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A French hippie who lived on Aruba, Oh, pity that chap from Aruba, There was a young man from Aruba A pogo stick's nifty to own, My trombone's been stolen; I knew it There was a musician named Bass, There was a trombonist called Herb, I put my lips right to his 'bone; A randy young sideman named Cohn, There was a musician from Nome, An ancient trombonist called Clyde, There once was a trombonist named Art, There was a trombonist called Grange A trombonist from old Albuquerque A fellow who played the trombone, There was an old man of Cologne The moan of a solo trombone A genetic engineer named Jones At concerts, bassoonist, Herr Keller I got an idea, really grand! A writer of fame, asked to say Arnold Schoenberg, who rest in this ground, There once was a minor musician If AC-DC is in chat, The first musical group which was planned My Moroccan friend, Benjam, was smitten The composer, Benjamin Britten There are so many works by Brancusi, A modern composer named Cage, The contents of Campion's airs, They say Carl Maria von Weber For his belle, Claudio M., in a fit, Reading basso from Clori's fair bum, (theorbo - obsolete 17th century double-necked lute)
A dodgy composer called Coote Senor Don Miguel Soltatta There was a young woman called Betty, (apres-excretty - after-shit??)
There was a young man of Hong Kong There once was a Dowland named John, A noted composer named Dunn, However old Dunn was not through, This noted composer with glee He next fucked his girl on the floor; It seems Dunn was no longer alive, The composer of music must place There was an old man of Hong Kong In "Tales of Vienna..." Johann knew As Old Glory waved in the breezes, There was a young poet named Gloser, A certain unmusical Persian Musicians today are a joke; A zealous composer named Grace There was a composer named Granoz; The young girlfriend of Heinrich Issac Henry Purcell was anxious to know A question was put to the house; Greensleeves was penned by Henry eight, Holst's music excites great aunt Janet Moaned Johann Strauss, "What shall I do? I've an enormous collection of Strauss; A composer's a national treasure, There was an old codger named Lord A musical man of Dubuque, At risk of a pose supercilious, On telling my friends that Massenet A well known composer called Massenet The composer composed note by note; In music today's avant garde
Liked to play Couperin on his tuba.
"Authenticity's dead,"
He cried, rolling his head.
"Viv' la modernite'! Scooba dooba!"
--- Joel Cohen
Who studied the tuba in Cuba.
Each time that he played it,
His Johnson inflated,
And jammed up the valves of his tuba.
--- John E Mayhood
Who played all night long on his tuba.
He made everyone mad
When he woke Trinidad,
Even those who tried sleeping in Cuba.
--- Warrick Elrod
But falling down sure brings a moan.
His elbow he chipped,
"But at least," Trevor quipped,
"I don't have to play my trombone."
--- Sal R
Was burglar or bugler did do it.
The mouthpiece was missing
So when I heard hissing,
I knew he had bungled and blew it.
--- Gary Hallock
Who played the trombone with his ass.
He put in a trap
To take out the crap,
But the vapors corroded the brass.
--- G1347
Whose playing was loud, though superb.
When neighbors complained,
Young Herbert explained,
"But great art is meant to disturb."
--- Ron Rubin
It sure comes alive when it's blown.
With my hand as a guide,
In and out it will slide.
There's nothing quite like a trombone.
--- Tiddy Ogg a
Tied his donicker to his trombone.
Though improving his skills
Of glissandos and trills,
It utterly ruined his tone.
--- Anon
Who was sent to his heavenly home.
With a harp in his hand,
In the heavenly band,
He said, "I'm better on the trombone."
--- Reminisce P9310
Was a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde;
Near-normal by day,
At night he'd waylay
Punk rockers with poison-tipped slide.
--- Ron Rubin
Whose chapped lips would barely part,
So whenever alone,
He'd sit on his trombone,
And practice Mozart with a fart.
--- Casey
Who had an incredible range;
Schoolgirls, stenographers,
Nuns, choreographers,
And sometimes Boy Scouts for a change.
--- Ron Rubin
Found his slide had gone terribly jerky.
An inspection revealed
Two oranges, peeled,
Half a loaf and a 10 kilo turkey.
--- Brian Bateman
Couldn't follow the rhythm and tone
Of the rest of the brass
In advanced music class...
That explains why he sits all alone.
--- Vassar Smith P9712
Who played a decrepit trombone.
Encrusted in verdigris,
One went through the third degree
On hearing his hideous tone.
--- Ron Rubin
When softly, romantically blown,
As it slides in and out,
Should leave one no doubt
That it's hard to make love all alone.
--- Norm Storer P9812
Made a large batch of human clones.
It got way out of hand,
The clones started a band,
That features seventy-six trombones!
--- John Chastaine
Sits under the trombones, poor feller;
When things get too moist,
His habit's to hoist
A splendid, protective umbrella.
--- Ron Rubin
I'll play lead trombone in a band!
Alas, I don't know
When to suck, when to blow;
So someone please give me a hand?
--- Tiddy Ogg
What he thought of the songs that we play:
"With alphabet soup,
I bet I could poop
Better words than I heard here today!"
--- Tony Burrell
Changed the musical world which he found,
And if, as he feared,
His pieces seem weird,
They're better than most of them sound.
--- A N Wilkins P8702
Who screwed in the major tradition.
He appeared to be finished
But returned with diminished,
Then augmented the seventh position.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2203
I'd run at the drip of a hat!
For though I'm a musician,
I'd sooner go fishin'
That put up with music like that!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In New England, why was the bunch canned?"
"If the men came to blows,"
He replied, "I suppose
That in Boston they likely were band."
--- A N Wilkins P8508
By wanderlust, thus I have written:
"Segovia Spain,
Khachaturian train,
'Ere long you'll be, Benjam, in Britain."
--- Kathleen A Martin P8302
Owned a quite musical kitten.
It played lovely tunes
On piano and spoons,
Much better than Britten had written.
--- Limerick John
That choosing is making me woozy.
His refined "Bird In Space"
Is a picture of grace,
And that polished bronze head is a doozy.
--- Rory Ewins
For silence, became all the rage.
No performer, he found,
Ever made a wrong sound,
Or misread the notes on the page.
--- Peter Alexander
Are surprisingly versatile fare.
If the song's not about
How God makes you devout,
It concerns some young girl's derriere.
--- Conrad Leviston
Composed for an organist neighbor
Such a hard tarantelle
That she grumbled, "Oh hell!
It's not music, it's manual labor!"
--- Kilburn K Holt P8806
Penned a madrigal 'round her left teat --
Just the canto bits, natch.
For the basso, he'd scratch
In the place where she'd usually sit.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Claudio M. would contentedly strum
A theorbo in G.
As she lifted her knee,
He would cadence, and sigh. Then he'd come.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file ozl
Wrote pieces for viol and flute.
The music for viol,
Though vile, made a pile,
But the pieces for flute made no loot.
--- Ron Rubin
Never finished his Christmas cantata.
He's abandoned his score
And behind a closed door
Can be found playing with his pinata.
--- Arthur Deex P8302
Who couldn't abide Donizetti;
She used the full score
Of "L'Elisir d'Amore"
Page by page, as an apres-excretty.
--- Anon
Who invented a topical song.
It wasn't the words
That bothered the birds
But the horrible double entendre.
--- L1572
Of Queen Bess's court he was fond.
When he asked, "Wilt thou hire me?",
She replied "I'd desire thee,
If you'd written but one happy song."
--- Conrad Leviston
A worldly young lady did stun.
She said, "You've such feeling
That I simply am reeling."
He remarked, "This is my Opus One. "
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0683
He tackled this lady anew.
She said, "Never have I
Been so high in the sky."
Said old Dunn, "This is my Opus Two."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0684
Then tackled his maid in a tree,
And he fucked her with vim
On the outermost limb,
And he said, "This is my Opus Three."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0685
She knew not what there was in store.
He progressed with great feeling,
To the walls and the ceiling,
Then he gasped, "I am Dunn! Opus Four!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0686
But his pecker erect still had drive.
Though devoid of all breath,
He was fucked after death,
So Dunn's posthumous Opus was Five.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0687
Each note, chord and rest in its place,
So that public display
Will not cause him dismay,
When the music some day he must face.
--- Albin Chaplin
Who wrote a peculiar song:
"Nothing could be finer,
Than to be in old Red China,"
Which he played on piano and gong.
--- Ribald Rhymes P0511Q
To sounds of the forest he must hew.
So on with the waltz,
But suddenly halts
On seeing a fox-trot into view.
--- Irving Superior
A composer was caught with the sneezes.
He sneezed in the manner
Of the Star Spangled Banner.
The composer was Francis Scott Keezes.
--- Ed Wolfert P8209
Who fancied himself a composer.
He composed a small ditty,
Which he thought rather witty,
But it left his wife cold and it froze her.
--- Albin Chaplin
Had a curious kind of perversion.
He thought that the part
Which was words was by Art
And felt sure that the tunes were Gilbertian.
--- Anon
They're paid with no more than a Coke.
I've heard that the gentry
'S as poor as the century
When musicians were going baroque.
--- Charlie Roe
Says: "My musical goal's to embrace
The whole range of strings,
They're such lovely things!"
Well, so far she's got to first bass...
--- Ron Rubin a
They say that this man went bananas.
He composed a great symphony
For the flute and the tympani
And three horses on player pianos.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2604
Was much given to running amok.
While H. I. wrote motets,
She would run up large debts.
And to pay the bills, he'd turn out schlock.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
What folks thought of his music. And so,
He went to a pub,
And got drunk with some schlub
Who said, "Frankly, I much prefer Blow."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Specifically by my dear spouse,
Asking: Who wrote Greensleeves?"
My daughter believes
It was written by Hey-nonny Mouse.
--- Alien
Whose marriages were a terrible fate.
He used to compose,
(Till he decomposed)
While dallying with virgins, quite late.
--- Archie
That on hearing her favourite planet,
That at Cheltenham Spa
She burst out of her bra,
So the family now have to ban it.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'm in the most terrible stew.
Oh, how could I make
Such a ghastly mistake?
I've just found that the Danube's not blue!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
The Blue Danube runs through my house.
Johann himself
I have stuffed on a shelf,
By my inflatable Sir Stanley Rous.
--- Kevin Hale Q
For he gives us a rational pleasure,
Not an excessive cheer
For which drunkard's pay dear,
But a joy of composure and measure.
--- Laurence Perrine P8302
Who stumbled upon the lost chord.
This made the old goat
A person of note,
And that was his only reward.
--- Lims Unlimited
As he wrote his ninth Prelude and Fugue,
Was constrained to observe,
As he steadied his nerve,
"If I do this again I will pugue. (puke)
--- Keith MacMillan 37a
I can see you have been quite punctilious.
But to load takes too long,
And frankly your song,
Left me feeling progressively bilious.
--- Anon
Had written that famous Mass in A.
My friends looked at me
Most negatively,
Then shouted at me, en masse, an "Nay!"
--- Irving Superior
Decided to court a young lass in a
Specialized form
Which became the norm
For he wrote her a beautiful Mass in A.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It progressed -- so he played what he wrote.
His symphonic variations
And incessant gyrations,
Should go back where they started; end quote!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Deplorably seeks to discard
All historical rules
And traditional tools,
Which makes concert listening hard.
--- Kilburn K Holt P8806
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