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There was a gay Countess of Bray, There was a man, who, as a youth I once knew a young fellow named Perce; The semantics professor was hot in A learned old justice of Trent You are treading on ethical toes, A modern young girl from Mount Abel There is an old maid of Cologne, A sesquipedalian neologist (flagitious - disgraceful, scandalous)
The word "fuck" to Miss Babbitt would bring As a rule it's been my rule of thumb Old authors showed plenty of wit By the village of St. Guinevere I really do love that word; Perhaps this may seem very poor of me, Some names will be famed through the land In the Navy they share the same notion. As he gazed through high-powered glasses My friend wants to sample the frails There was a young fellow named Edward, (trope - figure of speech)
A magician who hailed from Hohokus, "I've wondered. If I were so free I once met a fellow named Louie, Ephriam and his crusading Kay, The male patients of old Dr. Brown A southern belle known for wry sentences, You need a book that lists slang, An elderly sage of B'nai B'rith, Pissing and fucking and shit, There was a young woman named Jenny (yum, yum), If Puqua is called Puckaway With dictionaries I must disagree; Do not use a word that's taboo Good regular sex I've been missin'; A virile young man by name Hunt If you feel your relationship's Yuk; He said that he hated the Queen. A youth who had mastered the swearword, A roguish young cocksman named Hogue, There was a young lady of Crabtree, Ethnologists up with the Sioux, There was a young girl of Tobruk I don't like this word "pecksniffian" To you, I will try to explain, There was a sad bride out in Iowa, A scribe, to the vulgar inclined, The language of English, I've found, "Put it in now; it's absurd." The language of sex, although stout, Never again shall I hunt Said a noonlighting housewife in Goshen: Many persons in stockings of blue Dick and Jane one day came home from school Among the words listed TABOO, Said a sexagenarian Sherm, I speak not in rounds, but in squares, Tomorrow, I'll speak in triangles, What occurs in the marital bed, By the time of her graduate laurels, I met a young thing from John's wood, Said two farm boys, in loco parentis, There was a young man named McHugh, There was a young man of Calcutta, The ancient orthographer, Chisolm, Introspectively thinking of jizm When you tell Billy Batson to shove it,
And you may think it odd when I say,
That is spite of high station,
Birth, rank, education,
She always spelt Cunt with a K.
--- L1379
His daily language was uncouth.
Hearing him curse and swear,
People still stop and stare;
Even now, though he's long in the tooth.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
An Aussie, he did naught but curse.
If his language was purer,
And his curse words were fewer,
I'd have nothing to say in this verse.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
The midst of a fuck with Miss Cotten.
She said, "Fucking is grand
But I can't understand
Why the words that describe it are rotten."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0202
Defined what obscenity meant:
He said, "Duck is not clean,
But three-quarters obscene;
And fudge is foul forty percent.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2534
To use trigger words such as those,
"Doo Wop" is to me,
The big SOB
That administers Godfather's blows.
--- Chris Papa
Used an ill-chosen word at the table.
Her mother said, "Jane,
If you say that again,
You can fucking well eat in the stable."
--- John Blyth
Who bad words in print won't condone.
When she hears of a new one,
A most sordid and blue one,
She has sculptors engrave it in stone.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2508
Would think up new words when his balls were kissed.
So he hired for the chore
A flagitious old whore,
But her four-letter oaths made him awful pissed.
--- Don Moore P9308
Her resentful remarks by the string.
But in bed young Miss Babbitt
Would fuck like a rabbit,
For she hated the word, not the thing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1972
To avoid using F-words which numb
Us by constant abuse
But they do have their use:
JESUS, MAN, THIS IS JUST FUCKIN' DUMB!
--- Anon
With pure-sounding words that were writ.
You'll find in old books
"Egad!" and "Gadzooks!",
Which really mean, "Oh, Holy shit!"
--- Bluebird
Two shepherds, when from somewhere near,
Came a wolf howl.
Said one, with a scowl,
"Let's get the flock out of here!"
--- Henry Mucha
Most descriptive one I've ever heard.
It says so very much
And has just the right touch;
It's the written "giving the bird!"
--- Cheryl
But I'm curious from the deepest core of me:
Of Sodomy we know,
But why is it so
That we never hear of GOMORRAHMY.
--- A W Edwards P9102a
And some will be writ in the sand.
But we'll view names of fools
While we strain at our stools,
Just as long as the shithouse walls stand.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2152
Big guns are on ships in the ocean.
Yours is small bore,
To use on a whore.
Well that's what I heard from my bos'un.
--- John Miller
At the nudist camp laddies and lasses,
He said, "It's a romp,
But if that were a swamp,
Just think! We should have some morasses."
--- G2352
At a brothel. If my wish prevails,
We'll go to a lecture
On Greek architecture.
We're flipping a coin -- heads or tails.
--- Laurence Perrine P9402
Who preferred a live trope to a dead word.
He never would speak,
Of taking a leak,
But instead said his urge was to headward.
--- L1710
Found his act an exciting new focus,
When two girl volunteers
Triggered audience cheers
By insisting, "First hocus, then poke us."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
As to tell you this evening," asked Lee,
"That your body petite
Is lovely and sweet,
Would you hold it against me, Marie?"
--- A N Wilkins P8405
Who bragged of the knowledge, knew he.
So I asked him, "Well friend,
What's an equine's hind end?
He said, "Oh it's a horse's petoo'ie."
--- Misty Dragon
Love to picket by night and by day.
They walk the same line,
And hold up a sign,
Which shows where you see Eph, you see Kay.
--- Anon
Were received by his nurse in white gown.
This young lady Chinese
Would bow low and say, "Please,
If it is warm, jacket off, and sit down.
--- Albin Chaplin P9104
Whose humor was darker that Clinton's is,
Was heard to exclaim
When the Orkin man came,
"Does anyone know wheah the kitten is?"
--- Paul Hoffman
When you're having a certain pang;
For a suck or a shag,
With a lass or a nag,
Or a bang with the whole limerick gang.
--- Anon
Told his friend he was quite full of pith.
This could mean "full of fact"
And "With meaning compact,"
But not when you're lithping like thith.
--- Isaac Asimov A
Penis and fanny and tit.
Asshole and bum,
And buckets of come,
Are all very rude I admit.
--- Steve Hann
Whose charms were delightful and many (yum, yum).
The sight of her boobs
And the taste of her pubes,
Seemed to herald the coming millenny (yum, yum).
--- Isaac Asimov A
As it is in Wisconsin, a-lack-a-day,
What would you do
If it happened to you
To meet Miss Hope U. Fuqua?
--- G2724
There are many words useful to me:
How 'bout babe, cunt and tyke?
How 'bout slut, cunt and dyke?
Hell, I even know one that's PC.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Or they'll excommunicate you;
Your testicles sever,
And worst of all, never
You magazine subscriptions renew.
--- Irving Superior P9110
This is file oqm
Could use some good hugging and kissin'.
But no lady has fell
'Cause I'm ugly as hell,
And I ain't got a pot to piss in!
--- Writerman
Took a girl for a trip in a punt.
Any kid you could name
Would tell you his game,
But you don't always have to be blunt...
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8802
If you're broke and you're down on your luck;
If you need a friend
On whom to depend;
Don't call me 'cause I don't give a fuck!
--- Anon
He included the word, "Vaseline."
The word was not "duck,"
And nor was it "pluck."
The word that he used was obscene.
--- Al Willis
Learned bad language whilst he was a jailbird.
When released to his house,
Deaf parents had no grouse.
'Twas said he was obscene, but not heard.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Claimed screwing repeats were in vogue.
So although she cried, "No!
Not another! Just go!
He insisted on one for the rogue.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Whose manners were breezy and free.
When a gentleman heard
Her choice of a word,
He observed, "Well, that outclasses me!"
--- John Blyth
Wired home for two punts, one canoe.
The answer next day
Said, "Girls on the way,
But what in the hell's a 'panoe'?"
--- Anon L1058A
Who had the most terrible luck:
He went out in a punt
And fell over the front,
And was pecked in the cunt by a duck.
--- G2058
It sounds to me just like "dickwhiffian"
That means touching taboo --
Something I'd never do!
This word should sink into obliffian!
--- Anon
The meaning of the word 'petomaine,'
It's a term rather smarter,
Than trumper or farter,
But sadly it means just the same.
--- Anon
Who would say, "Please say it my way.
Do not say fuck,
It don't rhyme with duck.
Say untcay and itshay and uckfay."
--- L1441
Wrote a play more gross than refined,
With words, all four-letter:
Hips, nips, tits, and better,
Like those that have just crossed your mind.
--- Douglas Catley A
With many fine words does abound.
Like Fuck, Fart, and Shit;
Hairy Cunt, Prick and Tit;
And they all have a most pleasant sound.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2058
She talked and she talked, my lovebird.
"Put it in there."
And I said, "I swear
I'd at least like to put in a word."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is prone to confusion and doubt.
Why, just ask yourself, Sir
Which you would prefer:
A girl who puts in--or puts out?
--- Norm Storer P9504A
For a word that rhymes well with cunt.
While this limerick be strange,
And a wee bit deranged,
It's a hell of a publicity stunt.
--- Deep Goat TP9807
"There are service-club-guys with a notion!
And when luncheon is through,
And I'm game for a screw,
What I like is a Rotary motion!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Abhor words that don't faze me or you
To bridge over this schism
I employ euphemism
When I want to say "fuck" I write "screw".
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0205
And declared they had learned a new rule;
That, a hammer needs nails,
And a sailboat needs sails,
And a screw always needs a good tool.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9409
The Carpenter's Union adds SCREW.
"SCREW UP and SCREW BALL--
Our senses appall,
And if you should use them, screw you."
--- Irving Superior P9110
"It's a notion to make a man squirm
When he has to admit
That there's more than a bit
Of flattery packed in that term."
--- A N Wilkins P8509
Which causes complaining and swears.
I am not a harp-
y, though my words are sharp;
They might stab if you're caught unawares.
--- Anon
With a participle that dangles,
And infinitives split,
That will be most unfit
And the meaning will be all in tangles.
--- Anon
And anything sexual, some dread.
Poor prudish Miss Hocking
Finds the word "gender" shocking,
And blushes bright red when it's said.
--- G2273a
Had the system corrupted her morals?
Academic regalia:
Did it cloak genitalia,
Which had come into play on her orals?
--- Thomas A Quinine P8311
Who said, "If you feel in the mood,
Unbutton my front
And I'll show you my..." Can't
Tell you the rest, 'cause it's rude.
--- Michael Horgan
"These new words are gonna dement us;
Like ordure and offal;
They sound just plain awful.
It is driving us non compost mentis."
--- Anon
Whose ideas were exciting and new,
But an ancient relation,
Gave disapprobation,
To McHugh spelling "fuq" with a q.
--- Anon
Who tried to write "CUNT" on a shutter.
He had got to "C-U-"
When a pious Hindu,
Knocked him flat on his ass in the gutter.
--- Norman Douglas L1141
Caused a lexicographical schism,
When he asked to know whether
'Twere known which was better
To use -- g or j -- to spell gism.
--- L1389
And sesquipedalianism,
I rummaged around
In my braincell and found
Disestablishmentarianism.
--- Anon
Cultured people, for sure, will not love it;
Many rascals you'll goad,
If you run this low road;
"Supposit it!" keeps you above it!
--- Allen Wolverton
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