name again, sot!
Just don't send me pictures of sins.
--- Uncle Beer
The original pork shoulder and ham.
To blame the UK
Is like trying to say,
The fault's not the wolf, it's the lamb.
--- Steevo
"Unlimited" dandruff in their hair;
The "Free Music's" all rap,
Like their "Movies," all crap,
And the "Games" might load (with a prayer).
--- Q
Of intellect seriously lean;
A spam is bad meat.
The sender we beat;
They leech on the internet scene.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With their pyramid schemes, oh so lame.
But this one's a plum,
As dumb as they come;
They can't even write their own name!
--- Anon
The phone. "Say, can we double glaze..."
The makers of phone ads
Should lose both their gonads,
And live on shit all of their days.
--- Tiddy Ogg
How we wish that the net could be freed
From those of your ilk,
Here only to bilk
Us to satisfy your selfish greed
--- Anon
When the name of this newsgroup he read.
That second word, "jokes",
Might mean to some folks,
That more than just lims could be spread.
--- Jeff Wisnia
It's not our intent to be mean,
But a non-limming twit
Gives some folks here a fit,
And they'd like to rip out your spleen.
--- Observer
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