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Whether Dufay liked waffles or not
Is unknown. Since they taste better hot,
He'd throw dough on the fire
For the boys in the choir --
As for him, he ate cake. What a snot.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Every Christmas, near Antwerp's old wharves,
There's a party for elderly dwarves.
They eat pate' of bat,
Sing Josquin (a bit flat),
And watch videos of "Snow White", of course.
--- Anon

A singer, Lavinia Groat,
Said, "I've got a frog in my throat."
Cried her partner, "Dear me!
Once I got a bee,
So I buzzed when I sang a high note."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

This day back in nineteen-oh-four
A singer was born who would soar
To fame, notoriety,
With songs of impiety,
That kept folks amused through the war.
--- Tiddy Ogg

He sang how on lampposts he leaned,
And all of the learning he gleaned.
At old Mr Woo's
And his laundry blues,
And sights seen while windows he cleaned.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A tone-deaf old person of Tring,
When somebody asked him to sing,
Replied: "It is odd,
But I cannot tell 'God
Save the Weasel' from 'Pop Goes the King.'
--- Anon

St. Columbe had a daughter named Floy
Whose duets with Papa were a joy.
At twelve, Floy grew a beard;
Daddy thought this was weird.
"Don't fret, Pops. Relax. I'm a boy!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was an acid rock singer
Who was known as a pinko left-winger.
He sang at a church
Near the home of John Birch.
Now they call him John Lennon's dead ringer.
--- Neal Wilgus P8302

In Northwest Catalonia, the King
Took delight in the sound of a string
Plucked by Jordi Cornut,
On a beat-up old lute.
But he'd vamoose when Jordi would sing.
--- Joel Cohen

An old rival of Josquin Des Pres
Was heard muttering (in Flemish) one day:
"Though he's cute in that hat,
God Damn! He sings flat,
And he can't write as well as DuFay."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

When Josquin was first singing in Rome,
He would write frequent letters back home.
"Cere Maman," he would say,
"Let Ritals sont OK,
Mais lis traitent tous les Belges comme des cons."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

After drilling his choir in Brussels,
Josquin loved gobbling hot mussels.
Once done, quick as a pin,
He'd depart from the inn
Without paying. 'Twas one of his hustles.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

In Firenze, Matteo Canova
Liked "ballate" (this was the Ars Nova)
That went on too long.
Each time he'd start a song,
He'd go on till the party was over.
--- Joel Cohen

A wandering minstrel named Gay,
Got a girl in the family way.
Her brother and dad,
Rode after the cad.
And that was the minstrel's last lay.
--- John Ciardi

There once was a Russian named Boris
Who sang in the Moscow Men's Chorus.
With capitalistic desire
And in formal attire,
He rode in a bright red Ford Taurus.
--- Bob Birch P9812

There once was an opera singer
Whose flabby vibrato did linger
Long after the song
Had gone off all wrong.
No wonder we gave him the finger.
--- Marc Davidson

The drive down the highway turned queer;
My kids sang so loud and so clear;
The song was inane;
It drove me insane--
Those ninety-nine bottles of beer!
--- Mark Levy P9506

She hailed from the far island reaches;
Studied English and voice on the beaches.
Asked why her goals
Were to sing trouser rolls,
"In my village, only films of Lloyd Breeches."

(must be Lloyd Bridges - McW)
--- Anon

A belching pianist, Alberto,
Entertained all his friends in Bizerto.
The burps couldn't be stayed,
But the tune that they played
Was "Tchaikivsky's Piano Concerto."
--- Ed Wolfert P8209

An Andalou minstrel named Val
Couldn't sing, speak, or write Provencal.
So instead, he would please
Noble patrons by squeez-
ing their heinies, while whispering, "Que' tal?"
--- Anon

There was a dumb radio crooner
Whose singing was somewhat a bloomer.
He sang by the hour,
Very flat and so sour,
So they shot him at once, if not sooner.
--- Treasure Chest Dit P0001

Ricardo, a globe-trotting Roman,
Is quite an incredible showman;
He'll sing 'Carolina
In the Morning' in China,
And then he'll play Rome in the gloamin'.
--- Ron Rubin

A musical crank from the boonies
Would sing of his "Sweet Annie Rooney,"
Till his jealous wife licked him,
And got up and kicked him
Some forty miles out of Altoony.
--- Levi N Fouts P0509

There was an old crooner named Christie,
And when he got terribly pissed, he
Would sing the same song
The whole damn night long,
(Which may or may not have been 'Misty').
--- Ron Rubin

There was an old person of Tring,
Who would leap like a goat in the Spring.
In the Summer, he danced,
In the Autumn, he pranced,
And when Winter approached, he would sing.
--- Anon

Said the leader to vocalist Pat,
"We're way into overtime -- drat!
How fast do you suppose
You can sing 'Vie En Rose'?"
Then she sang it in one minute -- flat.
--- Ron Rubin

How the days of our youth hurry by
With the sub-titles (glasses raised high)
"Those were the days, my friend,
We hoped they'd never end..."
Let us sing till the bottle runs dry.
--- Irving Superior P9607

From audition, a tenor named Hays
Departed for home in a daze.
He had sung and had cursed
Till his lungs fairly burst;
He was beat from the snatches and lays.
--- Albin Chaplin

The Arts Council of South Tennessee
Gave a grant to a man named McPhee
Who, while weilding a hose,
Sang Machaut through his nose,
As he watered his public with tea.
--- Anon

There waxes a young singer called Leslie
Whose role-model was Elvis Presley.
But to put on the weight,
It was chocolate she ate,
So her concerts were sponsored by Nestle.
--- Chris Young

On the stage all gold and TAWNY.
Stood tenori and soprani,
Waiting for their cues
And wondering "Who's
Wearing such strong frangipani?"
--- Daniel Ford

An opera singer named Black,
Would fuck anything with a crack:
Sidewalks and board fences,
Young goats and cheese blintzes,
And the cheekiest man in his claque.

(How about the crack of dawn? - McW)
--- L1642

There once was a troubadour named Gibbon
Who managed to sing for a livin'.
I once asked him why;
This was his reply:
"I do it to meet horny women!"
--- Steve

This is file ool

There once was an old TROUBADOUR,
Who still sang, though at age ninety four,
He'd serenade lover,
Till a garbage can cover
Made sure that he'd sing never more.
--- Chris Papa

I once had a blind date with Cilla.
I took her to watch Aston Villa.
She sang to the crowd,
And she sang very loud,
And that's why they threatened to kill her.
--- Kevin Hale Q

In May, a young maid in Rangoon
Was looking straight up at the moon,
And she warbled a song
About love for so long,
That when she was done it was June.
--- Limber Limericks

A musical fellow from Ord
Played popular tunes when he snored:
Each morning he tore
Through a difficult score,
Without missing a note or a chord.
--- Lims Unlimited

There was an old jew from the ghetto,
Who fearlessly wrote a libretto,
Calling Hitler a slitch,
A bastard, a bitch.
But he sang it in whispered falsetto.
--- P8302

A famous musician named Barrie
Kept birds in his home sanctuary.
He caught some bugs on the wing,
And taught them to sing
Duets with his favorite canary.
--- Mike O'Conner

A pirate who had a tin ear,
Was arrested on Buccaneer Pier.
His crime, you should know,
Was his singing: "Yo Ho!
Ho, and a bottle of beer."
--- Cyber Geezer

Swiss shepherds take care when they yodel,
For valley and wood and low road'll
Be avalanche-strewn,
If they choose the wrong tune.
They save modal to yodel is nodal.
--- David A Brooks

Impresario cruising on course
Received cable: HE CANCELLED! NO BORIS!
As he raced up the Volga,
He wired his Olga,
"FISH FOR DEEP BASS IN THE CHORUS."
--- Anon

As the strings played a soft obbligato,
The soprano's trilled notes were staccato,
As she crouched on the face
Of the powerful bass,
And enjoyed his tremendous vibrato.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

The eminent basso, Chaliapin,
Loved the sound of an audience clappin'.
But that tuneful go-getter
Loved one thing even better:
Spending few hours in bed simply nappin'.
--- Isaac Asimov

At an opera performance, the bass,
Much to his despair and disgrace,
Farted with violence
In a moment of siolence,
And a rosy blush flushed every face.
--- G1353

A Russian basso from Minsk
Raped a coloratura from Pinsk.
She lay on the floor
Crying, "Dollink, more, more!"
"Sorry, sweetheart, it's limsk!"
--- David Haller TP9804

There was an Old Man of Vienna,
Who lived upon tincture of Senna;
When that did not agree,
He took Camomile Tea,
And his voice changed from basso to tenna.
--- Edwardian Leer 093

A young Cuban bass at the Met,
Proclaimed in the Opera Gazette,
I'm the Basso Profundo,
Numero Uno del Mundo.
No telling how low I can get.
--- Pat Finely

He'd fled Cuba because of F. Castro,
To sing Osmin, Fasolt and Sarastro.
He sang low to be sure,
But the critics concur:
He'd never be heard in the last row!
--- Pat Finely

Dear Ludwig, this far from the clef,
I'm as dumb as they say you are deaf.
Did you really believe
A bass could achieve
A repeated top F, fff?
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The choir of St. Agnes-on-Tweed
Was missing a baritone lead,
But by holding her nose,
Whilst she sang through a hose,
A soprano met the choir's need!
--- Bill Doern

The bass in the choir sang the song,
But the pitch of the notes, he sang wrong.
When the leader asked why
All the notes were so high,
The bass blamed it all on his thong.
--- Travis Brasell

A basso profundo named Pound
Was unable to utter a sound;
His voice fell so low
That it bounced off his toe,
And disappeared into the ground.
--- Limber Limericks

A singer, a basso profundo,
Felt low 'cause he'd got rotund-o,
He got lower and lower --
And the orchestra slower --
As he longed for some diminuendo.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Donna Anna, a countess from Venice
Has a castrato lover named Dennis.
Denny sings like a pig
And he wears a pink wig,
But he fucks well. He also plays tennis.
--- Anon

The Castratis' big trips were one-way;
There was no going back the next day.
The rewards were quite good,
But the big question stood:
Did those fellows get severance pay?
--- Bluebird

A Sephardic castrato named Pino
Was excessively fond of cheap vino.
Drunk, he flauted his wang
As he boisterously sang
Pious airs in his native Ladino.

(I thought Ladino was a clover - McW)
--- Anon

A castrato from Trento named Will
Had to pee with the help of a quill.
As he stuck the thing in
He would say with a grin,
"What a bore! But have you heard my trill?"
--- Anon

For his male cats, he wrote grand cantatas
More melodious than his sonatas.
And as their voices limber,
Of high pitch, thin timbre,
Which should be no surprize, they're catstrata.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0511Q

The boy soprano was blessed;
His high notes were ever the best.
Said his teachers, "Young man
We're devising a plan,
To keep you a cut above all the rest!"
--- Cassandra K

A castrato from Hamburg named Fronk
Liked to start off each day with a bonk.
Next, he'd chirp a high B,
They he'd finish his tea.
As he left the room, he'd say "Viel Danck."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a droll fellow named Cryer,
Who set his best trousers on fire.
When the flames reached his crotch,
Which he didn't like much,
His voice grew higher and higher.
--- Bill Wall

Young Kate at the opera party,
(Rejecting the masculine hearty
And lustful embraces
Of tenors and basses)
Had fun with a group of castrati.
--- Peter Wilkins

Papal eunuchs -- the Sexy Sistines --
Get depressed when they sing at complines.
Soggy rhythms galore,
And those tunes, what a score!
During sermons, they read magazines.
--- Joel Cohen

A castrato named Paolo from Parma
Sings Vivaldi while wearing his armour.
The result of this ploy
Is to stiffen his toy.
Then he wiggles his butt. What a charmer!
--- Anon

A mad nymphomaniac, Marti,
Invited six men to a party,
But alack and alas,
For that sex-starved young lass,
All six of those hunks were castrati.
--- Anon


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