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A nasty young girl played keyboard. My Musical studies are done, Sally Nevin plays organ in church That rock 'n' roll band named Van Halen, (who is Sammy and David Lee?)
In the organ loft, Jeffrey asked May, The priest up the stairs soon was clumping, A bandleader out of Caracas I like the lead crooner. She hums. A bell-ringer bold in Kilkeel, The bells of St. Martin's the Young- An unhappy young kangaroo Aunt Betsy was very strange, I fear; Carillon bells tolled on unabated; There once was a rock group, "Strange Eons", The percussionist, Ephram J Kew, As Kew aged he had far less success Let us join in a paean to youth, A percussionist who was named Gimble, The tuner is sounding erratic An exceptional lad of Quesnel, A Jewish composer named Bloch, A bloke who had thoughts in his head A virile young man was the drummer, There once was a young spaced-out drummer, The case of the injured Black Russian, A Frenchman, a Jew, and a Russian, There was a young man named O'Neill, So he rigged up a clever device, (peeled, pealed)
I like to play with my glocken-spiel. There was an old man of Hong Kong A guitarist who tried every pedal, The eccentric musician, Fred Moons, If your enemy never succumbs, A trait about old Mister Cone I wanted to learn the maraccas, Some people presume to demand One musical chap of Champlain Tickling keys of PIANOFORTE A old PIANOFORTE player A simple hillbilly named Moon A versatile lady from Epping (depping - deputizing?, schlepping - dragging along)
A timpanist standing at his drums, A pretty young thing played the drum, I hope that Petunia swoons We're impressed by the sound of your tune When I serenade Mrs Koon, I crooned 'neath the window of Gail, By paying Gail's mum with a ducat, The spoons are to me as the bongo Dunno, but I know Mother Kelly Well yes, I did hear about that; My brother and I were among 'em. A talented chap from Bordeaux "Leggiero," he started to say (con fuoco - with passion and energy)
If you want to hear jazz that's real funky, In Kentucky in the village of Bimble, In a tizzy, those triplets to quell, To pull off a musical coup, A triangle player called Bart There was a young lady named Manno A musical miss from Idana (OR) I used to play music quite well Toward the crescendo I'd climb, A concert pianist named Lorne An egotist pianist named Hans, A one-armed composer named Tate My piano has now reached the stage,
On tour, she got free room and board.
She learned pretty quick
That turning a trick,
Got her "up and down" the east seaboard.
--- Tom Myers
Our concerto for two should be fun.
How best can we capture
That moment of rapture,
When two organs will play just as one.
--- Al Chaplin P8609
With no rhythm at all -- just a lurch
At the start of each hymn;
Her musicianship's dim.
So the vestry's engaged in a search.
--- Anon
Their record sales were failin'.
They said, "Fuck off, Sammy,
Go bugger your Grammy.
We want the chicks David Lee's nailin'."
--- Gene Brady
The bellows to work, while he'd play.
While the large congregation
Sang the hymn with elation,
But the music so soon died away.
--- Anon
And heard a peculiar thumping.
He opened the door
Of the loft and did roar:
"Girl, that's the wrong organ you're pumping."
--- Anon
Could never find agents or backers;
For although his big band
Looked incredibly grand,
They all played the same thing -- maracas.
--- Ron Rubin
I like the guitarist. He strums.
But, Oh! The percussion!
That "1812" Russian!
Must he settle old scores on MY drums.
--- Laurence Perrine P8302
Made all of the local girls reel.
When asked, how was this,
He said that each Miss,
Could be won to his side by a peal.
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims
er are frequently lovingly rung,
But instead of the singing
Of donging and dinging,
They just make a sonorous "Dung!"
--- Peter Wilkins
Said, when in his Australian zoo,
"I just sit here all day
And they won't let me play
On my bongos and didgeridoo."
--- Funfax Limericks
Uncle Bert always said she was queer.
She said, "I may seem gay,
When I go out to play;
I'm just a campanologist, dear."
--- Tony Burrell
An ear sore since they were uncrated.
E.A. Poe maintained though,
"They're not my bells, I know.
My bells merely tintinabulated."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0205
Whose hair styles were done up in neons.
Cthulhu, the drummer
Was a hell of a comer,
But the rest were all musical peons.
--- Neal Wilgus P8302
At times seemed to have little to do.
Using washboards and thimbles
Or shattering cymbals,
It was crucial to come in on cue.
--- Loren Fitzhugh
For his talents began to regress.
It was not his intention
To not pay attention,
It was just that Kew became cue-less.
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Adolescing pubescence, forsooth;
When life's early juice
Doth pleasure produce
To be hymned both by cymbal and crwth.
--- R J Winkler P8502
Was teaching his son to play cymbals.
The cymbals he'd clap;
His dad's balls he did trap;
Mr. Gimble was not very nimble.
--- Puff Adder
And putting out way too much static.
Let's turn off the stereo
And listen to Dario,
Whose piano makes us ecstatic.
--- Aron
My old granny would frequently tell,
So perfected the swing
Of his pendulous thing,
He could ding with his dong, like a bell.
--- Keith MacMillan 101b
Wrote, "Drum Riffs for Circumsized Cock,"
Which never brought joy
If played by a goy:
The foreskin absorbed all the shock.
--- Ward Hardman
To be a bandsman before dead.
But things they went wrong
As he could not sing a song,
So he became a drummer instead.
--- Funny Bone
But her contact with him was a bummer.
His rhythm was perfection,
But his herpes infection,
Kept her out of commission all summer.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209
Who, everyone said was no bummer.
He needs but one stick,
And that is his prick,
And his pounding's what makes him a comer.
--- Isaac Asimov
Involved a quite minor concusssion.
While turning the page,
He fell off of the stage.
The drum that he played was percussion.
--- Al Willis
Formed a band that was purely percussion,
With a fellow named Fong,
Who played gong with his dong,
Which prompted some lively discussion.
--- Cap'n Bean P0209
Used to play on the old Campanile.
He made the gong bong,
With the end of his dong.
Now he's trying to get it to heal.
--- L1504
And tried the thing out once or twice.
But it wasn't the gong,
But rather his prong
That peeled, and it didn't feel nice!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It always give me a focken-thriel.
I bang it and bong it
And sometimes ting-tong it;
I like the way my glockens-feel!
--- Gearhart TP9807
Who would beat on a large brazen gong,
As a sign to his neighbors
Of success in his labors.
Yet another girl stripped of sarong.
--- Isaac Asimov
Played a tune stirring bolts in a kettle.
You can imagine the noise!
But he turned and said "Boys,
Ain't that sweet! I just love heavy metal."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Can perform at least two hundred tunes.
But, alas, he's not fit
For an orchestra pit,
'Cause all he can play is the spoons.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
And he's constantly beating his gums,
If you would survive,
Then you must connive.
Give his children a nice set of drums.
--- Al Willis
This is file orl
And the one for which, widely, he's known,
Is that tapping his head
With a mallet of lead,
Will produce a melodious tone.
--- Cap'n Bean
But my neighbors all tried to attack us.
They booted my ass;
Rolled me 'round on the grass,
And squeezed really hard on my knackers.
--- Aussie Owl
Transistors in cars or in hand.
To spray noise pollution
Without diminution
On passersby without remand.
--- Cliff Rather P9009
Painted keys on his lovely Helene.
Improvising in C,
When he fingers low G,
She da capo's, again and again.
--- Keith MacMillan 46a
As prelude to bedding divorcee,
Could be the ticket
For reaching the wicket.
No fumbling forays for foreplay.
--- Chris Papa
Performed for a sexy soothsayer.
He was quite intent
On the message she sent,
Which was, if he tried, he might lay her.
--- Chris Papa
Had trouble achieving a tune.
Though he waved it around
He could not make a sound,
While practicing playing the spoon.
--- Cyber Geezer
Does sessions, and all kinds of depping;
Her flute and her zither
She always takes with her,
But drum kits she doesn't like schlepping
--- Ron Rubin
Was resting and twiddling his thumbs.
When he should have been drumming,
Pop tunes he was humming.
He received the rush listed for bums!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
And I wanted to get me some.
I laid out my snare,
One stick -- not a pair.
Then I joined the rhythm section.
--- Tom Myers
On hearing my limerick tunes;
I've practiced the rhyming
And rhythmical timing
While crooning and playing the spoons.
--- Peter Wilkins
And admire your Old Blue Eyes-like croon.
But ere you serenade
In her balcony's shade,
Best make sure that the lady is hoome.
--- Ulla
I first got to Rayford's Saloon,
To see if her spouse
Is drunk on the souse,
That keeps him from coming home soon!
--- Travis Brasell
As would any love-hungry male.
"Don't pester my daughter!"
Cried mother, threw water
And failed to keep hold of the pail.
--- Tiddy Ogg
You'd surely escape her darn bucket,
But if you've no coins,
Then gird up your loins,
And run fast away from Nantucket.
--- Travis Brasell
Was once to the tribesmen of Congo.
My Grandpop played well, he
Would sing Mother Kelly
And play them; now how does that song go?
--- Graham Lester
Once sang with such gusto and welly,
She caused the collapse
Of a roof on those chaps
Who were furiously playing the celli.
--- Peter Wilkins
Her flat disappeared with a splat.
One moment she sings,
And her flat is all strings,
Then a crash and her strings are all flat.
--- Graham Lester
They'd drunk all the Guinness we'd brung 'em.
But after the stout,
They chucked us all out!
So the roof fit the bill. I say, "Dung 'em!"
--- Liam na Beag
Played spoons in the clubs (semi-pro).
One night Uri Geller
Turned up in his cellar,
And fucked up the whole bloody show.
--- Ron Rubin a
As deftly his fingers did play
A Prelude d'Amore,
But this svelte signore,
Con fuoco, had swept her away.
At this club uptown they've got a monkey;
It is said that he plays
"Take Five" ten differrent ways,
But most strange is, he just plays in one key.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8408
A young boy practiced the timbal.
He thumped on the drum
Till his fingers were numb.
He said: "I'd better switch to the cymbal."
--- William K Alsop Jr
I shot him a bitonal "Well?"
But to drum in the down beat,
This Gio brought in both feet,
As he whispered a wry "Time...Will Tell."
--- Anon
A student of art from Purdue,
Played "The Star Spangled Banner"
Upon the pianner,
And "Trees" on an alto Kazoo.
--- Norm Storer
Says: "Please don't belittle my art;
It took a good week
To reach this great peak,
And I play very much from the heart!"
--- Ron Rubin
Who studied to be a soprano,
But whenever she sang,
She did it in slang,
And affronted her Steinway piano.
--- P8302
Played on the upright piana.
Just during the day --
At night she would play
On her fellow's upright banana.
--- Larry Davis P8805
On the grandest of pianos; I tell
You, I damaged my wrist
'Cause I couldn't resist
Beating time with my dick to Ravel.
--- Peter Wilkins
While fortissimo beating the time;
And I tell you, my friend,
When it came to the end,
The keyboard was covered in slime!
--- Peter Wilkins
A minor position did scorn.
"Don't put me in the middle;
I'll not play second fiddle.
If I play, I will blow my own horn."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2674
Is secretely working on plans
To develop his clone
And then, all alone,
He'll play repertoire for four hands.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9705
Wrote piano duets that were great!
He played black on the right,
While his partner played white,
But they never played all eighty-eight.
--- Don Mulford
Where to play it, sends me in a rage.
It's so out of tune
That poor Mozart would swoon,
But it's perfect for playing John Cage.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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