After Oscar had had a few glasses,
And at a few women made passes,
He said, "Time for work,
I can no longer shirk,
Work's the curse of the drinking classses."
--- Tiddy Ogg

A reason for drinking is, first,
To satisfy dryness or thirst;
Forgetting the rest,
The first is the best --
But drinking too much is the worst.
--- R J Winkler P8403

Once a Viking from old Copenhagen
Gave up schnapps and went on the wagon.
Slew no more Jews, Gentiles, Aryans,
Carnivores, Vegetarians,
And fed all his SPAM to a dragon.
--- Mike O'Conner

I'm sitting here at my computer.
Wishing that I could drink ale from pewter.
But I gave up the stuff
'Cause it treated me rough,
And my wife said, my slinky she'd neuter.
--- Anon

Prohibitionists had it wrong, Alas.
I respond to their premise with sass.
Cheap labor, cheap booze.
For those who so choose,
"Work's the curse of all the 'Drinking Class'."
--- Arthur Deex P9604

If whiskey is drunk by the bottle,
This very significant thought'll
Give pause to your drinking
And make you start thinking.
A little won't hurt -- but a lot'll.
--- R J Winkler P8403 a

There was an old fellow named Sy,
Who said that he always was dry.
Lemonade he'd refuse;
Water he'd never choose;
He'd slake thirst on bourbon and rye.
--- Warrick Elrod

If some are perpetually high,
It's Canadian whiskey -- that's why.
Though in terms of performance
It expedites dormance --
It's harder to come through the rye.
--- Hugh Oliver 120c

An alternate universe thrives
In which I may lead other lives.
My beck is my call!
Now pour a high-ball;
They're much cheaper than hyper-drives.
--- Nott Right TP9901

There was a young Aussie from Sidney.
Who secreted straight booze from his kidneys.
When in need of a sock,
He pulled out his cock,
And pissed out a shot of rye whiskey.
--- Anon

Tell the world that the whiskey works swell.
When It feels like I'm nearly in Hell,
I take a small drink,
Close my eyes, cease to think,
In an hour or so, I'm quite well.
--- Frank Fazed

"When Paddy was bit by an adder
And died, I could not have been sadder;
I bought whisky he'd crave
Which I poured on his grave,
But I filtered it once through me bladder."
--- Hugh Clary

To make that old car go with ease,
Use whisky and not anti-freeze.
The trouble, I'm thinking,
They'll suspect you of drinking,
As the fumes waft away on the breeze.
--- Anon

Everytime that I start drinking whiskey,
The girls think I get too damn frisky.
They're great fun to frisk,
When I start to get brisk,
But I have to admit that it's risky.
--- Neal Wilgus P8403

A grumpy colleen named Eileen
In between would come clean and would lean
On a friend who just stated;
How can you be mated
When you're obscene and just teem with poteen.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9402

He was told that poteen wouldn't hit him,
But in fact he found out it would split him.
What he couldn't endure
Was met with a cure:
A hair off the doggy that bit him.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9402

There was a young weaver from Wapping,
Who thought his first whisky was topping.
He swallowed it down
With a dubious frown,
And hiccupped six weeks without stopping.
--- Anon

We dressed head to toe, all in green,
And joined in the partying scene.
But I cannot abuse
That much Irish booze;
It just sends me to the latrine.
--- Anon

Just two pints of Guinness, that's it,
That gives the Irish their wit.
Or a wee dram of whisky
Makes their tongues frisky;
Much more and they're all full of shit.
--- Sam Pittman

Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and George Dickel:
Past masters at booze's sweet tickle --
These liquorish seducers
Made me join the world's juicers;
Now my liver resembles a pickle!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8403

There was an old person of Biscay
Whose wife had locked up all the whisky.
But just take a look
At the wily old cook
Who said: "Sir, I can do it with this key."
--- Explosion of Lims P9912

"So the spirits arise about morn?"
Said an old man who lived at Cape Horn.
"But they're not for me,"
He exclaimed with much glee.
"The spirits I like come from corn."
--- Clarence E Boyle P8711

A Turk by the name of Haroun,
Ate whiskey by means of a spoon.
To one who asked why,
This Turk made reply:
"To drink is forbidden, you loon!"
--- Anon

A well-oiled cowboy named Durbin
Found falling in ditches disturbin'.
He lay there and wallowed
And gasped as he swallowed,
"This ditch water sure needs some bourbon!"
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

In Texas (embarrassed I think,
That his freezer had gone on the blink)
My host said, En passant,
"Round here, if it hasn't
Got ice in, it isn't a drink."
--- CeeJay

There was an old man of Lake Charles
Who would keep all his bourbon in barrels,
In a place out behind,
Which his boys couldn't find --
Thus engendering family quarrels.
--- Keith MacMillan A057B

One bottle of whiskey's a blast,
And you can get plastered real fast.
But two? I don't know
If that's how you should go,
'Cause then the aspersions get cast.
--- Observer

You'll be called a dirty old drunk,
And ladies will reject your hunk.
You may get cirrhosis
And have halitosis,
And spurned like a pedophile monk.
--- Observer

A word to the wise should suffice;
So now, my boy, take my advice.
When you're feeling frisky,
Avoid too much whiskey,
Or later on, you'll pay the price.
--- Observer

Your advice, is as sage as it's rare,
But when ladies their charms to me bare,
And say they've got whiskey,
And they're feeling frisky,
One has to adopt laissez faire.
--- Murphy

A girl from Franconia Notch
Once dated a man who made scotch.
If he gave her a tipple,
She'd show him a nipple;
For a pint, she'd show him her crotch.
--- Monster

There was a young lady named Ross,
Whose husband became very cross
When she filled all their jugs
With sassenach slugs
Preserved in his whiskey ecosse.
--- Harold C Bibby

When appalled by the state you are in,
Don't fall into despair or give in;
To become once more frisky,
Sit back with a whiskey;
When finished, proceed to the gin.
--- Paul M Hoffman

This is file qam

Richard Bourbon does not like to bicker,
Yet no one to battle is quicker.
He will lower the boom
If one dares to presume
To address him, in jest, as Dick Liquor.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8803

A fictional private eye
Habitually drank slugs of rye.
He claimed that the drink
Made it easy to think,
But my memory fails as to why.
--- Anon

A slug of the rye on the sly,
Especially when I am dry,
Is good for the spirit
(At least, as I hear it) --
Too many can set me awry.
--- R J Winkler P8403

There was this young guy from Madras.
With an ability quite crass.
If you fed him some batter
And filled him with water,
He shot whiskey (sambaar) right out of his ass.

(sambaar - raghead indian spices)
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Whenever a cautious old banker
Would grow tired of routine and would hanker
For romance, he'd request
Irish Coffee -- the best,
But he'd ask them to make it with Sanka.
--- A N Wilkins P8403

There once was a fellow named Leo
Who only drank Seagrams V.O.
When it was hot
He smelled like dry rot,
'Cause the V.O. of Leo made B.O.
--- Tom Patton P9507

There was a young fellow from Durban,
Who put fifteen snakes in his turban.
When asked why he did it,
He had to admit it;
'Twas the second bottle of bourbon.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The exploits of a Madame so frisky,
Were trashy and just a bit risky.
Among truckers she'd roam,
And take each one home,
After getting them bombed on cheap whiskey.
--- D Bartolo

There was an old lady of Wales,
Who lived upon whisky and snails.
On growing a shell,
She exclaimled, "What the Hell!
It will save me on bonnets and veils."
--- C Aiken (Bibby)

The story of five happy Sikhs
Who whiskey and beer tried to mix.
A sixth Sikh drew near,
With chasers of beer,
Emergency room - six Sikhs sick.
--- Irving Superior P8209

A sorcerer's room-set at Christ's
Was plagued by perverse poltergeists;
When he found them too frisky,
He sought solace in whiskey,
And swallowed it neat and un-iced.

(Christ's College of Cambridge)
--- Harold C Bibby

A distiller named Lem made some cash,
By bottling Tennessee sour mash.
Black Jack Number Nine
Is a whiskey so fine,
That all others must seem like trash.
--- William K Alsop Jr

In the world right above, they will sigh
For some spiritual help from the rye,
As there, all will treasure
Unlimited pleasure
When the spirit of spirits is high.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8710

So you want to talk spirits?" said Wattle,
To a medium living at Gottle.
"I don't know what to say,
They don't know night from day.
The spirits I know come in a bottle!"
--- Clarence E Boyle P8711

A damsel from far Newport News
Was a pushover when she would booze.
So men fill her with whiskey,
To keep her cunt frisky,
And used her for suck-offs and screws.
--- G0709

There was a young man from Tacoma
Whose breath had a whiskey aroma;
So to alter the smell
He swallowed Chanel
And went off in a heavenly coma.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

The Irish by Scotch are made frisky.
The Scots tune their bagpipes to this key.
Though the Germans praise schnapps
And are cordial to hops,
The Swiss skiers slalom for whiskey!
--- Laurence Perrine P8403

A mother explained to her daughter,
If you're thirsty, drink whisky, not water.
For water, God knows,
Is where fish doo-doo goes!
So she drinks like her mother has taught her.
--- John E Maywood

Just what the hell have I writ?
My head feels loose
That's my excuse,
Of whiskey, I've had quite a bit.
--- Anon

Was ever an Irishman seen
Without a pert pretty colleen,
His pet patch of peat,
Some potatoes to eat,
And a piping hot pot of poteen?
--- Laurence Perrine P8403

There once was a fellow called Rick,
When asked what drink would he pick,
Replied with a grin,
"Just put sugar in,
White with seven, that should do the trick!"
--- David Epstein

Blistering barnacles and thundering typhoon,
Raged Captain Haddock at the moon.
Who drank my whisky?
Who's the culprit frisky?
I will blow him up with my harpoon!
--- Anon

Total silence reigned in the night,
And then the Cap'n shrieked in delight.
Aye ! Now I remember
When she's in my chamber --
Didn't I finish it yesterday night?
--- Anon

Though my liver may suffer, I try
To maintain a perpetual high;
With Wild Turkey or scotch,
It's less painful to watch
How the days of my youth hurry by.
--- William N Nesbit P9607

I tried GLOGG, the warmed Swedish booze,
Thinking what do I have to lose.
But I missed my whisky
'Cause when air is brisky,
Scotch is the booze I choose.
--- Norm Brust

A lady from South Madagascar
Wears a bag on her head; it's to mask her.
A bottle of scotch
Might loosen her crotch.
Wait here, I'll go and ask her.
--- Anon

A man from the land of the Dutch
Had a terrible wife, that was such
A veritable plague
That he fled up to Hague
And drank a whole bottle of scotch.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I am all alone in the dark
Just sipping at my Cutty Sark.
I'd drink the whole bottle
But I shouldn't ottle
'Cause then I would dance around stark!
--- Anon

A number of drams of Drambuie
Can make your perception go blooey
And slopping down more,
Not stopping to pour,
Is fun but eccentric and screwy.
--- R J Winkler P8403

A liquor store owner named Fein
Brought his bride in to help sell the wine.
But one day after work
He caught her and a clerk
Engaged in a Vat 69.
--- Michael Weinstein P8403

Canny Angus never tires of repeating
"Famous Grouse, ye may ken, takes some beating.
And you feel really grand
With a glass in your hand,
And you also can save on the heating!"
--- Anon

Angling joining to sampling the malt,
Can lead to a grievous fault,
Enhancing one's stories
Of piscatorial glories,
Which must be taken with grain of salt.
--- Norm Brust

If GLOGG is the drink that you itch,
Transfer should go off without hitch.
You can have your way,
As for us? Pray,
Leave us our smooth Glenfiddich.
--- Chris Papa