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AA is the place for a drunk; All my kindred spirits are lowly, Alcoholics just have a knack If you find yourself drinking and lying, While having a drink with Ken Bruce, When a wino had sunk to rock bottom, he Said a fellow who steadily quaffed: The liquor of naive young Cotter; She couldn't cure the CRAPULENT cop, A cagey young wino would sit The blonde on the barstool thus spoke: Said one of the Boys in the Band: The bartender reeled out his whang, With a leap on the lady named Lou, Said mine Host: "This will not do a bit. A nutty bartender named Bunch Yon half of the world is on drugs; What phrases in the world can match Or any word (a belch attach).
For alcohol, look for a sign: Let's go Honky-Tonkin', my man. In a Frisco bar, here's what to do; I was once told by one who should know I sell the best brandy and sherry, (trans from Irish poetry, 1777, Sean O Tauma)
"Otauma! You boast yourself handy, In a tavern for most of this year, I know of a guy who'll go far I like when I'm quite at my leisure; I was lonely and wanted to meet You bow to the floor's very level An explorer who went to the stars "Twas a cold winter's night, worst so far, In her bucket of beer, tears were shed, "Her mom never told her, oh no! Once a beauty, she's now fallen far, On Saturday night, up on Mars, Both your poems and pints by your favour, The Rustic Saloon bartender Jack, Since gents in the back are in sobs, Out drinking with Bruce Grobelaar, At a serious bar in Bel Air, I like when I'm quite at my leisure, Libation I pour on libation, Again you effect to be witty Vile swash do you sell us, for porter, Very oft in your scant over-frothing, You sit gaily enough at the table When quitting your house rather heady, Two vinters late went about killing The Old Bards never vainly shall woo me, We'll drink all the Guinness taps dry; Again, holidays with cheap tricks! To call a fair colleen, a "chick" More accomplished with brains than with brawn At all of the taverns in Biggers, Perhaps 'twas that third shot of gin When the big barman rolled up his cuff, A young lady works hours in a bar, In a bar, with his beer mug, Van Dyne The fourth planet is red, that is true, "O'Riley is dead," said his brother. "Days of olde" isn't found much in here, The Wrong brothers went out one night I know to much of my beer Those big cans of good Aussie beer, I was having sex on a chair, A young Irish lad like a giant,
They'll help you and give you some spunk.
Where else would you hear
A rousing loud cheer
When you say you have sunk to a funk?
--- Bob Phillips
But will rise from the rocks, although slowly,
Without any care.
To that I do swear
By the sacred and most alcoholy.
--- Bill Bache-Hansen P8501
To make women's lives hard to hack;
Their life, they will tell
Is like marching through Hell
With a drunk clinging tight to your back.
--- David Miller
And continually falsely denying;
For sober serenity,
And selfish identity,
AA is the one that's worth trying.
--- Bob Phillips
I noticed his trousers were loose.
I said: "You need a belt,
You unspeakable Celt."
He said: "I've just had twelve on the hoose."
--- Kevin Hale Q
Was prescribed a prefrontal lobotomy.
He said, "Doc, I'll decline,
It would suit me quite fine
Just to have a free bottle in front of me."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8906
"We must all meet the last call and draft.
My last wish would be
A whacking good spree."
Heavy smokers would say he was daft.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9305
Was soaked up by whores like a blotter.
They drank only straight drinks,
So said Cotter, "Methinks
You can lead whores to drink, but not water."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1478
Irish who savored each drop
Of booze by the glass,
He never could pass;
So she left him for wine sipping wop.
--- Chris Papa
With a bottle of wine in his mitt;
He'd refer with a shudder
To a drunk in the gutter--
If I were that bad, I would quit
--- Bob Phillips
"I prefer the unusual poke.
I like it, when able,
Bent over a table,
Or spread-eagled under an oak.
--- G0763
"I never have done it by hand."
Spurred by contumely,
Laughing most gloomily,
He added, "I hear that it's grand."
--- G0764
An instrument stiffened with bhang:
Of Old Adam's family,
Oozing so clammily,
A veteran of arse, cunt, and fang.
--- G0765
He flamed up her arse with his goo.
Ere her limbs frigidly
Stiffened too rigidly,
He dealt her a murderous screw!
--- G0766
You are getting me ass-deep in shit.
Touch her not scornfully,
Lift her up mournfully,
Pinch her once more on the tit!"
--- G0767
Acts much like a guy out to lunch,
Squeezing smegma from hickies
Into well-stirred gin rickies
And dribbling his pee in the punch.
--- Armand E Singer 895
Addictions furnished by thugs.
All I crave is a joke
In a pub, free of smoke,
Guzzling beers from a girl with big jugs.
--- Francis K Young
A "Bottoms up" or "Down the hatch"?
Conviviality
Perhaps "This one's on me."
Or else "Almost as good as snatch."
--- Irving Superior P9506
Beer and Spirits or Wine.
Then drink it down quick
Before you get sick;
Beforehand, it tastes mighty fine.
--- Rory Ewins Q
There's lots of them here in Cheyenne.
I want to go dance,
Forget the romance!
Can you two-step worth a hot damn?
--- Anon
Buy draft beer, plus a shot of gin too;
I, being no fool,
Pour the gin on the stool,
'Fore I sit down to guzzle my brew.
--- Allen Wolverton
In the 20's, things sure weren't slow.
Some shimmied till queasy
In every speakeasy,
Entered in through a VO-DE-OH-DOH.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9807
To make good customers merry;
But at times their finances
Run short, as it chances,
And then I feel very sad, very.
--- James C Mangan P9705
At selling good ale and bright Brandy.
But the fact is, your liquor
Makes everyone sicker.
I tell you this, your good friend, Andy."
--- Andrias MacCraith
I've spent every night drinking beer.
The venue is seedy,
The bartender greedy--
But the John is an absolute Dear!
--- Norm Storer P9507
To find him a friendly bar.
It isn't the booze,
It's the chance to SCHMOOZE
And freedom to light up a cigar.
--- Norm Brust
Mirth music and all sorts of pleasure.
Then Margery's bringing
The glass; I like singing
With bards, if they drink within measure.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Someone who would treat me real sweet.
I went to a bar
That was not too far,
And I found a great market for meat.
--- Anon
When customers enter to revel,
But if one in shy raiment
Takes a drink without payment,
You'll score it against the poor devil!
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Returned to his home, once on Mars
And the story he tole
Made his listeners turn cold:
Beyond Pluto -- an absence of bars!
--- Neal Wilgus P8211
As O'Leary was closing the bar;
And he turned, and he said
To the lady in red:
"You get out; you can't stay where you are!"
--- Anon
As she dreaded the cold night ahead;
Then a gentlemen dapper
Stepped out of the crapper,
And these are the words that he said:
--- Anon
The things that a young girl should know,
About all of the tricks
Of collegiate 'wicks'
And how those guys come and they go;
--- Anon
This is file pqm
And her sins have, alas, left a scar;
So, boys, think of your mothers,
And sisters and others;
Just let her sleep under the bar!"
--- Anon
You can find a few very nice bars.
Though they have lots of beer,
There is no atmosphere,
And the life is found in Mason jars.
--- Al Willis P9611
Are alike wholly wanting in flavour,
Because it's your pleasure
You give us short measure,
And your ale has a ditch-water savour.
--- J C Mangan 1870 P9705
Serves whisky from off of his rack;
Chats up with a girl
With a bouncing curl,
With poker around in the back.
--- Val Burns P0511Q
You'll now be performing new jobs;
Instead of bartending,
M'dear I am sending
You back there to polish some knobs!
--- Anon
He paid with some cash from a jar.
He said: "See, I saved this!"
So I gave him a kiss,
And he tipped himself over the bar.
--- Kevin Hale Q
A lady walked in and stood bare.
She kept leering and winking,
But drinking is drinking,
And not one man noticed her there.
--- John Ciardi
Mirth, music and all sorts of pleasure,
When Margery's bringing
The glass, I like singing,
With bards - if they drink without measure.
--- Archie
I sing the past fame of our nation;
For valour won glory,
For song and for story,
This, this is my fine recreation!
--- Archie
And your customers - more is the pity -
Give into your folly,
While you, when you're jolly,
Troll forth some ridiculous ditty.
--- Archie
As you draw the cask shorter and shorter.
Your guests then disdaining
To think of complaining;
Go tipple in some other quarter.
--- Archie
Tin quarts we found little or nothing.
They could very ill follow,
The road, who could swallow
Such stuff for the inner man's clothing!
--- Archie
But in spite of your mirth you are able,
To chalk down each tankard
And if a man drank hard
On tick - oh, we'd have such a Babel!
--- Archie
They'lI get nought without more of "the ready".
You'll leave them to stumble
And stagger and tumble,
Into dykes, as folks will when unsteady.
--- Archie
Men's fame by their vile lack-and-Gilling;
Now Toumy, I'll tell you,
I know very well you,
Would, too, sell us all for a shilling.
--- Archie
But your tricks and your capers, O'Toumy,
Have nought in them winning.
You jest and keep grinning,
But your thoughts are all guileful and gloomy!
--- Archie
Mine host will just stand there and cry.
Well, that's what we say
On each St Paddy's Day,
And we give it a bloody good try.
--- Archie
"Get too drunk to make it with chicks!"
I may be a saint,
Ain't saying I ain't,
But danged if I'm gonna Pat Rick's!
--- Cyber Wizard
Is cheap and it's nasty and sick.
A good time in Blarney
In back of Killarney
Is likely to be just the trick.
--- Archie
A small business career he did spawn.
His Far East motif bar
Which gained fame near and far
He had given the name, Thai-Wan-On.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0402
They measure the drinks in three jiggers.
One is for blokes,
Another for soaks,
And the third for the swillers and swiggers.
--- Limericks Unlimited P8401
Or that noisy damn bar I was in --
TV news said a ban
Had been placed on McMahon
And Carson ruled a carcinogin!
--- Neal Wilgus P8403
This signaled to the neighbourhood tough,
His behaviour to cease,
To live in one piece.
He had seconds before things got rough!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
In order to buy a new car.
A man with intentions
Made evil suggestions.
Where she hit him has left a long scar.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Beat two poets who'd called him a swine.
And when both men expired,
He became much admired
For killing two bards with one stein.
--- Norm Storer
But up there, laws are prudishly blue.
For six days, up on Mars,
They close down all the bars...
On the seventh, those sober are few.
--- William N Nesbit P9611
"He's out plowing dirt," said his mother.
"Nay, down at the pub,"
Said the boys in his club,
"Drinking spirits or something-or-other."
--- Eric McCrusty
But in bars where reciting of mere
Bad doggerel verse
Doesn't seem worse,
Than lims, when you've had enough beer.
--- Anon
And drank until they were both tight.
They fucked, on this bender,
Miss Wright, the bartender;
And that's how two Wrongs made a Wright.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0280
Will weaken and damage my spear;
Some nights I've had nun
And just gone for a run,
But each time I return alone here.
--- Anon
Will make you fat, rich. dumb and queer;
That rich 'a-roo piddle
Will balloon out your middle;
With wee Will, an aimless blind pee'er!"
--- Anon
When suddenly he wasn't there.
My body pulsating;
I was heavily gyrating;
And the bastard had gone for a beer!
--- Anon
Who in sexual ways was just quaint,
One day he went swimmin'
With twelve naked women,
And deserted them all for a pint.
--- Myler Magrath
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