I pity that chap's named, Selin,
Over whom we have vented our spleen.
Too bad this ain't Kabul
Where he couldn't squabble
Whilst buggered by mujahideen.
--- Randog

If Ken wants to shock and to awe,
He'd follow this group's only law:
Use limerical verse!
I can't be more terse:
Comply or politely withdraw!
--- Randog

I try to be fair most of the time;
I like to encourage a rhyme.
But the advertisement joker
Can insert a hot poker
In the place where the sun doesn't shine.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a

Hey spammer, please read this epistle,
From Ogg: shove your holly and mistle-
toe, right up your anus;
The sight will not pain us,
And might make us stamp, cheer and whistle.
--- Q

I'm posting for your information
And sending it right through the nation
Some stuff you must know,
Make your penis grow -
And do it with no inflammation.
--- Archie

Just click on my link here for free
And then send your Visa to me.
Then I'll send the junk
(It was made by a monk),
And you'll see it grow inches three.
--- Archie

Or, if you think that one is dumb
My tight teenaged sister has some
Pictures she's postered
Nude, on a four postered
Bed, waiting for you to then cum.
--- Archie

Ahh, not into that, I deduce --
An offer you cannot refuse.
Your loan is too big;
I know what to rig -
Your mortgage you know I'll reduce.
--- Archie

And if you ignore me today,
I'll just send some more on your way.
And if you will curse,
It will make it worse.
I'm going to post till you're grey.
--- Archie

And now I've some hot horny housewives
Intent upon sharing their lives.
And a really tight teen,
On a gift you'll be keen;
You will love it when it arrives.
--- Anon

I'm offering you some e-cards;
They'll stretch out your inbox by yards.
And free holidays --
I've thought up new ways
To make it right through your spam-guards.
--- Anon

Here's a Hell I hope spammers endure:
Eternally swim in manure,
While bombarded with E-mail
That tells in great detail
Of joys they can never procure.
--- John Miller 0019

Here's a scene, which I find really rankles,
A jerk with his pants 'round his ankles,
Writes two lines of gob-
Bledegook, jerks his nob,
'Til he splatters the page with his wankfuls.
--- Cyber Wizard

From reading his spam, I've a notion,
That "splatter" is just some hand lotion.
For spammers, you see,
Aren't like you and me,
They can have only dusty explosions.
--- Cyber Wizard

The spammers would have us believe
That the IRS we can deceive.
Only an idiot or fool
Could be so stupid and cruel.
There are no millions that you will achieve.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

This pseudo-religious stuff's crass.
Go stuff the whole thing up your ass.
I'd feel full of glee
If the WTC
Had contained only spammers, but alas.
--- Anon

And thinking up fates for the spammers
(We cannot put them into slammers)
Is a joy to us all
As we squash his left ball -
With females, we poke in their clammers.
--- Anon

And if you're offended by this,
Because we are taking the piss,
Then think how upset
We are, when we're met
With prose from a self-righteous miss!
--- Anon

Oh, dirty purveyor of spam,
Who can open thighs shut like a clam,
My PC's awash.
I've got much panache.
And dear, I just don't gve a damn.
--- Chris Papa

There once was a spammer named Ken,
Who trolled AJL, with a grin.
And the only thing worse
Than this moron, perverse,
Would be if this twit were a twin.
--- Observer

But what if this twit were a trio?
He drive all of us folks up a tree. Oh,
I know we'd survive
But though we might thrive,
They'd surely annoy us con brio!
--- John Miller

A suitable penance for spamming,
More apropro than just jamming
A pike up the ass?
Why, shitloads of gas,
Injected by ass-to-nose ramming.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Oh well, Arch, if you're gonna cook,
I'll stay around and have a look.
I won't have a taste,
'Cause I saw you baste
That raw butt with ground glass and gook.
--- Marty

I ground that glass into his butt;
Made sure that it really did cut.
Then vinegar and brine
(A marinade real fine)
Caused all those cuts to close shut!
--- Archie

I'll note this new e-mail address,
But wish you'd come clean and confess,
'Tis because of the spam
About one coed's cam,
That has caused your dear wife some distress.
--- Bob Birch

And then there's the promises made,
E-mail about how to get laid,
And of adding some length
And of building up strength,
And a lottery prize to be paid.
--- Bob Birch

Then the mortgage inquiries came,
Six messages, but all the same,
And I know it's been hard,
When a free credit card
Is offered ... and they know your name.
--- Bob Birch

If insurance has been a concern,
Comparison rates you can learn,
And vacations seem free
(for a small hidden fee)
And just think of the air-miles you'll earn.
--- Bob Birch

Now you're changing your e-mail ID,
And the spam, for a while, you'll not see.
But you're sure to be missed
On that old e-mail list,
But from spammers you'll never be free.
--- Bob Birch

And so for a week, maybe two,
You'll not get those invites to view
A cheerleader's boobs,
Or well-shaven pubes,
Or scams about payments now due.
--- Bob Birch

But just as I'm sure that you fear,
Soon Viagra ads will appear
And claim for a nickel
To harden your pickle,
With lists of hot chicks who live near.
--- Bob Birch

Seems we cannot escape from the spam,
Or the frequent and deceptive scam.
So when feeling the heat
Just hit the delete,
(But be sure to check out that free cam).
--- Bob Birch

He thought that was something to do,
And thought ".scr" meant "To Screw".
He thought with his dick,
And gave it a click...
Now his system's a virus filled zoo!
--- Anon

This is file qcl

Cams in the cans, all for free?
Turds and butt-wipes we will see?
I'll wank off my knob --
A cyber-plate job!
I can't wait to watch all those girls pee!

(reply to spam about nude coeds -- free!)
--- H Welchel

Beneath her rough habit in matins,
Young Sister Patricia wears satins;
And there at the back
Of the church, up her crack
She stuffs candles and cheer-leader batons.
--- Anon

The beads she would have put down,
If not in her hole, they were found.
Thy're not rosary,
They're Ben-wa, you see;
For Hell she is sure to be bound.
--- Laurence E Bernstein

In the fields near the convent they keep
A flock of a hundred-odd sheep.
The rams though, refuse
Them in favor of ewes,
Although counting them helps them to sleep.
--- Peter Wilkins

Their cloisters are home to old Dobbin,
Who sets all their pulses a-throbbin';
Castrated, poor dear,
Now for many a year,
So he can't get his knob up for knobbin'.
--- Peter Wilkins

And Father O'Sullivan's dog
Keeps the nuns of St Agnes agog.
At mass they bend over
And pray that young Rover
Might slip them a length of his log.
--- Peter Wilkins

The courtyard is home to a bull.
They'd love to have fun with his tool;
There's a Convent decree
Which prevents it: St Agnes's Rule.
--- Peter Wilkins

So frustrated they tear out their hair,
Or strip themselves naked and bare,
And quarrel each night
Over who has the right
To the communal dildo they share.
--- Peter Wilkins

About nuns reluctance, I differ;
At the sight of my pecker, they quivver.
This may come as a shock,
But when rubbing my jock,
Under habits, they flow like a river.
--- Brian Hendley

You haven't seen some of those sisters;
They've not had their fair share of misters.
The ones who are tame
Could put you to shame.
Left the convent while nursing some blisters.
--- Spuddie

If Mother Superior catches
You fondling and stroking your snatches
With no candle inserted,
She'll think you perverted,
And stop you from having those scratches...
--- Peter

...By tying your wrists to the bed
Until ninety Hail Marys have been said;
And then giving you ard-
Uous tasks in the gard-
En and feeding you water and bread.
--- Peter

A nun rode a bike now and then
With a seat designed for the men.
After a bumpy ride
Caused her crotch to GRIDE,
She said, "I'll never come that way again!"
--- Norm Brust

There once was a Mother Superior,
Whose organs were mostly inferior.
Every morning at matins,
With her hands 'twixt her satins,
Did not make her feel any cheerier.

"Bejabers, dear Father, what's that?"
"It's a candle for you, Sister Pat."
"Is it warm to the touch?"
"Yes it is; will you clutch
It." "Oh Father, it's throbbing and ..." SPLAT!
--- Peter Wilkins

I had fun with three nuns in my bed,
Who insisted on giving me head.
I suggested a fuck
In return for the suck,
But they thought it immoral and said:
--- PeterW

"No fucking and no cunnilingus!
Instead we would love you to bring us
The pleasures we seek,
Maybe ten times a week,
By using your thumbs and your fingers."
--- PeterW

There once was a num from Marseille
Who used squash in a sexual way.
She revealed in confession
Her vegetable session,
And the garden in which she did play.
--- Bill Ron

The randy nun's clothes were monastic,
But her morals were turning elastic.
When vibrators ream her,
She'll scream, "Deus ex machiner!
This passion is far from scholastic!"
--- Bruce Thompson

Said a godly young novice in Deal,
"Though sexual sin isn't real,
When Sister Sabina
Dilates my vagina,
I quite like what I fancy I feel."
--- G0443a

Now would it be fair to suppose
That during these phallic death throes,
The snipping will cease
And give me release.
Should I squeeze the sensitive nose?
--- SFA

I heard that Christina was drunk
And fell for the charms of a Monk.
So eager to please,
She fell to her knees,
And beavered his lusty tree trunk.
--- SFA

Why duplicates happen, who knows?
But please sir, cut down on the prose.
Sis Chris runs this joint,
And you she'll anoint,
But mind she don't bit off your... nose?
--- Q

An odd bit of news, this I know;
Don't know Sis Christina's age, so
I'll have to assume
Ere I dash from the room,
That that's where the old hag learned to blow.

(newsflash - 16th century nuns keen on trombone)
--- Tiddy Ogg

In front kneels Sis Chris on a hassock,
And puts her head under his cassock;
Spunk squirts from the pulpit,
For Chrissie to gulp it,
(Rev Kees- a disciple of Masoch.)
--- Anon

Sis Chris, there be rumours around,
You screw without making a sound.
And parts that you grasp
For Oxygen gasp;
So maybe you're best gagged and bound.
--- Anon

Sis Chris and ol' Travis Brasell
Have been hanging out, I hear tell.
And though she'd deny it,
I'm one who don't buy it...
She's leading him straight down to hell.

In Christinas' eyes burns the hope,
That one day she'd fondle the Pope.
'Til then she'd manhandle
That fourteen inch candle,
A shoehorn and three bars of soap.
--- Anon

My son, you have sinned yet again;
Your sentence is clear and so plain.
A scrotal removal
Will gain my approval --
Sis Chris will you please cause him pain.
--- Archie

Oh yes, we'd like something to maul;
It's good that you managed to call.
Our convent girl, Chris,
Sure would not want to miss
The chance of a chew of your ball.
--- Anon

Jane's eyes opened wide with disgust,
As wide as the size of her bust.
She cried to the vic: (vicar)
"You can't have his dick,
Sis Chris blew it off in one gust."
--- Lightbulb

That Kitty's Sis Chris in disguise;
She causes male members to rise,
Then chomps with her teeth
(Which she keeps underneath),
Then laughs at their pain induced cries.
--- Anon

The pain's so exceedingly grim,
You'll be forced to submit to her whim;
And you won't stand a chance
As she buries your lance
In her slimy and festering quim.
--- Anon