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There was that miller's son, Mutch, After quaffing a flagon of ale, Robin Hood was not such a bore, That oulaw from old Locksley Hall, Robin Hood who was quite a stallion, Robin was quite the contrarian, Randy Robin Hood said to his varlet, Robin Hood was a randy outlaw; 'Twas Robin Hood in disguise, Friar Tuck strode out with Little John; "I warn you," said old Robin Hood, There once were two Babes in the Wood, A bandit was bold Robin Hood, There was a young outlaw named Hood, In a peaceful, cool Nottingahm glade His bowstring by far was too short. Good yeoman, this lesson must learn: The bowstring of Robin got stuck Whilst Robin was tending the sheep, To the church did the feudal Lord ride The wicked old sheriff of Nottingham Out in Sherwood, a cranky old coot An opinion which many have held The only strange one was Will Scarlet; Cassiopia may have been sketched Let me test if I fathom this treatise The form of the goddess was sworn The goddess we call Aphrodite The Punic War destroyed her face; Mr Atlas is her first vertebra. The Greeks called her liver Egyptian; As a kid, I did think the Red Sea Aphrodite with Hermes did sin; Amphityron married Alcemene They say Aphrodite was black-- The Goddess of Love, Aphrodite, No one said that Adonis was queer, The goddess we call Aphrodite Cassandra, declining to follow As Apollo was chasing the fair In Arcady everything's great, There was a Greek sailor named Jason, As Aremis' fate was to crave Despite his impressive physique, That Clothos at wheel, spins our being, Said Castor and PolIux to Venus, The Dioscuri, Castor and Pollux, (Dioscuri - sons of Zeus, Castor and Pollux)
To Ceres, it's Spring all the time; Now Circe, that siren so fine, One morning a very drunk Cupid Daphne muttered, "Well, Fiddle-dee-dee! Though she by a god was pursued, "When a Roman met Cerces," asked Peter, To the Greeks Diana's a huntress; To the Goddess of Justice dismay; The black Styx-born ferry to Hades, There once was a King known as Augeas, There once was a King known as Augeas, There was a young giant asleep, It was a harmless seeming gift In the horrible halls of hot Hades, King Priam, as Virgil reveals, Screwing women was Ixion's life. Jason adventurer, ARGONAUT, A sailor I knew sailed and fought Medea, while quite widely read,
Though crippled, he'd still keep in touch.
He'd take girls to his bower;
For almost an hour,
He would bugger the tart with his crutch.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Little John approached Alan-a-Dale,
While Robin, the varlet,
Was jabbin' Will Scarlet,
To star in a new fairy tale.
--- Pierce Evans
As depicted in the tale of yore.
The smooth son of a bitch,
Would rob from the rich,
Not to give to the poor, but his whore.
--- John Chastaine
Went to Tuck for a boozy pub crawl.
He bumped into Maid Marion
And still the contrarian,
Asked, "Will you watch while we ball?"
--- TuttaGioia
Said: "I'm not the fag thou think I am.
Those flowers I'd pluck
With old Friar Tuck,
Were for use when I made Marion."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Eschewing the sex that's ovarian...
He'd constantly fuck
That fat Friar Tuck,
And never got 'round to Maid Marion.
--- TuttaGioia a
"I wish, lad, you'd fetch me a harlot,
Else I'll just throw a fuck
Into old Friar Tuck
And make Little John and Will Scarlet."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9103
He shagged Marion till she was raw.
Old Friar Tuck,
Just longed for a fuck,
But alas, 'twas against the Church Law.
--- Jayne
Who hung with those cod-piecy guys.
Done with their stealing,
He'd have the boys kneeling,
And made them all kiss 'round his thighs.
--- TuttaGioia
For ages they seemed to be gone.
Friar Tuck's trusty stave
Poked John's hairy cave,
Whilst praying to God dog-fashion.
--- Jayne
"That I'm in a terrible mood,
And feeling all wrecked,
Since my pecker has checked
All the bugs in the trees in the wood."
--- Carl Ludwig Kjelsen P9505
Who happened to meed Robin Hood,
Who said, with a leer,
"Would you think it queer
If I stuffed you with turkey and pud?"
--- Roger Woddis
Whose motives were misunderstood.
He took tons of riches,
From rich sons-of-bitches,
And reviled them while pulling his pud.
--- G0143
Who lived in Nottingham Wood.
He learned how to fuck
From old Friar Tuck,
And made Marian whenever he could.
--- E O Parrot
Maid Marion by Robin was laid.
With passion enrapt,
His frenulum snapped
And blood through the clearing was sprayed.
--- Donald McGill
After looking, Maid Marion thought
And he knew of his blunder
For it had split asunder
And his swashbuckling efforts were thwart.
--- Donald McGill
Along bow is straight and is firm.
But your weapon's no use,
If your bowstring is loose,
Else to a physician you'll turn.
--- Donald McGill
As he backscuttled old Friar Tuck.
The twang could be heard
For a mile and a third.
What an archer will do for a fuck!
--- oOOo
Triar Fuck was having Bo-peep.
He then tried Little John
Who said, "Varlet begone!
My favours for Robin I'll keep!".
--- Anon
with twelve swordsmen silent beside.
He swaggered in grinning,
And though it was sinning,
In the front pew he rogered the bride!
--- Anon
Would fuck girls while also garrotting 'em.
But the man fired blanks
Due to Robin, and thanks
To an arrow he shot at his scrottingum.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was arrested for hooting a hoot,
And then giggling a bit
While depositing shit
On the Sheriff of Nottingham's boot.
--- Cyber Geezer
Is a burning thought which won't be quelled.
Rearrange each first letter
And the sobriquet's better.
The name Friar Tuck has long been misspelled.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0509
He thought that Maid Marion a harlot.
He'd fuck, if you please,
The knot holes of trees,
He was really a perverted old varlet.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As another young woman who stretched
From shore to shore
In days of yore;
Ethiopia now, she is etched.
--- Izzy Cohen
Concerning the sweet Aphrodite's
Mimesis in maps
By Phoenician chaps,
Who clearly had eaten their Wheaties.
--- Izzy Cohen
To resemble a map and adorn
Those various gimmicks
That geography mimics,
Like this: a rhinoceros horn.
--- Izzy Cohen
Is not just an Egyptian city.
The Phoenicians did make
Her a map. It's not fake.
Her body is cartograffiti.
--- Izzy Cohen
The Romans left nary a trace.
But her hair is still there,
In Sahara, that's where;
And her chin's a Tunisian place.
--- Izzy Cohen
Her breast is in Chad with no bra.
Her heart is in Libya;
Her left leg, Somalia.
Eritrea? From Greek for urethra.
--- Izzy Cohen
Her kidney was Biblical Goshen.
She's bent at the waist,
Now miserably placed;
The Red Sea was her menstruation.
--- Izzy Cohen
Was an English map typo: lost E,
From Reed Sea in Hebrew.
But that could not be true;
Mare Ribrum was Latin, B.C.
--- Izzy Cohen
We know this is true 'cause within
Her "snatch" we call Sinai,
His "Aaiyin" does still lie.
It's known as the desert of Zin.
--- Izzy Cohen
This is file pcl
Who warmed Zeus's well-traveled weenie,
Which spawned Hercules,
Whom Hylas would please,
By minding his bow and zucchini.
--- Hugh Clary
A scurrilous racial attack.
They say Aphrodite
But hear "Afro ditty,"
And all other evidence lack.
--- Irving Superior P9303
Put on a diaphanous nighty --
But got for her pains
Only minor chillblains,
And a giggle from Zeus the Almighty.
--- Norm Storer
But when soft Aphrodite made clear
That she was in heat,
He answered 'tout suite'
That he wished he were out hunting deer.
--- A N Wilkins P9210
Is not just an Egyptian city.
Her heart's still in Libya;
Her left leg's Somalia;
And now she's a map for eternity.
--- Izzy
His amourous leanings, Apollo,
Exceedingly miffed,
Allowed her the gift
Of predictions that no one would swallow.
--- Basil Ransome-Davies
Daphne, she vanished in air.
He could not find but a shrub,
With thick bark on the hub
And not even a knothole to spare.
--- L1270
Though it isn't a city or state.
It's the peaceful green piece
Of a mythical Greece,
Where a shepherd sings lays to his mate.
--- SheilaB
Who set sail on a ship to hasten
To an island near Greece,
To find the aureate fleece.
And, lo, he found what he was chasin'.
--- Thomas Ratliff P0304
Endymion's love--for the knave
Was handsomely young
And very well hung--
She kept him asleep in a cave.
--- A N Wilkins P9303
Atlas was really quite meek.
If a mouse showed its head,
He would jump into bed,
With a terrible blood-curdling sheik.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And Lachesis measures it out, seeing;
Those two Greek Fates
Have just one more mate --
Atropos whose shears we are fleeing.
--- Archie
"It's good that your daddy's not seen us;
If he knew what we're doing,
What with fondling and screwing,
He'd probably lop off our penis."
--- Armand Singer
Kept all seamen safe in their rowlux.
When Poseidon complained
That they'd never been trained,
They retoreted in unison, "Bollux".
--- Tony Record P9709
For her, honeysuckles will climb;
And Cupid will shoot,
And trees will give fruit;
And melons will bud on the vine.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Served NECTAR much better than wine.
And though we don't know
From where came the flow,
It did turn grown men into swine.
--- Chris Papa
Did something he'd later think stupid.
His arrow touched Venus,
Who ravished his penis,
Which was, hours later, quite drooped.
--- Actaeon
That Apollo will never catch me!"
She ran from the jerk,
But when that didn't work,
She turned herself into a tree.
--- Robin K Willoughby P9210
Chaste Daphne was "not in the mood."
She said, "I shall flee
Till I'm turned to a tree."
She preferred to be wood than be wooed.
--- Laurence Perrine P8309
"What was the approved way to greet her?"
His side partner Fred
Replied, "A man said
He was glad as all get out Demeter."
--- A N Wilkins P8309
To the Poms, a Princess, not Countess,
But here where we work
(And none of us shirk)
She's known to us as a cuntress.
--- Anon
There seem to be more fools each day.
And not just the scum
Who ask her how come
A goddess named Dike's not gay.
--- A N Wilkins P9303
Is for newly dead men and the ladies.
All are welcomed the same,
Howsoever they came,
Whether by foot, beast, or Mercedes.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Whose oxen's consumption was orgy-ous.
Hercules said "I'm able
To clean out your stable,
Until the whole place is quite gorgeous."
--- Clifford King
Whose oxen's consumption was orgy-ous.
Hercules said, "I'm able
To clear out the stable
Until the whole place is quite gorgeous."
--- Clifford King
And 'round him two serpents did creep;
But he stopped their vile breath,
And squeezed them to death,
This giant arounsed from his sleep.
--- Book of Copperheads P0412
That made of Hercules short shrift;
A robe round his skin
Let the poison seep in;
That set his mortal soul adrift.
--- P8309
Reside lovely ladies-now-shadies.
All the Greeks feel quite pleased
If their males are diseased,
As the shadies are really no ladies.
--- David A Brooks
When Achillies was shot, said, "One feels
Content to await
The justice of Fate,
For eventually time wounds all heels.
--- A N Wilkins P8409
Though his quest often ended in strife,
He kept husbands at bay
Till that ominous day
When he tried to make Zeus's own wife.
--- A N Wilkins P9210
Lashed his treasures with a cargo knot,
Which has uses same
When tied to the frame
Of the big tow truck, if car go not.
--- Daniel Ford
With Jason, the famed Argonaut.
They sailed out from Greece
To find Golden Fleece,
But when they returned, they had naught.
--- Harold
Had limited knowledge in bed.
Jason left her, it seems,
'Cause she gasped at his dreams
Of her bottom so daintily spread.
--- Rob Kaplowitz P9210
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