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Our Ogden is no Ogden Nash;
His limericks border on trash.
It's clear that his verse
About Nancy the nurse,
He wrote with his nose in her gash!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

While Anonymous rapes the fair Charl,
Stan and Og ride up on a Harl,
And since we both hate him,
We debowel and castrate him;
Anonymous, you raped the wrong girl!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

If Charl were to stand by her man,
Would it be for Ogden or Stan?
Now there's a third one
Who asks to be called Hon...
Her turn to give him a glan(ce).
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Our Charlotte deservces highest praise
For being the hottest of lays,
But Ogden and Stanley
Both sound very manly,
Intriguing to some of us gays!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

While Ogden and Stanley are fighting,
Sweet Charl to my bed, I'm inviting.
We'll fuck and give head
On the floor or in bed,
And then we'll fuck more. Sounds exciting?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Now Arthur has deigned to reveal
His plan for approving, with seal,
Those web sites galore
That Newt would abhor;
Won't Clinton's young girlfriends all squeal!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Good grief, I will go get me ladder
To look close - I think I am gladder -
Me old mate's come back,
He's out of the sack -
Ol' one eye, who writes as Puff Adder.
--- Anon

A limerick often tells a tale
Of antics 'tween female and male.
If more women wrote 'em,
Then maybe the scrotum
Would be AJL's holy grail.
--- Anon

Our newsgroup was once so sedate,
With lims that were fun with no weight.
Now we've been invaded;
Our minds are degraded.
The spammers are here and they formicate!
--- Archie

There once was a fellow named Stan
Whose words were so hot that I'd fan.
But try as I may...
I admit, yes I say...
My pussy was hot for that man!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Stan's poetry gives me the willies;
About me, he's written some dillies!
Mean spirited stuff --
Well, Og's had enough --
That heel has found my Achilles!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Curious, I discovered this list
And enjoy all the comical twists.
But will I be cursed
If I submit some verse
That contains a substandard wit?
--- Q

Where's Thomas A. Quinine, I fear
That it wasn't a limerick year;
It appears from our checks,
He changed all but his sex,
Though the facts of the matter aren't clear.
--- C Webster Wheelock P8601

Tiddy compares with a donkey,
But it seems that he is a monkey,
With a cute bare ass
As a chimpanzee has,
And Ogg's prick is very much less swanky.
--- Anon

Three long years have I been away;
Thought back here I could come to play.
Politics, oh my!
Is that what I spy?
Imagine my immense dismay.
--- Anon

This Newsgroup's as still as a tomb.
I think that there's even some room
For a ten-year old brat,
Or some queer limming chat,
As to who's doing what, and to whom.
--- John Miller

Now, in this violent age,
Most newsgroups are brimming with rage.
So isn't it swell
That old AJL
Is still in the warm friendly stage.
--- John Miller

The limerick you wrote hereabove,
Fits as good as a hand in a glove.
Now stir in some humor
And I've heard a rumor,
You'll be liked as the fox likes the dove.
--- Q

Though I'm not around much to play,
(I've been busy elsewhere) but hey,
I miss all you guys,
The wit and the lies,
Keep me lurking here by the Bay.
--- Anon

In a newsgroup, for a while I will lurk,
Till I get a feel fo the work.
Then when I have the hang,
I'll give it a bang,
And hope they don't think I'm a jerk.
--- Larry Brash

Limericks have interested me for a while;
They always seem to give a smile.
This newgroup looks great,
So I'll test out my fate,
And see what you think of my style.
--- Larry Brash

Let me introduce myself to you;
Like Archie, I'm from down under too.
I work as a shrink.
My God you must think
Some psychobabble and crap is now due.
--- Larry Brash

I'm a bronzed Aussie guy called Larry;
I admit, it was thrice I did marry.
My time on the Net
Nearly led me to debt,
And my weight is more than I should carry.
--- Larry Brash

My surname is appropriately Brash,
And I ain't no poor white trash.
I hate that Bill Gates,
We could never be mates,
But I would love to have half his cash.
--- Larry Brash

To alt.anagrams I give much of my time,
But for a change I felt like a rhyme.
Now, before I go,
You might like to know,
That "limericks" anagrams to "silk crime."
--- Larry Brash

So I'll say farewell to you now,
Maybe take a celebratory bow.
I'll get out of your way,
Till some other day,
And to you, all I can say is "WOW!"
--- Larry Brash

Alt.jokes.limericks! I'm no longer alone:
Here's a humor that matches my own!
It's perverse and twisted
With deft rhymes and hamfisted --
"The humor that dares not be known."
--- Stephen Ross

You've heard it proclaimed that the pun
Is the "lowest of low" -- barring none;
Not True! It's the verse
Both witty and terse,
Called limerick, that is the one.
--- Stephen Ross

The hostess considered it crass
When I lauded in rhyme her fine ass.
(But here are you folks
With your own bawdy jokes,
And you converse in verse en masse!)
--- Stephen Ross

The priest wouldn't hear my confession
When I limericked through my sin session.
(But A.J.L. will forgive
My poor meter and give
Me absolution for my obsession.)
--- Stephen Ross

So I slunk away deep in shame
And ne'er spoke aloud limerick's name.
But rhymes still I scribbled
On the wall while I dribbled
In private, unknown, without fame.
--- Stephen Ross

Mea Culpa: I agree it's not art,
What I scrawl on the wall while I fart,
But it should not be a crime
To be witty in rhyme
And describe an old lech or young tart.
--- Stephen Ross

It would be nice to no longer scrawl
Merely on walls of the stall.
But post here the news
(If you do not refuse),
Wicked rhymes for reading by all.
--- Stephen Ross

This is file pwl

Can I join this illustrious crowd?
Be at last where limericking's allowed?
I'll be very rude,
Naughty and crude,
And survive Spammers and critiques uncowed.
--- Stephen Ross

When a newbie has browsed through the list
Of Newsgroups, he's sure to be pissed.
When he finds that you folks
Don't want any "jokes",
And his posting gets flamed, booed, and hissed.
--- Barbara Tepper

The solution requires some action:
Remove the word "jokes" from the caption;
Make it "alt.limericks" only
And then you will soon see
An upgrade to your satisfaction.
--- Barbara Tepper

The name of our group is a filter
Serving well since the day that they built 'er.
Somehow it works
To keep out most jerks;
I hate to knock that out of kilter.
--- John Miller

Now, the limerick is not always lewd;
It is often insulting and rude.
The posters we lure,
Lend relief if not cure
From perversion and cows getting screwed.
--- John Miller

I think, Barb, the answer is "no",
Why mess up a good status quo?
You'll notice our flamers
Have most fun with lamers.
(Especially Mr Malo)
--- John Miller

We don't flame a browser for looking,
But this group has a specific booking.
No Spam or prose jokes,
'Cause that does provoke
Us to give him a most severe hooking.
--- S C Saint

I've read all the regular crew
And a few who appear to be new;
Thank god there were loads,
Indeed oodles of odes,
And my brain is now mushy as stew.
--- Anon

For woe and alas and alack,
I thought I was starting to crack,
And losing my touch
Due to working too much,
But it seems my insanity's back.
--- Anon

It's just on a year since I fell,
In this den of a poetic hell.
The things that I spied,
Made my eyes open wide,
I was trapped now in group A.J.L.
--- Anon

The verses I saw were pure art,
(Though H calls them just a mind fart,)
Though my own stuff was bad,
I knew that I had
To join in and play me a part.
--- Anon

Inspiring me here in this game,
Were plenty I thought I would name.
But some I'd forget,
And it's quite a safe bet,
I'd miss some, and get me a flame.
--- Anon

There is, though, one A.J.L treasure,
Whom thanks I must give without measure.
She stands so serene,
Suffering all things obscene.
Our Bessie, who gives us much pleasure.
--- Anon

It's certainly been a long while
Since I came here to rave and defile
And spew forth pervers-
Ities, swearing and worse --
Why, I'm tongue-tied and shy as a chile.
--- Anon

I'm glad to see limerick chums,
And I recognise plenty of bums,
And an ancient old scrote
Looking just like a goat's,
As familiar to me as they come.
--- Anon

A kink it's most certianly not;
We AJL girlies are hot.
Can cure all your ills
Without any pills,
Just by using our little pink twats.
--- Anon

Your pecker is healthy and stiff
Come here and take a big whiff
Of pussy so rosy,
Fragrant for your nosy,
You'll discharge your jizz in a jiff.
--- Anon

You poured me a drink so splendid
I truly loved what you then did:
Chewed on my sausage;
Then held me hostage.
Tonguing my ear; you intended.
--- Anon

To get me so utterly hot,
I'd then explode right on the spot.
As you lick and suck,
My lobes I will shuck
Your corn with this shucker I've got.
--- Anon

Then once I have ground all your grain
And you've made me wholly insane,
We can make tortillas
To eat with sangria
And we can start cooking again.
--- Anon

This may come as a bit of a blow,
To the rest of you blokes who are slow;
Newsgroup boss said, "Knaves..
Alt.joke.Lims is Dave's,
If he gets three more posts in a row"
--- Anon

The blow, yes, to take, Dave, is hard;
You are such a prolific bard.
But a nice silver lining
is through the clouds, shining:
now you have to mow the damned yard.
--- Anon

No, your eyes don't deceive you, I'm back,
'Cause my life had a definite lack.
So come on now, get flirty,
I want to talk dirty!
Can I settle in here and unpack?
--- Jeanie

Well, it's sure good meeting you here,
'Cause I heard you were kidnapped last year,
By some sex-starved Aussie,
Who thought you real saucy,
And forced you to service his spear!
--- Carol

It was true I visited Oz,
But the fact is, I went there because
I was fed up with pining
For warmth and sun-shining.
It's a sure way to beat Winter Blahs.
--- Jeanie

You're back -- that's a good thing to know;
Those guys would prefer your front show.
I'm not going to flirt,
But I will dish the dirt;
That Jeanie, she never said "No!"
--- Marlene Lewis

She's back but I do think I ought ter
Beware of her snitch of a daughter.
When she'd spot my wank,
She'd go tell Big Frank,
And I was the lamb to the slaughter.
--- Frank

I thought of that chance by myself
But I'll not let it keep me on the shelf.
She can Google and pry
With a cynical eye,
But I've got some good stuff on herself.
--- Jeanie

Her life then was dreary and bland;
She was seeking her world to expand.
With her wedding she's busy,
In a virtual tizzy,
E-bay's caught her attention first hand.
--- Jeanie

There aren't any messages here.
The AJL message is clear:
You're all doing time,
Or forgotten to rhyme,
Or the whole friggin' bunch has gone queer.
--- John Miller

Although, John, I'm not quite so old
As you, my poor brain has gone cold,
And now cannot rhyme,
Because most of the time
I'm trying to drag sheep from their fold.
--- Tiddy Ogg

So your not multitasking? Aha!
Lim writing is just "Dah di DAH."
If you cannot, while thrusting
Write limericks disgusting,
Along with the sheep, I say "Bah!"
--- John Miller

The group here is JOKES limericks,
Though sometimes we're known to be pricks
On spammers and those
Who post only prose,
And occasional sick lunatics.
--- John Miller


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