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The Symphony (Schubert) UNFINISHED - What Stravinsky once wrote for the circus Composer Igor Stravinsky While writing his music one day, Tchaikovski found fortune and fame Though Piotr Tchaikovsky was wed, Tchaikovski wrote music balletic A lad at a concert, Tchaikovsky, A dancer of ballet was named Pete On Verdi, Giuseppe, I'm keen; "Joe Verdi?" she asked allegretto... They've researched composer Vivaldi There was a old fellow named King "Composing concertos for lute The Great Man really hated His jokes were funny, if rough -- The great Mr. Handel objected There was a musician named Handel, An eclectic collector called Crandall, For his party-trick, Great Mr. Handel I had a cat, called Mariah, When Handel felt like a high note, There was a young lady named Skinner, Said Handel, "Pleqase don't call me Herr -- Irritated Royalty Handel on the Strand one day, A long time ago, an old squire, A young German girl, Irma Mandel, Georg Frederich, one cold winter's morgen, Could Handel hold his drink? Had Handel played the guitar, She looked at the sexy conductor 'Twas a long time ago when a Squire He played his Hungarian Rhap- The audience heckled and hissed There was a composer named Liszt, A boozy young student named Twist, There was a pianist named Liszt, So soothing the music of Liszt, There was a composer named Liszt, A little-known fact about Liszt And lurching around in the mist But Liszt was exceedingly pissed The famous composer named Liszt, Old Mahler's wife Alma said: "Gustav, Alma then dallied with Gropius, Franz Werfel was Alma's next beau, She, too, had a fling with Kokoschka, Alexander Zemlinsky, it's guessable; Alma was an excessively libidinous chick; This thread tell us, yet one more time, My friends, may I recommend Tom Lehrer, Can someone assist in my quest? I know about Hauptman, Caruso and Schoenberg, I don't know of some others you've missed, An upright young hornist from Bala, In music, a man who fell short, There was a young man from Tibet, In modern times we have Bob Dylan, Cole Porter, an interview scene. My favorite composer, Cole Porter -- When Cole Poerter stopped off at Hong Kong, At last my thrill filled life was complete, Gershwin enjoyed the caress Did Gershwin, of womenfolk think Gershwin brothers both liked good booze,
Where Schubert's great talent diminished.
Where his genius ran dry,
Is exactly where my
Great work, THE UNSTARTED, beginnish.
--- Irving Superior
Was supposed to enable the workers
To make the bears dance
And the elephants prance,
But the beasts couldn't stand his mazurkas.
--- A N Wilkins P8711
Didn't know where to beginsky;
The rites of Spring,
Or sprites of the ring --
Which title had just the right spinsky.
--- RDH9995
Tchaikovsky was struck with dismay,
For his wife grabbed his balls,
So he climbed up the walls,
And composed the Nutcracker Ballet.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0431
By playing a tedious game;
He used to subscribe
To a Balinese tribe
Who never could spell his last name.
--- Anon
He much preferred fellows instead.
To Boris his mate,
He said, "Can I fellate
Your nutcracker, sweet, in my bed."
--- PeterW
For men who were live and athletic.
One said, "Your Fourth's fine,
And your Fifth's divine,
But your Sixth I find frankly pathetic.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Could not prevent giving a coughsky.
When the woman behind
Bawled out, "Do you mind?"
He told her just where to get offsky.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Used to get so aroused in the heat,
It inspired his friend,
P. Tchaikovsky, who penned
In excitement, the Nutcracker Suite.
--- Peter Wilkins
His name, if you know what I mean,
Quite rolls of the tongue.
It can almost be sung --
A pity it just means Joe Green.
--- Ron Rubin
"The same one who wrote Rigoletto?"
I said "I think not,
But related somewhat
To a mynah who stained the libretto."
--- Karen
And found he's a female, Vi Valdi.
So hold glasses high
And "Viva" to Vi
Before they find proof she's Viv Aldi.
--- Irving Superior P8801
Who tried what Vivaldi would bring.
He no doubt had good reasons
For selecting "The seasons,"
But he barely could get through the "Spring."
--- Albin Chaplin
Takes time," said Vivaldi, "When cute
Girls drop by to study
Technique and, oh buddy,
Get hung up on my one-hole flute.
--- Travis
It when he got constipated.
He'd sit by the hour,
And strain and glower,
With movements anticipated.
--- Philip Davies
He's really a musical tough.
He relished a brawl
With sopranos who squall
From his window, "Handel! Enough!"
--- Philip Davies
Whenever the folk genuflected.
And yet if they chattered
While he played, it mattered,
And he went into a sulk when neglected.
--- Philip Davies
Whose intimate life was a scandal.
When he fugued his bass,
He grew red in the face,
And buggered himself with a candle.
--- Anon
Acquired, with the aid of a vandal,
The bottled remains
Of John Maynard Keynes,
And the organ of George Frederick Handel.
--- Anon
At long range could blow out a candle --
It's in Guiness's Book,
Just give it a look.
The Court fairly hummed with the scandal.
--- Philip Davies
Who sang like the Huddersfield Choir.
You could easily know
She was out with a beau,
For it sounded like Handel's Messiah.
--- Paul Griffin
The instruction he invariably wrote
For singers, brought tears
To the eyes of all peers.
He'd ransack for the requisite scrote.
--- Philip Davies
Who claimed that no young man could win her.
But a cellist from Rio
With the help of a trio
To a quartet by Handel did pin her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8302
I'm really quite British -- so there!
And please, ven I croak,
I vould like (for a joke)
A coffin marked: 'Handel with Care'."
--- Ron Rubin
Could never fault his loyalty.
Unfortunately, he
Most impatiently
Lashed them with words very salty.
--- Philip Davies
Met Bach coming the other way.
"What do you here,
Dear Bach?" "Ach, mein Herr,'
(Ill tempered fellow) 'Ich can't stay.'
--- Philip Davies
Met a pretty young lass in a choir,
And said, "Miss can we dance?",
But she told him, "No chance;
For I fear that I'm Handel's miss, sire."
--- Peter Wilkins
Would happily play with a candle.
She does that no longer,
Since she's felt the conger,
That's known as George Frederick's Handel.
--- Anon
Prepared for to play on ze organ;
But ze wind from ze East
Made it cypher, ze beast
Which gave poor Georg schmerzen und sorgen.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That is self-evident, I thin.
Though he supped and dined
To excess, the man's mind
Stayed as sharp as a skating rink.
--- Philip Davies
He would have been a greater star
On the Hit parade,
More and oftener laid --
But they told him, "Stay where you are!"
--- Philip Davies
Who dropped his baton and then fucked her.
She caused such a scandal,
By stroking his Handel,
The Berlin Philharmonicker booked her.
--- Anon
Met a pretty young lass in a choir
And said, "Miss, can we fuck?"
But she told him, "No luck;
For I fear that I'm Handel's miss, sire." [Handel's Messiah]
--- Anon
This is file owl
Sodies hoping that someone would clap;
But he mixed up his B's
With his A-flats and C's.
The result was cacophonious crap.
--- Peter Wilkins A2
And threw eggs and tomatoes at Liszt.
He'd been out with young Brahms
In the 'Mariner's Arms'
And perchance got exceedingly pissed.
--- Peter Wilkins A1
Who from writing could never desist.
He made Polonaises,
Quite worthy of praises,
And now that he's gone, he is missed.
--- P8212
Used to dream he could play like Franz Liszt;
He'd got the technique
But his will-power was weak,
And you can't play like Liszt when your pissed.
--- Ron Rubin
Who played with one hand while he pissed.
But as he grew older
His technique grew bolder,
And in concert, jacked off with his fist.
--- L1292
When programs have Liszt on their list,
I'll not nap before
(Or during, won't snore)
But lull in the soothe-ness of Liszzzzzzz.....
--- Irving Superior
Whose music no one could resist.
When he swept the keyboard
Nobody could be bored;
And now that he's gone, he is missed.
--- L Untermeyer
That listeners may well have missed:
He played ludo and Lotto
While partially blotto,
But he had to be pissed to play whist.
--- Bill Wall
Was the young and inebriate Liszt,
Propositioning tarts,
By exposing those parts
He was flogging to death in his fist.
--- Anon
And his parts remained limp in his fist;
All his efforts in vain;
Off he staggered again,
With but merely a pain in the wrist.
--- Anon
Was enraged and brought down his fist
On the piano keys,
So hard that he's
Just broken a bone in his wrist.
--- Anon
For music, it seems you've a lustav.
Your symphony's long,
But not so your dong.
I feel that a lover I mustav.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Though her complaints were copious.
"Bauhaus keeps you away,
While in bed I would play.
It's time for another Adonious."
--- Tiddy Ogg
At dalliance he was only so-so.
She cried out in unabashedly,
"I'm in sexual agony.
I need a brand new bedfellow."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who'd paint her both nude and dressed poshka.
When she left the bereft,
Shaped a doll with a cleft,
That would look like dear Alma's poposhka.
--- Ulla
If asked, "Were there any confessable
Successes in breaching",
Young Alma, when teaching?
Would have to respond with, "Ineffable!"
--- Eugene Griessel
She would consort with any acadamic
Of old Vienna city.
Isn't it a pity
I was not there earlier in this centuric?
--- Eugene Griessel
The value of limerick rhyme.
If I'd had a dollar
Per fact about Mahler,
Ere this, I'd have less than a dime.
--- Eugene Griessel
Whose records I hold nearer and dearer.
He sang about Alma,
The flirty little charma
In the days when my head was more hairier.
--- Eugene Griessel
I have a rather strange request.
What I seek is a roster
Of all men who boffed her,
Just so that I can keep abreast.
--- Eugene Griessel
Oskar Kokoschka, Gustav Klimt and Alban Berg.
Omit these from your roll,
Add just new ones to the scroll.
My request shouldn't be cause to waste an erg.
--- Eugene Griessel
Though I'm sure there are more that exist.
For the lady inspired
The movie admired,
By the length of her own Schindler's list.
--- Hugh Clary
Made love as he played Gustav Mahler;
As the strains became stronger,
The pulses yet longer;
Girls sobbed 'This performance is gala!'
--- Brian B Daubney P0108
Was arrested, and taken to court.
He proposed in a theme
A more liberal scheme:
To release Mahler's Fifth as a quart.
--- Anon
Who wrote out the odd quodlibet.
While the fiddles were trilling,
The audience was thrilling,
For it was the best he'd wrote yet.
--- Liam na Baeg
Tongue-tangling gals who were willin'.
Too bad that the chap
Didn't know how to lap.
We'd not have to put up with his chillen.
--- Cyber Wizard
Your Night and Day song could have been
Just as well, Day and Night.
Said Porter, "If that's right,
I'd then have to End the Beguine."
--- Irving Superior
Of him, Night and Day, a supporter...
I too get no kick,
Champagne make me sick,
And I get no kick out of porter.
--- Irving Superior
He composed a new national song.
It was all in one note,
This song that he wrote,
But it sounded superb on a gong.
--- P9210
With these words which I now shall repeat.
Said olde Ferdie Grofe,
"When my dear fiancee
Said, 'I just love your Grand Canyon, Sweet!'"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
Of most of his cows and I guess,
Out of all the herd
Which he screwed, he preferred
Stuffing his porky in Bess.
--- Peter J Wilkins P9806
Or else from this problem just shrink?
With no Women's Lib
Did George and his sib
Consider a Rhapsody Pink?
--- Irving Superior
But their marbles, they weren't that loose.
Had they lived till this date,
They would aptly create
MTV clip, "Rap, Soda and Blues."
--- Graig Gigol
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