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Now if Beethoven gives you a pang, Old Beethoven sits in his garden, Beethoven said, and 'tis true Joe Haydn worshipped Handel, too; There was this fellow named Beethoven, Last night while I listened to classical There was a young man named Verhoven Happy birthday to Ludwig van B. Says world famous Ludwig van B.: Beethoven justly may boast In a cemetary many years ago, What tune this was I was hearing; A mausoleum stood in the center When I stepped inside of the tomb, I asked a man there, supposing, On Beethoven's Third - Eroica. Beethoven's last thought, I suppose, Telegraphy became a hit. Beethoven's last movement was found, With strippers Ludwig was besottica, Old Beethoven tapped on the keys, A classic misnamed's irritating; Ludwig van Beethoven's deaf Old Ludwig was really a clown; When Bartok composed his new hit, When Bartok composed Opus Four The chambermaid, old Mrs. Burke, Whenever I'm hearing Bizet, The whole concert hall was a-humming; George Bizet hid his score in a cupboard, A modern composer named Brahms, In his holier attitudes Brahms Claimed a student of music from Bozen, Said Clara to Schumann, "Hey Franz, 'Tis funny. Tiddy Ogg throwing bombs. If 'twas to her husband she'd said, I claim, of course, poetic license. The other composer, that Franz, The work of the genius Brahms A transvestite scribbler, George Sand, His kookie French mistress, George Sand, A Chopin song causing disaster Chopin -- let's just call him Fred -- "Tomorrow, I'll play somewhere finer," Frederick Chopin, melodic comsorter, George Sand, who devoted her heart, I dreamed I patrolled Harvard Square There was a young lady named Hatch, A tone-deaf young lady named June, That harmonic demon, Debussy, I'd take a steamroller, to start. The music of Hay-den (or Hy-den) On the great Esterhazy Estate, Another composer named Haydn, Despite his severe lack of size, First editions of music I seek, A musical lass from Helsinki Of Mendelssohn's Song Without Words Though Offenbach told not a soul, I find in the morning, Rachmaninoff, Rachmoninov's Second Concerto "Pavane pour Infanta Defunte" The Overture of William Tell "A limerick writer, I'm not, Franz' Schubert's wife one day spoke out, Franz Schubert's wife one day spoke out, 'Cause Franz was just no good at sex,
It's because of a spirit which sang
When he wrote for two hands.
Who composed for two glands?
It was Liszt, with his "Sturm" and his "Drang."
--- Thomas A Quinine P8302
His arteries starting to harden.
Grim fate will soon come
With his 'Di-di-di-dum'
And Ludwig will answer him: 'Pardon?'
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That Handel was best of the crew
Of composers; Then that
He'd take off his hat
At his graveside and kneel. Wouldn't you?
--- Tony Davie
When in Westminster Abbey -- "Who
Inspired your creation?"
He replied, "My inspiration?
The Great Handel -- that is who.
--- Tony Davie
To whom we are much behoven.
For many symphonata
Sometimes played sostenata,
With pregnant pauses, a la bun-in-the-oven.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Beethoven, my cock was flaccical;
That didn't last long,
So soon my limp dong
Was hardened when sucked by a lassical.
--- Travis Brasell
Who loved strictly L. von Beethoven.
Sonata Pathetique
Brought him thrills he did seek,
In a pattern most complexly woven.
--- Albin Chaplin
Your music we all can agree
Shows that you are the chef,
Even though you went deaf.
It's still cooking today here with me.
--- Anon
"I've written in every damn key;
But now that I'm deaf--
E minor or F?
It's much of a sameness to me."
--- Ron Rubin
That in music he did more than most.
His setting for Shiller
'S "Ode to Joy" is a thriller,
Although he was deaf as a post!
--- Cephas Harte
While walking through, head bowed, slow;
I heard a strange tune
Coming from a large tomb,
And drew closer wanting to know.
--- Anon
New but not new I was fearing.
Familiar it sounded,
And my heart pounded
As I neared a large clearing.
--- Anon
And, though I did not wish to enter,
Was nonetheless drawn
Like a helpless pawn,
By that melody in all its splendor.
--- Anon
There were others there in the room.
All held in sheer awe
Of what there they saw;
A ghost playing an organ of doom.
--- Anon
He'd know what was up with this ghost thing.
He said "Shh, we'll miss it.
It is most exquisite.
That's Beethoven -- He's decomposing."
--- Anon
To some there's a trace of erotica.
To others, in praise
Of chivalry days,
When knights on their horse, heroic are.
--- Irving Superior
As he lay down his quill and arose,
"It's not much of a tonic
For a fellow, symphonic,
To know that he must decompose."
--- Doug Harris P0506
It's first three notes dit-dah-dit.
If they'd dit-dit-dit-dah,
They would have gone far,
But Ludvig Van had copywrit.
--- Irving Superior P9707a
After so much rooting around.
The two scholars who
Found it in the loo,
Described it as shriveled and brown.
--- Jim Weaver Collection A
Over one he went quite idiotica.
At the end of the show,
With a great crescendo,
He went off and wrote the Erotica.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That tune that he wrote: Fur Elise.
But she didn't hear;
She was lifting her rear
To any who'd pay her the fees.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A far cry from what's elevating
Ludwig V's Pathetique;
Unpathetic, not weak;
Needs new naming that's exhilarating.
--- Esther Koch P0304
And relies on his butler and chef
To tell him when tunes,
Which he plays on the spoons,
Are better transposed into F.
--- Peter Wilkins P9806
He knew all the best bars in town.
He'd grab girls by the middle;
On their g-strings he'd fiddle;
Then his baton he'd plunge in the mound.
--- Peter Wilkins
A dog on the score took a shit.
The notes were displayed
And the orchestra played --
It did not hurt the music a bit.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2110A
His asshole felt tender and sore.
And he shit everywhere
But no paper was there,
So he wiped off his ass with the score.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2059
Had dried up the score with a smirk.
The critics depraved,
They shouted and raved,
And proclaimed it a masterful work.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2060
At nighttime or let it be day,
I stop what I'm doing;
Food, sex, TV viewing,
And if I am on the bidet.
--- Irving Superior
The timpanist started his drumming.
As they started to play,
That piece by Bizet,
The soprano screamed: "Ooh, I'm a Carmen!"
--- Anon
Where for years it remained undiscovered.
Found about '33,
His "Symphony in G"
Was a hit from the date 'twas discovered.
--- Edwin L McFalls P9008
Caused in music the greatest of qualms;
His themes so complex,
Every critic would vex,
From symphonies clear up to psalms.
--- Anon
Was in church for the singing of psalms,
But at zingier times
He was ringing the chimes
Of a choirful of quim, without qualms.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8211
True research is much more that mere nosin'.
So without any qualms,
We exhumed poor old Brahms,
As he lay in his grave, decomposin'.
--- Armand E Singer 29
This is file oxl
Please play me a tune and I'll dance."
He hammered his fist
On the keys, played the twist,
And Clara, she ruptured her pants.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Look it up in your history ROMS:
Since Clara was Schuman,
Then name of her new man
Was Johannes (none other than) Brahms!
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Hey Franz," she would likely be dead.
For his name was Robert!
I'm sure he'd have clobbert
Her there, on the spot, on her head.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of course you may claim it was my dense
Sclerotic old brain,
Confusing the twain,
But on that, I will just stick to silence.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was one who got ants in his pants.
At Rue Schlock he would please,
Caught a social disease,
And hot tears he cried, for the lost chance.
--- Ulla
Is brimful of musical charms.
His Symphony 2
Is a pastoral brew,
Good for calming down cattle on farms.
--- Rory Ewins
Whose novels all moralists panned,
Went out of her head
For Pianoman Fred
Chopin, whose fires she fanned.
--- Cephas Harte
Kept "Fingers" Chopin well in hand,
By suggesting to Fred:
"If you knock off for bed,
You can bang me instead of your grand!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Was surely a joke by the master.
Il piu presto possibile
He required, incredibile;
Turn the page and he urges Still Faster.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Eloped with George Sand to the Med.
(I hasten to mensh
That George S. was a wench,
In case some nice reader's misled.)
--- Ron Rubin
Said Chopin, "Than down at the diner;
But first, I will drink
My ale and I think
Tonight I will play in A minor.
--- Travis Brasell
Charmed his land as euphonic exhorter.
Most historians vote
This composer of note,
As classical music's Pole courter.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9703
Her pudendum, and all to her art,
Slept with poets, musicians,
And without inhibitions,
Wrote accounts of each lay from the start.
--- A N Wilkins P8601
With my privates completely laid bare,
While a band at my rear
(Most arousing to hear)
Played Chopin's great "Marche Militaire."
--- Robin K Willoughby P8406
Who said, "I just adore Bach.
He isn't so fussy
As Brahms or Debussy.
Sit down and I'll play you a snatch."
--- Anon
In two days learned to play Clair de Lune.
To Debussy's chagrin,
She puts lots of notes in
And they ruined a beautiful tune!
--- Don Mulford
Is really as mild as a pussy;
And both his Au Claire
De la Lune and La Mer
Are vapid, insipid, and wussy.
--- Henry Fitzgerald
Then hammer and mauls a la carte.
I'd squash Debussy
Into whole-tone pate'
And call it impressionist art.
--- Anon
Can lure a young maiden to my den
Where I swear to be true --
But it's no news to you
That my den has been laid in (or lied in.)
--- Jemstone P0001
They watched Franz Haydn create.
He could lead his big band
With his nimble right hand;
Write a score with his left while you wait.
--- Edwin L McFalls P9008
The field of Sonata would waydn; (widen)
He wrote the 'Creation',
Which made a sensation,
And this was the work that he died in.
--- Carolyn Wells (Bibby)
His music would part women's thighs.
While conducting the Clock,
A tart grabbed his cock,
Which gave old Joe Haydn surprise.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So I went to the Punjab last week.
But those Indian guys
Said, "We'll hide. Close your eyes."
But I didn't want to play Haydn Sikh.
--- Peter Wilkins
Would often have fantasies kinky;
She'd straddle her Strad
While she fiddled like mad,
Playing pieces by Igor Stravinsky.
--- Peter Wilkins
Penderecki sneered, "They're for the birds.
Sentimentally sunny,
They are for my money
Too loaded with sixths and with thirds.
--- Kilburn K Holt P8806
On trains in bar cars oft he'd loll.
With drink in hand,
And when he'd stand,
He always felt the bar car roll.
--- Irving Superior P8403a
Is perfect to wield my baton 'n off.
To work I must rush,
So quickly I gush
And, before she's awake, I've withdrawn 'n off.
--- Hugh Clary
Makes Mirabelle Jane start to flirt-o,
Exposing her nipples
And arpeggio ripples
Soon mean she's devoid of her skirt-o.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Will mean she is soon on the hunt
For some fellow's horn,
And well before morn,
She'll have the thing wedged in her cunt.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Can never Bolero excel.
Romance does not last;
The music's too fast.
(The Bumblebee, Flight of, as well).
--- Irving Superior
But I'll try!" said Franz Schubert. "Mein Gott!
I haff the first line!
(Es gibt rather fine?)
'There vass an old man...'" (dot, dot, dot)
--- Ron Rubin
"Franz, show me love beyond a doubt.
Prove it, don't hint it."
So he wrote her a quintet,
And named it for her: The Old Trout.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Franz, show me your love beyond doubt.
Prove it, don't hint it."
So he wrote her a quintet,
And named it for her: The old Trout.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Though often his muscle he'd flex,
It soon was diminished,
Left his partner unfinished,
Which made her considerably vexed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
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