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Under my tough shell exterior, We like to feel cherished and wanted, What do you want, Mr. Cancer? Unscrupulous brown-nosing cunts, The Capricorn lover's a bore, To Aries it seem Capricorny Astrology? I think it's crap. I listen you boring old farts! My 'horrible scope' said today, I knew this odd little feller A Gemini born on June ten, And me, I'm the sign of the twins; A Gemini born tenth of June -- A lady skin-diver, a Gemini, I admit I've at last given up. On ten June a Gemini born Once she gave a taste of her feast, And I am a Gemini too; Some men are true sons of the Gemini In the bar, a strange Gypsie tart's She'll tell you with absolute certainty, The daily horoscope is a ruse; Said Mary, "I hate horror, gothic. Rule One -- to write a horoscope, I'm Scorpio by my sun sign. If Leo your own birthday marks, A cowboy, by birthright a Leo, O Leo! Thou lover divine! It's Leo the Lion for me; A sign that is ruled by the sun, But once a friend, always a friend. Well, I am a Leo, sublime, Believers in hot-blooded Leo There once was a fool named Winnacle, A girl, strictly trained by the Libra, An astrologer chanced to detain us Remember how first lady Nancy, The watery eyes of the Pisces (4th line was missing - McW)
A lesbian born under Pisces, I'm not superstitious, but then... On her fortieth birthday, a Pisces Her sign (astrological) Pisces; A frustrating lover's the Pisces -- For me, 'twas a sweet Sagittarius, The men of the sign Sagittarius, Most women love old Sagittarius: "Well-a-day!" I must sigh with remorse, There once was a Scorpio male A tough devotee of the Scorpio Here's the Scorpio -- sexiest sign -- We Scorpio ladies are cool. Okay; so Astrology's rot; Scorpio's may seem quite intense, Lovely Libra, Venusian jive, If "whororscope" is blasphemy With moon in the cusp of Aquarius, They say that astrologer Mary's A man of natal sign Taurus, Once Taurus the Bull, now Taurus the Cow. Does astrology work as they say? A girl who was born under Virgo A most curious guy is the Virgo, A freezing descendant of Virgo A man met a sweet Virgo lass, But then after endless months courtin', The Priest listened as she regailed
Lies a warm heart that's truly superior.
Comfort and food
Are the things that are good,
(And a man with a nice neat posterior.)
--- Jayne
Safe and secure and undaunted.
An unloved crustacean,
Leads to swift aberration,
And a sad soul that truly is haunted.
--- Jayne
Do you want to get into my pants, sir?
First the Cancer gets grabby,
And then he gets crabby,
So, when called by a Cancer, don't answer.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8905
Most Cancers are arse-licking runts
Who deny bein' gay,
(But we say no way)
And claim that they read a book once.
--- David Miller
Despite goatish prowess galore;
When your passion's astew.
And you ask for a screw,
He'll take off for a cheap hardware store.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8905
With billy-goats and their adorny
Of horns that are ground--
Believed to be bound
To provide many kids--yet unborny.
--- Bill Backe-Hanesn P9302
(So what if I now cause a flap?)
Now if you can guess
The chart I possess,
I might just go shut up my yap.
--- H Welchel
No one has paid for these charts.
It's simply for fun,
So why do you shun?
Would both of you rather play darts?
--- Jayne
Go on out, Carol, and play.
But the other one read,
No, stay home in bed,
I was born on that cusp in May.
--- Anon
Who lived in a dark damp cellar
Mushroom was his nickname,
And he's not been the same,
Since he visited a crank fortune teller
--- Anon
Nineteen seven one was right then
Prophesied to
Emit immense goo
Into Carol again and again.
--- Jon Gearhart
With Gemini, everyone wins.
While part of me's sweet,
Demure and discrete,
The other part's thinking of sins.
--- Carole
For him all the lasses would swoon.
One day when he's older
And grows somewhat bolder,
He'll strip asses and shoot the moon.
--- Jon Gearhart
Encountered a monstrous anemone.
Far under the sea,
It seized her with glee,
And ate up her 'pudenda feminae'.
--- G2486
No more will I Gemini Schtup!
Though he's virile as two,
You can't get him to screw,
Till you shut up the son of a pup!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8905
Was destined to write lots of porn.
He'd write as he'd diddle
His bit in the middle,
Till Carol asked for his big horn.
--- Jon Gearhart
And screamed like some savage lust-beast,
He'd no longer wank it
Or yank it or spank it,
Once after he'd sunk in her piece.
--- Jon Gearhart
No wonder I am drawn to you.
We're two of a kind
In body and mind,
And always up for a good screw.
--- Gearhart
When they feel like a go and a demi-spree,
And claim twin return
Of the sperms that they burn,
If they corner the right kind of femini.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9302
Game is astrology charts;
She'll cast you a Wheel,
You'll feel her hot keel;
Overnight, what a fright!, You'll have warts!
--- Anon
Your future, from now to eternity.
And one thing is true,
Now she's got hold of you,
You'll be faced with a suit for paternity.
--- Anon
To behave in that way is to lose.
I can act like a shrew,
Or visit the zoo;
It gives me a handy excuse.
--- Petunia
I'm looking ahead, borrow topic-
Al books about stars,
In conjunction with Mars,
That tell me by means horoscopic."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Be sure that it's a "or/or scope".
Be most ambiguous.
Be vague. Be minus/plus.
Let readers with your "or/ors" cope.
--- Irving Superior P8905
We're sensual, never benign.
Astrology's fun
I've had my chart done -
And me? I believe every line!
--- Anon
You'll have sex until forty, when starts,
A new pleasure in stamps,
Boy Scouts, and their camps,
And fondling nude statues in parks.
--- Anon
Once met a young lady from Rio.
A full night and a day,
The spent in the hay,
And now the poor cowboy can't pee-o.
--- P0406 G2488 G1928
How I wish you could be mine, all mine!
After acres of quiff,
Leo's prick is still stiff --
If he says he's been faithful, he's ly'n...
--- Robin K Willoughby P8905
A star sign as kind as can be.
Generous, warm-hearted,
But hates being out-smarted.
This cat likes being top of the tree!
--- Joie de Vivre
Hot-blooded and hell-bent on fun!
With friends, I endeavour
To stay so forever:
I'm shy and not easily won.
--- Joie de Vivre
And unwritten rule that won't bend.
But if you hurt my pride
Then quick...better hide,
Lest the ensuing roar does offend.
--- Joie de Vivre
And into my bed men do climb.
They never leave cryin',
'Cause honey this Lion
Knows just how to ring a man's chime!
--- Jeanie
Will claim that they never are free o'
Any male ego's nerve
Which is stirred by a curve
As happened when Caesar met Cleo.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9302
This is file pgl
Whose ignorance reached a new pinnacle.
"I don't believe in Astrology,
That's my ideology,
But I'm a Leo and Leo's are cynical."
--- Scott Hendricks
With a skin that befitted a zebra,
Could still turn the scales
In the eyes of the males
With a semi-transparent type she-bra.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9302
And with questions continued to pain us.
He started to work,
Then said, with a smirk,
"And now I must look up Uranus."
--- Donald Dimock
Who wore gowns never plain, always fancy,
Shaped her designs
By zodiac signs,
Making policy decisions less chancy.
--- Paul Niquette
Will follow the falls and the rises
Of you will know what
That dampens the butt
And comes fishy if he so advises.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9302
Has dildoes of several sizes.
The one with the warts
Squirts several quarts,
And gives all her girl friends surprises.
--- G2483
I believe what ast ologers pen:
Horoscopes full of dreams
And romantical schemes,
Make us Pisces the worst businessmen!
--- Friar
Was having a small mid-life crises.
So to temper her grief,
Overturned a new leaf,
And discovered a fresh set of vices.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Her life: a succession of crises,
Like tubal ligations
And AIDS from some Haitians,
And getting enceinte on the high seas.
--- Armand E Singer 770
Sometimes nasty, and sometimes quite nice, he's
A hard fish to catch,
Tends to smell like your snatch --
He's got good points, but they're not what I sees!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8905
Who was rumored a maiden gregarious.
I suggested we parley
But she chambered with Charley,
And my future delights were vicarious.
--- Gearhart
Have customs obscene and barbarious.
They sow their wild oats
With girls, boys, and goats,
In postures ingenious and various.
--- G2480A
They find it can be quite hilarious
If Cupid's best arrow
Digs into the marrow,
And makes them feel they are coitrarious.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9302
"Our affair has at last run its course,
Farewell, Sagittarius,
You fairy nefarious!"
(What a shame - he was hung like a horse...)
--- Robin K Willoughby P8905 a
Who was very proud of his tail.
But she got out her Singer,
And cut off his stinger;
Now he does nothing but wail
--- Karen
Once spotting the queen of the thorpio
Soon had to admit
That he sure wasn't fit
To cope with her needs all galorpio.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9302
Do I dare brave your tail with its spine?
Lovecraftian monster!
You know what I wants ta'--
How's about it babe? Your place or mine?
--- Robin K Willoughby P8905
We'll play any man for a fool,
Except maybe Peter
Who measures a meter
And masterfully uses his tool.
--- Marlene Lewis
But I like to believe I have got
A few traits I have read
'Bout my star-sign in bed;
I'm a Scorpio male and I'm hot.
--- Peter Wilkins
And not ones to sit on the fence;
Though not really gay,
In some overt way,
They'll hire out their butt for six pence.
--- David Miller
Makes my love-meter plummet and dive;
What boredom entails
Making time with the Scales,
The one sign that isn't alive.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8905
And if we add "asstrology,"
Will readers, day by day,
Rise up in wrath and say,
"Zodiabolical are we?"
--- Irving Superior P8905
A timid yet bold Sagittarius
Dared to marry a Pisces;
That's calm mixed with crises,
And outcomes specifically various.
--- Paul Niquette
Prediction ability varies.
As one client wailed
As her forecasting failed,
"She can stick the thing right up her Aires!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
Joined up with a folk-singing chorus,
But he didn't last long,
For in every song,
He croaked like an old brontosaurus.
--- G2485
No Man-goring horns, just teats hanging now.
We men should rebel.
Together let's yell --
"HOW NOW BROWN BULL"... then get even somehow.
--- Irving Superior P8905
I've been trine to decide that all day.
Houses lim look so far?
Doesn't look like a star,
And I sure didn't planet that way
--- Anon
Denied that the stars could make her go.
Again and again
She proved this with men,
Till the friction made all of her fur go.
--- G2489
And though lots of his questions are queer, go
And find yourself one,
'Cause this question is fun:
"Where the heck does this doojigger her go?"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8905
Would call it a rank force majeure o'
A dangerous type;
Once when she turned ripe,
To let all but her natural fur go.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9302
That gave just a peak at her ass.
'Twas smooth as a peach
But kept out of reach
Of his mast; that chaste lass said, "I'll pass."
--- Gearhart
He managed to slip her his horton.
She humped like a beast,
Then she called on the Priest
Screaming, "Now I've some sins for reportin'!"
--- Gearhart
The tale of her tail being nailed.
As she finished, he sighed
In the next room, with pride;
"It was great for me, too!" the Priest wailed!
--- Gearhart
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