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Ulysses' crew, out of their minds, In shunning sweet Circe's magic, Great archers and hitters of bull's-eyes, When out clubing with Helen of Troy, A remarkable habit of Zeus's The great Zeus, his beard long and hoary, Europa, Greek scholars deduce, For Zeus, every dolce was vita, All that was in times now long gone. Since Leda, Zeus granted with candor, There's a tale about Zeus's wife Juno The king of the gods, namely Zeus, When Leda's waist started to thicken, (beaver and chicken - Castor and Pollux)
That Leda was one for the swans, Seems the ladylike Leda was fond Leda's mom, her face six shades of blue, Posing as Zeus, God Almighty, Said tidy and trim Aphrodite, Upon high Olympus, great Zeus, When the handsome jock tried to seduce (specious - pleasing, showy)
While Zeus as a swan, took her measure, Queen Leda of Sparta told Ron, A typical male of his day, Queen Leda told spartan Tyndareus Father Zeus was the first to discern In that Zeus had some juices to burn -- An Olympian lecher was Zeus, Beware of the wrath of old Zeus; Zeus the Thunder God always got hot When Hera said Zeus had screwed Io, To keep Danae virgin and cold, There once was a muse named Terpsichore, A northerner, ragged and scarred, Odin, hailing his consort, yelled, "Frigga! In English class Beowoulf loomed; There was old Shield Sheafson, the king, His descendant, named Hrothgar, But Grendel this mead-hall did hate, The Danes all agreed this was bad, So Beowulf stayed up all night; Grendel ate one of the men, Beowulf and Grendel long fought. Beowulf thus killed Grendel, With the monster Grendel now slayed, But Grendel's mother was near, So Mother rampaged for a while, Beowulf held his breath well, His sword, as usual, did fail; A good fight for a while against sin, Then all knew that Beowulf was great, So Sea-Geats returned to their home. At home now, with his good King, Then one day King Hygelac did die, Then Beowulf made his last boast; Wiglaf then came to his aid; Beowulf, his third battle won, The Geats then all mourned their dead King. A legend was Beowulf the brave, Grendel was a monster whose aim, But Beowulf came up from the West, A short time from the start of the feast, Beowulf wades in to attack, There's one goddess of love we still dig, The mischievous demigod Loki A young man called Thunder, and more, Young Seigfried, uncowed by a bear Though most years that Tannhauser spent
Fathomed not Circe designs.
Spurning spoon, knife, and fork,
He refused her sweet pork,
Eschewing his buddies' behinds.
--- Arthur Deex P9210
During his voyage PELAGIC,
Ulysses divining
His men might be swining,
Avoided a move to sty tragic.
--- Chris Papa
You wingers of wren's eyes and gull's eyes,
Ulysses and Tell
And Achilles as well,
Where walk you now, baring your skull's eyes?
--- Conrad Aiken
She suggested this interesting ploy:
She said, "Make a big horse,
Out of plywood, of course,
And glue it up just like a toy.
--- Bill Wall
Was to bathe in tropical juices.
He committed a felony
With an over-ripe melon, he
Subjected to disgusting abuses.
--- Bill Wall
Seduced maidens by using the glory
Of a bovine persuasion
And a member amazin'.
Now that's quite a cock-and-bull story.
--- Anon
Was not one whose morals were loose,
But this bull came along
With a walloping dong,
And what lady could say no to Zeus?
--- A N Wilkins P9210
But once in a while he would need a
Hiatus to spawn,
So he dressed as a swan,
And went off to play follow the Leda.
--- Hugh Clary
He chased that duck hither and yon.
At last in a creek,
He lunged with his beak,
And finished up goosing the swan.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Had boobs that were quite a bit grander
Than Olympia's tips,
And with roseate nips,
He guessed he would give her a gander.
--- Hugh Clary
Which I'll wager that only a few know.
To stop all his treachery
And dampen his lechery,
She would feed him saltpetre -- now you know.
--- Armand E Singer 84
Whose morals were patently loose,
Appeared before Leda,
Attempting to breed her,
Disguised as a swan, not a goose.
--- Armand E Singer 172
She said, "Dang it! That swan should be stricken!"
Then she opened her legs
And gave birth to three eggs;
In 'em: Helen, the Beaver, and Chicken.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8309
She wanted no Tonys or Johns.
And boy did she squeak
When a big feathered beak
Poked in her venusian mons.
--- Anon
Of disporting with ducks by her pond,
But her girdle unloosed
When the girlie was goosed,
So she swooned by the time she was swanned.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8309
Screamed, "You what?! You got knocked up by who?!
Can you really think I
Would believe such a lie?!"
So Zeus knocked the mother up too.
--- Michael Weinstein P8309
I visited the sweet Aphrodite.
A fabulous pearl;
A gorgeous young girl,
So neat in her little pink nightie.
--- Contused
Divest of her little pink nightie,
"Just booked for an hour?
That's not enough, flower.
Aren't you the six nightly Almighty?"
--- Contused
Muttered angrily, "Oh, What the deuce!
It takes spiced ambrosia
To get the nymphs cosier,
And Hera supplies grapefruit juice."
--- Isaac Asimov
Europa, he claimed to be Zeus.
Though she thought he had lied,
She finally complied,
Since it seemed like a specious excuse.
--- A N Wilkins P9303
Sighed Leda, "What heavenly pleasure!"
But Zeus in his plying
Was overheard crying,
"These earthy delights are a treasure."
--- Lance Payne P8309
That god Zeus came, guised as a swan,
And first the swan goosed her,
And then Zeus seduced her,
And when she looked up he was gone.
--- Anon
God Zeus, he just dropped in to play
Some old slap and tickle;
Left her in a pickle.
Good grief, man, what else could she say?
--- Anon
"Zeus comes down to Earth to find various
Mates. Thinks it's neato
To quench his libido
Sans speedo as a swan -- I'm serious!"
--- Anon
Little Leda was luscious astern;
She was hooked on divinity,
So he took her virginity,
Leaving Helen of Troy in return.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8309
And the sperm that a girl daren't spurn --
He divested his ballocks
Of your Castor and Pollux,
Who proceeded from Leda in turn.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8309
Always playing around fast and loose;
With one hand in the bodice
Of some likely young goddess,
And the other preparing to goose.
--- Isaac Asimov
He gets mean when he's drinking the juice.
He gets so damn cross
When he's hitting the sauce,
He kicks Hercules's caboose.
--- Neal Wilgus P8311
At the thought of a mortal babe's twat;
Disguise was his schtick
So's to slip them his dick,
Then he'd always go off like a shot.
--- Robin K Willoughby P9210
He just made her a cow in reply so
He could hoodwink his frau.
I myself humped a cow--
In a motel in Akron, Ohio.
--- Don Moore P9303
Her father locked her in his hold,
But Zeus still got in
And bribed her to sin.
He arrived in a shower of gold.
--- A N Wilkins P9303
A dancing delight, full of trichore.
And when playing her lyre,
Our pants were on fire --
Even Zeus got a hichore dichore.
--- Anon
Displayed to a wandering bard,
A shield for his back,
All battered and black,
And remarked it was called his Asgard.
--- Anon
This is file pzl
You midsection gotten much bigga."
Said she, "Don't worry, Hon,
That's just Baldur, our son."
He thought, "Baldur? Not me, so go figga...!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8309
Quite certain to bring me to doom.
As I read and re-read
What the author had said,
Still I won't understand to my tomb.
--- Anon
Was doing that old Viking thing.
Many did he kill,
(Giving him quite a thrill)
So Shield-Danes his praises did sing.
--- Peter Gardner
Exceeded his building by far.
Once battles were fought,
He built his Heorot,
And had his throne room in the bar.
--- Peter Gardner
As Shield-Danaes did realize too late.
He came in the night,
They could put up no fight,
So many brave warriors he ate.
--- Peter Gardner
So Beowulf (Eogtheow was his dad)
Came, Grendel to kill.
('Twould give him a thrill)
His coming made Hrothgar quite glad.
--- Peter Gardner
He hoped that soon Grendel he'd fight.
While all went to sleep,
That watch he did keep,
Till Grendel appeared in his sight.
--- Peter Gardner
Then the battle royal did begin.
It was very grand,
Since they fought hand-to-hand,
But God wanted Beowulf to win.
--- Peter Gardner
Great damage they did to Heorot.
Off came Grendel's arm,
Which did him great harm.
His evil plans all came to nought.
--- Peter Gardner
And so sent him right back to hell,
Since God loves us so.
(That's cause, don't you know,
The scribe on this did love to dwell!)
--- Peter Gardner
The Danes all shouted and hurrayed.
Beowulf was cool,
Since he won the duel,
His reputation now had been made.
--- Peter Gardner
And when her son's death she did hear,
She was quite un-meek,
Vengence she did seek,
So Danes had another to fear.
--- Peter Gardner
To the lake the brave War-Geats did file.
"Goodbye," said the men,
As Beowulf jumped in,
Seeking that monster so vile.
--- Peter Gardner
A whole day, the story does tell.
He got to the house
Of the She-beast, that louse,
And he attacked her with a yell.
--- Peter Gardner
This happens quite oft in this tale.
So he hacked in vain
At the daughter of Cain,
But at least he was dressed in chain-mail.
--- Peter Gardner
And finally good Beowulf did win.
He returned to the top,
Then the local scop
Sang several songs through the din.
--- Peter Gardner
However, 'twas getting quite late.
The Geats soon would go
To them, gifts would flow,
As Danes did the victory celebrate.
--- Peter Gardner
Again through the sea they did roam.
At last their Geatland
Was seen close at hand;
They were done sailing through the sea foam.
--- Peter Gardner
Beowulf his own praises did sing.
He retold the tale
Over goblets of ale,
Of killing the horrible thing.
--- Peter Gardner
But things didn't go too awry.
Beowulf became king,
And that was a good thing,
For soon a great Dragon dropped by.
--- Peter Gardner
'Twas far more impressive than most.
Then he went right in
To the dragon's den
And almost was made into toast.
--- Peter Gardner
Right by Beowulf's side he stayed.
They made dragon-kill;
It gave them a thrill,
But Beowulf was hurt, I'm afraid.
--- Peter Gardner
Soon with his life would be done.
He died gloriously,
Not turning to flee.
Of treasure, he'd gathered a ton.
--- Peter Gardner
For days their praises they did sing.
They worried of war,
But still, at the core,
Much glory to Geats he did bring.
--- Peter Gardner
Who fought monsters and such to the grave;
Like killing Grendel and other
Things like Grendels Mother,
Causing poets to write sagas and rave.
--- Anon
Was to kill all the fighters. His claim
Was well founded -- no one
Could best Grendel - who won
Every battle. He would kill. He would maim.
--- Anon
Killing Grendel in a gruesome contest.
A feast was begun,
At the set of the sun,
Treating Beowulf as best of the Best.
--- Anon
There came from a fen in the East,
An huge Monster - no other,
Than Grendel's own Mother,
A terrible, horrible beast.
--- Anon
With his sword, he proceeded to hack,
And slew the foul beast,
Then continued his feast,
With the heads of the slain in his sack.
--- Anon
On whose honors we do not renege.
Each Monday we pray
For her special day,
Because Friday is named after Frigg.
--- A N Wilkins P9303
Had a curious idea of a joke; he
Would poke people's eyes
And put jam on their ties,
Till the gods jammed old Lok' in the pokey.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8309
Was known by most people as Thor.
As the name may suggest,
He was a noisy pest.
His hosts always showed him the door.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
Or a dragon, from Woman learned fear.
He said, "Hail fellow, well-met!"
Lifting Brunhild's horned helmet,
But he shirked peeking 'neath her brassiere.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8309
With Venus, the Knight was content.
When he became flaccid,
He grew pious and placid,
And returned to the church to repent.
--- A N Wilkins P9811
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