Prince C has retired his horse; Said Punch, "You all think I'm a lout, The Irish believe this I'm told: I'm not Irish (or so I've been told) I'm part Irish, but mostly German. "Knights" are quite silly, you know King Arthur was moved to inquire Though I've ached from the lances which smite us, King Arthur: some say he was fake; Queen Guinevere, Arthur's young bride, Said King Arthur while starting to gloat, Leading his wild and most vicious horde, Pursuer of Grail, Galahad, To his bride said young Galahad, "Kiddo, There once was a knight named Gawain, To impress a winsome young maid At Camelot, Arthur's askance; Dear countrymen, lend me your ear, King Arthur made a round table; I wonder how King Arthur felt, Despite story Malory affords, Guinevere's tryst with Lancelot, The King's wife was still very hot, One day in old King Arthur's court, When Sir Lancelot rose to unlimber, King Arthur, when tables were round The knights of Arthur quickly found Lancelot with Guinevere was bad, Guinivere said, "Oh, Arthur, you prance a lot, The kinkiest knight was Sir Lancelot. Yet he often seemed forward, Sir Lancelot, An ancient knight called Lancelot, A knight brave and bold was Sir Lancelot;
This is file pel
There once was a great knight named Lancelot, You're quite wrong if you think that Sir Lancelot, "Making love is," Sir Lancelot swore, Sir Lancelot, never a coward, A brave and bold knight know as Lancelot, Cried the love-hungry Queen to Sir Lancelot, There once was a knight yclept Lancelot, The King had a Queen, hardly missed her Hear now, a legend of old, A maiden in days long forgot Spake King Arthur, "You'd never assume There once was a place south of Camelot, Seems old Merlin the mightly magician, The Arthurian legend has knights, Said Sir Modred, "I prithee, don't chuckle, Said coy Gwen to young Sir Lancelot, "A dilemma," said Sir Lancelot, Sir Gala had a gal -- a frail, Gwenivere said, "Arthur, you prance a lot The Table Round -- at home they'd feel. As a young man King Arthur was crowned, Sir Galahad was in his day After sleeping with Sir Galahad, So Merlin, you fooled the old crone, The Knighthood Flower -- Guinevere, For those who avoided part 1: He'll reach an exalted position, They rampaged around their fair land, "Go North," cries Art, "Find a new trail!" Now why, in this weird pantomime, On foot then go Art and his men. Now here, I think, credit is due. In Gwen's lovenest Art is embroiled,
Stopped rescuing women, of course.
He sits on the shelf
Just all by himself.
Prince C. views his past with remorse.
--- Marlene
The way I knock Judy about.
But you should just see
The stick she gives me
'Round the back, when the lights are all out.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
That there really is the pot of gold.
It's full to the top,
And your eyes will pop
When it's yours to have and to hold.
--- H Bomb
But I do dream of that pot of gold.
But my hopes were forlorn.
When I wake in the morn,
It's hardly cold metal I hold.
--- John
From your ditty I can determine,
When you awake
And your hand should shake,
What you really need is a wormin'!
--- H Bomb
And they go with above and below;
Their stories are told
By the fire when it's cold
And things are abysmally slow.
--- Anon
Of Sir Modred, "Do you never tire
Or lose this strong craving
For wild misbehaving?"
The knight answered, "In what manor, sire?"
--- The Lenore OverturesP9809a
And from thrusts for the swordsmen who fight us,
It was not grueling pain
Of this middle-aged bane,
Which Merlin has named Arthuritis.
--- A N Wilkins P9811
Others credit what legend hath spake.
I accept the accord
On the stone and the sword,
But what gives with that broad in the lake.
--- Anon
Was not always close to his side.
But he held in disgust
Sir Lancelot's lust,
For her chastity belt was too wide.
--- Norm Storer P9811
"Go and confiscate Lancelot's boat."
Lance screamed, "In this morass.
Crocks are after my ass,
All because Gwen said, 'Please clean the moat.'"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9811
Frank, the Clumsy, raced into the ford.
About halfway across
Old Frank fell off his hoss,
And was killed when he fell on his sword.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0510Q
A bright, energetic young lad,
On trips far away,
Some dragon he'd slay,
If there was a cup to be had.
--- Chris Papa
Lets screw in each room, beach, and meadow,
Every day, every night,
In the dark, in the light."
They tried it, and now she's a widow.
--- Isaac Asimov
Who chopped the Green Kinght's neck in vain.
He failed Nature's test,
Wore a scarf through the rest,
And escaped with a nick and some pain.
--- Kacey
Said Gawain, as a gem he displayed,
"This stone sparkles with life.
I got it for my wife."
She answered, with laughter, "Good trade!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0410
Genevieve can't sit down; see her dance
Wild and fast to the beat,
'Cause she's feeling the heat
Of a boil she wished someone would Lance (a lot).
--- Val Burns P0608
As I tell you of sweet Guenevere.
Though she pulls tight her bodice,
And her boobs look quite modest,
What sticks out is her well-rounded rear.
--- Bob Birch P9811
Democracy would enable.
At table no head,
Knights equal, he said,
Though king is somewhat more able.
--- L Falk
When one day Queen Guinevere knelt,
Saying, "Tell me, my pet
How did Lancelot get
The key to my chastity belt?"
--- Moss Rich
Arthur's roused ire was not of words.
Whether skulduggery
Or backroom buggery,
Those who screw King get their joust rewards.
--- Daniel Ford
Left poor youngster with her besot.
Through Spring-Summer faires,
No truck with his freres,
Till Arthur called Joust Camelot.
--- Daniel Ford
For the body of Lancelot,
And that caused conflict,
Which King's ego nicked,
"That wife of mine can up and rot."
--- L Falk
A knight cried, "My prick has a wart!"
The king said, "To save it,
With my sword I'll shave it!"
"Fuck you!" was the knight's quick retort.
--- Maria Radcliffe
He exposed quite a lot of his member.
Later Queen Guinivere
Mused where no one could hear:
"Now that was a knight to remember."
--- Pierce Evans
And ladies collapsed in a swound,
Once knighted a knight
When excessively tight,
And parts of him never were found.
--- Limber Limericks
When round the table they were bound,
That the corner they
Would bang, clang away;
And that's why the table is round.
--- Irving Superior P9811
The result of which, extremely sad.
Arthur banished not,
Rather Gwin was hot;
Lance said, "Reminds of a Gal-a-had."
--- Daniel Ford
In those tight fitting lavender pants a lot.
'Round your table, knights claim,
Lack of manhood's to blame,
So Lance and I plan to romance a lot."
--- Bob Giandomenico P0504
He couldn't indulge in romance a lot;
A mere kiss from his charmer
Would rust up his armor
Since he tended to come in his pants a lot.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8710
He made the odd maid look askance a lot,
For when he was seen
Near King Arthur's famed Queen,
His silk breeches in front would advance a lot.
--- David A Brooks Q
Was known by all to glance a lot
At Queen Guinevere,
Even call her "My dear,"
And then he would pull down her pants a lot.
--- Anon
To win him, the maidens would chance a lot.
At the ball, Guinevere
Said, "Do waltz with me, dear."
He declined, saying "No, I don't dance a lot."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who placed Queen Guinevere in a trance a lot.
But what bothered the King,
Was he managed the thing,
By serenely removing his pants a lot.
--- Isaac Asimov
When rescuing maidens, would chance a lot.
Oh, it's true he would lance a bit,
And even advance a bit,
But Lancelot mostly would prance a lot.
--- David A Brooks Q
"While in armour a terrible bore.
Taking off all that plate
Causes such a long wait
That she's not in the mood any more."
--- A N Wilkins P8406
Every maiden in Camelot scoured.
He even went farther
With Gwennie that Arthur.
That's when knighthood was truly deflowered.
--- Anon
With Guinivere thought he might chance a lot.
So as not to alarm her,
He took off his armor,
But that caused his lance to advance a lot.
--- Pierce Evans
"I adore that you're into my pancelot!
But the king has some spies
Who have very sharp eyes,
So I fear that we're taking a chancelot!"
--- Sex To Sixty Treas P9804
Who loved to squeeze broads and to dance a lot.
Whether round-heeled or frail,
He'd say, "Hell with the Grail,
You give me the hots in my pants a lot!"
--- Armand E Singer 80
When Lancelot took her and kissed her,
But he was undone
By a nephew-cum-son.
Moral: Don't go to bed with your sister.
--- Laurence Perrine P8409a
A fable ancient, still told,
Of good and false knights,
Foul deeds and fair fights,
And a King, both noble and bold.
--- Jacob Wenzel P0608
Told her knight, "You sure hit the spot.
I'd as soon have a farmer
'Cause I'm not fond of armor.
But I do like your lance a lot"
--- Greg Schindler P8812
All this male bonding stuff makes me fume.
And the Knights don't suspect
When from them I defect
To eat Chinese alone in my room."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9811
Where knight after knight they would ram a lot.
The fair maidens were willing,
And charged but a shilling,
In the merry old township of Cram-a-lot.
--- Bob Birch P9811
Met a maid in a courtly position.
In a medieval castle,
On a table they'd wrestle,
And engaage in some nightly coition.
--- Bob Birch P9811
A magic sword, rivals, and fights.
But my flag's unfurlin'
For marvelous Merlin.
Can you picture him, bearded, in tights?
--- Naomi J Kahn
For, Sir Gawain, I don't mean to truckle
When I ask your advice
On a matter that's nice,
But I can't seem to make my swash buckle."
--- A N Wilkins P8406
"For your body I'm feeling quite hot."
But it seemed to alarm her,
When he stripped off his armor,
And displayed much more lance that he ought.
--- Bob Birch P9811
"Should I service King Arthur or not?
If she ever found out
That I buggered that lout,
The fair queen would deny me her cot."
--- William N Nesbit P9811
But loving caring warm female,
Who would, to help romance,
Reach inside of his pants,
To help him find the Holy Grail.
--- Irving Superior P9811
With you hands in the front of your pants a lot,
And the knights 'round your table
Claim your manhood's a fable,
So Lance and I plan to romance a lot."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9211
The Table Round -- where they'd reveal
The dragons they'd slain,
The virgins that remain,
And at the Table, a square meal.
--- Irving Superior P9811
And brave knights he eventually found.
Each had equal status
And a seat that was gratis,
And they met at a table that's round.
--- Bob Birch P9811
Regarded as pure for the way
He eschewed intramurals
With women and girls.
Post Freud, they'd have called the Knight Gay.
--- A N Wilkins P9811
She decided he wasn't half bad.
But fret she did not,
Because Sir Lancelot
Had the other half and much more to add!
--- Anon
Choosing Arthur to serve you alone.
Now crusty Queen Mab
Has a penchant to grab
Young Art and that sword in the stone!
--- Ystap TP9804
Till Lancelot whispered in her ear.
Each time he passed by,
Twinkle in his eye,
"Tonight's the Knight" was what she'd hear.
--- Irving Superior P9811
Young Arthur is out having fun;
Meets a tart in a lake,
Who tells him he'll make
It big, from the size of his gun.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With the help of a failed stage magician.
There'll be crumpet galore,
With whom he will score,
And it seems it will come to fruition.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Art with pork sword in his hand;
Slaying all knaves and varlets,
Screwing virgins and harlots;
Merlin making full use of his wand.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So they all hop aboard Virgin Rail.
But of course the train's crap,
And a coupling does snap,
And they're dumped in the suburb of Sale.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Pick Sale for the scene of the crime?
OK, I'll explain:
Blame Branson's crap train,
And the desperate search for a rhyme.
--- Tiddy Ogg
At Shrewsbury they meet this wench, Gwen.
Art whimpers and drools
As she licks at his tool,
"More, baby, go do that again."
--- Tiddy Ogg
I've managed so far to eschew,
Those Bugs Bunny quips,
'Bout Sir Loin and Sir Kit,
Sir Pent and the waiter, Sir Vue.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And he brings her back to Camel, broiled.
And so with that whore
For a fortnight or more,
In the arms of each other, they're coiled.
--- Tiddy Ogg