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After Oscar had had a few glasses, A reason for drinking is, first, Once a Viking from old Copenhagen I'm sitting here at my computer. Prohibitionists had it wrong, Alas. If whiskey is drunk by the bottle, There was an old fellow named Sy, If some are perpetually high, An alternate universe thrives There was a young Aussie from Sidney. Tell the world that the whiskey works swell. "When Paddy was bit by an adder To make that old car go with ease, Everytime that I start drinking whiskey, A grumpy colleen named Eileen He was told that poteen wouldn't hit him, There was a young weaver from Wapping, We dressed head to toe, all in green, Just two pints of Guinness, that's it, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and George Dickel: There was an old person of Biscay "So the spirits arise about morn?" A Turk by the name of Haroun, A well-oiled cowboy named Durbin In Texas (embarrassed I think, There was an old man of Lake Charles One bottle of whiskey's a blast, You'll be called a dirty old drunk, A word to the wise should suffice; Your advice, is as sage as it's rare, A girl from Franconia Notch There was a young lady named Ross, When appalled by the state you are in, Richard Bourbon does not like to bicker, A fictional private eye A slug of the rye on the sly, There was this young guy from Madras. (sambaar - raghead indian spices)
Whenever a cautious old banker There once was a fellow named Leo There was a young fellow from Durban, The exploits of a Madame so frisky, There was an old lady of Wales, The story of five happy Sikhs A sorcerer's room-set at Christ's (Christ's College of Cambridge)
A distiller named Lem made some cash, In the world right above, they will sigh So you want to talk spirits?" said Wattle, A damsel from far Newport News There was a young man from Tacoma The Irish by Scotch are made frisky. A mother explained to her daughter, Shee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-it! Was ever an Irishman seen There once was a fellow called Rick, Blistering barnacles and thundering typhoon, Total silence reigned in the night, Though my liver may suffer, I try I tried GLOGG, the warmed Swedish booze, A lady from South Madagascar A man from the land of the Dutch I am all alone in the dark A number of drams of Drambuie A liquor store owner named Fein Canny Angus never tires of repeating Angling joining to sampling the malt, If GLOGG is the drink that you itch,
And at a few women made passes,
He said, "Time for work,
I can no longer shirk,
Work's the curse of the drinking classses."
--- Tiddy Ogg
To satisfy dryness or thirst;
Forgetting the rest,
The first is the best --
But drinking too much is the worst.
--- R J Winkler P8403
Gave up schnapps and went on the wagon.
Slew no more Jews, Gentiles, Aryans,
Carnivores, Vegetarians,
And fed all his SPAM to a dragon.
--- Mike O'Conner
Wishing that I could drink ale from pewter.
But I gave up the stuff
'Cause it treated me rough,
And my wife said, my slinky she'd neuter.
--- Anon
I respond to their premise with sass.
Cheap labor, cheap booze.
For those who so choose,
"Work's the curse of all the 'Drinking Class'."
--- Arthur Deex P9604
This very significant thought'll
Give pause to your drinking
And make you start thinking.
A little won't hurt -- but a lot'll.
--- R J Winkler P8403 a
Who said that he always was dry.
Lemonade he'd refuse;
Water he'd never choose;
He'd slake thirst on bourbon and rye.
--- Warrick Elrod
It's Canadian whiskey -- that's why.
Though in terms of performance
It expedites dormance --
It's harder to come through the rye.
--- Hugh Oliver 120c
In which I may lead other lives.
My beck is my call!
Now pour a high-ball;
They're much cheaper than hyper-drives.
--- Nott Right TP9901
Who secreted straight booze from his kidneys.
When in need of a sock,
He pulled out his cock,
And pissed out a shot of rye whiskey.
--- Anon
When It feels like I'm nearly in Hell,
I take a small drink,
Close my eyes, cease to think,
In an hour or so, I'm quite well.
--- Frank Fazed
And died, I could not have been sadder;
I bought whisky he'd crave
Which I poured on his grave,
But I filtered it once through me bladder."
--- Hugh Clary
Use whisky and not anti-freeze.
The trouble, I'm thinking,
They'll suspect you of drinking,
As the fumes waft away on the breeze.
--- Anon
The girls think I get too damn frisky.
They're great fun to frisk,
When I start to get brisk,
But I have to admit that it's risky.
--- Neal Wilgus P8403
In between would come clean and would lean
On a friend who just stated;
How can you be mated
When you're obscene and just teem with poteen.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9402
But in fact he found out it would split him.
What he couldn't endure
Was met with a cure:
A hair off the doggy that bit him.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9402
Who thought his first whisky was topping.
He swallowed it down
With a dubious frown,
And hiccupped six weeks without stopping.
--- Anon
And joined in the partying scene.
But I cannot abuse
That much Irish booze;
It just sends me to the latrine.
--- Anon
That gives the Irish their wit.
Or a wee dram of whisky
Makes their tongues frisky;
Much more and they're all full of shit.
--- Sam Pittman
Past masters at booze's sweet tickle --
These liquorish seducers
Made me join the world's juicers;
Now my liver resembles a pickle!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8403
Whose wife had locked up all the whisky.
But just take a look
At the wily old cook
Who said: "Sir, I can do it with this key."
--- Explosion of Lims P9912
Said an old man who lived at Cape Horn.
"But they're not for me,"
He exclaimed with much glee.
"The spirits I like come from corn."
--- Clarence E Boyle P8711
Ate whiskey by means of a spoon.
To one who asked why,
This Turk made reply:
"To drink is forbidden, you loon!"
--- Anon
Found falling in ditches disturbin'.
He lay there and wallowed
And gasped as he swallowed,
"This ditch water sure needs some bourbon!"
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
That his freezer had gone on the blink)
My host said, En passant,
"Round here, if it hasn't
Got ice in, it isn't a drink."
--- CeeJay
Who would keep all his bourbon in barrels,
In a place out behind,
Which his boys couldn't find --
Thus engendering family quarrels.
--- Keith MacMillan A057B
And you can get plastered real fast.
But two? I don't know
If that's how you should go,
'Cause then the aspersions get cast.
--- Observer
And ladies will reject your hunk.
You may get cirrhosis
And have halitosis,
And spurned like a pedophile monk.
--- Observer
So now, my boy, take my advice.
When you're feeling frisky,
Avoid too much whiskey,
Or later on, you'll pay the price.
--- Observer
But when ladies their charms to me bare,
And say they've got whiskey,
And they're feeling frisky,
One has to adopt laissez faire.
--- Murphy
Once dated a man who made scotch.
If he gave her a tipple,
She'd show him a nipple;
For a pint, she'd show him her crotch.
--- Monster
Whose husband became very cross
When she filled all their jugs
With sassenach slugs
Preserved in his whiskey ecosse.
--- Harold C Bibby
Don't fall into despair or give in;
To become once more frisky,
Sit back with a whiskey;
When finished, proceed to the gin.
--- Paul M Hoffman
This is file qam
Yet no one to battle is quicker.
He will lower the boom
If one dares to presume
To address him, in jest, as Dick Liquor.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8803
Habitually drank slugs of rye.
He claimed that the drink
Made it easy to think,
But my memory fails as to why.
--- Anon
Especially when I am dry,
Is good for the spirit
(At least, as I hear it) --
Too many can set me awry.
--- R J Winkler P8403
With an ability quite crass.
If you fed him some batter
And filled him with water,
He shot whiskey (sambaar) right out of his ass.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Would grow tired of routine and would hanker
For romance, he'd request
Irish Coffee -- the best,
But he'd ask them to make it with Sanka.
--- A N Wilkins P8403
Who only drank Seagrams V.O.
When it was hot
He smelled like dry rot,
'Cause the V.O. of Leo made B.O.
--- Tom Patton P9507
Who put fifteen snakes in his turban.
When asked why he did it,
He had to admit it;
'Twas the second bottle of bourbon.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Were trashy and just a bit risky.
Among truckers she'd roam,
And take each one home,
After getting them bombed on cheap whiskey.
--- D Bartolo
Who lived upon whisky and snails.
On growing a shell,
She exclaimled, "What the Hell!
It will save me on bonnets and veils."
--- C Aiken (Bibby)
Who whiskey and beer tried to mix.
A sixth Sikh drew near,
With chasers of beer,
Emergency room - six Sikhs sick.
--- Irving Superior P8209
Was plagued by perverse poltergeists;
When he found them too frisky,
He sought solace in whiskey,
And swallowed it neat and un-iced.
--- Harold C Bibby
By bottling Tennessee sour mash.
Black Jack Number Nine
Is a whiskey so fine,
That all others must seem like trash.
--- William K Alsop Jr
For some spiritual help from the rye,
As there, all will treasure
Unlimited pleasure
When the spirit of spirits is high.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8710
To a medium living at Gottle.
"I don't know what to say,
They don't know night from day.
The spirits I know come in a bottle!"
--- Clarence E Boyle P8711
Was a pushover when she would booze.
So men fill her with whiskey,
To keep her cunt frisky,
And used her for suck-offs and screws.
--- G0709
Whose breath had a whiskey aroma;
So to alter the smell
He swallowed Chanel
And went off in a heavenly coma.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
The Scots tune their bagpipes to this key.
Though the Germans praise schnapps
And are cordial to hops,
The Swiss skiers slalom for whiskey!
--- Laurence Perrine P8403
If you're thirsty, drink whisky, not water.
For water, God knows,
Is where fish doo-doo goes!
So she drinks like her mother has taught her.
--- John E Maywood
Just what the hell have I writ?
My head feels loose
That's my excuse,
Of whiskey, I've had quite a bit.
--- Anon
Without a pert pretty colleen,
His pet patch of peat,
Some potatoes to eat,
And a piping hot pot of poteen?
--- Laurence Perrine P8403
When asked what drink would he pick,
Replied with a grin,
"Just put sugar in,
White with seven, that should do the trick!"
--- David Epstein
Raged Captain Haddock at the moon.
Who drank my whisky?
Who's the culprit frisky?
I will blow him up with my harpoon!
--- Anon
And then the Cap'n shrieked in delight.
Aye ! Now I remember
When she's in my chamber --
Didn't I finish it yesterday night?
--- Anon
To maintain a perpetual high;
With Wild Turkey or scotch,
It's less painful to watch
How the days of my youth hurry by.
--- William N Nesbit P9607
Thinking what do I have to lose.
But I missed my whisky
'Cause when air is brisky,
Scotch is the booze I choose.
--- Norm Brust
Wears a bag on her head; it's to mask her.
A bottle of scotch
Might loosen her crotch.
Wait here, I'll go and ask her.
--- Anon
Had a terrible wife, that was such
A veritable plague
That he fled up to Hague
And drank a whole bottle of scotch.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Just sipping at my Cutty Sark.
I'd drink the whole bottle
But I shouldn't ottle
'Cause then I would dance around stark!
--- Anon
Can make your perception go blooey
And slopping down more,
Not stopping to pour,
Is fun but eccentric and screwy.
--- R J Winkler P8403
Brought his bride in to help sell the wine.
But one day after work
He caught her and a clerk
Engaged in a Vat 69.
--- Michael Weinstein P8403
"Famous Grouse, ye may ken, takes some beating.
And you feel really grand
With a glass in your hand,
And you also can save on the heating!"
--- Anon
Can lead to a grievous fault,
Enhancing one's stories
Of piscatorial glories,
Which must be taken with grain of salt.
--- Norm Brust
Transfer should go off without hitch.
You can have your way,
As for us? Pray,
Leave us our smooth Glenfiddich.
--- Chris Papa
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