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He shows her a massive erection So he downs some beers, two or three, It is useless for people to seek One day my mouth felt so dry I entered this house of pleasure, On the counter it stood -- the glass I hurled it in my throat, so sore, "A Beer? -- a big one or small?" It took seconds before 'twas okay, There once was a pitcher of beer; A Scotsman was sucking some brew I once had a fish named Laverne; An engineer peripatetic A young lad named Armisted Auger, There once was a girl named Tristan, At night when the show finally ends, A horny young girl of Madras, There was a young man from Madras There was a young girl from Ardglass Another young lady named Hicks, I'm a beer drinker through and through; A barmaid with pretty blue eyes, Ben Nevis Malt, bottled for years, Billy Beer was made by a Prez's brother, All hail to Ye Olde English Ale; To the rendezvous northward we went; The time to drink beer is soon, I liked all your beer lims but one; At the risk of perhaps sounding trite, A hooker made really great hits I've heard that the so-called "Beer" Bud There was an old farmer named Lear, Each night, all my drinks I arrange In his youth, to get girls to screw, There once was a guy named Mudd, A beautiful blonde called Eliza And the draft beer's a legend 'round here; Joe is a pain in the rear, Coors and Bud? Surely the pits; My favorite beer is called Coors, "I'm here," said the sweet farmer's daughter, In searching a rhyming for Coors, Corona's best when you lime it. A very young lady from Gloucester I thought I might try it today, ...Could I drink that peculiar beer. ...This beers upside-down. Do you think From Limerick there came sweet Colleen, Well, if it's a sin to like Guinness, Guinness that dark bitter brew, The secret of course is to drink A Guinness named Arthur made ale A curious young man from Calcutta On Patty's Day, there's Sean O'Malley A teacher on post in Japan Ye Olde English Ale ain't for winings I'm sorry, you've just raised a fog I've heard it referred to as piss; You may find your tipple delicious, As for Old Speckled Hen, well then PHEW! Us smart guys who know all about A chemist who once worked for Pfizer, An Irishman, Paddy O'Fleer, "Pistol Beer" is a potent new brew Ba Ma Ba is a beer quite delectable Bartender, did you hear my knock?
But she does not make the connection.
His libido lapses,
His organ collapses,
But maybe he saved an infection.
--- Anon
And says "What's important to me?"
He's drunk quite a lot,
So he goes to the pot:
"Well at least the damn thing can wee!"
--- Anon
A pisser like Dribblepuss Beek:
He'll sit for a year,
Drinking oceans of beer,
Then knock off and piss for a week.
--- G1450
And I thought I was about to die.
Then I saw the word "Beer",
And one salty tear
Of happiness escaped from my eye.
--- Martin V Jensen
And right away I could measure
The Beer in the air;
Never causing despair,
I had found a wonderful treasure.
--- Martin V Jensen
With a shiny colour like brass.
It was beer, indeed,
And I grabbed it in greed;
Such a chance I could not let pass.
--- Martin V Jensen
And felt the power in every pore.
But after the first,
I still had mad thirst,
So I hurried and ordered one more.
--- Martin V Jensen
The 'tender said from his stall,
"Or medium, which size? --
Choose accurate and wise!"
"Oh sod it!" I said, "I'll have them all!"
--- Martin V Jensen
From A to Z -- all the way,
Feeling fresh and alright,
Shining bright as a light.
Once again Beer had saved the day.
--- Martin V Jensen
It won't be abandoned--don't fear.
It shall soon meet the throats
Of three crusty old goats,
Who are bursting with thirst and good cheer.
--- Eric McCrusty
And a Frenchman said, "Give me some, too.
It gives him a lilt
And a tilt to his kilt
That I think is quite fetching; don't you?"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8403
He would wiggle and squiggle and squirm.
Last night when I drank,
I done filled up his tank
With my beer which had turned into urine.
--- The Lieutenant
Endowed with a keen sense esthetic,
Drank beer in most places
Except U.S. bases,
"For their beer," he said, "is pathetic."
--- Paula Sanch
Favored copious foam on his lager.
To the barmaid he said,
"Give me plenty of head,"
So she karated his schwagger.
--- Steven A Shaw
Whose beer that she ordered was pissed in.
She said, "I don't think,"
As she spit out her drink,
"On the menu, this one was not list in."
--- Scott Hendricks
The Wildman of Borneo tends
To steer his Chevelle
To a local motel
And drink beer with a bunch of his friends.
--- A N Wilkins P8711
Reclined with a monk in the grass.
She tickled his cock
With the end of a rock,
Till it foamed like a bottle of Bass.
--- L1299
Who lay on the grass with a lass.
He played oh so cool
Till she tickled his tool,
And it foamed like a bottle of Bass.
--- Anon
Who lay on her back in the grass.
With finger and thumb
She made herself come
And foamed like a bottle of Bass.
--- Anon
Spent all of her time thinking of pricks,
And it was her odd whim
To tickle her quim,
Till it foamed like a bottle of Dicks.
--- L1300
I like bocks and ales and home brew.
My good buddy-weiser
Gives in to the Kaiser,
With a stein full of frauleins or two.
--- Gearhart
Pulled pints much more often than guys.
Then a brewer called Bass
Caught sight of the lass,
And gave her a lovely surprise.
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
Will bring to your eyes a few tears.
The taste is divine;
Here, have some of mine,
Far better than all of your peers.
--- Anon
This beverage flows from no other
Than his honor the Prez.
No matter what Clinton sez,
It's more costly than juice from his mother.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Ye porter, ye bitter, ye pale.
With flavours that linger,
Like old Bishop's Finger,
They ain't for the weak or the frail.
--- Anon
We cooked outside and slept in a tent.
We had but one fear:
We would run out of beer,
So our money on Blue Moon was spent.
--- Tumbleweed Tom
Who gives a shit if it's noon.
I can drink early or late,
'Cause I'm now thirty-eight,
In fact I will have a Blue Moon!
--- R L Arnold
Seems you beat up AB just for fun.
I'll still drink my Bud
Instead of your crud;
Perhaps I'm just my fathers son.
--- Anon
In the summer on a humid night,
I love sitting outside,
Hearing bugs being fried,
While enjoying my Bud and bug light.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0101
With the johns, because of her tits.
The reason, I hear,
Is they each gave out beer,
The right Budweiser, the left one Schlitz.
--- Tom Patton P9506
Is made using dead fish and mud;
They find ingredients
In the shitty sediments
Where Missouri's delivered a flood.
--- Anon
Who possessed a fine cow that gave beer.
Budweiser or Schlitz,
Could be tapped from her teats,
And pretzels came out of the rear.
--- G1411
On the stove. (I know it sounds strange.)
Tonight I spilled suds
From two of my 'Buds',
And now I have foam on the range.
--- Anon
This is file pom
Dick would offer them hop and malt brew.
Now he's older and wiser
And abstains from Budweiser;
To his dear darling wife he is true.
--- Thomas G Keller P9506
Who really liked to drink Bud.
He drank about ten,
With his porcelain friend,
And then said goodnight with a thud.
--- Jed Crandall
Had a boyfriend who liked to surprise her.
This stud, name of Bud,
Cave her diamonds -- all dud,
So she ditched him -- and that made Budweiser.
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
Folks who drink it quite often turn queer;
Better stick to canned Bud,
Or you'll rot off your pud;
So it might make a strange souvenir!
--- Anon
'Cause he guzzled up all the Coors beer.
I'm feeling bereft;
Just Bud Light is left.
I'd rather pour than in my ear!
--- Marlene
Maybe a treatment for zits.
And maybe they'll do
For one quick shampoo.
I'd rather drink milk from your tits.
--- H Welchel
And probably it should be yours;
It isn't Milwaukee's,
But here in the Rockies,
It's purchased by pimps for their hoors.
--- Norm Storer P9703
"To tell you that you really oughter
Switch to Miller Lite Brew.
It's like love in a canoe,
It is so fucking close to plain water.
--- Martin Wellborn P9506a
I questioned my favorite hoors.
Immense though the task,
I'll one by one ask
As long as my backbone endures.
--- Irving Superior P9506
Chug-a-lug fast, we could time it.
To order a beer
When you drink in here,
Make up the order, then rhyme it.
--- Frank Fazed
Once longed for a bottle of Foster.
They offered her Harp.
She said, "Sorry to carp.
That's not Foster, that's just an imposter."
--- Alistair Sampson Liq Lims
Some Australian Foster's. I say
What a strange looking beer;
At the top it was clear,
But the bottom was frothy. No way...
--- Peter
(Frothy bottom? Well, if I was queer.)
With the bubbles surprising,
Falling not rising,
I said to the barman, "Look here...
--- Peter
You could pour it away down the sink?
As a beer it's a failure
From Southern Australia;
Now pour me a real ale to drink.
--- Peter
The queen of old Ireland's sex scene.
Just buy her a Guinness,
She'd very soon undress,
And frolic with you on the green.
--- Anon
Then that I admit's what my sin is.
I like it with fizz
Or just as it is,
And it's much better for me that gin is.
--- Cyril Ray
Quite as smooth and as creamy as you;
But too many I fear,
Causes droop of my spear,
And that leaves me unable to screw.
--- Anon
Fewer glasses of Guinness; I think
After drinking just two
Then my billiard cue
Would be ready to screw in the pink.
--- Anon
As black as a negro: not pale.
MacD's billion sold
Couldn't match Arthur's hold,
But burgers don't land men in jail.
--- Anon
Was known as a bit of a nutter.
After prawn vindaloo
And a Guinness or two,
He'd lie very still in the gutter.
--- Michael Palin
Guzzling Guinness alone in an alley.
How much can he drink
I really can't think,
And O'Malley, he never keeps tally.
--- Ystap
Was arrested for tilting a can
Of American beer
While standing too near
To a Kirin delivery van.
--- Tim Hoffman
And dinings - it's finished with finings
Of gravel and grit,
Which'll scour out the shit
From your bowels and intestinal linings.
--- Anon
In the mind of this old Hampster hog,
Who likes drinks for real men
Like "Old Speckled Hen".
Budweiser! Is that not a dog?
--- Martin Rand
I enjoy it, whatever it is.
I myself do not know
What piss tastes like, and so
I will drink it. Innocence is bliss.
--- Wobbley
Quite wholesome and not at all vicious.
But if you find your brewer
At work near a sewer,
Then think it a wee bit suspicious.
--- Indiana Millwart
That to me is TOO MUCH of a brew.
If mine contained piss,
Then tell me what is
This stuff. Does it contain poo?
--- Martin Rand
The contents of real ale and stout,
Say the deep amber hue
Of the Speckled Hen brew
Comes from chickenshit, never a doubt!
--- Indiana Millwart
Came back from the war 'gainst the Kaiser,
And brewed up a beer
We do not drink here.
Alas now he's older Budweiser.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Fell into a large vat of beer.
They rescued him twice
And once more for thrice;
He pissed nothing but Bud for a year.
--- Tom Patton P0204
Whose name implies what it can do.
Drink one glass at seven,
Pass gas till eleven,
Then "Pistol" a quarter past two.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9506
Whose ingredients are most undisectable:
Rubber boots, shoes, and rice,
Snips and snails, gnats and mice.
(The formaldehyde's barely detectable.)
--- Sorry 'Bout That P0509
I see that you're eyeing the clock.
Before you must close,
The beer that I chose...
A tasty, tall, cold Rolling Rock.
--- Frank Fazed
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