There was a gay Countess of Bray,
And you may think it odd when I say,
That is spite of high station,
Birth, rank, education,
She always spelt Cunt with a K.
--- L1379

There was a man, who, as a youth
His daily language was uncouth.
Hearing him curse and swear,
People still stop and stare;
Even now, though he's long in the tooth.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

I once knew a young fellow named Perce;
An Aussie, he did naught but curse.
If his language was purer,
And his curse words were fewer,
I'd have nothing to say in this verse.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The semantics professor was hot in
The midst of a fuck with Miss Cotten.
She said, "Fucking is grand
But I can't understand
Why the words that describe it are rotten."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0202

A learned old justice of Trent
Defined what obscenity meant:
He said, "Duck is not clean,
But three-quarters obscene;
And fudge is foul forty percent.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2534

You are treading on ethical toes,
To use trigger words such as those,
"Doo Wop" is to me,
The big SOB
That administers Godfather's blows.
--- Chris Papa

A modern young girl from Mount Abel
Used an ill-chosen word at the table.
Her mother said, "Jane,
If you say that again,
You can fucking well eat in the stable."
--- John Blyth

There is an old maid of Cologne,
Who bad words in print won't condone.
When she hears of a new one,
A most sordid and blue one,
She has sculptors engrave it in stone.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2508

A sesquipedalian neologist
Would think up new words when his balls were kissed.
So he hired for the chore
A flagitious old whore,
But her four-letter oaths made him awful pissed.

(flagitious - disgraceful, scandalous)
--- Don Moore P9308

The word "fuck" to Miss Babbitt would bring
Her resentful remarks by the string.
But in bed young Miss Babbitt
Would fuck like a rabbit,
For she hated the word, not the thing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1972

As a rule it's been my rule of thumb
To avoid using F-words which numb
Us by constant abuse
But they do have their use:
--- Anon

Old authors showed plenty of wit
With pure-sounding words that were writ.
You'll find in old books
"Egad!" and "Gadzooks!",
Which really mean, "Oh, Holy shit!"
--- Bluebird

By the village of St. Guinevere
Two shepherds, when from somewhere near,
Came a wolf howl.
Said one, with a scowl,
"Let's get the flock out of here!"
--- Henry Mucha

I really do love that word;
Most descriptive one I've ever heard.
It says so very much
And has just the right touch;
It's the written "giving the bird!"
--- Cheryl

Perhaps this may seem very poor of me,
But I'm curious from the deepest core of me:
Of Sodomy we know,
But why is it so
That we never hear of GOMORRAHMY.
--- A W Edwards P9102a

Some names will be famed through the land
And some will be writ in the sand.
But we'll view names of fools
While we strain at our stools,
Just as long as the shithouse walls stand.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2152

In the Navy they share the same notion.
Big guns are on ships in the ocean.
Yours is small bore,
To use on a whore.
Well that's what I heard from my bos'un.
--- John Miller

As he gazed through high-powered glasses
At the nudist camp laddies and lasses,
He said, "It's a romp,
But if that were a swamp,
Just think! We should have some morasses."
--- G2352

My friend wants to sample the frails
At a brothel. If my wish prevails,
We'll go to a lecture
On Greek architecture.
We're flipping a coin -- heads or tails.
--- Laurence Perrine P9402

There was a young fellow named Edward,
Who preferred a live trope to a dead word.
He never would speak,
Of taking a leak,
But instead said his urge was to headward.

(trope - figure of speech)
--- L1710

A magician who hailed from Hohokus,
Found his act an exciting new focus,
When two girl volunteers
Triggered audience cheers
By insisting, "First hocus, then poke us."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

"I've wondered. If I were so free
As to tell you this evening," asked Lee,
"That your body petite
Is lovely and sweet,
Would you hold it against me, Marie?"
--- A N Wilkins P8405

I once met a fellow named Louie,
Who bragged of the knowledge, knew he.
So I asked him, "Well friend,
What's an equine's hind end?
He said, "Oh it's a horse's petoo'ie."
--- Misty Dragon

Ephriam and his crusading Kay,
Love to picket by night and by day.
They walk the same line,
And hold up a sign,
Which shows where you see Eph, you see Kay.
--- Anon

The male patients of old Dr. Brown
Were received by his nurse in white gown.
This young lady Chinese
Would bow low and say, "Please,
If it is warm, jacket off, and sit down.
--- Albin Chaplin P9104

A southern belle known for wry sentences,
Whose humor was darker that Clinton's is,
Was heard to exclaim
When the Orkin man came,
"Does anyone know wheah the kitten is?"
--- Paul Hoffman

You need a book that lists slang,
When you're having a certain pang;
For a suck or a shag,
With a lass or a nag,
Or a bang with the whole limerick gang.
--- Anon

An elderly sage of B'nai B'rith,
Told his friend he was quite full of pith.
This could mean "full of fact"
And "With meaning compact,"
But not when you're lithping like thith.
--- Isaac Asimov A

Pissing and fucking and shit,
Penis and fanny and tit.
Asshole and bum,
And buckets of come,
Are all very rude I admit.
--- Steve Hann

There was a young woman named Jenny (yum, yum),
Whose charms were delightful and many (yum, yum).
The sight of her boobs
And the taste of her pubes,
Seemed to herald the coming millenny (yum, yum).
--- Isaac Asimov A

If Puqua is called Puckaway
As it is in Wisconsin, a-lack-a-day,
What would you do
If it happened to you
To meet Miss Hope U. Fuqua?
--- G2724

With dictionaries I must disagree;
There are many words useful to me:
How 'bout babe, cunt and tyke?
How 'bout slut, cunt and dyke?
Hell, I even know one that's PC.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Do not use a word that's taboo
Or they'll excommunicate you;
Your testicles sever,
And worst of all, never
You magazine subscriptions renew.
--- Irving Superior P9110

This is file oqm

Good regular sex I've been missin';
Could use some good hugging and kissin'.
But no lady has fell
'Cause I'm ugly as hell,
And I ain't got a pot to piss in!
--- Writerman

A virile young man by name Hunt
Took a girl for a trip in a punt.
Any kid you could name
Would tell you his game,
But you don't always have to be blunt...
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8802

If you feel your relationship's Yuk;
If you're broke and you're down on your luck;
If you need a friend
On whom to depend;
Don't call me 'cause I don't give a fuck!
--- Anon

He said that he hated the Queen.
He included the word, "Vaseline."
The word was not "duck,"
And nor was it "pluck."
The word that he used was obscene.
--- Al Willis

A youth who had mastered the swearword,
Learned bad language whilst he was a jailbird.
When released to his house,
Deaf parents had no grouse.
'Twas said he was obscene, but not heard.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A roguish young cocksman named Hogue,
Claimed screwing repeats were in vogue.
So although she cried, "No!
Not another! Just go!
He insisted on one for the rogue.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

There was a young lady of Crabtree,
Whose manners were breezy and free.
When a gentleman heard
Her choice of a word,
He observed, "Well, that outclasses me!"
--- John Blyth

Ethnologists up with the Sioux,
Wired home for two punts, one canoe.
The answer next day
Said, "Girls on the way,
But what in the hell's a 'panoe'?"
--- Anon L1058A

There was a young girl of Tobruk
Who had the most terrible luck:
He went out in a punt
And fell over the front,
And was pecked in the cunt by a duck.
--- G2058

I don't like this word "pecksniffian"
It sounds to me just like "dickwhiffian"
That means touching taboo --
Something I'd never do!
This word should sink into obliffian!
--- Anon

To you, I will try to explain,
The meaning of the word 'petomaine,'
It's a term rather smarter,
Than trumper or farter,
But sadly it means just the same.
--- Anon

There was a sad bride out in Iowa,
Who would say, "Please say it my way.
Do not say fuck,
It don't rhyme with duck.
Say untcay and itshay and uckfay."
--- L1441

A scribe, to the vulgar inclined,
Wrote a play more gross than refined,
With words, all four-letter:
Hips, nips, tits, and better,
Like those that have just crossed your mind.
--- Douglas Catley A

The language of English, I've found,
With many fine words does abound.
Like Fuck, Fart, and Shit;
Hairy Cunt, Prick and Tit;
And they all have a most pleasant sound.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2058

"Put it in now; it's absurd."
She talked and she talked, my lovebird.
"Put it in there."
And I said, "I swear
I'd at least like to put in a word."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The language of sex, although stout,
Is prone to confusion and doubt.
Why, just ask yourself, Sir
Which you would prefer:
A girl who puts in--or puts out?
--- Norm Storer P9504A

Never again shall I hunt
For a word that rhymes well with cunt.
While this limerick be strange,
And a wee bit deranged,
It's a hell of a publicity stunt.
--- Deep Goat TP9807

Said a noonlighting housewife in Goshen:
"There are service-club-guys with a notion!
And when luncheon is through,
And I'm game for a screw,
What I like is a Rotary motion!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

Many persons in stockings of blue
Abhor words that don't faze me or you
To bridge over this schism
I employ euphemism
When I want to say "fuck" I write "screw".
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0205

Dick and Jane one day came home from school
And declared they had learned a new rule;
That, a hammer needs nails,
And a sailboat needs sails,
And a screw always needs a good tool.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9409

Among the words listed TABOO,
The Carpenter's Union adds SCREW.
Our senses appall,
And if you should use them, screw you."
--- Irving Superior P9110

Said a sexagenarian Sherm,
"It's a notion to make a man squirm
When he has to admit
That there's more than a bit
Of flattery packed in that term."
--- A N Wilkins P8509

I speak not in rounds, but in squares,
Which causes complaining and swears.
I am not a harp-
y, though my words are sharp;
They might stab if you're caught unawares.
--- Anon

Tomorrow, I'll speak in triangles,
With a participle that dangles,
And infinitives split,
That will be most unfit
And the meaning will be all in tangles.
--- Anon

What occurs in the marital bed,
And anything sexual, some dread.
Poor prudish Miss Hocking
Finds the word "gender" shocking,
And blushes bright red when it's said.
--- G2273a

By the time of her graduate laurels,
Had the system corrupted her morals?
Academic regalia:
Did it cloak genitalia,
Which had come into play on her orals?
--- Thomas A Quinine P8311

I met a young thing from John's wood,
Who said, "If you feel in the mood,
Unbutton my front
And I'll show you my..." Can't
Tell you the rest, 'cause it's rude.
--- Michael Horgan

Said two farm boys, in loco parentis,
"These new words are gonna dement us;
Like ordure and offal;
They sound just plain awful.
It is driving us non compost mentis."
--- Anon

There was a young man named McHugh,
Whose ideas were exciting and new,
But an ancient relation,
Gave disapprobation,
To McHugh spelling "fuq" with a q.
--- Anon

There was a young man of Calcutta,
Who tried to write "CUNT" on a shutter.
He had got to "C-U-"
When a pious Hindu,
Knocked him flat on his ass in the gutter.
--- Norman Douglas L1141

The ancient orthographer, Chisolm,
Caused a lexicographical schism,
When he asked to know whether
'Twere known which was better
To use -- g or j -- to spell gism.
--- L1389

Introspectively thinking of jizm
And sesquipedalianism,
I rummaged around
In my braincell and found
--- Anon

When you tell Billy Batson to shove it,
Cultured people, for sure, will not love it;
Many rascals you'll goad,
If you run this low road;
"Supposit it!" keeps you above it!
--- Allen Wolverton