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Though eunuchs may be quite intestate, They tell of a eunuch from Rhodes, The ARGUS received sinecure, Now eunuchs, as strange as it seems, When caught this enrages the sheik I've heard that eunuchs are in; A priest in Niagara Falls An astrologer living near Munich Tom, the milkman, is out of mom's life, In Turkey, the Vicar of Avery There once was a man with three balls At her first baseball game, Sally Rawls A transplant male seer name McCall, A young football player named Hull, There once was a man with one nut, O pity a fellow named Cooley, A popular teacher named Paul A dink doc from upstate New York Talking of objects testicular, An oversexed lady named Halls A rather strange lass called Tess Tickle An oddly hung fellow named Lee, Here's the tale of Benjamin Sneed; The Bishop, in departments spherical But they knew nought of his investment Maria made telephone calls; My doctor said: "Son, don't you fret! "You'll sire a kid..." this is uncanny! He poked his "sweet thang" in a nanny; There was a young man named Zerubbabel A graduate student named Sol There was a young man of Seattle, There once was a man from St. Paul, He thought once to become a Taoist; Young Thomas was terribly sad. At school they made fun of his nose At puberty Thomas would hope With girls he was terribly shy He screwed up his courage one day Then suddenly out of the blue, A year or two later she kissed Alas and alack her old dad That was years ago, twenty, last spring; I live in the city, it's true, Sighed an old college teacher named Brill, An oddball is Abner McGee, A schoolboy who called himself Todd, It's my own fault I have just one ball. A kindly pawn broker named Just While hanging some balls on my tree, I once met this three-breasted whore, One day a strange thing did befall There's no garland hung in the hall. As long as his shaft's perpendicular A farmer who lived in Ukiah A choirboy seeking advancement But sensible people must wonder, There was a young singer in Rio A rapper who hailed from the ghetto, Mr Jones was a bass in the choir, Sir Reginald Von Hubble of Joyce I once had an outfit of leather, We'll let's hear you sing for me: There was a nude rocker named Danno, A crooner who lived in West Shore, There once was a young basso bravura Antonio's bass, it was said,
And have no heirs to further life's fate,
They still have the tails
Of infertile males,
And like playful pokes at any rate.
--- Daniel Ford
In whose honor the harem pens odes;
As he's thought to be harmless,
I.e., so to speak, "armless,"
He takes part in some wild episodes.
--- Armand E Singer 372
As one who kept sheik's harem pure.
His gonads were price
For positions nice,
That made him a keen, limp voyeur.
--- Chris Papa
Guarding harems -- the stuff of my dreams! --
May have this condition
Giving rise to sedition
'Mongst the girls, who employ 'em in teams
--- Anon
(Who can only do several a week)
A quick amputation
Saves his reputation,
But the girls other solace must seek
--- Anon
They're not either women or men.
But I love big dicks
And balls I can lick,
So boys without toys seems a sin.
--- Teresa T9801
Inadvertently swallowed his balls,
Thus attracting to prayer
All the birds of the air
In response to his falsetto calls.
--- Hugh Oliver 64b
Wore nought but a star-studded tunic.
Stargazing sans hosen,
His ballocks were frozen,
And now the poor doctor's a eunuch.
--- Mike Tice
All because of his terrible wife.
We buy milk at the store.
Tom can't come any more,
'Cause she cut off his balls with a knife.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411
Was captured and sold into slavery.
He escaped with his life,
But distresses his wife,
And his sermons are high-pitched and quavery.
--- G1987
Who used to go pubbing (in crawls).
He'd bet all the drunks
(And win from the punks)
That he could amaze all the molls.
--- Anon
Was impressed by the umpires loud calls:
"Terrific in bed
They must be," she said,
"lf they're really endowed with four balls!"
--- Norm Storer P0209
Can't foresee any offspring at all.
For though he's omniscient,
His sperm-count's deficient,
As revealed by his own crystal ball.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Lost a testicle fighting a bull.
Life's not so bad
With just one gonad.
You could say that his cup is half full.
--- Anon
Who found himself in a large rut.
When he'd screw missionary,
He'd become rather wary,
Of losing it up his girl's butt.
--- Glenn Calvin
Whose sex life's pure hell, to speak truly.
His prick is real small,
He's missing one ball,
The other one dangles unduly.
--- Armand E Singer 243
Was the victim of a nasty fall.
The doctors said, "No,
We're afraid it must go."
So he ended up with just one ball.
--- Anon
Gave patients new gonads of cork,
But they just were all wrong,
Really not worth the song.
Like hamburgers made out of pork.
--- Armand E Singer 180
I've got an extra-curricular
Circular nut;
It's peculiar but
Insignificant as a particular.
--- Peter Wilkins
Kept a pawnbroker's pic on her walls.
Whenever asked why,
She'd reply with a sigh,
"He's the only guy here with three balls."
--- Tom Patton P9603
Would frequently cut off and pickle
Bits of her lovers,
Such as me, amongst others,
Which is why I have just one testicle.
--- Michael Horgan
A pitiful person to see,
Experienced the quotum
Of balls for one's scrotum:
They numbered at least more than three.
--- Armand Singer P0109
Where others were two'd, he was three'd.
When they'd unmask it
(Three balls in a basket),
He was voted 'Most Likely To Breed'.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was found to be lesser (numerical)
When discovered his scrotal
Was wanting in total;
The word in the pews was hysterical!
--- Doug Harris P0503
In matters of organ pipe extant.
His personal congregation
Brought him much elation,
And less faith in how much a new teste meant.
--- Doug Harris P0503
Booked a squash court containing four walls.
When came the right day,
They would not let her play.
'Cause the girl didn't have any balls.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310
You'll sire a kid or two yet!
You only need one,
But when that is gone,
You will be referred to the vet."
--- Anon
Those same words were spoke by my granny
Who said, "For a kid
You must be like Tid,
Go poke yer sweet 'thang' in a nanny!"
--- Anon
Explored every nook and hot cranny.
But he got arrested.
The nanny he tested?
The neighbor's au pair girl named Fanny.
--- Anon
Who had only one real, and one rubber ball.
When they asked if his pleasure
Was only half measure,
He replied, "That is highly improbable."
--- L0263
Was accused of having one ball.
He shrieked, "It is true,
But what can one do,
When to Pater, one has given one's all?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who lost his left ball in a battle.
When women catch sight,
They run off in fright,
So now he can only fuck cattle!
Who was born with only one ball.
To make up for this lack,
Tied a marble to his sack.
Piece of ass! Cracked glass! Overhaul!
--- Laurence Craft
This is file ozm
Heard that they were all well endowist.
But he was too small;
Had only one ball;
They told him no-way and no-howist.
--- Anon
He was born with a singular 'nad;
And his mother drank gin
While indulging in sin
With those sailors. Was one of them dad?
--- Anon
(It was spotty, that's why I suppose)
And they jeered at his 'nad;
How he wished that he had
More than one tucked away with his hose.
--- Anon
That his dong would get longer; but nope.
Every day in the tub,
He would rub-a-dub-dub
But it never got thicker than rope.
--- Anon
And he blushed if they even said, "Hi."
But he knew in his heart,
They'd make fun of his part;
"Will I ever know love?", he would sigh.
--- Anon
And he went to a brothel. "OK",
Said the madame, "That's two
Hundred dollars to you."
"Can't afford it", said Thomas, "No way!"
--- Anon
He met flat-chested spotty young Sue,
With a face like the back
Of an omnibus. Smack!!
He was smitten and started to woo.
--- Anon
Him (he blushed but he didn't resist);
And at last in his britches
Young Thomas felt twitches;
"Oh marry me, Susie", he hissed.
--- Anon
At that moment passed by and went mad.
"Get your hands off her, son!"
He said, pulling a gun,
As he blasted Tom's only gonad.
--- Anon
Now he plays with what's left of his thing,
As he waits all alone
In case Susie should phone,
But there's never so much as a ring.
--- Anon
Where carbon dixode does spew;
I recently checked
And here's the effect:
My balls are now fewer than two!
--- Anon
Whose success with girl students was nil:
"A sac with one testicle
Is hardly majestical,
And what's more, I am over the hill!"
--- Armand E Singer 135
Instead of two testicles, three.
"He probably had
A pawnbroker Dad,"
The onlooking tourists agree.
--- Irving Superior P8601a
His body was just a bit odd;
For balls -- he had four:
Normal two -- plus two more;
The nickname they called him was Quad.
--- Cap'n Bean P0305
And it's lucky I have one at all.
In the place I was sittin'
I shouldn't have written,
My phone number up on that wall.
--- L1351
Found his three gilded balls ringed with rust.
But he just could not bear
To use sandpaper there,
So he gave them a light talcum dust.
--- Limericks for John P9711
I suddenly saw I had three.
I had some fruit cup
And two then lit up,
And the third one said: "What about me?"
--- Kevin Hale Q
As she watched me from outside the door.
When I asked her why,
She said, with a cry,
"I've heard that your balls number four!"
--- DButt
The trainer of tigers named Paul.
The cats while in rut
Chewed off his left nut.
Now Paul caterwauls his lost ball.
--- Julia Strawn P8711
My holiday spirit is small.
The doc had me back
For a lump in my sack,
So I'm left with but one Christmas ball.
--- Anon
She really was not that particular...
She'd played golf in her prime
One ball at a time...
What the hell! So he's uni-testicular!
--- Anon
Once slipped as he straddled barbed-wire.
His ensuing remarks
Resembled the barks
Of a fox, though considerably higher.
--- Brandy Brandon P9407
Must use artificial enhanacement:
A paring most cruel
Near the family jewel,
For the talent of vocal entrancement.
--- Molly Seibert
What's the purpose behind such a blunder?
Why -- so soon in life --
Renounce every wife,
By rendering assets asunder?
--- Molly Seibert
Who sweetly sang O Sole Mio.
Then she had a sex change,
Which quite deepened her range,
No he sings 'Neath the Deep', con brio.
--- Warrick Elrod
Was too sociable with his stiletto.
The thugs he made jealous
Were humourless fellows.
Now he sings in the range of falsetto.
--- Alex Heydon P0410
Yet a man who loved "playing with fire."
He wrestled a bear
Who didn't play fair,
Now he's singing a full octave higher.
--- John Miller 0013
Did shave his balls -- that was his choice.
He sneezed, Oh how sad!
The results were quite bad!
He now had a high pitched voice!
--- Duncan Cline
Which couldn't survive rainy weather.
The pants when they shrank,
Gave my jewelry a crank;
My soprano scream rose from the heather.
--- Boy Pilot
Perhaps the Beatles "Let it Be".
But if you do stammer,
I'll get a sledgehammer,
And you will scream a top G!
--- Anon
Ill-starred as he banged his piano;
The lid crushed his nuts,
No ifs, ands, or buts;
No longer deep base but soprano.
--- Armand Singer
Caught both of his balls in a door.
Now his mezzo-soprano
Is rather piano,
Though he was a loud basso, before.
--- L1189
Who went swimming one night at Ventura.
A fun-loving shark
Nibbled him for a lark,
And now he sings coloratura.
--- G1994
Lured many a lady to bed.
Then a girl he rejected,
Both his balls disconnected,
And now he sings alto instead.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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