A tenor who sang in Valetta
Was attacked as he left the theatre.
Said the doc: "There's no doubt
Playing Rudolf is out,
But you should make a smashing Musetta."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The illustrious castrato, Poufelli,
Has to sing macho roles on the telly;
He stuffs his braguette
With a toasted baguette,
While he earnestly sucks in his belly.

(braguette - drink made of fermented honey)
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A castrato from Venice named Dennis
Had a technique for winning at tennis.
At the start of each match
He'd sing arias (natch)
To the lute. Then he'd serve with his penis.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Swedish music has lots of eye liner
And blondes; (I know nothing is finer),
But I feel that their meter
Is rather depleter;
ABBA never will make a 5-liner.
--- Doug Harris P0505

A soprano, erstwhile of the choir
Announced that her box was for hire;
A tenor asked, "Voice?"
She replied, "You've the choice
To register lower or higher."
--- Doug Harris P0504

There was a bus driver from Kerry,
A man both clever and merry;
He kept us amused
And sometimes abused,
From Dublin to Dingle to Derry.
--- Bev Genez

Sandra, she liked her Drambouie,
And when she tried Guinness, said "Phooey!"
Irish coffee she tasted
Before getting wasted;
When asked if she'd switch, said "You're screwy!"
--- Mary B Brock

There once was a driver named Tony,
Who'd race beside walls that were stony.
His bus was quite long,
But he'd fill it with song,
And his stories were never too phony.
--- John Roberts

Ireland's the home of the pubs,
Where you drink Guinness by the mugs.
Then you eat good food
Till you're in the mood
To drink Guinness by the tubs.
--- Bev Genez

Then something wondrous occurred;
When they sang, many hearts became stirred.
Their tone, it was great;
Their diction first rate.
'Twas the lovliest sound ever heard.

(somewhat of an exageration - McW)
--- Lisa Hellstrom

Hanley, O'Brien, and Flannigan,
Mohan, Sullivan, and Brannigan,
Came to the states
And found themselves mates;
Now their grandkids are back in Erin again.
--- Bev Genez

The choir had a beautiful trip;
They learned how to eat, drink, and tip.
But in city and town,
So many fell down,
That they needed a hospital ship.
--- Nancy Giffin

The choir went to Erin in June,
To travel and sing a gay tune.
We drank so much Guinness
From Dublin to Ennis,
Our program we barely could croon.
--- Bev Genez

Deb was looking a pale shade of green,
For their bus was a swaying machine.
She said, "I'm so dizzy;
I'm all in a tizzy.
Won't you please give me more Dramamine!"
--- John Roberts

A soprano named Jo once declined
The proper descant not to find;
"I could get it, I think
If I had more to drink",
But she didn't, and so she just whined.
--- John Roberts

The church in the small town of Bryer
Is known for its beautiful choir.
The basses sing low,
And I'm sure that you know,
The sopranos sing quite a bit higher.
--- Bob Birch P0206

An organized man name of Jim
Bought a vest full of stuff 'long with him.
One time, though he tried,
And we tugged, pushed, and pried,
There was just no seat he'd fit in.
--- Mary B Brock

The pilgrims also came along
To hear sacred and secular song.
In the church they'd behave,
But in pubs they would rave,
If the choir should get it all wrong.
--- John Roberts

The men in the choir stand tall
As they join in the sing, one and all.
They're both famous and blessed,
When in black they are dressed,
For they have in their midst, Pope, John, Paul.
--- John Roberts

I love the sweet innocent style
Of those twins as they dance, sing, and smile.
And really get teary
When they give a cheery,
But heartfelt and rousing "Sig Heil!"
--- John Miller

I'm smitten! In love with those two,
Who make up the group, Prussian Blue.
Who dares even think
Of boffing young Lynx,
Or Lamb even Tiddy won't screw.
--- John Miller

A lamb even Tiddy won't screw?
I think you will find there are few
That Tiddy would scorn;
Perhaps the unborn,
Or one that's just been screwed by you.
--- David Miller

Of course he rejects those I've had!
My used ewes, I've used pretty bad.
They're stretched out of shape
And do tend to gape;
My used ewes are usually sad.
--- John Miller

Now, what of those ewes screwed by you?
Do you please them? Or do you eschew
A fine wooly fuck
For a platypus duck,
Or a dingo or fat kangaroo?
--- John Miller

I've just checked out twins Lamb and Lynx,
Red-necked bimbo's and blonde teenage finks;
They look under-fed
(Most likely inbred)
And their music and politics stinks.
--- David Miller

Come on, now! They're cuter than puppies;
Outbred and well-fed as my guppies,
And slicker than snot.
But rednecks they're not:
They're proper young Bakersfield yuppies.
--- John Miller

Lamb and Lynx said "Nobody cracks on,
'Cept relations, who're Anglo-Saxon;
We'd just like to wed
Or get into bed
With rich white guys like Michael Jackson."
--- David Miller

This rowdy group off on a fling,
Who came from ehoir home, Christ-Our-King,
Came to Ireland to gawk
And to drink, laugh, and talk,
And to, coincidentally, sing!
--- Nancy Giffin

One of the men was named Paul;
Of tenors, most Irish of all.
He came to drink beer;
He tried each kind, I fear,
And had the worst headaches of all.
--- Mary B Brock

Listoonvarna, where matches are made,
Claims relationships there never fade.
Said Helena and Deb,
"Find us someone to wed,
And if we don't like him, we'll trade!"
--- John Roberts

A director named Lisa once said
"You must keep all this stuff in your head.
And then, look at me,
For if not, you will see
That if you goof up, you are dead!"
--- John Roberts

A diva who hailed from Milano,
Contralto, but would-be soprano,
In an effort to please
Strained to hit some high C's,
Befouling the floor with hot guano.
--- Armand Singer

Mary Connor, the big prima donna,
Stopped singing and said, "I'm not gonna!"
So the quick-thinking Gail
Stamped on Puss's black tail,
And he yowled with more honor than Connor.
--- David A Brooks

This is file onl

A candid soprano from Juneau
Admitted, "Here's something I do know:
I don't like Puccini,
Rameau or Rossini,
But let's hear a cheer for Charles Gounoud."
--- Armand E Singer 613

Now the Church girl, that "opera" starlet,
Has complained, "My ex-boyfriend's a varlet!
All alone I must sleep,
'Cause he's gone back to sheep,
And he's calling me 'Charlotte the Harlot'!"
--- Ward Hardman

The soprano and slut, Cheryl Studer,
Posts some spam from her private computer.
"While unveiling in 'Salome',
I'll reveal to you all o' me.
(With salami, I'll act even lewder!)"
--- Archie

That grand impresario, Horace
Recruited a girl from the chorus;
He discovered that she
Could hit E over C
When he tickled her little clitoris.
--- Ed Potts P8602

When her fistula drained in her ano,
She would scream from the pain and the guano.
Said old Bing, "Do not fret,
You can sing at the Met
As a coloratura soprano."

(Rudolf Bing - former top dog at the Metropolitan Opera)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1699

A coloratura named Luna
Will lose her job soon if not sooner.
She got sick on a dish
Of casseroled fish
And now she can't carry the tuna.
--- J F Wilson P8302

An opera star they called Maria,
Tried to sing higher and higher,
Till she hit a high note
Which got stuck in her throat,
And she entered the Heavenly Choir.
--- Anon

Backstage, waiting out in the wings,
A stagehand had gathered his things,
To leave for his date,
But he still had to wait
Till the end, when the fat lady sings.
--- Cap'n Bean

A soprano, whose flight to the wings,
Was arrested, was told these three things:
"You're going back in,
You've gotten too thin,
You can't leave until that lady sings."
--- Cyber Geezer

Hear me: Frieda von Barstuhl's her name,
The Fat Lady of opera fame;
Once in old Tucumcari,
For a gig she did tarry,
In a sheet-iron house of ill-fame.
--- Allen Wolverton

Once a warehouse, but now House of Muff;
There is naught else that is big enough;
Sweep out bunks, every wench,
Move in many a bench,
It'll do. The acoustics look tough!
--- Allen Wolverton

That night the old place sure did rock,
And culture starved folks there did flock.
Though amenities lacked,
This here palace was packed,
With ranchers and sweetheart livestock.
--- Allen Wolverton

When this fat lady upped, and she sang,
Such Wagnerian sturm und such drang!
The provicial folk
Thought it all was a joke.
Program read "Gotterdam(huh)erang!"
--- Allen Wolverton

She bellowed! 'Twas heard in Seattle!
The corrugated walls sure did rattle.
While rafter dust drifted
On faces uplifted,
The ranchers, their sheep, and their cattle.
--- Allen Wolverton

The town idiot sought vengance so dear;
(He's the target of everyone's jeer),
So he sawed through the chain
As it groaned from the strain
Of the four-candle brass chandelier.
--- Allen Wolverton

Right on Frieda's high note, right on cue,
The chain parted, and doom downward flew.
Now in old Tucumcari,
There's a wake for one very
Old rancher and his favortie ewe.
--- Allen Wolverton

When the cross-dressing Guido Palmettos
Sang arias shod in stilettos,
None complained he'd distressed
Them by being cross-dressed,
But moaned, "Ugh, his vibratos; falsettos."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9805

A lithe chorist named Sally McGrue
Performs descants with voice clear and true.
She sings High A's and C's
Just as cool as a breeze,
Then she goes home and fucks till she's blue.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Of the alphabet I learn a lot,
From a musical lady who's hot.
She'll hum like a bee
And hit a high C,
When my organ locates her G-Spot.
--- Bob Birch

On high notes, her voice would crack.
For coloratura, she'd no knack.
Despite these flaws,
Out poured the applause.
Her talent was in hiring a CLAQUE.
--- Norm

A fag took his amp for a fling;
He hooked up the wires to his thing.
Judy caused quivers, (Garland)
And Liza made shivers, (Minelli)
But Barbra just made his cock sing. (Streisand)
--- H Welchel

There one was a Tenor named Justin,
For the soprano he was a lustin'.
But so many guys,
Had been in her thighs,
She couldn't feel Justin a-thrustin'!
--- Anon

A diva, mid high-note attacks,
Could screech and raise hair on most backs.
But then, all the same,
Received great acclaim
From well-paid adoring, loud claques.
--- Chris Papa

"My tub runneth over the tiles,"
Said the diva to the plumber, all smiles.
When he rodded her plumbing,
The sound of her coming
Shattered windows for several miles.
--- MrMalo a

Is this the same diva whose wheeze
Made it difficult hitting high C's.
Till one day she sat on
The end of a baton,
And sang out "I'm Carmen!" with ease?
--- Peter W

But Mitch made a fortune on stage,
His music and lyrics the rage,
For he plays the piano
And sings in soprano,
And his wife he keeps locked in a cage.
--- Bob Birch P0206

Of a sudden the great prima donna,
Cried, "Heavens, my voice is a goner!"
But a cat in the wings
Said, "I know how she sings,"
And finished the solo with honor.
--- Paul West

Of a sudden, the material Madonna
Cried: 'Gawd: my voice is a gonner.'
Said the sound man, 'I think
You had better lip sync,'
And she finished the solo with honour.'
--- Arthur Deex P0207

Of a sudden, the material Madonna
Cried: 'Gawd: my voice is a gonner.'
Said the sound man, 'Don't quit;
Hum and show them some tit.'
And she finished the solo with honour.'
--- Arthur Deex P0207

Of a sudden, the material Madonna
Cried: 'Gawd: my voice is a gonner.'
Said the sound man, 'Stop puffin' -
Just flash them your muffin.'
And she finished the solo with honour.'
--- Arthur Deex P0207

A sultry soprano from Chews
Was famous for singing the blues,
But achieved greater fame
For the shape of her frame,
And the quantity of her "I do's."
--- P8302

A large mezzo from lower Manhattan
Gave recitals in jewels and satin.
During songs by Joe Blow
Lots of bosom would show,
But her corset would help keep the fat in.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

During sex, Mary's moans were harmonic
From high C, down by chord, to the tonic.
So John felt it unsordid
To have them recorded
In sound that was stereophonic.
--- Isaac Asimov

A lady who warbled in mezzo,
Repined, "I am always in dezzo,
My runs and my trills
Could pay all my bills
And would, if I didn't forgezzo."
--- P8302