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There was a young singer named Springer, There was a pop star called Red Dwight, I ran my nuts through a wringer There's an outlaw out there by El Paso, A Pirate from Penzance went swimmin'. A singing cowboy from El Paso, A Wagnerian tenor named Knut The Reverend Dean of St. Paul's, A macho magician named Steve A famed basso profundo named Hanno, It's said that the Dean of St Paul's An ambitious pole vaulter named Dwyer A baritone star of Havana, I believe that those balls were of brass, Balls of brass!? Oh how appealing! I believe they were balls of steel, I hear they were made out of wood; I heard they were balls made of leather, Well, I heard they were made out of lead, BROWard they were balls made of cloth; I heard they were made out of stone. His balls were of Antarctic ice, Or to say they were made out of candy, They really were made out of plastic, Now my balls are made out of skin, I'm surprised that nobody's been quick There once was a sailor named Lubber There was a young man of Madras, I knew a sharp dresser named Schwarz, They tell me that moth balls are camphor; Consider the plight of the moth; A little old man from Nepal A clumsy bullfighter named Board, A hand-grenade victim named Smith, As the hooker took him to bed, There was young man of Goose Green, I thought the old man was quite spastic, There once was a man named Fred, Bill's balls were brass and would bong; A young doctor peripatetic There once was a man with a testicle A silly young bride had the gall There was a young fellow named Bob, My girlfriend was much less than lyrical (Microscopic (from data empirical)".)
A gent on the Caspian Sea Speaking of balls, one is BIGGER; This reminds me how greatly I like Is this leap a normal retraction, No government grant's here in force, If I tweaked my ex-lover's left ball, Now Michael, the big man of Hall, A world famous pollster named Noah There was a young man named Hasdrubable, Though my balls are so small you can't see 'em, A German musician named Mahler, There was a young man of Devizes There once was a judge of Assize, My testicles change with the moon; Reminds me of a Chinaman I know, The wife of the local Dr. A visit was paid to the Dr. (doctor) Did you hear of the notorious Dr. Most agree: 16 oz. per lb. (pound) To lose weight, lb. and oz., (ounce) I remember the time when a mr. The president of a big co.
Got his testicles caught in the wringer.
He hollered with pain
As they rolled down the drain,
(falsetto):"There goes my career as a singer!"
--- L1217
Whose trousers were dangerously tight.
When he started to move,
They got stuck in the groove,
And now he sings opera all night.
--- Funfax Limericks
To become a high tenor singer.
The New York Met
Has not called yet,
But tomorrow, I'm on Jerry Springer.
--- Mike M TP9802
Who once dodged the old sheriff's thrown lasso.
It was aimed for his nuts,
So good luck to the klutz.
To this day, he is still singing basso.
--- Isaac Asimov
A shark thought his balls needed trimmin'.
His voice went from low
To high soprano.
And now he must sing with the women.
--- Julia Strawn P8804
Could rope with his dick like a lasso.
One day in the stalls,
It wrapped round his balls,
He sings tenor now; used to sing basso.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Sailed a brig from Bayreuth to Beirut.
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless.
Now he sings in duet with his flute.
--- Tony Davie Collection
At services lurks in the stalls,
Ensuring high C's
Are attained by a squeeze,
Of the junior chorister's balls.
--- Anon
Used to hide many things up his sleeve.
He once took a chance,
Hid a rat in his pants --
Now he sounds like his wife, Genevieve.
--- Jarmo
Practiced nude alongside his piano;
Lo, the lid fastly falls,
Bashing both of his balls:
Now we've got us a squeaky soprano.
--- Armand Singer
Oft sits with the choir in the stalls,
And forces high C's
From the tenors with ease,
By a delicate squeeze of their balls.
--- Peter Wilkins
Wanted to jump higher and higher.
Till he had a few falls
On each one of his balls --
Now he sings in the Vienna Boys Choir.
--- Michael Weinstein P8306
Slipped horribly on a banana.
He was sick for a year,
Then resumed his career,
As a promising lyric soprano.
--- G2020
And not of the non-metal glass.
If his glass balls did clack,
I suspect they would crack
And spray painful chips in his ass.
--- Michael
I hope they're not lacking all feeling,
Cause my pussy is chrome,
And when you ram it home,
You may find me stuck to the ceiling.
--- Anon
And when they would dance the reel,
They once swung so high,
It knocked out his eye,
And his dick he cannot now feel.
--- Kathi Webster
There was no badder cat in d'hood.
He could of brought pleasure
To the girls with his treasure;
If not for the termites he could.
--- Anon
And worked fine except in damp weather.
The leather would shrink,
And so would his dink
(Told to me by his wife, Heather).
--- Anon
And they were heavy, needn't be said.
He could hardly stand;
They were so big and grand;
Forget about getting out of bed.
--- Anon
They were stitched so they wouldn't fall off.
They worked fine that way
Till one dismal day,
He was done in by a horny moth.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
They'd scrape with a terrible tone.
They'd hang down to his feet.
Not a girl he could meet,
And he'd play with his marbles alone.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And the look of those balls was quite nice.
But each girl that he led
Down the hall to his bed,
Would jump right back out in a trice.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Which really could come in quite handy.
After getting a lick,
Some girls would be quick
To discover what made him so randy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In colors and hues quite fantastic.
Mostly yellow and green
With a purplish sheen,
And the thing in between was quite drastic.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With tissues and tubules within.
While they won't produce lightning,
What they do make's more frightening,
Because it produces more kin!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To say they were made, cut from brick,
Laid up with mortar,
By a stone- mason's daughter,
To go with his cobble-stone prick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had a fine pair made of rubber.
His favorite lass
Was glad they weren't brass,
'Cause brass always burned her like blubber.
--- Anon
Who boasted his balls were of brass.
Below his huge totem
There tinkled his scrotum,
Just inches away from his ass.
--- Anon
Who had crystal balls in his shorts.
They'd slam on one's cunny,
Leaving it red and runny,
'Cause Schwarz only came off in quartz.
--- H Welchel
That's something I don't give a damn for.
But my balls are sweet
For young ladies to eat,
And that's what I go to young Pam for.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Camphor has made him full wroth.
His balls go in pissers
While hitters and missers
Dissolve them in urinal froth.
--- Brian
Purchased a large crystal ball.
"I should have got skin
When they put it in.
This one does not work well, at all."
--- Marlene Lewis
Whose knockers got horribly gored,
Replaced them with plastic:
They're hardly fantastic
But all the poor klutz can afford.
--- Armand E Singer 812
This is file oym
Whose balls were rebuilt out of pith,
Complained, "Although I
Do feel pretty spry,
I've nothing to make babies with."
--- Armand Singer
She found his balls made of lead.
Eyes wide and ablaze,
She was safe from X-rays,
But prefered the taste of real balls instead.
--- Joe Kohn
With balls made of Stork margarine.
But when they were felt,
They started to melt;
A scene seen by some as obscene.
--- Anon
But his balls were made out of plastic.
One he named Eon,
The other was Leon,
And he kept them in place with elastic.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose ballocks were made out of lead.
His girlfriend complained
That she nearly got brained
Every time she tried giving him head.
--- Weeshwaa
Greg's balls were glass and would gong.
Tim's tin ones would ring
And Ben's bronze ones would ding,
And Will's wooden dick whistled along.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was testically very pathetic.
The poor boy tried to swallow
The balls of Apollo...
I hope you are all sympathetic.
--- G0419
That was a truly awful spectacle.
It was big, black, and hairy,
While the other, ordinary;
He called them Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jesticle.
--- ROE
To laugh at her husband's left ball.
She had him so flustered
He finally blustered,
"Well dear, you clitor-is too small."
--- G0339
Whose balls did a terrible job;
Though the one on the right
Could function all night,
The one on the left would just throb.
--- Norm Storer
In smirking, "It's almost a miracle
That everyone calls
Your testicles balls,
When they're almost too small to be spherical!"
--- Norman Storer(Deex) P9306
Has very odd balls, you'd agree.
The one on the right
Is the usual height,
But the other hangs down to his knee.
--- Hugh Clary
It must have got bit by a chigger.
Like a fist it will swell
And it's hurting like hell;
Never again will I beat-off with vigor.
--- Anon
Gentle touches elsewhere than my spike.
Now if you'll just tease
'Twixt my nuts and my knees,
You can watch my right ball take a hike.
--- Anon
Or just my own hardsoft reaction?
Girls, if you don't mind,
I'll bet you will find,
Some research a pleasant distraction.
--- Anon
But you girls (such a lovely resource!)
Should report in the morning
(The usual warning:
In limerick form here of course).
--- Anon
His dick would get wonderful tall,
But -- if I tweaked the right --
Though I sucked it all night,
Then it wouldn't do nothin' at all!
--- Robin K Willoughby P9710
Was obsessed with his one massive ball,
Which he always felt proud,
To display to a crowd.
What he did with the other would fall.
--- Anon
Went canvassing door to door.
Of thousands of men
Five point nine of ten
Had testicles right hanging lower.
--- Irving Superior P8503
Who had only one real and one rubber ball.
Not to be out-witted,
His wife was two-teated;
She had one rubber bub and one rubbable.
--- G0354
They earn me a handsome per diem.
Magnified ninety-power,
I show them each hour
Near the door of the British Museum.
--- Norm Storer
Had his balls insured for a dollar.
One ball was petite, (One was so small)
Like a wee grain of wheat; (It was nothing at all;)
The other, considerably smaller.
--- G0397
Whose ballocks were two different sizes.
One weighed a pound
And dragged on the ground;
The other was small as a fly's is.
--- G0311A
Whose bollocks were not the same size.
He'd look to the right
With a gasp of delight,
But the left one brought tears to his eyes.
--- Anon
They're big as a barrage balloon;
But what a surprise,
When they change to a size
Which is smaller than normal in June.
--- Peter Wilkins
His gonads different sizes did grow.
One hung up high
And one down his thigh --
His name, of course, Won Hung Low.
--- Bob Mornington
Hit ninety when the highway patrol clr.
But she pleader her case
In a manner so base,
He gave in, burnt the ticket, and cr.
--- MrMalo
By a grouchy old spinster, Miss Pr. (Proctor)
She lay down on the couch
And no longer did grouch,
For the Dr. unfr. and fr. (unfrocked her, foctor)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9105
Who was known as a very stern pr.?
When a rude little miss
Came to class just to hiss,
He got mad, hauled off and sr.
--- Bill Edwards P9106
And that spheres are just perfectly rb. (round)
But Flat Earthers question
The merest suggestion
That truth absolute can be fb. (found)
--- Bill Edwards P9106
The primary rule, by accoz., (accounts)
Is to maintain the gumption
To limit consumption,
And fat leaves in pleasing amoz. (amounts)
--- Bill Edwards P9106
Went out on the beach with my sr.
When the sun had them fried,
"It's your fault!" she cried.
(To soothe her, he kr. blr.)
--- Bill Edwards P9106
Once threatened to fire and to do.
Cute secretary
Who wouldn't make merry.
So they quit, and he never did ho.
--- Richard Lederer P9603a
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