For a newbie your limericks are fine Myself I must reintroduce Made friends with Tiddy, I did, Those folks whose game is the rhyme For my humor with you fits right in; Your link's just a copy, my man, Where's Pete? Where has he gone? Pete's working, not playing with mice; Hello folks all, it's long time no see; Anyway, now the term has begun Once, this place was full of females; But look, what relief, now you're back, To come back to the group AJL, Now Rita, may I say quite smugly, (feminist Rita left AJL pissed about sexists rapers etc)
And Rita, I think it's my duty Hey Rita, is that you there, lurking, You've been a great audience! Wow! And I guess in a way I've been mean, A lack of good verse I bemoan This newsgroup once seem in a jamb; Now there's plenty of people in here For a year now I've posted these verses; Last night around half past eleven You moaned and you groaned and you sighed, We started to shake and perspire With your petals enfolding my spear "Dear Petal, I've booked us a day "Forget all about the last flight, "Now the pilot's professional, dear, "There's nothing that isn't OK. "Well alright, if you must, I suppose "Resistance is futile; my spear "Your limousine's waiting outside,
This is file pvl
"I promise he won't interrupt "So before we go further with this, They'd been married a very long time. For one day, she found some pics Now he really enjoys cyber-sex; But she won't spend time reminiscing, But she can't say she wishes him well; We have schizophrened in three ways. I see that's quite a mouthful for you, Your size does not make me tremble; I'm sure you had another for "Dindle" My rams with precise sounding speech Thistles are common and thorny; Oh help me up out of this pit In this case bad has been good kiss
I've watched you two from afar, KissKaren. your back is so sore, Oh, Archie if only I could But here you go stirrin' the pot; But effleurage sounds rather fine; May I have a word with you, Liz? That it's shrivelled and fading away? Oh Liz, you poor starving girl -- Of all of the men who here ply Although he hangs clipped, I don't care; My dear, your eyes have that twinkle, Jayne, here is a ticket to Perth; But I know yur skin is so fair, Skin exposed by your tiger skin Can you make that a ticket for two? I'll cover you with some sun-cream, A creature of high cyber-space I see that you're still stuck in France, I'm not stuck in France, as you say.
For the Jokes group, but they draw the line
On explicit sex,
The R and the X,
In the ARTS group, which rarely sees mine.
--- John Miller
While I drink my fermented grape juice.
I've been here before,
(Think April '04),
Fornicating with a dead moose.
--- Uncle Beer
When I wrote about love with a squid,
But vanished soon after;
Missed out on the laughter,
And wished I'd remained here amid...
--- Uncle Beer
And verses all set in strict time.
But I'm back now to stay,
I'm happy to say,
To deprive you of me'd be a crime.
--- Uncle Beer
Lewdness and filth are my zen.
My limericks will be
As low and filthy
As anal sex in a pig pen.
--- Uncle Beer
Of jokes that on Usenet began,
And I have to be candid,
When I mention you've handed
Us limericks lacking in scan.
--- Hugh Clary
Stolen without a gun?
Did he let out a whelp?
Does he need any help?
Has the search for the poor guy begun?
--- Nik Synytskyy
Ansell is the firm, it is nice --
He is off a-testing
(And with lots of nesting)
Their new contraceptive device.
--- Archie
For the work has been up to my knee.
To the boys: Well, I'm back,
Hope you haven't grown slack.
Happy B-day to Pet and Marteee.
--- Anon
I'm am eager to study and run
To the lectures each day
Where I'm not shy to say,
The lookout for cute lads is fun.
--- Anon
Some small and some as big as whales.
Perhaps they got bored,
And struck a new chord,
Elsewhere...let's just check the details.
--- Carol
To pick up the AJL lack,
Of girls, now I'm sure,
Between us we'll lure,
Someone for a nice tasty snack.
--- Carol
Where I know well just the type of hell
That is raised in this place,
Full of style, flair and grace,
And in truth, where I'm used to the smell.
--- Jeanie
I knew your response would be ugly.
Sweet words ain't your nature
And I'll bet you hate your
Own mother, who neither was snugly.
--- Observer
To tell you that you're being snooty.
You're obdurately being rude;
Take your bad attitude,
And shove it right up your patootie.
--- Observer
To see if we're busily working
At writing our lims,
'Bout bat prose and quims?
Please rest assured, dear, we're not shirking.
--- Travis Brasell
Though lately I guess I'll allow
I've left somme of you sore
For I've tried hard to gore
Almost everyone's own sacred cow.
--- John Miller 0365
In this place where we love the obscene.
I have for a while
Used a cynical style
And kkekkpt all my shit squeaky clean.
--- John Miller 0365
And my first visits here made me groan.
But I learned in software,
Don't tear out your hair
When yo can't get good stuff, write your own.
--- John Miller 0365
Few newbies showed up worth a damn.
And postings were sparse
So I got off my arse
To try to help drown out the spam.
--- John Miller 0365
Spreading limericks and filth and good cheer.
(Although lately it's chat
That's most where it's at)
Aand all spammers have left out of fear.
--- John Miller 0365
I've been praised and received a few curses.
And managed to hack it
Despite the straight jacket
And attendants and doctors and nurses.
--- John Miller 0365
(Remember we started at seven)
I fondled and stroked you;
Completely de-coked you
And sent you, my darling, to heaven.
--- PeterW
As I took you and sat you astride.
We rocked to and fro
In a rhythmical mo-
tions; a grippingly slippery ride.
--- PeterW
As we climbed ever higher and higher;
Then you screamed out in lust
At my ultimate thrust,
As we came to the peak of desire.
--- PeterW
In a grip so exciting, my dear,
That you left me defenceless
And knocked me quite senseless
With lust. I'm addicted, I fear.
--- PeterW
Trip to Ireland, the county of May-
o, with Aer (cunni) Lingus;
I chose them to bring us,
Returning the Derry Air way.
--- PeterW
Though I realize it caused you a fright.
I'll hold on to your hand
(Or your mammary gland)
During take-off and landing, all right?
--- PeterW
And you really have nothing to fear;
I've checked all the wings,
Navigational things,
All the engines and similar gear.
--- PeterW
But we're taking off later today;
So get dressed if you please
In your panties and skis;
Hurry up for we cannot delay.
--- PeterW
You can spend half-an-hour with my hose,
Gently stroking me...well,
I'm beginning to swell
At the sight of your petals of rose...
--- PeterW
Is as hard as a...Stop!...Can you hear?
It's my manservant, Bob,
Who has done a good job,
For he's packed all our suitcases, dear.
--- PeterW
Sir." "Oh thanks, but I'm having the ride
Of my life, so piss off
And stop watching us boff."
Oh he's gone. Will you guide me inside?
--- PeterW
Us. Oh God, What a sexy volupt-
uous woman you are,
When caressing my spar.
But I fear I'm about to erupt!
--- PeterW
(Yes I know, it's such heavenly bliss)
Shall we try and calm down
For a trip out of town
To the airport, or give it a miss?
--- PeterW
She thought everything was just fine --
But she got surprised
When she realized
He had alt-dot-sex on-line...
--- Kaylin
Of naked and young cyber-chicks.
He got into the groove,
Which just goes to prove
You can teach an old dog new tricks.
--- Kaylin
His wife is the one he rejects.
All night long he struts,
With his cyber-sluts,
So he's going to be her cyber-ex...
--- Kaylin
Or spend her life booing and hissing --
She'll find a cyber-lover
So she can discover
All the cyber-joy she's been missing!
--- Kaylin
Sometimes she still wants to yell.
She hopes, without compunctions,
His equipment malfunctions,
And he goes straight to cyber-hell!
--- Kaylin
To keep all these up would take days.
I picked one with wine,
We'll have a good time,
And with some more words we will play!
--- Archie
Tallywacker that is built for two!
Of course I am proud
When it I unshroud -
Why is it that fainting are you?
--- Archie
This taco ain't no little thimble.
So bring it on dear;
It's words that I fear;
So hush and lets get to the dindle.
--- Kiss Karen
(I've got me a very good spindle.
It quickly rotates
And totally sates
The passion the sight of it kindles!)
--- Archie
Have taught all they're going to teach.
'Cause they're not the best,
They need a big rest;
Their pages are starting to bleach!
--- Archie
Stickers and corn make sows horny.
A dindle's a tingle;
There isn't a single
Taco that's not a bit corny.
--- Archie
Of clever pleonastic wit.
I've really had fun
But Archie has won,
So now I will bow out of it
--- Kiss Karen
And in the next months if you should
Get big enough
To do Santa stuff,
In line for your lap I'll have stood.
--- Kiss Karen
And find it so very bizarre
That Arch steals the girls,
While others toss pearls.
Is he a famous rock star?
--- Tutta
Now bent with your weight and some more!
Told once by a mage,
Some skilled effleurage
Will ease all the pain and lots more!
--- Archie
Put on some weight then I would
Though I ate all those birds
And I'm too full for words,
I'll eat more dessert as I should!
--- Kiss Karen
I wish I was fat but I'm not.
I drink too much coffee;
The weight falls right off me.
More coffee please, iced or hot.
--- Kiss Karen
I'll stroke yours while you stroke mine.
My stuffed little tummy
Thinks it's all yummy
Now this is the right way to dine.
--- Kiss Karen
I just have a short "Archie" quiz.
You say that his whip
Is not worth the trip?
All he uses it for is to whiz?
--- Ericka
It gets smaller and smaller each day?
When you go to bed,
He forgets how to head?
And you can't get an instant replay?
--- Ericka
What you need is a sexual whirl --
A ten menute trick
With H's big stick,
Will put your skirt in a twirl!
--- Ericka
Their wares at all girls passing by,
My hero is Frank.
He'd get a lip-wank;
For him I'd take out my glass eye.
--- Aunt Mabel
He can slip in what's left anywhere.
My hairy pink-mary
Will be his love fairy;
Its spells will dispel his despair.
--- Aunt Mabel
With those cute laugh lines which crinkle
Whenever you giggle.
Now, plese don't wriggle...
Have I got my thing in a wrinkle?
--- Frank Fazed
You'll come all the way 'round the Earth.
I've booked us a table,
So if you're able,
On Friday we'll eat and then surf.
--- Archie
With a dusting of freckles just there,
This Perth sun could just
Burn you, so you must
Use the suncream I spread on bare...
--- Archie
Bikini that you will be in.
Oh, that strap has broken,
Now lets see what's woken
Down in my leopard-skin G-string.
--- Archie
The Perth sun I think would just do
Me fine. (And I'm sure
My cup-size is more!)
As long as it not burn my tattoo!
--- Jayne
From your head to -- I have just seen
Your 42C's
Swinging in the breeze! --
And I'll cram your tattoo and dream.
--- Archie
With ugliness and perverse taste,
It always waits on-line
For us mortals to dine;
Butt ugly, it must hide its face.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Instead of here, inside my pants.
And you won't get here,
Till sometime next year,
Charging only just ten cents a dance.
--- Carol
It's just that I've mixed work with play.
I've made plenty pay
And enjoyed old Marseille,
But soon I shall be on my way.
--- Jon Gearhart