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To a pirate themed party went Sue, She came to this party as Bess; As 'Emotions' the costumes were mustered; There was a young man named Paul New Year's Eve is here! Are you hearty...? What excellent playmates you are! There was a young woman named Hunt, There once was a girl who had balls, A riddle: Would you know, perchance, The girl who had balls was divine, I jumped up and yelled out "All right! In order to end this charade, A grand party, a real whoppty do, So tall dark and handsome was he, A maiden arrested in Deeming Beach parties are lovely and grand, A young city yuppy named Saul, (redundant - McW) I wondered what was all that noise; I had time to whip out my Canon, Smells like fish, tastes like chicken, they say. I ain't no cowboy, now its true; Now over the fence they were jumpin' If she finds out about my affair, Miss Gray was a stuffy old maid, Now Randolf, the office's monk, And then old Peter Lanier, Miss Gray saw him and fell over; And poor Joe, another office flunky, The Big Boss attended the party, They wondered just who'd save the day. The Boss, by now quite bleary-eyed, Miss Gray wasn't feeling much pain, The accountant, one Mr. Kincaid, Now the revelers have all arose, 'Twas destined, this bash, to bequeath If it would have gone in past their teeth A party, now that would be great. But Sandy's not welcome I fear; Remember? She squeezed through the door, There once was a fellow named Hank When people engage in acts amorous, The wedding guest clearly recalls The hostess was in a good mood; I was Santa at Corporate behest; Things started out really quite slow, Miss Davies was there, dressed in wool Any chance for promotion is sunk. Tom Smith found some way of detaining Though a master of banquet oration, By himself sat computer nerd Hector The Department of Q.C. Assurance I assure you that I am no wimp, We partied till tired to the bone; Although "Jim" is, as always, quite limp, Wanna screw with Big Lou, way out West; Folks all know, quite a few miles aroun', Tied his horse at The Old Popskull's door; Other patrons, aghast, made strange sounds; Then she came down the stairs, saw this lout: Lou said: "Not in my room; that's for sure; There were gawkers to watch this coition; Big Lou's thighs and her groin barely hid How they tangled and thrashed, like for hours! Piss Pot Pete was no nancy-boy slouch, Big Lou's eyes rolled up, showed just white; As he rose up, the crowd was struck dumb;
And after downing plenty of brew,
Lassie, I said to her,
You'd best give up y'er
Booty or I'll invade your canoe.
--- I R Canuck
Got drunk, then threw up; what a mess!
Her escort (cold sober)
Declined to disrobe her,
Which left the poor girl in dis dress.
--- Sem
Came Sad, Gay, Angry and Lacklustred,
With a negro called Vincent,
A bowl of Birds' Instant
Round his donger, as "Fucking Disgusted".
--- Anon
Who went to a big costume ball.
He thought he would risk it
And go as a biscuit,
But a dog ate him up in the hall.
--- Anon
You're invited to my New Years Party!
It's a fifteen day cruise,
With free sex, food, and booze!
But the boat left yesterday...Smartie!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The best Hollyhockers by far,
You match every thrust
With unbridled lust,
And suggestions both strange and bizarre.
--- Anon
At a costume ball dressed as a cunt.
She teamed up with Nick,
Who had come as a dick,
To perform an xxxceptional stunt!
--- Lims For Year - 01
Which she held in marvelous halls.
She told all the boys
To take out their toys,
To have a ball with their balls at the balls in the halls.
--- Peter Wilkins
Why rodents in Marseilles (In France)
And all of their thralls
Have minuscule balls?
So few of them know how to dance.
--- John Miller
Whether upright or lying supine.
But it wasn't her formal
That made her hormonal --
The balls she was holding were mine!
--- John Miller
Let's party! Let's get down tonight!"
But what really floored me,
Was when they ignored me.
I asked why, they said "Because you're white!"
--- Anon
Some 'get-to-know-you' plans I've made;
We'll meet face-to-face
In some unknown place;
The dress code will be 'masquerade'.
--- Anon
With lots of great food and good brew,
To end the old year
On a note of cheer.
The place was filled with a good crew.
--- Anon
Surveying the buffet with glee.
He turned with a purr
As he said with a slur:
"Don't eat too much! Save room for me!"
--- Anon
For attire that was most unseeming.
The queen of the ball --
Just a crown and that's all --
Said "Good Heavens, I thought I was dreaming!"
--- Anon
When you eat all your food from your hand.
There's only one flaw
(But you'll still eat more)
That's everything's covered in sand.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Thought life meant him "having a ball".
Partying until dawn,
He woke up in the morn,
Remembering nothing at all.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Just thought it was boys with their toys.
But when I looked out
To see what was about,
There stood Travis in perfect poise.
--- Anon
And snap a cute picture of Shannon
Caught deep in the act,
About to retract,
And then I got smell of some salmon.
--- Anon
How I wish I was lickin' today,
Some hot cunt on a platter;
That I want, in some batter.
This dish will sure quicken my lay.
--- Anon
They call me Little Billy Boy Blue.
Bo Peep lost her sheep;
Was in tears knee deep,
When I told her I spotted a few.
--- Anon
Towards Travis's Annual Sheep Humpin'.
I tried pullin him loose
But then spotted a goose,
So I left him, and then started pumpin'.
--- Anon
She won't let me come in her hair.
There goes that fantasy
All 'cause of leprosy;
I forgot -- got no cock over there!
--- Anon
Who drank too much punch, I'm afraid.
She jumped on the table,
Yelled "Where's the man able
To show me, it's fun to get laid?"
--- John Miller
When drunk thought he was quite the hunk.
He grabbed old Miss Gray
And proceeded to lay
By opening her with his trunk.
--- Arden
The limp-wristed old office queer,
Paid Randolph in kind
Then he snuck up behind
And buggered him in the rear.
--- MrMalo
The chance was not missed by old Grover.
He took her supine,
You can guess his last line:
"Life's not over till you are clover!"
--- Annie Jay
Also got just a little too drunky.
But was too shy to jump in
While they were all pumpin',
He just watched while spankin' his monkey.
--- Kaylin
Got buzzed and felt himself hearty.
"If I don't get laid,
No one will get paid,
Or else my name isn't McCarty.
--- Frank Fazed
We know know 'twas stuffy Miss Gray,
Who saw this as ther chance,
Gave him a lap dance,
While the rest of us cheered with "Hooray!"
--- Frank Fazed
Asked Miss Gray, "Just where do you hide?
You sweet looking thing.
C'mon, have a fling."
She boffed him; the old bastard died.
--- Frank Fazed
As they continued with their daisy-chain.
She had one more drink,
And slipped over the brink,
Yelling, "Come on, let's do it again!"
--- Malecar
Was the only one not getting laid.
He grumbled, "What jerks!
When they next come to work,
If they think anyone's getting paid!"
--- Arden
This is file osm
Untangled from head to their toes,
And nothing's so sweet
As a Miss Gray in heat;
A virgin no more, heaven knows.
--- Arden
Joys uncommonly linked with a wreath.
Now Anna and Nellie
Have more in their belly,
Than ever went in past their teeth.
--- John Miller
'Twould have save Ann and Nellie some grief.
Instead they have found
Their bellies so round
And troubles beyond all belief!
--- Robyn
Yes, a barbecue party at eight;
For it's time to have fun
In the Midsummer sun;
Bring a bottle or two and a mate.
--- Anon
She has bosoms from here (*) out to here (*).
They're so firm and unyielding,
She'll knock down the building
I live in; she did it last year.
--- Anon
Knocking plaster and bricks to the floor;
Swung her tits at the wall
Between kitchen and hall,
And the whole fucking place was no more.
--- Anon
Who said, "Let's be perfectly frank.
This party's okay.
But please don't say birthday,"
Cried all the guests, as they drank.
--- Anon
Hollywood thinks that it's glamorous.
When couples get nude
And start to act lewd,
They get out their video cameras.
--- Popsicle TP9806
The party in one of those halls;
The frolicking crowd
And the music so loud,
The vibration would rattle his balls.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0408
If she hadn't been, she'd have been rude.
One movie star guest
Looked only half dressed,
And the hostess not really a prude!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Held kids in my lap while so dressed.
There my bosses wee daughter
Lost control of her water,
Which left me a wee bit distressed!
--- John Miller
But the rum in the punch caused a glow.
Administrative Assistants
Soon lost all resistance.
Thank goodness for fresh mistletoe!
--- John Miller
And we really got going, no bull!
In a closet we might
Just have slipped out of sight,
But the damn thing was already full!
--- John Miller
My boss and his wife both got drunk.
I deflected passes
From both pompous asses,
While both declared I was a "Hunk!"
--- John Miller
Anne White up in Customer Training;
Bumped the intercom switch
While seducing her, which
The rest of us found entertaining.
--- John Miller
To our CEO's humiliation,
What drew every eye
Was his wide open fly,
And that got him a standing ovation.
--- John Miller
Until Mary, the Software Director
Did a hardware inspection
That caused an erection
And he came in his pocket protector.
--- John Miller
Was the one with the greatest endurance.
Their average score
Was seven or more,
Plus perversions as extra insurance.
--- John Miller
But my dick in my plans put a crimp
To lay Dawn at dawn;
She stifled a yawn,
As she whispered that I was too limp.
--- John Miller
Too quickly the hours they had flown.
The thing finally broke up
But half of us woke up
In beds not our own, nor alone.
--- John Miller
And well-known as a dull boring wimp,
He will not be nervous
When he is of service
To sweet "Charlotte, the Harlot," as pimp.
--- Ward Hardman
That there wild thing loves shaggin' the best;
Men she humps, like for keeps;
Leaves 'em drained in dead heaps;
With a man-eating quim she is blessed!
--- Allen Wolverton
No two hombres could hold Big Lou down;
'Til one day, Piss Pot Pete,
Showed his ass on Main Street;
'Twas for wild cunt he'd ridden to town.
--- Allen Wolverton
For a drink to get hot for his whore;
He unbuttoned his fly,
Hung his pud out to dry;
How it dripped on the sawdusted floor.
--- Allen Wolverton
Man, his tool must have weighed sixteen pounds!
There he stood, big and mean,
Drenched with sweat, not too clean;
Yelled: "Old Lou, come let's do it like hounds!"
--- Allen Wolverton
Muscle, gristle and monster-sized spout;
Way down, deep in her snatch,
Knew she'd sure met her match,
But 'twas too late to be backing out!
--- Allen Wolverton
When we thrash, we might smash furniture;
Tell you what: the town square,
Has 'nuff room, I declare;
Let's see just how much you can endure!"
--- Allen Wolverton
Placing bets: who'd fall first in submission?
Tykes and women went home;
Vendors poured beer with foam;
And the Mayor was charging admission.
--- Allen Wolverton
A wet box that sure looked like a squid!
Piss Pot Pete jammed it in,
Sixteen pounds, in her quim,
As he pushed Big Lou down with the lid.
--- Allen Wolverton
Tore up trees, many shrubs, all the flowers.
Big Lou grunted and groaned,
Being thoroughly boned,
While the crowd was impressed by their powers.
--- Allen Wolverton
He at last made Big Lou yodel "Ouch!"
For his tool of destruction
Broke down her twat's suction;
She knew he had mastered her pouch.
--- Allen Wolverton
As she sighed and passed out with delight;
Piss Pot Pete had, by crackee,
Been chawin' terbaccy;
He drooled while he spooged; what a sight!
--- Allen Wolverton
They had thought, for the day, he had come.
But he once again stroked it;
Then said as he choked it:
"I sure hate these grass-stains, by gum!"
--- Allen Wolverton
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