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Well, that's what the fable tells you; Editor's note for you poor That joke, now so old that it creaks, From whence can our hero espy, Now, as you may learn from some tome, He goes places others have skirted, And though you may think it absurd, Now, readers with culture and breeding, But for those lacking qualities rare, With buckets of beeswax and strings, There's no way the fool's going to fly; For in dead of night-time he'll creep, He knocks on her door. To her cry: She lets him in, throws off all caution, She wakes, with the sun way up high, She's hollering: "Help! Murder! Rape!" He falls like a lead-plated rock; And thus, so the town is not shocked, A moral you're wanting then Chuck? The dog, Cerberus, feared by all men, The dog Cerberus, up to tricks In view of its way with my organ, (Morgan - breed of horse)
A beautiful traveller named Morgan I knew this old lady, Medusa... Medusa was a mythical maid There was a Greek Gorgon, Medusa, Said Medusa, "I naturally strive There was a young myth named Medusa, The dog Cerberus grinned ear-to-ear Said Scylla to greedy Charybdis, The Homeric young fighter Achilles, A talented Greek was Achilles: Achilles' brave Myrmidon corps Of Helen, Achilles copped a feel; In Troy, Agamemnon and Cass Agamemnon bound homeward from Troy The Iliad's really no mystery, Though the rest of the Greeks they deplored, "They say Helen of Troy," observed William, Said that luscious blonde lady of joy, How the Avant-Garde loves to annoy Mister Paris sees Helen (Ahoy!) If we let the Greeks in, they'll betray us," I will sing about arms and the man Finding opium, some of the band Odysseus' crew, expert at aping A Greek by the name of Odysseus, When Odysseus started his Odyssey, To Penelope, Ulysses, glad Look what Helen did for poor Paris, The Greeks in their war against Troy, Ancient history with Homer its source When Ulysses was finished with Troy, What Poseidon had found a bit thick, Polyphemus deserved it and all, Although Circe was less than benign There was naught for Ulysses to know To this Scylla, a succulent dish, While Ulysses was sailing along, It was wise to be tied to the mast, Then Calypso, alone on her isle, Coming naked to Nausica's port, That Ulysses returned from his cruise, Although Penny had kept them at bay, Said a suitor, a prominent peer, Now, Ulysses was mightily thewed:
Of course the whole tale's far from true.
It's time to come clean
'Bout the whole sordid scene,
That ended in smashed head and grue.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Illiterate fools: grue means gore,
Like the girl said to Newsom
Stark naked: "It's gruesome!"
He spied her, the thing gruesome more.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was new in the time of the Greeks,
Where all such tales start. A
Small garden in Sparta,
Where Icarus goes for his leeks...
--- Tiddy Ogg
A neighbouring window on high,
Wherein Lysistracta,
A virga intacta,
Is combing the hair near her thigh.
--- Tiddy Ogg
That's still found in many a home,
This bloke, Paul of Tarsus,
Kicks infidel arses,
In Ephesus, Antwerp and Rome.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To Sparta, where most are perverted.
The talk of this stranger,
Of babes in a manger,
So soon has our good Lyzzie converted.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She starts in a-spreading his word,
Of thousands that's fed,
And of raising the dead,
And angels that fly like a bird.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Will certainly see where I'm leading,
And spot the denoue-
ment, the old grace de coup,
That leaves our Ick battered and bleeding.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'll fill in the gaps. To the square
In the center of town,
Our hero trots down,
And plucks all the pigeons that's there.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Bamboo and some helical springs,
He labours away
For most of the day,
To make him a fine pair of wings.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He knows that as do you or I,
But that ain't his aim,
He fancies that dame,
That sleeps in the room up on high.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A secret appointment he'll keep,
With wings fitted tight,
He'll climb up the flight
Of stairs to the place Lyzzie sleeps.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Who's there?" Icky makes this reply:
"The Lord did appoint me,
To come and anoint thee,
Then back to the heavens I'll fly."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And Icarus gives her a portion,
They're at it all night,
'Til the dawn's early light,
And finally sleep in exhaustion.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And utters a wail of a cry:
"An angel you ain't!
I thought you a saint!
You're Icky, that weird ugly guy!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
He struggles to rise, mouth agape.
There's sound from the stair,
So totally bare,
The window's the only escape.
--- Tiddy Ogg
No wings now to cushion the shock.
But those now she's sent,
To trail his descent,
And they land on his back, as to mock.
--- Tiddy Ogg
That "flight to the sun" tale's concoct-
ed, saving her honour,
While he who did con her,
Is carried off stiff in a boxt.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I think that this time you're in luck:
To fall for a tart,
Breaks your head not your heart;
And feathers should stay on a duck.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Gets on well with the gods near his den.
He once asked the three graces
To sit on his faces,
He's been their favorite doggie since then.
--- Michael Weinstein P8309
Said, "Gentlemen, speaking of pricks,
You may think I have three,
So as to agree
With my heads. Well I don't. I have six."
--- Michael Weinstein P8309
I think Mary's snatch is a Gorgon.
Once glance and my bone
Is turned into stone,
With a stance to do proud by a Morgan.
--- John Miller
Has a head reminiscent of Gorgon.
No snakes in her tresses,
Her fame, nontheless, is
For turning to stone a man's organ.
--- Mike Tice
Man, what a bitch of a bruisa...
She'd turn guys to stone,
Then whack off their bone,
While listening to John Phillip Sousa.
--- TuttaGioia
Who never did quite make the grade:
Her hair it was firm
And had plenty of squirm,
And simply would not hold a braid.
--- Lims Unlimited
Whose morals could not have been looser.
With serpents for hair,
She had only one care;
No one ever said "Introduce her."
--- Arthur Pattaffy
To see that my locks really thrive,
And I've found that it's true
That this brand of shampoo
Seems to make my hair just come alive."
--- A N Wilkins P8309
Whose morals were something quite loosa,
But the snakes in her hair
Didn't like being there,
Which played hob with Medusa's sedoosa.
--- Century P8309
When Pluto had brought his bride near.
"She's quite," said one head
"A nice," the next said,
"Piece of ass," said the third with a leer.
--- Michael Weinstein P8307
"Odysseus comes. Don't you crybdis
Big boatload of men
By sucking again.
They're mine so don't make me ad-lybdis.
--- Randog
Was great with the fair Trojan fillies,
But Paris said, "We'll
Just aim at his heel."
Now Achilles is pushing up lilies.
--- Isaac Asimov
His prowess gave Trojans the willies;
When the battle was spent,
He would pitch his own tent --
Why, he could have played ball for the Phillies.
--- Norm Storer P9212a
Fought and won a long war.
Queen Helen was the prize;
She love all the guys.
So the corps won a war for a whore.
--- Ed Wolfert P8406
This is file pal
An act that he could not conceal.
The gods were offended,
So he was upended.
He was nothing but a god damned heel.
--- Tom Patton P0412
Developed a love life with class.
Then he went home to Cly
Who was so deadly sly--
She killed him while soaping his ass.
--- Rob Kaplowitz P9210
Hoped Clytemnestra awaited with joy.
But when he returned,
He found he'd been spurned--
As Cassandra warned, they killed her boy.
--- Rob Kaplowitz P9210
Though details are blustery and blistery.
It's a long story tellin',
Of the search for Queen Helen,
And the prize horse's ass in all history.
--- G2435
It was Helen the Trojans adored:
She was hauntingly hipped
And was amply equipped
Where Achilles was flat as a board.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8309
"Used to dance wearing nothing but trillium
Above her gold belt."
From this practice, he felt,
They were named "topless towers of Illium."
--- A N Wilkins P9004
Known in legend as Helen of Troy.
"Having sex with Achilles
Just gives me the willies--
The Greek butters me like a boy!"
--- G0140
The gullible gaping polloi.
Soon some underground flicker
Will prove with a snicker
That Helen of Troy was a boy.
--- Ogden Nash P9002
As a morsel, of course, to enjoy.
Since the cut of her torso
Is curvaceous -- and more so --
He's for horsing around about Troy.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8307
Helen told Trojan wives from her dias.
"I fear men will flay us,
I fear men will slay us,
But mostly I fear -- Menelaus!"
--- Lance Payne P8309
Named Achillies, who, with his whole clan,
Went to Troy to get Helen,
Did some poutin' and yellin',
Then dragged Hector 'round on his can.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8409
Of Odysseus were wholly unmanned.
They asked, "Why should we bother
To be husband and father?
We'll abide in this fair Lotus land.
--- A N Wilkins P8803
Greek pirates, both looting and raping,
Stayed too long with their cronies
Among the Cicones,
And had trouble at last in escaping.
--- A N Wilkins P8804
When he tried to leave Troy, went amisseus.
He struck out for years,
But then homered to cheers,
Not to mention Penelope's kisseus.
--- Steve C
He met many a woman and goddess; he
Balled Calypso and Circe,
Tricked Cyclops so fierce; he
Came home and said, "I've seen a lotta sea!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8409
For release from the ills he had had,
Said, "I don't overstate
The ills I relate.
You Odyssey all of the Iliad."
--- Laurence Perrine P9206
Brought many Greeks then to harass;
Left a Trojan Horse,
In matters of course,
Guards of the city embarass.
--- Chris Papa
When frontal attacks don't destroy--
Atrocious, the ruse--
A wooden horse use.
(At Troy, just this use was employed.)
--- Irving Superior P9206
Contains certain errors, of course.
And the greatest, it's said,
Is where we misread
About Greeks getting into a horse.
--- Arthur Deex P8306
There was little he'd left to destroy:
So he headed for home,
But was fated to roam,
By the god whom he'd chanced to annoy.
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
Was his kid on a cannibal kick:
He had gobbled some Greeks
From their chops to their cheeks,
So Ulysses had blinded the prick.
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
For his manners at table, appall.
Though he'd bluster and curse,
There's a loss that was worse:
It's the sociable use of a ball.
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
In transforming his men into swine,
It should not be inferred,
From transforming his bird,
That her pussy then took the same line.
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
When he came to Charybdis & Co.,
But, of sympathy, Scylla,
Not the slightest scintilla,
Could be safely expected to show.
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
With the nates to make any man wish,
Had befallen the lot
Of observing her twat,
Being turned to the tail of a fish.
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
He'd encountered the beckoning song
Of some scintillant sirens
In his galley's environs,
Which had raised both his hopes and his dong.
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
For this peril was least but not last;
Had his lashings been loosed,
He'd have soon been seduced
And his voyage have ended too fast.
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
Had beguiled him to linger awhile;
With her fingers and toes
And her Nereid's nose,
She had kept him in throes and in style.
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
He had frighted her maids at their sport,
Who, in spite of his years,
Must have sighted his spheres,
For a game of a quite different sort.
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
To the suitors was terrible news.
For (the poet would tell us)
He'd been horribly jealous,
And his trip hadn't broadened his views.
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
While her husband and lord was away,
In the fashion of youth,
With a passion uncouth,
They had hoped for a hop in the hay.
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
To his fellows, assembled in fear,
"The prognostics are grim,
Since Penelope's quim
Is the principal reason we're here."
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
In the murderous fight that ensued,
He would skewer them all
In their flight from his wall,
So the blighters were finally screwed.
--- Thomas A Quinine P0304
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