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Your knowledge of rhythm is faint. It's nothing my system could see, Oh, Henry, go play with the cars No, I am not fucked up in the head, You dare to call this crap science? To post in 'just text' is not cool; As for heaven or hades my friend, I don't think he was that innocent, If you want to complain, do it right; Liz having a kid is just fine; The last time I fell from my seat DA MAN is a big fucking fool; Ron
The archives and lists of the oldies We can see you from here, you schmuck! Sylvie -- who is this young lass? I had once thought, at a mere glance, A boring old fuck once dropped in; Unversed offerings now I'm spewin', Poor Sumaq is one of those few The sound of the pot screaming back, Aye, the limerick pattern is dying The question is where will we dump Old Puff once of fangs was bereft: There once was a fellow named Main, If it is good jokes that I crave, Although I've grown old and quite paunchy, I advise you to go see your vet; (criticizing MDT1)
For the spammer we've got a cool lab; We've got a big bag of rock salt, Hey Keith, it's to Jesus you pray, I doubt if I'll cry out for mercy, From this guy we would get a bad rap: Since I've been gone from 'round here, How 'bout more of you staying on topic? There are ways to deal with a spammer... If you happen to need a new "groaner", In the slough where all spammers shall die, Clay is the troll of the net; Are all of the folks in Great Britain Some of us can't rhyme, I hear; Your limerick's quite apropos A Swedish contortionist, Lars, This lameless SPAM spewer named Mike, Defender at "ignorance...painful" Ignoring the best way to go, Another huge dollop of drivel Perhaps arsenic is your bag; Oh shit! You are in the wrong group. Restrained and decorous in tone, Don't get yourself in a spin; "Well done" the crude lurker spoke out, So you think that we shouldn't throw stones If you stupid nerds keep cross-posting, At least, Alex Arsehole, she tries, Steve, get yourself in high gear, Why must you post this old grime? There seems quite a market in spam; How depressing to listen to you ... You're evil and nasty, Bob Winkel; Jeeves, Jeeves, you witless shit! Those old gals deserve to be kissed, I find it somewhat of a shame Your rubbish is not in the hunt; Now Barbington wrote that, you cunt, What difference is there between you A friendship Beelzebub disdains.
Your spelling's decidedly quaint,
And your rhyming is lame.
Do these things have a name?
For limericks surely they ain't!
--- Barrie Collins
But it seemed not a limerick to me.
So perhaps just as well,
I'll not have to tell
The fool to go jump in the sea.
--- Anon
Or blast yourself right off to Mars
Or stick pressured gas
Right into your ass
'Cause here, you're not one of the stars!
--- Anon
As your previous posting had said.
I am merely blind
And delighted to find
That my brain, unlike yours, is not dead.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Well I wouldn't put much reliance
On a dickheaded poop,
Who posts jokes to this group
This is limericks -- you're out of compliance!
--- Anon
They will think that you are a fool.
Please do try to rhyme
And don't post in MIME,
It's so simple to follow this rule.
--- Klaas de Jong
We all will find out in the end.
That's 'tween me and my maker,
And the potato baker.
I'm not scared, on that you can depend.
--- Cheryl
That he thought he could misrepresent
Someone else's good work.
Just proves he's a jerk;
He should have given stealing up for lent.
--- S C Saint
Don't use prose getting really uptight.
You should say it in verse
Only thus may you curse.
Just a thought here, I'm not out to fight.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Just so long as it isn't mine.
Just give it my name
And then live in shame.
You ain't rhyming, so don't waste our time!
--- Burrito Man
I was riding a girl in full heat,
While you stood there jerking;
As now, you were lurking,
Perspiring and beating your meat.
--- John Miller
He posts without lims as a rule.
His only concession
Is unlawful possession
Of stolen old limerick gruel.
--- Ron
Are filled with our favorites and goldies.
This group, if you've missed,
Is really a list
For new ones, not reposts of mouldies.
--- Archie
Are you dense as a fucking puck?
Only limericks in this place
So get out of our face,
'Fore you think you've been hit by a truck.
--- Saint
I'm new here, but it's come to pass
That she may be quite fair
With a beautiful pair --
Why are all of you pains in the ass?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That limericks might take a high stance.
But you guys are too haughty,
Towards those who're less naughty;
All I smell here is flatulence.
--- Kevin O'Conner
Expletives he thought he would fling.
He'd had his brain drained;
It cannot be trained;
And his head is the size of a pin!
--- Archie
Our cosy small group will you ruin!
So get out, you hack
And never come back!
We piss on you. Drown in our urine!
--- John Miller
Who cannot give a devil his due;
For it seems that my pith
Is less hit and more myth --
In which case, mortal fool, pith on you.
--- Beelzebub TP9807
Insisting the kettle is black.
If that's pointed out,
The miserable lout
Will duck it like any ol' quack.
--- Anon
For posters in prose now are frying;
Those ignorant toads
Posting bombastic goads,
Against the prose posters underlying.
--- Anon
The bodies of those who just jump
Into this lim site,
And then only write
Some prose and deserve need a big thump!
--- Archie
A harelip with gaping-assed cleft.
But now he's got bite,
And got his art right.
When asked howzzit hangin', it's "left".
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who said, "It has happened again!
I don't care if it's terse,
Either put it in verse,
Or I'll bitch and I'll kvetch and complain."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'll sub-link to my old friend Dave.
His browser's a whore,
She'll find me some more,
Now ram this spam up in your cave!
--- H Welchel
I sure don't need you to get raunchy!
So cease and desist
Before we get pissed
And make you cry out like a banshee.
--- John Miller
Your brain has an oxygen debt.
It's fucking crap verse,
And these rhymes are worse
Than anything you've written yet.
--- David Miller
And we'll strap the bloke down on a slab;
His wife will freak out
O'er the ring through his snout;
It'll make him much simpler to grab!
--- Anon
Some ground glass, and liquid asphalt.
We're masters of pain.
Don't post here again.
Your screams won't escape from the Vault.
--- H Welchel
And one night with Lazarus lay,
And had a good screw.
It's in the bible, It's true,
So it seems JC's necro and gay.
--- Tiddy Ogg
From limp-wristed fellows like Percy.
The two sets of rules
Appear in your drools,
Which really should be much more terse, see?
--- Anon
Good sir, we said nothing of crap;
'Less you smell like a rose,
Don't wrinkle your nose,
And kindly, sir, shut up your trap
--- Anon
How many of these fools come near?
They come in the hut
'Cause the door's never shut.
Sliced thin, they'll make good veneer.
--- Archie
This is file pml
Or is the dear eye quite myopic?
Do it in verse,
Even if terse,
Else your brain be acclaimed microscopic.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
We'd all like to throw in the slammer.
Each one who posts here
In the place we hold dear,
To see limericks and not more spam clamor.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Come to me and I'll give you a loaner.
You'll have groans en masse,
When I shove up your ass
My Spam-killing eighteen-inch boner.
--- MrMalo
Is a come rag that's spread in a sty,
Near a low-hanging bough.
When there's shortage of sow,
It gets hung aloft, so as to dry.
--- Anon
Likes to see how much fan mail he'll get.
He's now having fun,
'Cause he's under the gun,
Though he still can't spell worth a shet.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Like you, with themselves mighty smitten?
Well, I think you're shit,
A gutless wee twit.
Go away, hide yourself, and stay hidden.
--- Mike Hunter
Like me, after lots of beer.
Your meter needs work;
I think you're a jerk.
Stay out of this newsgroup, my dear.
--- LadyJ
To the ham-handed fools who don't know
That posts of this sort
Get a rhyming retort;
Perhaps they'd try stewing up crow.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was one of the circus world's stars.
He did what those spammers
Despite all our clamours
Cannot -- stick his head up his arse.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To him I say, "Go take a hike!"
He's crossposted in places
Where you'd not show your faces.
He need to be stuffed with a spike.
--- Lil Chas
Should be working at something more gainful.
Just to swipe and not edit,
Attribute or credit,
Is disgusting, stupid, and shameful.
--- John Miller
For those who can't see a 'bon mot',
He does seem quite shallow...
Or shall I use 'callow'?
He ought to go suck his big toe.
--- Pilar
From someone who sounds like a snivel-
ling wretch - now desist
Or your bollocks I'll twist,
'Til it causes your eyeballs to swivel.
--- Anon
That'd sure put your guts in a snag.
And likely you'd quit
Writing rhymes that don't fit,
And we'd all toast the death of a hag.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
While we let you, then please take your poop
To alt.tasteless.jokes:
Go bother those folks,
Who so gently will teach you the scoop.
--- John Miller
I've had my one small little moan
But if they persist,
They'll wish to desist,
If my rage ever reaches full blown.
--- Archie
This Spam War we never shall win.
When they are done,
With us overrun,
They'll do it again and again.
--- Arden
And "Snarf" was the best he could spout.
And "Snarf" he repeated,
And "Snarf" undefeated,
And THWACK, our response to this lout!
--- Tiddy Ogg
From glass castles at those astride thrones?
But the tinkle of glass
Really tickles my ass,
And I do get a kick from your groans.
--- John Miller
You've got to expect quite a roasting.
So please, people, cease;
And leave us in peace,
Or else your entrails we'll be toasting.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And if, sir, you must criticise,
Then one line of prose
Ain't how, heaven knows;
So go, trap your dick in your flies.
--- Anon
And leave us to limerick here.
Or if you've no skill,
Just wank yourself ill.
I hope this is perfectly clear.
--- H Welchel
This newgroup much favors new slime.
So get out your rhymer,
Your timer and primer,
And sit down and pitch a fresh rhyme.
--- H Welchel
It's sort of like crow in a jam.
Instead of complaining,
We should start some caning
With limerick whacks and a wham.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Why, you'd have us lose faith 'fore you're through.
I'll not take you to task
But just simply ask,
"So, tell me... just what else is new?"
--- Anon
I do hope your site will just sinkle.
Though if you come back,
We'll cut you no slack,
And surgically cut off your winkle!
--- Archie
Your barbs don't faze me one little bit!
Your slanderous rhymes
Are a waste of time,
And amount to no more than pointless spit!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
'Cause unlike you, arsehole, who's missed
On much education,
A disgrace to our nation,
They don't post crap getting us pissed.
--- Anon
That you have an asexual name.
Now I know that you lack
The requisite crack,
You must find someone else to inflame.
--- Professor
Your brain's like your dick, you poor runt.
Your rhyming is shit;
Can't scan worth a bit;
And you don't even write about cunt.
--- Archie
If, plagiarist, you have to hunt
For other folks work,
Give credit, you jerk.
Go ass-fuck yourself with a punt.
--- Anon
And my primary rectal flue?
Center stage on my sitter?
My smelly old shitter?
None at all! You are an asshole too!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
From good deeds and words he refrains.
With head up his ass,
Surrounded by gas,
He farted and blew out his brains!
--- Anon
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