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Then Mick the Mule happened along, It strikes me as really quite queer, Which is really quite nothing amiss. But chicks avoid me in their flocks, A swinger said, "I know the way Have you heard the incredible news, There was a young fellow named Mavern, There was a young fellow named Priestly, DRINK TO ME ONLY WITH THINE EYES With two bolts of the drink Taos Lightning, There was a young man from Poughkeepsie, A submarine man from Toledo My standard is frankness and verve; The reason -- and I've got a hunch -- There was a young woman from Denver, A Swiss Miss from the town of Lucerne, When out with a girl, give her shandy; That's very miserly, mate; The Four X can go down the drain. A society gal from Poughkeepsie, There once was a girl from Poughkeepsie There once was a young man, a Latin, When the snow is up to your knees, Miss Summer was nice, thought young Cummer; There was a shoefitter named Hughes When younger, a woman named Mandy A darling young lady named Skinner The champagne punch was so cool, A rascal who thought he'd be able, A martini, my love, is just fine. Deux amants sat in old Outremont Near London, in Kent's where I'll be; A thoughtless young maid named O'Dirk If you'd like to go in for nude-dealing, In Shanghai a lady named Jinx, Her boyfriend's sufficiently mastered A young lonely heart named Mandy There was a young girl whose frigidity, This alcohol stuff works both ways. She said, "I thought he'd some hair! "I thought him a fine hunky fellow She drank with some guys who were kin to her; There was a young girl named McKnight, (To be told that she sure had been tight.)
I've heard of a red-blooded male At first she declared that she wouldn't, A certain young maiden named Hughes There was a young lady named Plum The Lady Penelope Hinge Blast all this trusting to luck; While Peter's at work and a-slaving, My adventures begin right here; He plied the girl with champagne, gin, and rye, The maid drank my last fifth of whiskey, What he asked for (a four-letter word) The innocent virgin named Ida In the interest of furthering sin, A salesman tried luring Miss Phipps Whilst fumbling around in the dark Said her brother, the host, "You must lemme, sis, I plied her with ale in a bumper, 'Neath the vines on the banks of the Rhone, There was a young lady named Pola When primed with the juice of the grape, A beery young dearie named Flober Horny in two 'n' half beers; Virgins pretend to be shy,
Renowned for the size of his dong.
Yes, it was a tight fit,
But she took all of it.
He bragged she was not tight for long.
--- Frank Sfa
Not as ugly as first did appear.
I'd now marry the lass
With the fat lardy ass,
After drinking two gallons of beer.
--- Anon
And I'll tell you one thing and it's this,
And tell it with glee.
Fuck CCTV.
I belch. The wall foams with my piss.
--- Anon
As I focus on three of my cocks,
Drip shaking release,
Now covered in grease
From my Kentucky Fried Chicken box.
--- Anon
To get girls to roll in the hay.
I ply them with booze
And after we schmooze,
I rub them with Oil Of Olay.
--- Thomas M Patton P9901
About Linda, who's off on a cruise?
She had sex on the coral,
In ways must immoral,
But I put the blame on the booze.
--- Isaac Asimov
Longed to probe in a young lady's cavern.
By guile and strong drink
He did just what you think,
In the grass out behind the town tavern.
--- Grand Prix Lim 406 G0129A
Whose behavior to women was beastly.
He'd promise them wine
And a jolly good time --
Then give them a weekend in Eastleigh.
--- Michael Palin
While I this verse now plagarize.
AND I WILL PLEDGE WITH MINE
But I'll not bring the wine
Unless she does not fraternize.
--- Irving Superior P9710
Senoritas felt their labia tightening.
The effect on the men
Was the opposite, so when
They united, their passion was frightening.
--- Ray A Billington P9312
Inclined now and then to get tipsy.
When afflicted that way,
It was said he would lay
Anything from a sow to a Gypsy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is driven by booze and libido.
He liked to go swimmin'
With cute naked women,
And get them while playing torpedo.
--- David Miller
Don't care if your ass has a curve.
Just tell me you crave
The length of my stave --
I'll bust out my private reserve.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That the dollies succumb in a bunch
Is not tight elastic
Or gyrations gymnastic --
It's something I slipped in the punch.
--- Martin Wellborn P8808
Who liked to go off on a bender;
While she sucked down the booze,
I'd tickle her cooze,
Then lift up her dress and rear-end her.
--- Ty Denver
After school she had plenty to learn.
She'd learned to write and read,
Which she knew she would need,
But she knew not lemonade from Sauturne.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
It's perfect for making her randy.
But when I get back
To my little shack,
Thank God! I have got my best brandy!
--- Archie
Is your meanness acquired or innate?
If I want my dates frisky,
I ply them with whiskey.
We're usually in bed around eight!
--- Peter Wilkins
With Jayne it must be real champagne.
With Josie or Claire,
Just vin ordinaire,
Means panties not long would remain.
--- Archie
A free-swinging soul and true gypsy,
Loved to get herself laid,
`Thwart a wood balustrade,
While swilling gin slings, good and tipsy.
--- Armand Singer
Who sneaked off to bed with a gypsy.
Though normally shy,
Restraint passed her by
Because she was ever so tipsy.
--- Monique de Plume TP9804
Who rented a flat in Manhattan.
He slightly sedated
All the girls he dated,
Then screwed them on sheets made of satin.
--- Tom Patton P0411
And your toenails are starting to freeze,
Call your liquor supplier,
Sit down by the fire,
With a book and give darling a squeeze!
--- Observer
One drink and he'd have him a hummer.
To his sorrow he found,
After many a round,
That one swallow does not make a Summer.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0100A
Who softened a lady with booze.
When she lay down, unwitting,
He attempted a fitting,
But he found her too big for his shoes.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0209
Was content with a peppermint candy.
But when she got older
Her libido was colder,
And it took a whole tumbler of brandy.
--- Lims Unlimited
Felt good when she had a drop in her.
But after Carruther
Provided another,
She was good for a flop after dinner.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0332
Till the boss started acting the fool.
He took off his clothes,
Turned a pale shade of rose,
And dove into the typing pool.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To make it with sable wrapped Mabel,
Conspired to mix her
A wicked elixer,
But she drank him under the table.
--- Pierce Evans
Shall we meet for a drink about nine?
With the second or third,
I'll be shaken, not stirred
Into action; if that's your design.
--- Sweet P
In a charming intime restaurant.
Said she, panting, "J'ai faim,
Donne-moi coq-au-vin,"
So he did! N'est-ce pas que c'est bon?
--- Keith MacMillan 47a
We'll see lots of sights (two or three).
I love that Brown Ale;
It knocks me on my tail.
(I think that's where my sweetie wants me.)
--- Cheryl
Got soused on her way home from work.
She slept, she had thought,
With a prince in his yacht,
But at dawn she awoke with a jerk.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0282
This is file qcm
And a life of delight is appealing,
Just a bucket of booze
In the chickie you choose
And, if lucky, her cooze you'll be feeling.
--- Grand Prix Lim 272
Got blind drunk on oddly mixed drinks.
She awoke in a bunk
In the hold of a junk,
With no light but what passed through Chinks.
--- John Ciardi A
The fine art of getting her plastered;
After three shots of whiskey
She's both groggy and frisky;
Then he takes gross advantage -- the bastard!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8403 a
Thought that alcohol might make men randy.
In a bar, she would mingle,
Find a gentleman single,
But pass out from a half-pint of shandy.
--- S.M.
Approached cataleptic rigidity,
Till you gave her a drink,
When she quickly would sink
To a state of complaisant liquidity.
--- Anon L1622
When she wakes up in a whiskey haze,
And looks at the guy
Next to her, Oh my!
Can't repeat it, I must paraphrase!
--- Faerie
Now I see that there ain't any there!
And his teeth that were white
Have turned green overnight.
They go well with his blank, crossed-eyed stare."
--- Faerie
But his skin...today not tan, but yellow.
Last night that big stick
That I thought was his dick,
This morning is just a marshmallow!"
--- Faerie
They kept passing bottles of gin to her;
Since at last she passed out
From her long drinking bout,
She never learned who all got into her.
--- Armand E Singer 288
Who got drunk with her boyfriend one night.
She came to, in bed, (She awoke in a snit )
With a split maidenhead. (With her maidenhead split)
That's the last time she ever got tight.
--- L0876
Whose pickup technique's yet to fail.
He fills chicks with booze
And waits 'til they snooze,
Then serves them his special "cock-tail!"
--- Phil T
Then later she whispered she shouldn't,
But when she gave in
After two pints of gin,
She lay down and found out that she couldn't.
--- Michael Horgan
Passed out at a dance from bad booze;
Two guys pulled down her pants
As she lay in a trance;
The rest of my tale sure ain't news.
--- Armand Singer
Who drank a whole bottle of rum.
She thought that she spent
The night with Lord Kent,
But next morning she woke with a bum.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0298
Is oft to be seen on a binge.
When totally pickled,
She likes to be tickled
By trickling beer in her minge.
--- Peter Wilkins
I'll give her martini's to suck,
And after we've noshed,
And when she is sloshed,
We'll crash to the floor and then fuck!
--- Ron
I could give your oyster a laving,
Then nibble your clit,
Well, maybe a bit,
And then the main course we'd be having.
--- Ron
With written word I give a leer
To potential studs;
I can see no duds.
Hey Babe, Can I buy you a beer?
--- Anon
And took her to a motel nearby.
Like a prophet of doom,
Her pa burst in the room;
The best planned lays of men oft go awry.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0203
Then she lay on my bed which was risky.
If my wife does find out,
She will do more than shout,
For I joined the drunk maid and got frisky!
--- Anon
Badly frightened the frigid Miss Byrd.
But gin and insistence
Wore down her resistance,
And that four-letter word then occurred.
--- G1629
Got drunk on a glass of hard cider.
She awoke with great dread,
In Tom's cozy bed;
Some thing harder than cider inside her
--- Parker Waterman P0203
One squiffles a dolly with gin...
When squiffled, all vice
Looks alluring and nice,
And the next thing, you're in, like E. Flynn.
--- Grand Prix Lim 19
With suggestive remarks and low quips.
Murmured he with a grin
As she downed her fifth gin,
"This damn well should loosen her hips!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 197
With Maggie, alone in the park,
She said, "Cut that out
Till I've had a snout-
Ful of some of that old Maker's Mark!"
--- Scott Oliver
Proclaim that martini's your nemesis.
One or two, I have found,
Make your heels go quite round,
And I won't have you laid on my premises."
--- G2705
While I ogled the bumps in her jumper.
And late in the day
Led her out in the hay
But the question I asked didn't stump her!
--- P0001
Two lovers drank wine, all alone.
He made her quite jaunty
With Asti Spumante,
Then got her to sample his Beaune.
--- John Maywood P9710
Who put too much rye in her cola.
She rode on a train
Where she sang a refrain,
And was fucked on the fourteenth gondola.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0744
A cutie's too stiff to escape...
Some torrid caressing
Leads to hurried undressing...
And then does that cutie go ape.
--- Grand Prix Lim 837
Volunteered the remark that when sober
She refuses to do
What she'll do full of brew;
...She's been tight every night since October.
--- Grand Prix Lim 287 a
He ain't been that rowdy in years.
Gotta take advantage
When he's on a rampage,
When he's sober he only leers.
--- Anon
And giggle when touching your thigh.
But a good shot of Stoly
Can zap her hole's goalie,
And let you pry open that pie.
--- TuttaGioia
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